MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
(Signed) · Date:
10/18/10 11:03 · For:
I really rather liked this. At first I wasn’t sure about the perspective you’ve used here, and I think the main thing that made me doubt it was that the first two sentences both start with ‘Regulus’, when in my head it would sound better if the second was ‘he’. You did that a few times, and it sounds a bit redundant since we know this is from Regulus’s point of view. However, as the story went on I found myself quite liking the perspective you’ve used. What makes it for me is that it lends an almost apathetic tone to the entire story, but still allows you to show us the emotions where necessary. The main example of how the story’s apathetic, I think, is the way Regulus reacts to Snape‘s advance. You even state that he likes women rather than men, but it seems like he’s almost in another place, almost confused, almost apathetic. There’s that element of he’s just going with the flow, because why not? And he never really thinks any further about it than that. Maybe he doesn’t know what to think, maybe he doesn’t care. Either way, the perspective lends to how I perceive his emotions, since we don’t really go into his thoughts, but we do at the same time, and to me that just brings me into the situation a little more.
This line really stood out to me while reading: when they reappear in front of a dingy pub, Regulus really is sick When I read that, I interpreted it as him being sick because he can’t handle what he’s just done, even if he thinks it’s just the Apparation. Though since he feels sick when he leaves the house, he probably realises it’s the effect of what he’s just done. To me this story is the beginning of Regulus beginning to doubt whether Voldemort is right, and going back to the idea of apathy, that‘s how he responds. He cuts himself off from what he’s done, almost. I don’t know whether you meant any of this to be read the way I’ve read it, but I love that there’s so much room in this story that’s left unsaid, for my interpretations.
Going back to the start of the story again, I want to comment on this line: Regulus throws the frame on the floor and stands on it for good measure. No-one needs it anymore. I think this is a key quote for Regulus’s frame of mind, trying to separate himself from what he’s done kind of, but also the true nature of the murder. It’s painful, breaking another corner of somebody’s world, in a sense.
This is in present tense all the way through, which meant this line really jumped out at me, and I had to read it through a couple times before I figured out why -- His first thought was, why did I do that? His second was, I’m not sorry that I did. I would recommend going in there and changing the two uses of ‘was’ to ‘is’, just to maintain the flow.
This story is obviously about Regulus, but I feel I need to comment of Severus’ part, too. I think the apathy here is even stronger. Lily’s parents, I’m assuming, were just murdered, and Snape has had some kind of part in that. That must be like torture to him, even though they’re Muggles, just because it would hurt the girl he loves. I don’t understand his response to Regulus, though, because I got the impression that Regulus was the one who killed them, since Snape waited outside. If Regulus murdered them, Lily’s parents, I don’t understand Snape’s motivation in letting him tag along behind him. Is he trying to treat them like anyone else they would go out to get? Saying that, though, the story wouldn’t work without the Snape/Regulus dynamic unless you changed the entire foundation context; and Snape’s motives aren’t more important than Regulus’s reactions, which are what this story is about more, in my opinion.
As a final note, I love how you’ve linked the last line to the title, kind of grounding the story and bringing it to a natural halt. Very well done =) xx
(Signed) · Date:
09/20/10 9:46 · For:
Name: Equinox Chick
This was refreshing - filled with angst, urgency and drama, but refreshing all the same. I think what made it powerful, in spite of the shortness of the fic, was your writing style. It was so...I haven't got the word for it, but original and sharp. ;)
I feel that Regulus, and not Snape, would have made the first move. Snape is so Lily-obsessed in canon that I can't imagine him making a move on anyone else. I understand that Regulus himself wasn't in the state to carry out amorous advances, but Snape seems an unlikely choice. I am curious as to why you chose him.
Also, was that Lily's parents who got murdered? If it was them, I'd say you are amazing. Usually, I'd have raised an eyebrow at the Evans's being killed in a Death Eater attack, and that, too, by Regulus Black, but you have executed the idea so well, without fanfare and without being so obvious about it, that I can't help but be impressed.
All in all, I seriously enjoyed reading it.
P.S. It's also an interesting read for me as I am currently writing a Regulus/Rabastan chaptered fic. :D
Author's Response: Thankyou! :) I'm glad you enjoyed it. The reason I chose Snape, I guess, was because I think he's lonely, and so's Regulus... I thought it would be interesting to try and throw them together in a romantic way, and this was what came out (although in the end, it was more eternally angsty than romantic... but then, considering the characters invovled, that should have been a given...). And yes, it was Lily's parents who were killed, I did wonder if anyone would pick up on that... It was an essential part of the story, so I didn't want to give too much detail on it, so I'm impressed people are noticing. Thankyou again for your gracious comments ^.^
(Signed) · Date:
09/20/10 7:31 · For:
I clicked on this because the pairing intrigued me and I'm glad I did. I like your style of writing very much and thought you portrayed Regulus brilliantly. I think this shows how he got in far to deep to something he didn't fully appreciate when he first became a DE and his reliance on alcohol at the end shows a soul beginning to change.
I'm unsure about Snape. Not because of his eternal 'love' for Lily blah blah blah, but because I can't really see him making the first move like that. I almost feel that it would have been better if Regulus had kissed him first. He never made any moves with Lily and he knew her very well, so to suddenly launch himself at Regulus seems almost out of character.
The scene back at his flat was excellent especially Snapes revelation that he knew the people Regulus had killed. Made me think he'd just killed Lily's parents. I'm slow on the uptake, so was I right?
Good story ~Carole~
Author's Response: Wow. Thankyou so much... it may sound cheesy, but I'm a huge fan of your work, so the fact that you said you liked my writing style is a huge compliment (and this is my cue to turn bright red). I'm really glad you enjoyed Regulus' characterisation... and as for the Snape, part, I guess as I was writing it, it just felt like the right thing to do. I think Snape and Regulus are just two very lonely people... to me, it made sense to throw them together somehow. You were right about the couple Regulus killing being Lily's parents... I wondered if people would notice that, seeing as even my beta didn't :P Thankyou again for your review, I'm glad you enjoyed it :)
(Signed) · Date:
09/19/10 21:12 · For:
Hello! Regulus is such a fascinating charcter, isn't he? I just love the way you describe him here!
At the beginning, when he stumbles everywhere. I laughed at that. It adds such a nice little light-hearted effect. It made me smile. =D
He was always, I think, a good person. He knows that being a Death Eater is not the right way to go. You characterized such a minor-ish character so well you'd think that they were described in the books like someone like Ron! Well done.
I like the way that at the end he relies on the cigarettes and alchohol to "relax" him, I guess that's the right wording. Well done.
Snape is good, too.
I thought this was an excellent fic. It made me happy. I like reading good fics. ;)
Well, congratulations on a job well done and happy writing!
Author's Response: Thank-you! I must admit, I do rather adore Regulus. I'd totally agree that he was a good person, pushed by his family into becoming a Death Eater - he just wanted to live up to their expectations. I'm glad you enjoyed it :)