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Reviews For Collateral Damage

Name: Ginny Weasley Potter (Signed) · Date: 10/21/11 18:31 · For: Chapter 1
Okay, I had read this a while ago and I've been meaning to write you a gigantic review for it. Forgive me for not reviewing a little earlier but oh my God, Jess, this HAS to be my new favourite fic! I barely have words for this piece-- it is absolutely fantastic. Your prose style is lovely-- it flows without breaks and it is easy to grasp and read. The plot totally kept me on my toes throughout and kept my eyes racing through the story anxiously, wondering what was about to happen next. I love the slight addition of humour-- it made me chuckle a fair few times and made my Mum wonder about what I was up to.

The story was well thought-out and planned. I loved your characterisation. The next-gen characters are almost OCs because JKR hasn't told us much about them. However, your Al stood out from the stereotypical, whiny fellow (who ends up in Hufflepuff sometimes, mind) and Scorpius drew me in with something-- I don't know what to call it, so I shall call it Slytherin charm. I loved how Al reacted at having to disguise as a woman-- it was wonderful. Also, the fact about Al being straight but eventually falling for Scorpius was very, very believable. The emotions, confusion, desire, sadness... everything was well captured. It was realistic. I could be sure that this would be the exact thing going on in the mind of a fellow who is straight but finds himself falling for another man.

Also, I love the fact that Al fell for Scorpius-- his character, and how you described love as being an emotion that you basically develop for someone based on who they are, and without consideration of external appearances. It sounded plausible for Al to be straight and still like a guy because of his character. As for Scorpius, I loved how he managed to finally accept that he loved 'Melinda' for the character, and that he accepted Al when he realised that Al was disguised as Melinda all along.

Jenkins being with the Knights was definitely a shocker-- I didn't see that one coming. The mystery was well kept; the secret well hidden. It was definitely a thrill to read that last part-- but it was a thrill to read your whole story anyway.

I feel no amount of words can describe how much I loved this fic. You are a very, very talented author and this fic deserved its nomination. I don't generally read slash in fanfics because I don't ship any same-sex pair, and even though I don't ship Albus/ Scorpius, reading this fic was a pleasure. You're just too good. :)

I have been only following majestic_ginny's fanfiction for a while now because moving to college and lack of internet supply (the wi-fi doesn't reach my room for some reason) forced me to stop reading fics. I didn't want to read them if I couldn't review them. But this was the best I could ask for after my fic-reading hiatus. Really, Jess, I don't know if saying this much is even enough.

I'll definitely take a peek at a few more of your fics when I get time again. Until then, well, we have LJ, don't we? :D

Thank you for this wonderful, wonderful story!


Author's Response:

I’m going to be completely honest in saying that I LOVE getting reviews for this story more than any others for one key reason: the shock factor. I wrote this story with the knowledge that it could be either completely ridiculous or completely original, if not a bit of both, so it’s always a mystery as to whether readers will love it or ‘wtf’ it and shake their heads. I wanted it to be just bizarre enough for someone to think ‘you’ve got to be kidding me’ but madcap enough to feel bad for Albus.

Speaking of Albus, I tend to portray him in a couple different lights, but this is one of my favourites. I tend to phase out more of his distinctly male habits, but in this one, he is more guy-like in his natural state. It just makes the contrast between him and the persona of Melinda that much more pronounced and giggly.

Scorpius in this is quite different than I normally make him. He’s passive politically, because he doesn’t believe in the Knights’ cause but doesn’t actually do anything to stop it. That’s why he was able to like Melinda, despite her (albeit fabricated) pure-blood ideals. He’s able to like her for her personality (well, rather, Albus’s personality) in spite of it, which is why he’s able to realise he has feelings for Albus even after the guise of Melinda is gone. That in itself makes Scorpius uniquely capable of getting past this deception; he knows it was necessary on Albus’s part and knows that Albus was truly remorseful for hurting him — enough to try sacrificing himself to save Scorpius’s life.

Albus proved to be almost everything that Jenkins had expected him to be upon assigning him the task of ‘spying on the Knights’. He really wasn’t cut out for that sort of field work, so your surprise was Al’s as well. I imagine he felt like a bit of an idiot once he realised he was being played like a chess piece, but all that was eclipsed by his fear for Scorpius’s safety.

Anyway, I’ve run out of things to say (I’m terrible at responding to such lovely reviews; it’s hard to know what to say other than ‘yay’.), so I will thank you profusely for reviewing and reading. I’m glad you took the time to stop by and check out my work, and I’m glad you picked this one. There is a little bit of everything on my author page, so I hope that you will find other works of mine to be agreeable, as well. Thank you again, and have a good night (though when you read this, it’ll be morning again). :D


Name: xxbabewithbrainsxx (Signed) · Date: 09/10/11 13:08 · For: Chapter 6
Jessss! I read this in one sitting yesterday, and I only didn't leave a review because it was getting late and needed to sleep :)

Woooow. I am a Scorose shipper all the way, but even I couldn't deny that this was an amazing fic, Alpius/Scalbus and all.

Seriously, I was initially thrown off by your warning at the beginning about the themes in the story that might make me uncomfortable, but I was really glad I read it. You've made me fall in love with Scorpius and this is defintiely the most unique story I've ever read. It was like a novel with its plot twists and the mystery behind who the mole in the Ministry was. Oh, and I loved the inclusion of the Knights of Walpurgis -- that was JKR's original name for Death Eaters, right?

The Polyjuice Potion tablet, Albus's assignment, the Macmillan family, all the little details you put in showed that you worked hard on this and that it really paid off, because to date, this is one of my favourite fics by you.

This definitely isn't a SPEW review (but you already knew that :P) although this fic definitely doesn't have enough of them. Reviews, I mean. But yes. Excellent job. :)


Author's Response:

Sorry about the reply delay. Just got archive access back on my main account.

This story is certifiably weird, no doubt about it. But sometimes, I like a protagonist who happens to NOT be good at stuff and is rather bumbling but not ridiculous. Well, he IS ridiculous as a female, but I think you get what I mean, lol. 

Yes, the Knights are of JKR's creation, and I fully believe that it would've been impossible to eliminate their influence completely. But Albus was definitely ill-equipped to handle this assignment, which was, as you see, by design. A perfect plot... or at least until Granddad Greengrass got in the way, hehe.

I may have angsted over this fic a bit, but the response it's got (mostly 'this is bats*** but glorious') has made it all worth it. I'm glad you liked it, and thanks for reading!


Name: The Author Formerly Known As (Signed) · Date: 07/04/11 9:45 · For: Chapter 1
Oh my gosh. This fic is just so bizarre, so crazy, so DELICIOUS. It's really not what I usually read, but I'm glad didn't assume that the whole "gender swap" thing would be cliched and annoying and read this fic because it really was a lot of fun! That will teach me to make assumptions. Anyway I loved this story because it kept me reading right on through to the end; I had to know how it would work out. I really wasn't expecting a happy ending, because Albus really was horrible to Scorpius (I wouldn't have forgiven him!) I think the evolution of Albus' feelings was very well written, especially the long time he spent in total denial, while at the same time genuinely enjoying spending time with Scorpius.

