Reviews For Ariana
Reviewer: Equinox Chick
Date: 09/19/10 4:52
Chapter: Ariana

Hello Spire,

Well, this won't be a SPEW quality review, but a few lines to tell you that I like this poem rather a lot. You managed to convey a whole ream of emotions here from guilt, remorse, grief and the agony of not knowing. This was quite wonderful. I', supposing that this is from Albus Dumbledore's POV but actually it could fit Aberforth as well. I think he probably felt some guilt too, although Albus would have shouldered the majority of the burden, I imagine.

As a poetry form, the tritina is hard to get right because it can sound repetitive. I think you avoided that trap by using some normalish words at the end of the lines. It didn't come over as forced in any way. I'm not sure about the last line, though. I think it's too long - and although I love the sentiment expressed I'm wondering if you could chop off the last part (hoping I'm being deceived). The trouble with that is that you lose his hope that he didn't do it. Hmmm, not sure now, perhaps it doesn't matter.

Lovely lyrical poem, Spire. ~Carole~

Author's Response: Thanks, Carole. :) Personally I imagined this to be from Aberforth, but when I read it afterwards I decided it could really fit either brother. I guess it depends on the reader. -hugs- xx

Reviewer: ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor
Date: 09/19/10 3:28
Chapter: Ariana

Hello there.

Yeah, um...wow. Just...wow. If ever repetition was unnoticeable, this is it. I read through it, in awe the entire time, and I completely forgot that it was a tritina until I read yoru chapter notes. That is how much you rock.

I have no idea how I won that challenge, because your poem is pure grace and elegance. Gah, this review is turning out stupid and rambly, but I love this poem so much. I'm also excited to be its first read and review. :D

Take care and happy writing, 

~Jess



Author's Response: LOL, thanks Jess. -squishes- And don't put your poem down, because it definitely deserved first place! :D xx

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Chocolate Frog by L A Moody 3rd-5th Years
Amid the desolation of Diagon Alley, a tiny ray of hope lay buried. Nothing...
I Suspect Nargles by foolondahill17 3rd-5th Years
“No one’s ever kissed me before…. What is one to do now?” An extensive...
The Life and Times of Linnea Potter by Cantatrix 1st-2nd Years
Linnea Potter has lived under the tyranny of her relatives for the better part...
FEATURED
Glass over the Flame by the opaleye 3rd-5th Years
Harry, Hermione, and the moments in between. He doesn’t say that this...
Tom Riddle and the Chamber of Secrets by CanisMajor 3rd-5th Years
What really happened the last time someone let the Basilisk out? Harry Potter...
Red Squirrel/Sun Rises by hestiajones 1st-2nd Years
+ He wouldn't celebrate his birthday, but his son had other ideas. + This was...
Sybill Trelawney and the Unexpected Gift by Squibstress 3rd-5th Years
Sybill Trelawney learns to live with her Inner Eye, cooking sherry, and Minerva...
Pat-a-Cake by foolondahill17 1st-2nd Years
Molly Weasley II, called Pat, and twenty-one lot and little-known facts. Or...
Wood by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 6th-7th Years
Marcus Flint, the infamous Super Seventh Captain of the Slytherin Quidditch...
CATEGORIES