MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: Valentinia (Signed) · Date: 12/16/10 14:06 · For: Chapter 1
I love the realistic take on post-war Hogwarts! You chose a great perspective, too; Susan is perfect to be reflecting on the things they lost. I'm glad you included a hopeful ending, too, because the war was won after all, but it's good to see a fic focused on the damage that was done! :)

Name: Allovimo (Signed) · Date: 10/15/10 12:02 · For: Chapter 1
And one day, all will be well.

Name: afterglow745 (Signed) · Date: 09/21/10 23:50 · For: Chapter 1
This story is just consise enough that it works really well. Nice work with your stream of consciousness- it sounds very natural. :]

Name: Equinox Chick (Signed) · Date: 09/21/10 14:54 · For: Chapter 1
Oh Oh Oh! I remember you writing the drabble for this in the TTB comp two years ago. It was the line about the pudding that did it. Ha ha.

This is such a lovely piece. So evocative of the feelings she must have been going through. And I love the way you seemed to catch the very essence of the Houses in their reactions to being back. The Gryffs made me laugh as they were starting a food fight, I was grinning and thinking of the Marauders (I know they were all dead, but nice to think they live on in spirit)
,br> I have a small question about Justin. He makes a comment about being a 'seventh year again' but he didn't go to Hogwarts in that year because he was a Muggle-born and so in hiding. You also mention him losing two cousins and I don't think he would have done because they'd have been Muggles. That's not to say no one from his family would have died, but I think you could possibly expand that bit slightly to show that not everyone who died was someone magical.

This is a lovely story though. So thank you for expanding it and giving me the chance to read it again. ~Carole~

Name: nevilleherosnape (Signed) · Date: 09/20/10 20:10 · For: Chapter 1
Very nice! I have tears in my eyes. It's nice to see someone writing from the perspective that there would have totally had to have been time for adjusting because after all these were just kids.

Name: chattyswimmer (Signed) · Date: 09/20/10 16:19 · For: Chapter 1
Truly enjoyed this - very poignant somehow. excellent job. I like that you ended it hopefully.

Name: lily_death_flower (Signed) · Date: 09/20/10 16:14 · For: Chapter 1
i liked this it was intereresting reading from teh viewpoint of a minor charachter it was sad but with hope at the end.

Name: Fynnsmom (Signed) · Date: 09/20/10 12:20 · For: Chapter 1
I always think it's interesting to write from the viewpoint of one of the lesser known characters. While we recognize the name Susan Bones we don't know a lot about her. I'm sure it was very strange for those students who had their 7th year destroyed, to come back again. They are really connected from all that they'd been through. Great story.

Name: Colores (Signed) · Date: 09/20/10 8:23 · For: Chapter 1
Well hello there, dear Melissa!

I love the narrative style of this story - the use of the parentheses was a really nice touch, a sort of back story that filled the reader in on the post-Hogwarts that you envision. I like that you chose to talk about minor characters, ones that Susan would be more likely to mention, and that the trio wasn't mentioned at all.

I also really liked the description of Susan as a little girl, entering Hogwarts. For some reason, I'm rather drawn to white ribbons. (:

i have to go to class now so I'll stop this review here...*brains*

Name: ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor (Signed) · Date: 09/20/10 2:08 · For: Chapter 1

What is this? Melissa's back on the Most Recent Page?

Okay, I'll shut up now. I really like the tone of this story. It's not like a narration so much as Susan's streaming thoughts. The way you brougth that about with the little notes in parentheses seems to me like these losses and changes were sparked by a reminder and hence inserted there. That adds to the way the perspective suits the story.

I think my favourite line is when she tells Justin to not be a fatass and pass the pudding. She probably wouldn't have said that a year prior, which adds tothe meaning of your last parenthetical part about gaining some things despite what they've lost. 

I really appreciate the flow with which the story reads. You put a lot of meaning into 1000 words, and that sort of brevity is something that still escapes me (as you've no doubt noticed). 

Cheers and happy writing. I look forward to further appearances on the MR list. :D

~Jesssssss (masquerading as a Slytherin because my House members are embarrassing us in the Reference Desk; now taking open applications to be abducted into another house...oh, and I'll shut up now XD )

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