One thing I would have changed would be that I would have loved to "see" Albus confront Scorpius at the party and then stun him and drag him off. That bit felt rushed and I was disappointed, as I imagine that scene would have been quite amusing.

To sum up: Crazy story! So glad I broadened my horizons and got a chance to read it!

Author's Response:

Yeah, this story really was a bit on the weird side... I still wonder what warped part of my imagination made me think it was ever going to work, but it turned out okay, hehe. I'm not going to lie, though, my favourite part to write was the smutty bits, mostly because Albus got to experience a familiar thing on the other side of the stick (well, that sounded dirty). Plus, it made him feel like a complete tool for taking advantage of Scorpius.

Seriously, though, I'm glad you liked the story and found it worth straying from preconceptions. To be honest, I'm with you on that boat when you said you'd just assumed that it would be cliche and annoying. Had I not written it, I mightn't have even read it.

Anyway... enough rambling. Thank you for the great review. :)


Name: MerrryD (Signed) · Date: 03/16/11 2:36 · For: Chapter 2
I meant to comment on this in my first review and I can’t believe I forgot. *headdesk* But I just LOVE the title of this fic. Collateral Damage has this thrilling quality to it. Plus, I adore the way it sounds. (If I were alone right now, I’d probably be saying it out loud over and over again, enjoying the way those to words sound together and the way they roll off my tongue)

“Oh, you really shouldn’t have,” Albus cooed sweetly to Scorpius when the latter proffered an elaborately wrapped Christmas present.

It made me laugh. The mental image of Albus cooing was just . . . LOL. I like how much you convey about them at this point with such a simple line. Like, the fact that Albus is cooing gives a sense that he’s still acting a lot and trying to figure out just *who* Melinda is and *what* appropriate female behavior is.

Also, I like that you used gifts to show the depth of their relationship. First, with both of their ridiculously expensive and thoughtful gifts for each other”especially Albus’s for Scorpius. You don’t go through all that work and spend that much money if you don’t care. Second, it shows just how well they know each other by now, which makes me grin a lot. :)

I also particularly liked these lines:

but his conscience screamed for him to give it right back.

Each day this charade continued, he felt more and more guilty about deceiving Scorpius, who was, he had come to learn, a good man.

The emphasis on Albus’s guilt about tricking Scorpius not only shows that he’s starting to care for Scorpius and definitely likes his as a person at this point, but it also tells us readers a lot about Albus’s character. Honestly, what he’s doing to Scorpius is awful, even though he’s trying to save people from dying, so it’s nice to know that he does have moral integrity and does feel pretty bad about it.

One of the simple pleasures in life for Albus had always been to enjoy someone's reaction to a gift.

I love that too! It’s such an incredible feeling when you get the right gift for someone. :)

The kissing didn't bother him any more by this point, but this time, the sheer appreciation that had brought it about actually caused Albus to enjoy the kiss just a little.

haha, I really like what you did here. You indicate that they’ve been spending quite a bit of time together and have been kissing a lot. So, Albus is no longer surprised by it or the way it makes him feel and he’s still attributing the way he feels to being in another body. Until now, when hit with a particularly passionate kiss, after feeling a lot different things towards Scorpius, his brain registers that he’s actually the one enjoying it.

Albus felt his heart stop for a second that felt like an eternity. As much as he had wanted to avoid hurting Scorpius, there was no avoiding it now. The idiot had to go and fall in love with a fraud. The worst part was that the bloke was nice and respectable, not just some means to an end. His female chemistry exacerbated Albus's guilt, and his eyes filled with tears.

Ahhhhhhhhhhh. This paragraph! It’s just gorgeous. That first line has so much emotion in it. It’s so simple, yet so poignant. I love the tone of the next few lines; they actually sound like Albus, like he’s annoyed at Scoripus for falling in love with Melinda and for being a nice guy, but really he’s annoyed for having to trick him. And then the last line, when he starts to cry, really emphasizes the predicament that Albus is in and it’s just so sweet. Gah, I think that may be the part when I fell in love with Albus.

“Fucking hell,” he said frustratedly, forgetting for a moment to stay in character.

Scorpius chuckled. “Charming, dear. I love how I never know what you’re going to say.”

I like how a lot of the moments when Scorpius likes/loves Albus are moments when he’s being Albus, not Melinda. It gives the reader the idea that Scorpius and Albus-as-Albus could actually work and Scorpius actually likes Albus-as-Albus more than he likes Albus-as-Melinda.

(Sick of the world “Albus” yet?)

I like the part where he’s getting ready. It’s very professional and balances out the scene above. It’s well-written and flows smoothly, instead of being tedious and one of those parts the readers ends up skimming or skipping altogether. I particularly enjoyed the progression of his ability to dress himself”it makes sense. Also, I love this line:

The matching bag contained his wand, a couple extra pills, and a covert recording device that looked like a harmless compact mirror.

It’s just so super-steathly-spy-y. :D

The exchange between Harry and Albus is wonderful. I get a sense of their relationship, which is part father-son and part as equals. It’s amusing and serious and, despite everything, feels very natural. My one problem with it is that you enter Harry’s head a little bit”Even though he could tell that Albus had something else on his mind . . . Sensing the tension in his middle child. This is the first time (I think) you shift out of Albus’s POV and it disrupts the flow a bit.

Albus’s frustration was palpable, and he desperately wanted to run his fingers through his hair as he would normally do but couldn’t because it would disrupt its styling. Then he was angry all over again that the thought would even have to cross his mind.

I love this. I can feel Albus’s mounting frustration and the tension in the air”it’s beautiful. I think you could even take out the ‘frustration was palpable’ part and just start with ‘Albus desperately wanted to…’ The annoyance at the hairdo shows us that his frustration is palpable, so it’s unnecessary to say that as well. Regardless, this part just completely blew me away. It’s magnificent. I love his frustration and how well you describe it.

The subtle hint that Mr Greengrass is attempting to get something from Albus is done well. I remember being so confused that Albus’s answers weren’t right and then having one of those “AHA!” moments when he revealed who he worked for. :)

I’m impressed at Albus’s ability to impress/stand up to Lucius. Like, that must take a lot of intelligence and balls. Go Albus!

And Draco. Just. I don’t know what to say.

But after several minutes of listening to heavy breathing and obnoxiously fake moaning, they were already finished, and he still had no idea who she was and no longer cared. The man could have his bad sex.

hahaha. It actually makes me kind of sad, though. I’d always hoped/imagined that after the war Draco would become a decent person. *sigh*

There was something oddly arousing about that simple act, but Albus simply wrote it off as that he was tired and that he was used to his female body doing strange things.

