Home and Homeland Crises
As usual this was absolutely amazing!!! I feel so sorry for emil but i like him and anurag too and i cant wait to see if anything happens between daisy and chris!!
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I've missed your reviews. :) I'm glad you like Emil and Anurag and as for Daisy and Chris-- they're crazy. :p
The Secret Meeting
another awesome chapter, i loved it and i just noticed it was up exactly one day before my birthday which is great though both chris and emil are getting on my nerves but theyre still great characters. thanks so muchfor the update.
Author's Response: Happy birthday, hon! I'm glad my update made it in time for your birthday :). Oh and Emil and Chris are supposed to get on your nerves with all the insensitivity and stupidity. They irritate me and my Beta too. :p Another update coming soon! Thanks for the review! :)
k so i thought i had reviewed but i hadn't so i'm reviewing now. let me just say that this was an awesome chapter and i loved it. i also loved the cliffie i'm so glad they're finally on vacation and can't wait cause i know the fun is just starting. keep up the great work! : ]
Author's Response: Ooh! Thanks for the review and sorry about the awful delay in the update! The next chapter however is already in the queue and it should be validated in a couple of days or so. Oh yes, the fun is just starting! ;)
Preparations for Doom
Great chapter sorry i hadn't reviwed but i read the chapter on my phone and made a mental note to review but my mind is not cooperating so i forgot again you're an awesome writer you're one of the best so it makes me mad that you only have 9 reviews. anyways keep up the Great job
Author's Response: Awh, that's all right. It feels awesome that you took out time to review this one! *squee* Thank you soo much for the review! It really did put a wide grin on my face. :D
Emotions Running High
i read killer instincs and loved it but this story only had like one chapter up and since then ive been following it this story is awesome! please update soon!
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I have just recently updated this-- so you can go check it out. :)
Emotions Running High
I found this chapter slightly strange. I liked the idea of ORP- and the way you wrote it seemed plausible (assuming magic existed of course) and very clear even to a non-med, which was good. And the relationship between Anurag and Pari was sweet- more like childhood friends then the previous awkwardness. However I found Pari's response to Daisy and Chris slightly odd. I mean they are both in relationships so any attraction to each other would be- I mean not wrong as you can't help it, but not to be encouraged. And even though she didn't intend them to be alone together, laughing about it afterwards seems to be making it okay, rather than really uncomfortable given the weekend ahead.
I thought a couple of chapters ago you said that Muskaan was a Muggle, hence Pari and Anurag having the same difficulties. But if she's going to the party she must be a witch...Or did you just mean they're both in love with someone their parents won't approve of? I think it was the chapter before last- you might want to make that clearer.
And, sorry to sound critical again but as a Londoner, "gateway to his previous home. The security guard nodded at him and opened the gates as he took the car in through the driveway and parked it beside the garage. Then taking a deep breath, he rang the doorbell of his house." Hell. Where do they live, in central London with THAT much space? I mean I went to a posh school with people several leagues above me in terms of cash but none of them had a driveway with a security guard? One had a driveway, but it was about five metres from the gate to their house, and that's probably the most expensive house I've set foot in. Sorry about that- but yeah. I felt the need to say it.
That last scene between Melanie and Chris- well I know Melanie is an actress but she really should have told Chris about Joseph before telling an interviewer. That's a horrible way to find out. Does Melanie know how her husband died? ANd although slapping one's child is horrific, Chris was being a bit of an idiot. Because he is weak, and does need his mum, and it's stupid of him not to accept that. It's not like it's two months later.However I think the last few paragraphs were really interesting. I still don't like Chris, but it's interesting to be inside his head, rather than the more dialogue taggy emotions you've shown thus far. And I like him acknowledging his ignorance and confusion. I hope he makes it up with his mother. You end your chapters really well. Alex x
Author's Response: Pari is actually a little mental. :p Don't mind her so much. She doesn't actually mean to encourage Daisy or Chris. It's just very funny to her that both of them say they've moved on and still harbour feelings for each other. It's very common amongst Indians to do this, but don't judge us. I do that a lot too, and so do my friends. :p It's a way to make fun of each other. O.o
I have not said that Muskaan is a Muggle. She is definitely a witch. Actually, the only thing Anurag has said about his girlfriend is that she's his girlfriend. ;) Pari and Anurag have the same trouble as in both their families are against love marriage.
I actually just based the security guard thingy on the fact that if Melanie is an actor, then she might have a security guard to keep away frenzied fans and stalkers. All actors do, actually. But I had no clue about the driveway thing. A lot of actors live here in Mumbai and the most successful ones have those actual houses with high walls running around them, driveways and everything. I just assumed that it'd be the same in London too. O.o
Melanie and Chris-- I love those dynamics. I think the relationship between a mother and her child is like THE BEST on this planet. If Chris can't understand his own mother, then who can he? And anyone would have been slapped if they cracked Chris's dialogue at their mothers. If not, they'd have been punished at least (my mum would definitely punish me-- no matter how old I was or will be).
