Reviewer: Brandibuck
Date: 11/14/10 10:14
Chapter: Distrust and Trust Misplaced

Love it :-) I think it is a realistic idea of why Sirius suspected Remus and why he suddenly felt the need to switch secret keepers.
You are portraying Peter in a better light. He is the traitor, but it sounds here like he really is trying to keep his friends safe, by wanting to back out of beeing the secret keeper :-)

Reviewer: Tonythawiz
Date: 10/18/10 3:06
Chapter: Distrust and Trust Misplaced

oooh interesting, but could you tell me how to get the italics to stop after a certain word or phrase please? I tried but it just keeps going throughout the whole chapter.

Reviewer: Padfoot Patronus
Date: 10/11/10 15:38
Chapter: Distrust and Trust Misplaced

Something which you said in your review response about avoiding the contractions in Dumbledore's dialogue prodded me to go through the actual chapter and pay attention to how this actually played. I thought you wrote the material and substance of Dumbledore's dialogue welll enough that makes the conversation flows. So it disappoints me that you think that one way to write his speech is to avoid contractions. Quotes such as, “I do not share his opinion,” and “No, I do not,” Albus said sternly stood out for me, because here the absence of contraction really sounds unnatural. This is basically surface mannerism. We read something in the books, get an impression of it in our minds, and try to imitate it. I think only finding his voice would help, and the words that would convey it should automatically come to you.

In the beginning I was a little doubtful of the way Remus behaves at times, especially his tendency to speak decisively and outrageously. But later on I realised, Remus at that time would probably be like that. He turns more sombre and calculated when he spends 12 years being friendless.

I think the idea of Remus "mission" was not finely constructed. It seemed to be an escape goat of a kind. That is if Sirius was to be given a reason to suspect Remus, lets have Remus go to the wolves. I think some exploration of that might have built it more credibly. At the moment whenever it is mentioned, it is almost like the characters don't know what the mission is. And if I remember correctly, that is the only reason of collision between Sirius and Remus (I maybe wrong though.) As always, it is your story of course. I noted some things though and here they are.

-Akay-

Reviewer: ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor
Date: 10/08/10 0:16
Chapter: Distrust and Trust Misplaced

Ooh, Terri, what a wonderful coincidence!

Hehe. :D This is a very nice example of positing a scenario that has very good opportunity to be true. I think Sirius's distrust of Remus was well-explained, and the natural leap for him was to suspect Remus after he left so suddenly. The others didn't agree because they never truly believed that there was a traitor in the first place, let alone that it could be Remus. 

I think you did a fabulous job making Peter nondescript and unassuming. He seems the bumbling idiot sometimes in fanon, but anyone who is capable of hoodwinking the entire Order for a year is definitely not an idiot. The bit where he was the first to ask how they were going to go about protecting the Potters was excellent foreshadowing of how the events ended up occurring canonically.

My only real nitpick is that there are times in the dialogue when common contractions aren't used, which make the characters' speech sound more robotic than fluid and natural. It's nothing big, but I'd be a complete fail of a reviewer if I didn't point out things that bothered me, as well as what I liked.

All in all, this is an excellent story, and I can't wait for your muse to gift us with the other half. And what the hell was Remus doing with the werewolves?!

Ta and wonderful story. :D

~Jess



Author's Response: Jess,

Thank you for your review. Ah, contractions... I am so careful when I write Dumbledore to never use them, that other characters tend to suffer for a lack of them. Though I detest Peter, writing him as an idiot or just comic relief would not be true to the whole Marauder characterisation. So, I do always spend time putting little things in that make him seem more Marauderish. {is that even a real word? LOL}

Muse has Remus' half done, but my poor beta isn't feeling well, so it is delayed in coming back. But now muse has an idea for a final chapter, so I guess I will be writing a third chapter to this.

Thanks again.

Terri

Reviewer: Equinox Chick
Date: 10/02/10 10:49
Chapter: Distrust and Trust Misplaced

Oh, great reasoning, Terri. I hope this cleared a few things up in your mind. It all makes a lot of sense now - LOL.

Ah, Marauders and Sirius, you really do write them with flair. Sirius is great in this, as are the others. I liked Remus' flash of anger, especially. Peter was great. I'm glad you resisted the urge to have him overly sneaky. He was unobtrusive as he should be. I'm not convinced by the better Charms grade than Sirius, though. I'm still of the opinion that his grades weren't that brilliant - his value to the group being something other than brains - his sheer ordinariness being a foil for James and Sirius for one thing. No, I don't think he was a dunce, but I can't see Sirius getting less than an E for Charms and Peter getting an O ... no, I can't see it, or Flitwick would have eulogised over him when they were in the Three Broomsticks. - Sorry, that's minor, it was just a little pick.