Oh, Albus, you’re so oblivious. I like how something so small can have such a huge effect on Albus. It makes it seem like it has such a large effect because it’s Scorpius, which makes Albus falling in love with him even more believable and like they should be together because they have such a strong effect on each other.

Okay, I absolutely adore Scorpius’s ‘first time’ story. For one, I think it’s really sweet that he’s telling Albus”it seems like something couples would do, sharing the things you don’t normal go around telling people (especially in his case!) It has a very realistic quality to it. It seems like something that actually could happen, not like the ridiculous stories that are all music and candles and rose petals and fireworks. Also, it’s hilarious.

I tried valiantly to back out before she got any romantic ideas, but it was like she had more hands than a tentacula.

Poor Scorpius. He doesn’t have very good luck with women, does he?

But that didn’t matter. He had a recording to listen to and a report to write the next day, and he was completely knackered. Stripping down to nothing, unmotivated to seek out his normal clothes, Albus fell into a troubled sleep.

I really like this ending. I think it’s tells so much about his confusion and stress over using Scoripus and his spy job. Like, him being too unmotivated to find clothes just speaks volumes at about his mental and emotional state and how exhausted he is from dealing with it all.

This chapter was more about getting to know Scorpius and his family and I really like that. I feel like I now ‘know’ Scorpius as a person and *I* like him as person, instead of just liking him because Albus does. :)

Once again, this was so much fun to review and I’m definitely looking forward to the next chapter. :D


P.S. If were wondering why you got two emails saying you had a review for this story it’s my fault. For some reason over half of this review didn’t show up the first time. *facepalm*

Author's Response:

Hehe, I love that you love this story so much. It's just so deliciously messed up, but it gave me a playground of unique things to work with in terms of themes and character struggles. Unless the story was Albus the Hermaphroditic Auror, that is.

I can't remember exactly when I settled on the title, but I think it was from an episode of Doctor Who, the one where Jenny, the Doctor's 'daughter', called Martha 'collateral damage' when she was separated from them and assumed to be dead. I said the phrase a couple of times (much like you did, hehe), and thought, "Well, I quite like that." Plus, it's very apt in terms of relevance.

I really like that you found my 'easter eggs'. That Scorpius was indeed attracted to the hints of Albus buried inside the Melinda caricature (since Albus's portrayal of her is in essence every female cliche he could concoct) instead of HER. And yes, I so understood your multitude of Albuses example. I'm glad you picked it up.

One of my main concerns was making it seem like Scorpius was likeable only because Albus liked him. I ran into that snag before, where readers don't understand the appeal, but this Scorpius really isn't a bad guy. At first, he's ridiculous with the way he tries to pursue Melinda, but considering his male role models in life, he's freaking Prince Charming, lol.

I tried not to slip into omniscient at any point, even though I had a clear idea how each character feels at any given time, but I suppose I did boo boo a bit with Harry. I guess I'm so used to thinking in his head (I seem to write him quite a bit), so it was a natural jump. Later, when I'm not up to my eyeballs in stuff, I will go back and clean that up. Thanks for pointing that out.

And Albus... silly boy. He put up so much front, blaming his altered physicality for his emotional instability. He never once considered that HE was changing, not just his body. And really, he's a decent bloke with a conscience, but I wanted more than that from him. I wanted him to be Harry Potter's son (still himself, but his genetics are important not to forget), but with a snarky little twist.

Anyway, this response is long, rambly, and highly disorganised, so I'm going to stop now. This was a lovely review, and I'm glad you enjoy the story in all of its weirdness. :D


Name: MerrryD (Signed) · Date: 03/04/11 3:32 · For: Chapter 1
2 October, 2038

Too hot. Definitely too hot.

I really like this opening. It made me go “wait whaaaaaat?” right way because the “too hot” line made me think of the weather and it’s not usually hot in October (except in India >.>). I like that it made me think and that it confused me a little bit right from the start. Then it’s just like, oh, lol, he’s talking about his coffee. The use of the coffee and the receptionist to explain his job is very smooth and natural. I also really like that he’s drinking coffee and it’s too hot because it’s such a normal thing and I like when normal things happen to characters. :)

This was the heaviest thought in Albus’s head when a paper aeroplane memo landed on his desk from Richard Jenkins, the director of the MLE.

The buildup in this line is pretty fantastic. It gives the reader a hint that something big and exciting is about to happen and it’s going to be a bit more twisted than Albus’s coffee. The transition is nicely done—one of my biggest pet peeves is choppy transitions, so it’s with great pleasure that I say this is a good transition.

I think my favourite thing about the beginning is how normal it is and how real it seems—this line in particular struck me: Arms full of folders, Albus entered his supervisor’s office one minute ahead of schedule whilst mentally preparing for a presentation of facts. I can see him hurrying along, barely keeping things together, with that expression one has right before a presentation.

But then BAM! This crazy, weird, surprising plotline hits you and for a second it’s just like “did I read that right?” The contrast between the beginning and the rest of the story is very vivid and it helps make the rest of the story work because his life was so normal before.

He was being sent into the heart of pure-blood society as a spy, and he was going to do it in disguise — as a woman.

ahaha. So a couple things here. One, again, the buildup is really good. I like that you didn’t tell us right away what Albus had to do—the suspense makes it all that more shocking. Albus’s reaction was great and probably just like most other men’s if they found out they had to pretend to be a woman. Also, because I’ve already read the story on spewswap, I know that Jenkins is a Knight, and I can totally see him just laughing at Albus at this point and thoroughly enjoying forcing Harry Potter’s son to be a woman.

Two (I said a couple of things, remember?): it’s just wtf. But it’s wtf in a wow-this-is-so-weird-omg-I-love-it kind of way. :D I’ve always loved spy stories, especially undercover ones. I just find it such a fascinating concept/line of work and there are so many possibilities. I think you explored it very well.

And, three: LOL. It’s hilarious.

Regarding the Polyjuice potion pills, that’s really brilliant. How did you come up with that? One of the best things about this story is how detailed it is. There are like no holes at all. I mean, you even tell us how they managed to create Polyjuice potion pills—Apparently, if one tweaks the balance of Boomslang skin and lacewing flies just so, the effects are much more stable. I’m really impressed at how layered it is.

Especially with the identity of Albus-the-woman. Her backstory and explanation as to why no one’s seen her before make sense and everything checks out. It seems like you really put a lot of thought into everything.

The way you present all of this information is really good. It doesn’t feel like you’re force-feeding us anything so you can just hurry up and get on with the story. It feels like this is the story, you know?

Smoothing out the jumper that he had borrowed from a very suspicious Lily, Albus examined his reflection in the mirror. All the garments, to his knowledge, were on properly, and the undergarments were fastened in the correct places.

This part just made me giggle.

It was a challenge to see the world from that much lower of a perspective.