Thanks for the lovely reviews! *huggles*
I think it's good that at the end of this chapter you reminded us of the start- because it was starting to seem irrelevant, even though I know they'll all be in Newquay soon, but it- at the moment it was getting slightly pretty people and difficult but perfectly solvable relationships- which the ending of this chapter drew it out of, which was good.
You're really good at dialogue, it sounds natural rather than awkward and clunky. However occasionally I think it's unnecessary- like you repeat what Pari and Anurag have just said with Daisy and Pari- I know Daisy needs to know, but the reader doesn't have to have it repeated.
Also this is just a question out of interest- do you think in the wizarding world they changed Bombay/ Calcutta to Mumbai/ Kolkata at the same time as Muggles? Given wizards don't really seem into empires how do you think/ to what extent did the British Empire affect wizards and witches in India? I'm just wondering if you've thought about it and interested in what you think. And I thought you said Pari's family were Bengali but I think here she says they're Indian- or have I misread that? I mean I know Bengal is part of the Indian Subcontinent, but the few people of Bengali descent I know refer to themselves as Bengali rather than Indian.
I'm not sure how I feel about Chris moving in with Cheryl. I think he still needs his mum, rather than just anyone. After all if he hasn't spent that many nights with Cheryl, and those he does spend presumably they have sex rather than just sleep in the same bed, she might not know about his nightmares, or at least not have experienced them, and they're very different things.
The ending was good, like I said but I have problems with this line "She had refused at first, causing him to rape her a fair few times until she finally agreed to do it." She's not agreeing to it. She might be being compliant and submissive but it's still rape, which you do say after that part but for a moment, however briefly, it sounds like she has a choice which she does not. But apart from that I'm intrigued- and hoping when the wizards and Muggles arrive in Newquay they'll be able to help her.
Also I meant to say ages ago- whilst Sapphire At Dawn is right, and Newquay is a far more young people's place than Blackpool Sands, Blackpool Sands is gorgeous. That Author's Note made me miss Devon :( Alex x
Author's Response: Yep, I put that rape part in this chapter because I also realised that the story was deviating. It so happens that I tend to write way more than I intend to, and by the time I notice it, *whoops! Next chapter!* happens. If you could believe this, they were supposed to go to Newquay in chapter four. But then I realised I had plotholes and buried myself into my purple notebook, pushing back their Newquay visit a little more. >.< Oh God. Please save me from myself. O.o
I'll keep in mind what you said about the unnecessary dialogue. Thanks!
Hmm... I checked the Bombay/Calcutta thingy in Wikipedia and found out that they were renamed in 1995 and 2001 respectively. I kinda do remember being a kid when Bombay became Mumbai, actually. My Mum woke me up for school and broke the news, but It didn't make any sense to me anyway. I was just three or maybe four. :p Anyway, I think even if the wizarding world didn't catch up immediately, I can safely say that they might have renamed the cities by 2010. :) Bah... they keep renaming cities in India anyway. :p
The British empire... I haven't thought about it very much. I think Grindelwald may have been in power. Of course, he was defeated in 1945, and then there might have been peace... But the British Raj... I dunno about how it could have been for the witches and wizards. Hmm... I must think about that.
Yes-- Pari's family is of Indian Bengali origin. The other Bengalis are Bangladeshis, so maybe the people you know are actually from Bangladesh. :)
Cheryl and Chris moving in? Wait and watch what happens. :D Aw, and I can totally empathise with you missing Devon. My college is in Aurangabad and when I'm there, I miss Mumbai dearly. I don't know how I'm going to return to A'Bad (which I hatefully call as DogTown) once my holidays finish. :(
Flirting, Awkwardness and Old Friends
The mention of the manservant confirmed part of why I don't like Chris. He's too posh. Which isn't his fault, obviously, but still- my experience of posh London boys hasn't been great. His mother, on the other hand, is great. She was lovely to him in the last chapter when he needed her, but cut his sexism down straight away. And I laughed at "WHOOPS - A - DAISY, GIRLS! EMIL’S IN A RELATIONSHIP!" That's such a typical idiotic headline from a tabloid.
The end of this chapter was rather dialogue heavy though and I was a bit confused about them arguing with Pari (who I feel really sorry for) about who would go shopping with her. It just seemed a bit- childish.
