Gina, this flows so effortlessly, and evokes so much. There's no faltering or clunky rhymes - it's perfect.
One crit: where's the dialogue? (runs away)
Um, seriously, explain why you don't have a thread in PA. Your poetry is so good, you should join us. ~Carole~
Author's Response: Thanks, Carole! I don't know about perfect, but I'm pretty happy with the way it turned out, I suppose, mostly because it was just so unexpected! Sorry there was no dialogue, is that even possible in a poem? LOL! *runs away from PA question* Thanks for reading this, I really appreciate the lovely review! ~Gina :)
I know you still have your doubts and all that about it, but this really is a fantastic poem. The iambic pentameter is absolutely flawless, and it beautifully escapes the trap of sacrificing content for structure. It flows so perfectly, and every syllable is just right to set up a steady rhythm, which in itself lends even more to the concept of the poem.
A kiss destroys, chaste feelings all undone:
Lips crash, cry out a frantic song of lust.
They quickly join their burning flesh as one,
Their consummation sealed by one last thrust.
This is without a doubt my favourite part. It is just so real and emotive, and I can't help but feel like I'm there (in that non-creepy, non-voyeur way, of course). There is just so much bang packed into that verse, and it's it serves almost as a climax, leaving the last two lines to be that feeling of floating back down to earth and landing in a puffy little pile of denial, like prior restriction just doesn't exist for them, the couple of the reader's choice. Then again, I think you know who came into my mind. :D
Awesome, fantastic, and gorgeous sonnet, dear, and I'm so glad you posted it so I could praise it in public. You are truly gifted in the art of structural poetry.
Author's Response: Wow, Jess, thanks so much! What an amazing review. I'm actually pretty happy with how this turned out--it's just not much compared to some of the other stuff out there today. I really enjoy writing poems with such strict rhythm, at least when I actually get the inspiration to write poetry. For some reason, I was inspired to write this poem and it came really quickly. Thanks for the suggestion on that one line, it's perfect. And thanks for the great review! ~Gina :)
Oh gosh! This year's birthday is the best!
What a fantastic poem, Gin Gin. You're right - it can be about everybody. And yes, you're right again - I do enjoy other pairings a lot. :) Love the final couplet. Really, really fitting.
Thanks a lot! I love it.
Author's Response: You are very welcome! I'm glad you liked it. I really did have fun writing it, it's been a while since I've written a poem like this. Hope you are having a happy birthday!! ~Gina :)