I really like this line. Mainly, I think because it’s not something I’d even think about, but it would weird to suddenly be shorter. I’m beginning to sound like a broken record, I believe, but it’s this attention to detail that really makes this story work.

It was on this shopping excursion that the solution to Albus’s problems came in a flurry of boxes and some unidentified root.

The description in this line really stands out. The imagery is great—I definitely see the boxes flying everywhere and the damaged root scattered across the street. Additionally, it’s a really funny and inelegant way for Albus to meet Scoprius.

There was something in his eyes that made Albus want to run and hide, because he knew what it meant.

I’m torn between being highly amused, feeling bad for Albus, or cheering because I can’t wait for them to get together . >.> I like the subtly in this line. I kind of get the sense that Albus only recognizes ‘the look’ because he’s a guy, too (I don’t know if you intended that or not). And that—ugh, I can’t think of how to word this right. Basically, like they completely get each other so well later on because they’re both guys and this is kind of like the start of that. Does that make sense?

He had no earthly idea how a woman was supposed to tolerate such obviously suggestive behaviour.

LOL. I love how Albus doesn’t like Scoripus right away and is repulsed by his efforts to be charming. It makes it easier to understand why initially Albus doesn’t mind using him to get to the Knights. (Honestly, I don’t think I would have gone for Scoripus with such a terrible pick-up line)

The lunch scene is hilarious. Albus’s discomfort is papable and Scorpius seems to be trying too hard, yet they both just carry on. This bit is definitely my favourite part:

“And I am found out,” Albus lied, subjecting himself to the most unpleasant act of giggling.

Taking Albus’s hand and kissing it, never breaking eye contact, he said, “Please, call me Scorpius.”


The passage of time is done well, both with your bolded dates and within the story. I like how you tell us precisely how much time has passed, so we can get a sense of where they’d be in their relationship. Within the story, I like how despite the somewhat large gaps of time, there aren’t any large gaps with Albus’s emotions and opinions of Scorpius. Everything happens very gradually and very naturally.

Scorpius got to wear respectable clothing and a sword, but Albus was stuck with a skin-tight number that showed more bosom than it covered.

I love how this story is funny without being blatant. I tend to not like humour stories because it often seems that emotion is dropped for the sake of laughter and I prefer dark emotion (wow, I sound like a lovely person). This isn’t exactly a humour story, but it is really funny and it finds a nice balance between the humour and the emotion. Anyway, that line made me laugh. :)

Albus wanted to curse Malfoy simply for using such an atrocious word.

This sentence is really brilliant because it shows Albus’s general irritation at his situation and frustration with being forced to pretend like he likes Scorpius. While Albus gives the reason of wanting to curse him for “simply…using such an atrocious word”, it actually shows his pent up emotions and how something so little as an awful word has him waving his wand.

He was a man. Being kissed by another bloke was supposed to feel weird and offensive, but aside from unfamiliarity, it had been neither of those.

I really like that he’s trying to be offended by kissing Scorpius, but he’s actually not. His reaction is perfect—you captured his insecurities really well and showed that aside from just being different, the kiss was pretty normal.

Also, from a real world point of view, I just really, really love how natural everything seems. My inner gay rights activist is cheering you on.

Hot breath radiated through flesh and a sigh permeated in the air.

Gah, I love this description! I love how detached it is—as in, no names are given. It gives it this really amazing quality, especially with the continuing theme of air—the hot breath and the sigh. It feels very fluid. I see this exchange of breath in my head, which doesn’t sound nearly as beautiful as it is. It’s so simple, but so erotic.

Albus could hardly stay upright as a hurricane of sensation pummelled his senses. He had never felt anything so raw and erotic in his life. It was like being held hostage by the way this still unfamiliar body reacted to such potent stimuli. That was it. It had to be the body, because he had been physically aroused enough to know that it had been nothing like this.

The descriptions in this paragraph are wonderful. I love the ‘hurricane of sensation’—I imagine this whirlwind of emotion sweeping through him, leaving him senseless. That phrase has a fresh, edgy feel to it and it’s so vivid.

‘Held hostage by the…unfamiliar body’ creates an odd picture, but I think it’s so appropriate, considering the story. It gives the sense that Albus feels trapped, both by being in a body that isn’t his and by the powerful emotions. It then makes sense, therefore, for Albus to blame it all on his new skin. And that, again, show his insecurities—by refusing to even consider that he might be attracted to Scorpius (Insecurity isn’t exactly the right word, but it’s the closest one I can think of).

I like that logic is mainly what dictates Scorpius’s choice to not be a Knight. I like when characters do things for logical reasons because it makes sense. Logic is particularly useful for explaining why characters go against their families or do things that aren’t expected of them.

Albus’s growing sense of respect and general affection for Scorpius is portrayed well. I like how you started small with the sympathy for not getting his mother’s love and now we have the respect for being logical and having morals. It’s gradual and it’s real. I also like how you build it up so in the end Albus isn’t just attracted to him physically, but as a person as well.

The exchange over the dress and the laughter made me grin because it was funny and because that was mostly Albus being Albus, not Albus being Melinda. I like how you tell us that Albus feels sympathy and respect for Scorpius, but you show us that the two of them get along well and genuinely enjoy each other’s company. I’m thinking of this part in particular: Almost immediately, both of them were asked to dance by different partners. As much as Albus wanted to tell them all to piss off…

I think it’s really important to show that two characters get along, rather than just say it because that something we can observe in real life, whereas it’s much harder to observe sympathy or respect if you aren’t the direct recipient of it.

Albus couldn’t help but feel sorry for him, because when this was over and done and Melinda was gone, he was going to end up heartbroken, or at the very least sad. Considering everything, he didn’t deserve that.

This is really sweet of Albus and makes me want to give him a hug.

As Albus contemplated this, Scorpius stole his breath with a kiss. This time, with the added stability of a well-lit hallway and something more substantial to lean on than a tree, Albus felt much less inclined to fall over. Though that would have been a welcome distraction.

I see Albus in thought, not paying attention to Scorpius, and then all of sudden being surprised by Scorpius’s kiss. A.k.a. I like the imagery of the first line. :) Also, it’s beautifully phrased. I like the surprise it conveys, the breathtaking-moment feel to it, and that that is kind of literally what he’s doing. It’s romantic and sexy .

And then Albus ruins it by wanting to fall over, lol. I like the idea, though, that what Scorpius makes Albus feel is so strong and so unlike anything he’s ever felt before that he’d rather fall over than deal with it.

The ending of this chapter has suspense, but not too much. I like the resolution in terms of Albus’s feelings towards Scorpius—he likes him as a person and dislikes hurting him. It’s a good start and it leaves a lot of room for development.

