Reviews For Ariana
Reviewer: Equinox Chick
Date: 09/19/10 4:52
Chapter: Ariana

Hello Spire,

Well, this won't be a SPEW quality review, but a few lines to tell you that I like this poem rather a lot. You managed to convey a whole ream of emotions here from guilt, remorse, grief and the agony of not knowing. This was quite wonderful. I', supposing that this is from Albus Dumbledore's POV but actually it could fit Aberforth as well. I think he probably felt some guilt too, although Albus would have shouldered the majority of the burden, I imagine.

As a poetry form, the tritina is hard to get right because it can sound repetitive. I think you avoided that trap by using some normalish words at the end of the lines. It didn't come over as forced in any way. I'm not sure about the last line, though. I think it's too long - and although I love the sentiment expressed I'm wondering if you could chop off the last part (hoping I'm being deceived). The trouble with that is that you lose his hope that he didn't do it. Hmmm, not sure now, perhaps it doesn't matter.

Lovely lyrical poem, Spire. ~Carole~

Author's Response: Thanks, Carole. :) Personally I imagined this to be from Aberforth, but when I read it afterwards I decided it could really fit either brother. I guess it depends on the reader. -hugs- xx

Reviewer: ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor
Date: 09/19/10 3:28
Chapter: Ariana

Hello there.

Yeah, um...wow. Just...wow. If ever repetition was unnoticeable, this is it. I read through it, in awe the entire time, and I completely forgot that it was a tritina until I read yoru chapter notes. That is how much you rock.

I have no idea how I won that challenge, because your poem is pure grace and elegance. Gah, this review is turning out stupid and rambly, but I love this poem so much. I'm also excited to be its first read and review. :D

Take care and happy writing, 

~Jess



Author's Response: LOL, thanks Jess. -squishes- And don't put your poem down, because it definitely deserved first place! :D xx

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
The Youngest Death Eaters: Year III by DestinyMoonStar 6th-7th Years
Year 3 A year of hard choices and tough talks: Destiny learns about...
Out of the Blue by Secret Marauder 90 1st-2nd Years
This story weaves the tale of James and Lily from the day they met right up...
The Other Prophecy by IWriteToSurvive 3rd-5th Years
Hermione Granger is in a dilemma. A dilemma she never thought could happen...
FEATURED
Five Christmases by hestiajones 1st-2nd Years
It took four Christmases for Andromeda Black and Ted Tonks to get together...
Coming Alive by The owl 6th-7th Years
Leanne Gamp hadn't wanted to be at that party, even though it was Christmas...
Graves by Oregonian 1st-2nd Years
In December of 1997, Harry visits his parents' graves in Godric's Hollow and...
CATEGORIES