Reviews For Ariana
Reviewer: Equinox Chick
Date: 09/19/10 4:52
Chapter: Ariana

Hello Spire,

Well, this won't be a SPEW quality review, but a few lines to tell you that I like this poem rather a lot. You managed to convey a whole ream of emotions here from guilt, remorse, grief and the agony of not knowing. This was quite wonderful. I', supposing that this is from Albus Dumbledore's POV but actually it could fit Aberforth as well. I think he probably felt some guilt too, although Albus would have shouldered the majority of the burden, I imagine.

As a poetry form, the tritina is hard to get right because it can sound repetitive. I think you avoided that trap by using some normalish words at the end of the lines. It didn't come over as forced in any way. I'm not sure about the last line, though. I think it's too long - and although I love the sentiment expressed I'm wondering if you could chop off the last part (hoping I'm being deceived). The trouble with that is that you lose his hope that he didn't do it. Hmmm, not sure now, perhaps it doesn't matter.

Lovely lyrical poem, Spire. ~Carole~

Author's Response: Thanks, Carole. :) Personally I imagined this to be from Aberforth, but when I read it afterwards I decided it could really fit either brother. I guess it depends on the reader. -hugs- xx

Reviewer: ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor
Date: 09/19/10 3:28
Chapter: Ariana

Hello there.

Yeah, um...wow. Just...wow. If ever repetition was unnoticeable, this is it. I read through it, in awe the entire time, and I completely forgot that it was a tritina until I read yoru chapter notes. That is how much you rock.

I have no idea how I won that challenge, because your poem is pure grace and elegance. Gah, this review is turning out stupid and rambly, but I love this poem so much. I'm also excited to be its first read and review. :D

Take care and happy writing, 

~Jess



Author's Response: LOL, thanks Jess. -squishes- And don't put your poem down, because it definitely deserved first place! :D xx

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
The Weird Sisters - B-Sides and Rarities, Vol. 2 by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 1st-2nd Years
The Weird Sisters are back for an encore. Ten more tracks from your MNFF authors.
on this side of heaven by Nagini Riddle 1st-2nd Years
Ariana Dumbledore is struck by a stray curse, and she suddenly finds herself...
The Youngest Death Eaters: Year III by DestinyMoonStar 6th-7th Years
Year 3 A year of hard choices and tough talks: Destiny learns about...
FEATURED
Oread, Walking by Seren
Cedric was just as odd as Hermione, because he liked to walk. Cedric/Hermione
The Effect of Gamma Rays on Two Terrifically Trapped Gryffindors. by Fenixaze 3rd-5th Years
From the "Stuck where for the weekend?" Challenge on Portkey.org ... Our two...
Drunk on Him by armagod679 Professors
For me, he was an obsession, a burning obsession, one that I could never let...
A Broken Hallelujah by epiphany212 Professors
You have always loved the chase. The pursuit of Quaffles and dragons have carried...
In the Hufflepuff Way by 1000timesingoldenink 3rd-5th Years
Did anybody really appreciate Hannah's mum?Because Mrs. Abbott was a heroine...
And Now... by Oregonian 3rd-5th Years
Moments after the death of Voldemort, Harry gazes at the corpse of the Dark...
The Weird Sisters - B-Sides and Rarities, Vol. 1 by minnabird 1st-2nd Years
Welcome back to another rousing round of rambunctious rock!However, a new act...
CATEGORIES