I have to suppress my urge to yell at Albus to tell someone because Jenkins in a Bad Guy because I think this review is long enough (just passed 2200 words, in case you were wondering). I hope you’re still reading it and that you liked it and that I didn’t say “really” too many times in it (though I’m pretty sure I have). I had an absolute blast writing this review, your story is awesome, and I’ll probably review the rest of it. :D


Author's Response:

Yay, this review made me squee just a bit. This story has so few review in relation to my other chaptered stories, even though I think it's one of my best. You just got SO MUCH of what I wanted to convey. First off, there is this ridiculous situation, which is compounded by Albus feeling bad about what he was doing, which is then further exacerbated by dealing with essentially re-learning how to be  a person. I've always wanted to sneakily show guys just how aggravating it could be to be a girl, because some of them think it's soooo easy to stand there and look pretty. I like smashing disillusion.

I'm glad Scorpius didn't come out looking Gary Stu-ish, because that would've ruined the story. I wanted him to not be like his parents because he's not an idiot, not because he's particularly rebellious. And you just understood Albus so well, not wanting to like Scorpius but understanding that he wasn't one of the bad guys, even if he wasn't quite as smooth as he would have liked to believe and that Albus saw his better qualities.

Anyway, I can't coherently squee to everything, but you are just so in tune with the story and its little quirks. It's been lovely. :D


Name: gingerslytherin (Signed) · Date: 02/23/11 16:16 · For: Chapter 6
Wow. I'm somewhat torn between chucking you in a loony bin and giving you an award. Not that I would actually be able to do either of those things, obviously. I loved this story, crazy as it was - and awkward as it was to read at some points. I'm glad Albus ended up with Scopius! It was an amazing story.

Author's Response:

This story was meant to be the ultimate masquerade gone awry, and this is what came out. I knew when it was finished, it would be either brilliant or batsh*t, but somehow, it ended up being both. I'm not sure what warped place in my mind produced this story, but it was fun to write. I'm glad you enjoyed it, and thank you for reading/reviewing!


Name: hestiajones (Signed) · Date: 02/15/11 11:03 · For: Chapter 6
Ahhh! Where do I start? Damn.

Okay, the beginning then. So, I still remember the day when you poked me on AIM and told me about this story you had for a Spooky Swap. (Dunno if you recall.) I was doing some work, but I got distracted by this; this was ambitious, this was intriguing, this was definitely insane. I think that you were going under a phase of exhaustion, but even then, I had complete faith in you. I knew you would pull it off, and I couldn’t wait to see the final product.

So why didn’t I read this for a long time? Because I kept looking for a few spare hours when my mind would be free of work and worry. I wanted to enjoy every bit of this without getting interrupted, and maybe even the fates agreed with me because my boyfriend fell asleep and we didn’t have our nightly hour-long phone convo. Ha!

I was drawn in by the first few paras. I found the writing particularly strong there. Your writing has something very fluid about it. I know of your extensive vocabulary and rather creative turns of phrases (which pop up frequently as the story progresses), but here, I’m thinking of your command over descriptive prose, and your writing it with simple, uncomplicated English. Quoting everything would just clog up the review, so I’m just going to mention that the starting paras were well-written.

You know what blew my mind away, though? Chapter 4’s love-making. That was gorgeous, Jess. That was a masterpiece. I hope I’ll be able to hone my skills enough to write something like that some day. It was like…total eyegasm. I must also mention that it exorcised the last residues of the traumatic experience I’d undergone while reading the wank on Henry Miller’s Boris Goatee Saga. *pauses to snigger uncontrollably* Seriously, though, I couldn’t praise it enough.

Your sense of humour shone throughout the fic as well. I could keep on quoting forever, but I’ll let the following suffice:

Chapter 2

This conversation was rapidly becoming a crash course in the ‘do’s and ‘don’t’s of wooing women.

His older brother had a panty-peeling smile, so he could afford to be a complete arsehole to the ones he didn’t want.

Even if he could answer the question, Albus wouldn’t even know where to start. “Fucking hell,” he said frustratedly, forgetting for a moment to stay in character.

Scorpius chuckled. “Charming, dear. I love how I never know what you’re going to say.”

Chapter 3

But he had promised Ernie that he would respect his niece’s body.

Scorpius would pay homage to it.

It had been a while.

To hell with Ernie.

Chapter 4 Please tell me you’re joking, because there is no way you’re that Albus Potter. He’s about four inches taller, and he definitely doesn’t have tits like yours.”

I barely knew your name from school. I don’t think I’d even talked to you before.”

I want to eat whatever I want, scratch my bollocks when I feel like, and drink sodding beer instead of that damned poof juice!”

Chapter 6 “Are you saying…” Albus didn’t dare hope that Scorpius had somehow had a change of heart, not to mention sexuality.

These will never not put a grin on my face.

Getting back on the issue of writing, I felt that the story was well-paced, and each chapter looked complete in itself, advancing the story further, filling it out, and then ending with a superb cliff-hanger. The only issue I have is with one particular leitmotif which ran through your early chapters: Albus annoyance with men hitting on him. His desire to hit men who hit on him is a reasonable thing to feel, but I do think it got repetitive when it was mentioned a fair few times. For me, at least, that was one thing which could be polished up.

Right. Characterisation. It was amazing. I didn’t hate Albus at all. By the end of Chapter 5, I was feeling sorrier for him because, knowing how cruel you can be, I thought they weren’t going to end up together. While it was obvious neither Scorpius nor Albus would escape the final reveal without getting their heart burned, the latter appeared to have a lot to lose as well.

I loved Scorpius, too. Actually, I may have fallen in love with him a little. I found the promiscuity endemic rather hilarious, although they made the Malfoy lifestyle look rather nauseating and damaged. I am still shuddering at Daphne’s husband, mind you. Almost all characters were done nicely, though I’d have loved a bit more on Astoria; she seemed to be the weakest in terms of characterization. My favourite was Greengrass, of course!

Now, the story. Does it seem crazy? Of course, it does! But that doesn’t take away it’s beauty, not one bit. What matters in the way is how you write a story. The plot is tricky, the very bizarre arrangement of both sexual and emotional attractions that develop between the two characters is tricky; making it sound even remotely possible would be one gargantuan task. Perhaps, if a less talented writer was to handle this, it might end up being sporked.

So, what made yours special? You gave it credibility. You took on the challenge with seriousness, and you infused the story with your talent at writing believable human beings. You did not get carried away, no; it seems pretty clear throughout that you are aware of the ramifications of living with such a f*****d-up identity crisis, and you show that in Albus’ increasing confusion regarding who he really is.

But what ultimately made this a wonderful read is that it was apparent that you had fun writing this. I know the frustration and doubts you suffered while you were working on this project, but I can also imagine you had a right laugh. Maybe, that is what makes me enjoy it so much - to know that you were as invested in it as I, as the reader am, and to be aware that you were having as much fun.

The ending was such a surprisingly happy one I nearly refused to believe it was written by you. I thought James got too comfortable with the relationship within a short time, and I’d like to hear why that was so.