Anyway, I loved the story, and am honoured my prompt set you back to writing again. I hope this continues.

~Carole~

Author's Response: My dear Carole,

We have spent numerous hours discussing the Marauders. In my mind, and I guess I should have explained it in the story, was that the only reason Sirius got a lower grade was because he was cocky, overconfident and goofing off as that is just the way he is.

hmmm, perhaps this won't be just a two-shot as muse just had an idea for a final chapter tying this one and Remus' together. hmmmm

Anyway, if you like Remus' flash of anger in this, wait until I put up his chapter. hehehe

Thanks hon for taking the time to give me your thoughts and for the prompt that brought the muse back.

Terri

Reviewer: OkiBlossom
Date: 09/29/10 23:07
Chapter: Distrust and Trust Misplaced

Terri –

First off, let me say that I’m glad you are writing again. The passage from your excerpt or summary drew me in because that’s one of the pivotal points in Rowling’s plot where she hits the nail on the head; that being said, not that this is a bad thing, but I did not expect this opening. In the opening, since we are there, your dialogue is interesting, and as always, you bring across that friendship element, but there is, perhaps, an overuse of that element. There is no background scene here because it lacks hints of description that might be used better to set it up. I often use this argument as the description/narration pairing; they both have to be there to move the plot. They don’t have to be equal, of course, but perhaps there should be more.

The bits of humor here and there are interesting. That has always been one of the strengths of yours, I’m assuming, because you know the canon like the back of your hand. The plot moves fast, which is a good thing, especially since this centers around a speedy argument, but it’s all (and I hate wording it this way) a ‘he said/she said’ spat that jumps off the wall like a tennis match. Well, not all of it, for you do have this and that, but I guess what I’m trying to say is this: Yes, we have all presumably read the canon, but that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t weave the backstory to weave through some of your fodder.

Okay, as I move down this thing, the idea of interacting with the kid fits really well. That’s something I’ve failed to matter myself, so that is another strength that you have here that gives Harry a life other than that kid who got jipped when Voldemort acted on a plan. I really don’t know how to say this, and perhaps it needs further explanation. Okay, yes, now I remember. The reason let a skit is because there is so little character development and there is no central character or point from which this revolves. The plot picks up with the werewolf move, though, so that’s a spin.

Sirius’s inner thought and confusion picks up in the last portion, but I can’t help thinking that all of this can be covered in one sentence. Very few things can be covered and carry such a weight in a single sentence. I mean, Faulkner mastered that, but the man knew punctuation manipulation, so he used comma and semicolons like they were candy. What goes on in somebody’s head, especially if they overanalyze something to such a degree, will not be covered in such few words. Perhaps, when we write fan fiction, we shouldn’t think of it in the context that this stuff has already been covered and somebody else covered it a thousand times already. I’m not saying that’s what you are doing, Terri, but writing for writing’s sake (and I’m only saying this because I’ve done it and paid hell for it) cannot be an assumed summary.

It’s interesting that you use Remus as the comparative link here that makes that Secret Keeper connection. I personally have never thought of it that way, but that is interesting. The movement of the piece and Lily’s err brings an element of human nature there, which is nice because we all make stupid mistakes. The strongest part of this piece is the ending because it carries a reminiscence of a newspaper clipping or a notation seen in a record. It’s in the reporter fashion, in a way, and that adds a nice touch.

Overall, it’s an interesting perspective. You understand, I think, that the Marauder Era is your niche. Keep writing. Glad to see that you have returned.

Jenn

Reviewer: nevilleherosnape
Date: 09/26/10 17:58
Chapter: Distrust and Trust Misplaced

Stupid Sirius! Hot headed to boot! I can't wait to see how you tell the next part of this! Very very good!It's too bad it isn't possible to reach through the screen and hit Peter in the head with something!

Author's Response: Thank you for your review. Yes, Sirius was very hot-headed and just couldn't see the truth. But, then again, no one did.
Remus' part will be coming soon.
thanks again,
Terri

Reviewer: littlewolf
Date: 09/26/10 16:14
Chapter: Distrust and Trust Misplaced

Nice. The ending seems a little rushed, but it's a good story. Love the biscuit loving baby Harry~

Author's Response: Thank you for your review. The next chapter picks up from Remus' departure from Remus' perspective. What fifteen month old baby doesn't love a sweet?
Thanks again.
Terri

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