Gods, I'm gorgeous.
Lol! I love your Bella here. I can picture a young Helena Bonham Carter doing all these things, as well as Bellatrix. It's such an appropriate rebellious stage for a Black teenager in the '70s. I am assuming she is 19 and this is 1970.
So why didn't you tell me you had a story published? Naughty! *waggles finger disapprovingly*
I love the title, Bella Rosa. It alludes to sub rosa, which alludes to secrecy. And that is what Bella is doing: sneaking around, being secretive.
You're building up the action nicely, introducing a Yank OC, whom Bella should have lots of fun toying with. I mean, she needs some boys to kiss too! ^_~
Normally, I am not a fan of Marauder Era fics, but this Bella-centric fic proves to be promising. Keep up the good work.
Author's Response: I am so excited that you found my two chapters. I must offer my humble apology for not informing you that they were posted. (Picture downcast head, sad eyes, on bended knee.) I had talked about writing for so long that I was starting to get embarrassed when I finally did it:D Plus, I hadn't been reading much since I was writing. Chapter 3 has been waiting for validation since Thursday evening so look for that soon. I'm actually picturing this in the late 70s--like 1977-78. She's in her middle to late 20s and her family's really pushing her to get married--to the right pureblooded bloke, of course. I'm trying to offer an explanation for why Bella was so insane and cruel. I think something's going to happen that is so awful it will totally turn her small mental illness issues into full-blown insanity and Bella, herself, into the most evil witch of all time--I think. Something will snatch the only happiness she ever knew right out from under her. The title, Bella Rosa, will also come to have an additional meaning a little later on in the story besides alluding to secrecy. Thanks so much for your review. It means a lot to me. I hope you continue reading.
The world will never have enough stories, so I'm glad you went from contemplating writing to doing it.
In this chapter, I enjoyed the glimpse into Gabe's life and how he and Bella are both fascinated and wanting to know each other better without the other being aware of it.
You know how I am about repetition, wanting to pluck it out like one of Stephen King's "pernicious dandelion" adverbs, :D. I couldn't help but notice that in the third to last paragraph the line about the dogs lying on the floor is repeating what you showed earlier.I'm looking forward to the When Gabe Met Bella moment, and thanks for the thanks, although only your desire (and bum glue) will get the story written. :)
Author's Response: Well, I must say, I certainly have enough bum glue to finish this story:D It's finished--it just has to be written, which is where the bum glue comes in:D You deserve a lot of thanks for this story. Thanks to you, in the past year, it's gone from a simple idea that was discussed over hamburgers in a small cafe with my sister to a many-chaptered and I hope interesting story. But, let's get to it. I think you will see the When Gabe Met Bella moment in the next chapter. That's when I will probably hear choruses of "Oh no, he's such a nice young man. Keep him away from her. She's evil." :D But he is a strong young man who will give Bella the best and happiest months of her life. Now, will she remember those months?? Hmmm, I wonder what that means? Mwahaha!! I saw that "dogs lying on the floor" sentence and thought the same thing but I left it in the interest of posting. You had made a couple of other suggestions also that I want to eventually fix in the final copy. You do know that I will make a hard copy of the final to keep (and probably be buried with:D). Thanks for your review. You are a true and loyal friend, going above and beyond the call of duty.
So.... Gage, uh?
I have a question. When you say Indian origins... you mean he's a Native, an aborigin. Not that he's from India, right?
I mean, with the eagle feather and everything... But at first I was a bit intrigued.
It's funny because this Gabriel seems to be a total opposite of Bella. Muggle and nice, easy-going and non scheeming. So, yes, the opposite.
I foresee a LOT of angst. I was a bit skeptical of fics that tried to explain how rotten-to-the-core characters became so. (like Voldy, for instance) then Belledeg came along and now you seem to be taking it upon yourself to to carry on with her legacy.
I think that the Bella you portrayed has all the potencial of tragically becoming the Bellatric we hate and fear. But with the setting you're laying out, you might just get us to bond with her and understand her fall.
I googled up the dog breed. Wow. Impressive!
Keep the good work!
Author's Response: Yes, Gabriel is a Native American character from South Dakota. He is actually an enrolled Ojibwe but practices many of the Lakota traditions since he spent most of his life with his mother in South Dakota. His best friends, that we meet in a couple of chapters, are Lakota from South Dakota. And how do I know that? Well, he's my character, of course:D In many ways, he is the opposite of Bella, but they do say that opposites attract. You can't blame Bella, in her rebellious stage, who falls for a very handsome Yank from the States who is probably the worst sort of Muggle imagineable to her family:P There's going to be so much angst--I can't tell you how many tiimes I've cried over this story already. But there will be a lot of chuckles too, I hope, kind of like real life. Keep in mind that many of the scenes you will read about in this story are based on things that actually have happened. I see Bella as being a very powerful and intelligent woman who is hurt and betrayed so wrongly and horribly that her slight mental illness (that wouldn't even be noticeable otherwise) comes to the forefront and she becomes, tragically, Voldemort's very powerful and cruel puppet. I actually owned Jacob, the Great Pyrenees once as well as Sampson, the Newfoundland. Thanks for your thoughtful review. I hope I've answered some of your questions and that you'll check back in a couple of weeks for Chapter 3, where Gabe and Bella meet. See you next time.
Congrats! Good start.
Author's Response: Thanks for your review. I'm working on Chapter 2 but it's going slower than I expected. I'm sure you know how real life intervenes. I keep trying though:D
When had it become her responsibility to marry money and refill the dwindling family coffers? This was the 1970s for gods' sake.
Hehheh Bella saying "This is the 1970s" like so many other rebellious girls must have done. How old is she, exactly? That's something that would be good to work into the story to give readers a clearer picture of her.
You did a good job letting thoughts and actions portray Bella as much as the descriptions. I wonder how long she can keep her nightly outings a secret.
To be honest, Bellatrix pre-Voldemort and Lestrange is someone I can't empathise with yet, but I'm interested to see where you go with this story, and what you'll do with the hint of mental illness portrayed through racing thoughts.
Author's Response: I think the character, Bellatrix Black, was born in 1951. I think of this part of the story as happening around 1977-78, so that makes Bella 26 or 27. Between you and me, Bella will keep her outings a secret for a few months but she becomes so entranced and in love that she becomes a little careless. I won't tell you more:D I'm hoping to describe her as a vulnerable character, doing things she shouldn't do because her family is not going to approve, and her life going to the dark abyss of hell quicker than we can imagine. I want you to care about her but to pity her in the end. I don't want her to be so psychotic that her mental illnes can be blamed for her actions but for her to be a strong woman who breaks under the power of the Dark Lord. Thank you for your review. I think even you might be surprised where this will go in the end:D
LOL! I sure do like this version of Bella. Evil, all right. But yet rebellious! Lovely.
And she's bound to meet someone else with Mum's issues. Nice!
I'd like to see where this goes.
Author's Response: Thank you so much, Kaiserin!! You're my very first reviewer on MNFF to my very first story. I've had fun writing this and I look forward to a lot more fun with the next chapters. I anticipate this story will be from 25-30 chapters. And, you betcha--Bella is going to meet someone else with Mum's issues:D I'm really excited about this story and I love it!! (Of course, I know where it's going.) There's going to be a lot of romance and a lot of angst. I mean, Bella can't help but have angst can she? Something made her the deadliest and most evil witch ever. I hope to have the next chapter up within two weeks. So, let's say we meet again in a couple of weeks. Deal?