I am not, of course, complaining. I was rooting for those two, and hoping by some good luck – maybe with the grace of Boris’ goatee, that they would get together in the end. And they did! So, this is where I’ll end this mammoth review. Very, very wonderfully written, mate. It’s unfair that this doesn’t have more reviews than it does now, and I hope that changes soon. But now you know that I, at least, am a salivating fan of your work.


Author's Response:

I'd like to know where to start to respond to this review, but I really don't know. I suppose I'm just relieved that it isn't as sporkable as it had the potential to be. I guess I've written enough conventional love stories to have needed the aberration into the realm of 'wtf'. I knew when I started this that it was either brilliant or completely ridiculous, but imagine my surprise when I found that, according to readers, it's both but works well that way.

My favourite character in writing this was always Scorpius, because he was a genuine good guy who wanted better than blood supremacy for the world, which I'll chalk down as a kid wondering why his parents thought different things than the rest of the world about Muggle-borns and found that everyone else was right and what he'd grown up with was wrong. He tried to walk this tremulous between the two worlds and did so well until he met Albus... Melinda... er, you know what I mean, lol.

I remember something Elene told me about smut. She said that she was okay with it, but it didn't need to be an anatomy lesson, and that stuck with me. Everyone knows how sex works, but what people identify with is the underlying emotions of it. I know when I read smut, I don't want Discovery Channel; I want passion on passion. It doesn't have to be nasty or kinky to be passionate; it has to be raw and real, and that's what I wanted for this story. I'm glad you think it's a masterpiece, because that was the one part of the fic save for the end that I was worried about not being up to snuff.

I know the end seems a little incongruous from the rest of the story, but as I told Carole, the time Albus spent unconscious was time that Scorpius spent searching his heart for just how he felt about this person who had meant so much to him and how that related to Albus. He kissed Albus because he couldn't live with himself not knowing what could have been, even if it wasn't what he'd expected. Most of all, he felt he owed it to Albus, who had been willing to die for him just so he could get away. That sort of thing leaves a mark on a person.

The thing with James is a long, long story. The story between the Potter brothers is one that presently exists in my head, and this is a hint of that. For years, Albus resented James because he was better looking, taller, more popular, and got better marks in school. It took YEARS for them to hash things out and for Albus to realise that even though he'd always thought that James was rubbing things in his face, it was more a case that James just is the way he is. From there, they decided to be more accepting of the other, no matter what. I guarantee you that James is thinking all sorts of mean things in his head, but he ultimately loves his brother too much to say any of them.

Addressing Astoria, to me, she's just not very nice. She hates Mudbloods because she's frankly not very intelligent. I need to write this story some day, but Astoria is like a lemming. She is fed propaganda to the point where those thoughts become her own, and she becomes a supremacist because she's left with the conclusion that this is how it should be. Scorpius is more like Draco in that he isn't quite as dumb. He has the werewithal to second guess what he's told, sort of like how Draco second guessed being a Death Eater once he saw what the reality of being one was. Daphne is still a bit prejudiced, but only passively so, and certainly not nearly as much as Astoria, who you can almost think of as like Bellatrix without the cunning.

Well, I'll shut up now. If you have any more questions or things you want to discuss, you know where to find me. Fabulous review, Madam Greengrass, and I'm so glad you liked my bats*** story. :D


Name: Equinox Chick (Signed) · Date: 02/15/11 9:41 · For: Chapter 6
Oh, hmm, yes strange and darn compelling. I got a bit lost with the Jenkins part of the plot, but then I was always more interested in the smut (Don't tell me you're surprised at that!).

The action was well done. The duels and the curses had me on the edge of my seat (well, bed actually), and the tension held up very well.

I'm a bit iffy about the end. Whilst I did want them to have a happy ending, I'm not totally convinced they would have had - or at least not that easily. Also James/Harry/Ginny's acceptance of their now 'outed' son does seem a bit too rushed. I realise that you were tying up the story and probably they were just extremely pleased he'd survived everything, but it did come over as just a touch too pat.

Okay, that's probably a bit too negative because I did love this story. The whole thing was a masterpiece of insanity, breathlessly good writing, sexual tension, raw emotion and just utter utter love. Amazing that you thought of this. Amazing that you dared to enter the insanity of it. Brilliantly devised plot and perfectly executed. Wonderful! ~Carole~

Author's Response:

Well, I think you hit the crux of it: the story had to END. It was already twice as long as I'd intended and it needed to come to a close. Gina had mentioned it felt a bit rushed, the action, but since it was from Albus's POV, it almost had to be. As pointed out, the reason he was picked by Jenkins for this 'operation' (a front to get someone prosecuted for Knight activity so the rest of them would be free to plot away) was that Albus really wasn't a very good intelligence agent. He basically got the job because of who he was, and it didn't take him long to get behind a desk, which wasn't because he should've been running the place. Then again, not many people could go against 3+ blokes and actually come out of it standing. Scorpius was only able to knock them off because he had the element of surprise.

I think the moment they started talking in the last chapter, Scorpius started to care about Albus for Albus. He was still deservedly miffed, but it became apparent that when Albus said that he truly cared for Scorpius, he was being truthful. And of course he couldn't let someone be killed by rampaging bad guys, so he went after him. He really is too nice for his own good.

I think what I wanted was for Scorpius to see Albus prone and in mortal peril and realise that it really bothered him. And being there during the recovery was supposed to be time for him to think and to come to terms with what he could and couldn't bring himself to try. He gave himself a pep talk to rack up the nerve to kiss Albus and was surprised to find that the attraction was still there, even if it was buried within the taste of a different set of lips.

There is a crapload of alternate POV backstory in this fic, but having limited this to Albus's POV and needing the bloody thing to end finally left me with little of it that I could actually show. I hope this is a bit enlightening. :D

One thing I was thinking all through this was that I hoped to Merlin that Jen wasn't going to hate it. She asked for Albus/Scorpius with a masquerade prompt. I don't think she was expecting to get this, but then here we are, with my almost 25K mutant plot baby. This was one of my favourite stories to write, and even though it caused me a ridiculous amount of angst, I would do it all over again. 

Thanks for following the story, and I'm glad you liked it. It was damned difficult, but so very worth it. 


Name: Equinox Chick (Signed) · Date: 02/15/11 8:59 · For: Chapter 5

Author's Response:

This is where I fell in love with Scorpius. It takes a superior kind of person to put aside his own feelings and at least acknowledge Albus's personal trauma. He just remembered who he was talking to and how they weren't so very different from the people they were when they were Scorpius and Melinda.

And then comes the super action sequence. *Disapparates*

Name: Equinox Chick (Signed) · Date: 02/15/11 8:33 · For: Chapter 4
AGHHHH! Jess, I'm officially in love with Scorpius ... and Albus ... except I hate Albus for what he's done to Scorpius ... except Albus is as upset as I am. Oh, I'm confused now. Wow! Just think how Albus feels!