I kind of want them to just get to Newquay because, although it was interesting seeing Chris and Pari's relationship, there was not a lot in this chapter, not as much as previous chapters anyway. I'll read and review the next chapters in the morning- but this story does deserve far more reviews than its got, so I hope more people start reviewing as the story continues. Alex x
Author's Response: Hmm, I don't know anything about posh London boys. I just assumed Chris would have a man servant because he's kinda rich. :p. His Mum is one of my favourite characters, actually. :) And the tabloid line-- LOL. Well, actually, I was going to keep the whoops-a-daisy as a chapter title or something, but then I realised that it fits these tabloid headlines better. :D
I didn't know what to do about the shopping part, or why I wrote it. Sometimes, I write down some parts keeping a particular purpose in mind, forget to write it down in my plot notebook and forget why that part was there the very next morning. My bad. :p
Pari is going through what 70% of Indians go through. A lot of families here allow only arranged marriage. I don't understand why, but that's what it is, and it becomes tough for a lot of people out here because of these rules.
Don't worry, they'll get to Newquay soon! Thank you for your review! :)
A Very Awkward Dinner
Right. I don't like Chris and I think Cheryl is right that she deserves better. She seems a bit dim but rather sweet. Chris made that dinner unnecessarily awkward and was pretty horrible to Daisy, even without the footsie incident, which Daisy was right on calling him up on. Although it is understandable that he's not sure about whether he's in love or not, as I think, particularly in fiction, too many couples declare their love for each other too soon- your way is much more realistic. Having said that I think Emil is adorable, and so sweet to Daisy. In a way he's far too perfect at the moment, but since your characters seem to be well fleshed out I'm expecting some flaws soon.
I also like the way they know about the magical world- and told them at a decent way into their relationship so that they knew they could trust their Muggle partner. Onto the next chapter! Alex x
Author's Response: Hmm... Cheryl is too fond of Chris, isn't she? If it had been me, Chris would have been dumped. Yes.
In my mind, Chris has always been the insensitive kind of guy. He doesn't really understand how people feel when he does what he does but when the same thing happens to him, he starts to empathise. He's horrible to Daisy because he's not forgiven her for lying to him so much in KI. But deep down, he's a good guy. :p
Anyway, Emil... hmm, this chapter is just an introduction to him. I promise you that he'll have as many flaws that all of us do. I'm scared of Gary Stu's so I don't actually like to create them. ;)
Thanks for the review again! :)
This story has nowhere near enough reviews. I really like the way you integrate the wizarding and Muggle worlds- it's realistic rather than being idealistic. I think in the first chapter you may have put some people off by the detailed medical diagnoses, but despite being a humanities student I'm interested in that sort of thing, so found it interesting. There's a lot of back story in this chapter which I know is necessary but is rather heavy going. Also your dialogue is often just dialogue- it would be interesting to break it up a bit with prose.
Ah, that sounds critical when really I'm enjoying this story already and really looking forward to reading it. I like the way Daisy knows exactly how Chris will react to hearing about her and Emil, and I think Chris' jealousy of Emil is perfectly understandable. It sounds like the party will be a mix of Muggles and Wizards, so I'm intrigued to know how much the Muggles know about the wizarding world/ whether they know at all. Also despite in the last chapter Chris seeming, to be honest, a bit of a prat, he's rather sweet here. Although if by PMS you mean pre-menstrual stress- well at that point I would punch him, and it seems a rather trite reply to someone saying "I love you", even if according to their friends it's something of a ritual. I'm not sure whether I like Chris. But I'm interested in all your characters and looking forward to the rest/ beta-ing this story for you in future! Alex x
Author's Response: Alex! It's so sweet of you to leave reviews. :)
Anyway-- yeah, well, the medical part. I don't really know what I was thinking when I wrote that... but I think I studied for too long or something. O.o I do remember having my internal medicine ward rounds on that particular day and I just wrote down whatever the resident taught us. :p I will correct this chapter later, though. :D
I am fine with you not liking Chris ;) In fact, you not liking him just made me feel a lot better about his character, because that's how a good OC should be. People should love as well as hate him/her. :) And I've let my RL friends read some of the excerpts involving Chris's terrible behaviour and they still seem to think he's like this really awesome guy. O.o I was like, "Come on!"
Oh yeah, and PMS did mean pre-menstrual syndrome. :D And Chris deserves a punch, yes.
Anyway, thanks for the enormous, wonderful review! People don't review this one much because it's in a fanfic category that very few people visit. And if everyone who read this actually reviewed it, I'd have had so many reviews by now... :(
Wedding Bells-- Devil's Knell?
I LUUUVVV IT!
Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you like it! :) And the review nade my day!
I'm new here at mugglenet, but I read Killer Instincts, and I loved it. I can't wait to see what this has in store. My own story, The Potters and The Next Great Dilemma has not been validated yet, but, will you tell me what you think when it comes out? Besides from Secret Lily, you are my favorite fan fiction author. Great job so far!
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed KI so much and I assure you that you'll enjoy this one equally. :) I'll be happy to check out your story once it's up. Just let me know and I'll go right there and read it. I'm flattered by your review. Thank you so much for being WAY's first reviewer!