Can I just say here that you write sex deliciously well. Absolutely mindblowing the way you sustained the tension over eleven paragraphs - just wow. What I thought was done particularly well was Albus' sexual feelings because he's experienceing this for the first time as a woman. Amazing.

Oh, and the the surprise with Greengrass. Nicely played. I did not see that one coming at all. This story is twisting and turning like a twisty-turny thing. (sorry, I'm giggling and I should be more serious.) I need to read on, but I'm not sure I can bear Scorpius' broken heart. I can't see this ending well for either of them and that makes me sad (even though I think Scorpius belongs with Lily).

Wonderful story, Jess, just wonderful. ~Carole~

Author's Response:

Haha, you have no idea how easy it was to write eleven paragraphs of sex. The hard part was chopping out any reference to body parts to make it archive acceptable. This is how it went down, lol.

I needed a good reason for Greengrass to be so weird toward Albus and evidence that the Ministry isn't stupid enough not to have long term intelligence gathering efforts on the largest potential threat to public safety. Plus, it shows just how bad Albus is at his job, lol. Not everyone is cut out for spywork. XD

Things get a bit weird from here, hehe.

Name: Equinox Chick (Signed) · Date: 01/21/11 10:43 · For: Chapter 3
YAY! Scorpius is getting a shag! It's been a while, poor love. And now I feel desperately sorry for him, and annoyed with Albus because this looks as if it's all going to end badly.

Jess, this is so original, incredibly funny, but also rather poignant. The plot is wonderful, too. Great job!

Get the man to stop thinking with his pud This confused me. I take it that 'pud' is slang for ... uhm ... penis, but to me it's short for 'pudding' - ha ha - Can you see why I was so confused?

Sorry I've taken so long to catch up. I lubs it (and you) really. ~Carole~

Author's Response:

I love writing things that are on the lines of bizarre, and this will definitely be the most whacked out thing I'll ever write. I just... wanted to step outside of the box. Sure, it gave me all sorts of aggravation, but ultimately, it was worth it. Especially since the end is open-ended, which gives me the chance to write a sequel down the line if I so choose.

Hmm, I should really stop trawling Briticism websites for words, but it was in the evening for me, which is about 3am GST, so I didn't have anyone's brain to pick and I was running low on patience. I should probably pick a different word, but I could also assume that, since the word does exist over here, that by 2038, it will have migrated over there, but I'm too lazy to even do that. :D

I'm glad you liked the story. It was aggravating, nerve-wracking, a source of constant self-doubt, but totally worth it. Plus, it gave me an excuse to get another BB banner.

Thanks for reading and reviewing. One of these decades when I stop trying to write a million things at once, I need to lurk your author page. I hear tell a non-ridiculous Dramione story does in fact exist, despite the ship's dodo bird-like history.


Name: dancingwithneville (Signed) · Date: 01/12/11 9:13 · For: Chapter 1
Wow, I was blown away by this chapter and can't wait to find out what happens next.

Author's Response:

I'm glad you like it. It is a rather strange story, but there is something to be said for thinking outside the box. :D


Name: Equinox Chick (Signed) · Date: 12/16/10 10:42 · For: Chapter 2
Noooooooooooooooooooo, poor Scorpius, I'm in love with him all over again. By the way, have I ever mentioned that I'm five foot ... just like Melinda *sigh*.

Jess, brilliant chapter with an intriguing plot and great characters. I LOVE Draco ... but did want to know who he was screwing. Couldn't you have told us? (Kinda hoping it's Hermione - ha ha JOKE)

Seriously, though, I think apart from Scorpius the best part of this chapter is the scene with harry. It felt very natural, and the conversation flowed perfectly.

Loving this ~Carole~

Author's Response:

Poor Albus. I put him through so much, hence the strange, strange crisis of conscience. I know Harry wouldn't mock him about having a conscience, but even the nicest of people would make fun of Albus for having to play a society princess. I especially wanted him to suffer through all the heinous things women do to make themselves beautiful.

And there was nothing sinister about Draco's dipsy doodle at the party. He's really just a dirty old man, and his 'recipient' was indeed a serving girl who was hoping for better pay. XD


P. S. -- Smut is on the horizon. :D

Name: Equinox Chick (Signed) · Date: 12/16/10 9:55 · For: Chapter 1
OOOOH FABULOSA! *ends review in the hope of a sporky*

Comes back. jess, this is borderline insane ... but brilliantly so. I enjoyed this first chapter ridiculously. The predicament is hilarious, and the plot amazing, but my favourite part of this chapter is Scorpius. It would have been easy to make him a one dimensional lech, but you've given him layers. I'm really rather hoping they both turn out to love each other when Albus is Albus, and that's despite me loving Scorpius/Lily with a passion.

Great first chapter. ~Carole~

Psycho scale >>>> You've passed the Palin level and have reached Tom Cruise.

Author's Response:

Hehe, now you can see why this story drove me spare. It was eating me alive, but I still wasn't sure whether it was good or complete crap. So far so good, and everything is about to take some even stranger turns, lol. I'm glad you like it. XD


It is rather insane, isn't it?

Name: EverettePenrose (Signed) · Date: 12/14/10 19:22 · For: Chapter 6
Odd lol but it's a good story. You're very creative :) Slash is my favorite, you should make a sequel

Author's Response:

Hehe, this story was meant to be a little weird. I like to think that I can spin a unique tale, and this is definitely one of a kind. I adore a good Albus/Scorpius story. I have one more on my author page (though IIRC, you've already reviewed it), plus a friend of mine has one called All for You by jenny b, which is fantastic. Happy hunting and have a good night. Thanks for reading. :D


Name: welshdevondragon (Signed) · Date: 11/29/10 13:34 · For: Chapter 1
Jess! Months ago I promised I'd read some of your stories and now I'm fulfilling it!

Wow. Chapter 1 is pretty insane. I really, really like it though! It started off quite briskly but once the premise had been established it was really good. I love the JK Rowling esque narration style of it being entirely Albus' pov but still in the third person.

I also loved the characterisation of Albus. Without giving a background or setting him up as Harry's son you made him very likeable.

I also LOVED the whole guy being in a girl's body. I've never seen it done so well and I had to laugh at some things Albus found annoying which were also, if not your own anger at high heels, people ogling, vast quantities of make-up, then certainly mine. Anyway about to read chapter 2- looking forward to the rest of it!

Author's Response: Hey, Alex! Long time, no see. :D This was written for a fic exchange, and the prompt was 'masquerade', so naturally, this is the conclusion to which my warped brain leaps. It must be a giant identity crisis. The story is very odd, I agree, but I think that's part of the originality I was going for. Enjoy the rest of the story, and thanks for reading! ~Jess

Name: Gmariam (Signed) · Date: 11/28/10 10:12 · For: Chapter 6
Well, drat, it's done. Ah well, it was quite a ride! I really, really enjoyed your 'strange little tale.' I can see why it gave you fits, that's for sure. And I can see why you had your doubts, but apparently I am just as crazy as you for loving it. And I'm pretty conservative when it comes to my fanfic, you know! ;)

I think what I liked best about it was how quickly and naturally you established this character of Albus. And then you turned him into a girl...only, he was still Albus. The Albus/Melinda stuff was great - his inner dialogue always kept the insanity grounded. And watching him fall for Scorpius as Melinda made the story believable.

The other thing I really liked was that there was such an interesting subplot that was equally important to the romance. The undercover idea was brilliant, and the conspiracy was fascinating to puzzle out. I loved the addition of Mr. Greengrass in the third chapter. This final chapter added another great twist and good way to end that storyline. It also wrapped up Albus/Scorpius's story nicely as well.

I only had one bit of concrit with it, though, and that was that this last chapter felt a bit rushed. That might just be me wanting more, but I felt like the reveal was a bit sudden and the battle might have been a bit longer. I definitely wanted more from the scene in the hospital. I guess getting the story from Scorpius made me want to actually read what went down after Albus was knocked out. More than anything, I loved hearing about Harry's reaction and would have loved to read it; knowing that was not within the scope of this story (being Albus's POV) perhaps Harry might have made an appearance in the hospital with or without James. You write Harry so well, I would have loved to see his response to both the attack and the revelation of Albus/Scorpius. But again - if that wasn't your plan, so be it; a good writer makes the reader want more, and you did.

I really hope you get more reviews for this. I shall go recommend it in Fiction Junction, I think. Your quirkiness knows no bounds and I look forward to whatever you might come up with next!

Great story, twin!
~Gina :)

Author's Response: *hugs* I'm so glad that someone liked this story that wasn't involved in SSS. It's an odd take on a pairing that shouldn't ever exist due to family reasons, but I suppose it makes sense that they would meet unintentionally. I know the end seemed rush, but there's a good reason for that. Well, two reasons, but I'll start with the one that is actually good. From the very beginning, the reason why Jenkins picked Albus for this task is that, well, he's not all that observant. Al has worked for him for years, so if anyone should know how good he is, it would be his boss. As mentioned in the story, the scheme was years in the making, and Jenkins had chosen the man least likely to screw up his personal plan (look for what he was told to look for and not go any deeper). And truly, Albus really wasn't all that great, which is why he got his ass handed to him in the battle. The only reason why he thought he could even come close to taking on the flock of baddies is that he'd had his ego stroked for years (by Jenkins), thinking he's better than he is. The second reason was that, well... I really just wanted the story to be over. Not a glorious tale, but a true one, hehe. I know it sounds weird, but those were my reasons behind that. I did want to include Harry, but I don't think Ginny would let him come home empty handed unless Albus was actually dying or if he had apprehended all the guilty parties. Thanks for being all over this story. I know it's strange and completely nuts in what it's about, but I guess someone had to write it, lol. *hugs Twin again* ~Jess

Name: Gmariam (Signed) · Date: 11/19/10 17:12 · For: Chapter 4
I freaking love this. I really do. It's just so insane that it works. I have to admit, I had my doubts, I did. They are gone, though, because you've made it so much fun to read. Like, after reading the first part I was really looking forward to the next chapters because even though you shared bits, it's still so wildly unpredictable it's an absolute trip to read. It's a bit like Brazen, really, in that there are parts where I'm thinking "Did she really just write that?" with the biggest grin on my face. It's a blast.

Okay, so enough of that. Like I mentioned last night, I loved Greengrass in this. That was such a neat little twist to throw in! It was a great way to set up the reveal. The actual reveal was fascinating. I thought Scorpius would be far more furious. I may have to duel you on your thoughts regarding his reaction. It was neat to see them get to know each other at the end. The best part is how well you've written Albus's inner turmoil throughout. It brings the whole thing together.

I can't wait to see how things play out with the Knights plot now that they are in hiding, and of course, I'm dying to see how these two come to terms with what's happened. What an absolutely unique way to bring them together. I want to write a next generation story now.

Cool job. I hope more people read this because it's a heck of a ride!
~Gina :)

Author's Response:

You know, I knew from the start that this story was one that people would either love or hate, not much in between. I wanted to write something original, but still with a glimmer of the characters that I know/heart. Though it's a bizarre way of going about it, it was definitely worth writing, considering how much my SSS recipient loved it.

Scorpius's reaction was meant to be how one reacts when something is too stupidly strange to be true. It's kind of a, "Well, shit" sort of deal, because there is no set rules in relationship behavior for this. I suppose he reacted more strongly when he found the stray pair of underwear, because there is something that one can envision and deal with, no matter how distasteful. I suppose it's like being in a heavy relationship with someone, only to find out that they used to be the other gender and wanted to go back to their birth gender. Definitely a 'wtf' moment.

Glad you love the story, and even if 3 of the 4 reviews for this are from you, I'll take those over 10 meaningless one-liners any day. heart.


Name: Gmariam (Signed) · Date: 11/12/10 18:37 · For: Chapter 2
I love it. I really do. Is it okay that I laughed as I was reading it? Because I did. Especially when Albus said, "And what in the name of Merlin’s most baggy y-fronts was that about, anyway?" HAHA! I know someone else who talks like that. ;)
It's a brutal cliffhanger. You've done such a great job of setting up Albus's inner conflict. He's aware of what's happening to him, as well as his feelings for Scorpius, and yet we don't get to see how it resolves. Of course, I do, and I can't wait to see it in context.
I wonder if this isn't as crazy as you think. It's certainly pretty ballsy, but it's also well-written, well-paced, and nicely balanced between the Knights story and the Albus/Scorpius stuff. I'm loving it. Great job, bring on the smut!
~Gina :)
PS. The scene with Harry was delicious - unexpected but so well-played. Great idea!

Author's Response:

*hugs twin for loving my thus far ignored story*

Now you know why I angsted over this story so much; it had so much going on that it couldn't NOT be this long. I really wanted to make the relationship plausible and still keep to the plot. I'm glad you like how I've done thus far. The smut is toned down in the next chapter (which is in the queue), but it's available in the spewswap community on LJ. If you can't find it, just lurk in the chat thread in the SPEW forum, and it should be there.

*hugs twin again*


Name: iwishicouldwrite (Signed) · Date: 11/11/10 15:30 · For: Chapter 1
hmmm not sure exactly what i think but I'm interested in where you're going with this...I like Albus' personality and i like how you made scorpius likeable but with a mean streak as well. Cool concept, i look forward to the next update!

Author's Response:

Well, I prefaced this by saying that this story is quite bizarre. This is what happens when I am in a crunch for a deadline and let my imagination run amuck. Next chapter's in the queue right now, so I hope you enjoy the next few installments. :)


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