Reviewer: bkaddictjk
Date: 10/10/12 9:08
Chapter: Perfection

I hope it will please you when I say that I actually got an account to follow this story... and the cliffhanger ending was very well written. (I can tell b/c it irks me :D)

Author's Response: Thank you, that is very flattering. I'm sorry to say that this story has been put on hold for a while, so updates will be very infrequent :( . Thank you again for this review! xx Ariana

Reviewer: Rogonja
Date: 11/29/10 10:44
Chapter: Perfection

witty, passionate, dark... extraordinary! hurry up with next chapter!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this review! Unfortunately, life is pretty busy at the moment, but I will update as soon as I can! Thanks again :).

Reviewer: Evora
Date: 11/02/10 19:57
Chapter: Perfection

Aww, poor Peter. I would pity him for more than just a second, but then I would have to forgive him for killing James and Lily, and sentencing SIrius to a lifetime imprisonment soo. . . . yeah. XD I LOVE the last part, Ariana. It had a fishy-smell to it, one that draws you in curiously. It was written very gently, yet it's like you have a very firm control of it. I'm excited to see what you've been brewing in that lovely-smelling cauldron of yours! Next chapter please! :D

Author's Response: Yeah. Making people (including myself) feel bad for Peter is very hard for me to do, but I'm working on it :). And I'm so glad that you liked the ending! I was worried I'd gone a little overboard with that...I really love how you described it, by the way. Gently written and with a fishy smell, that made me smile. Thank you so, so much for reviewing! And next chapter is being written with the speed of a thousand Hippogriffs ^.^ ~ Ariana

Reviewer: Eowynatheart
Date: 10/30/10 8:03
Chapter: Perfection

That was the creepiest thing I've ever read...I really hope that wasn't Severus..thats just disturbing!
Anywho good job! Your a talented writer, keep it up!

Author's Response: Thank you for taking the time to review! I'm sorry it was too creepy for you, but I do hope you'll enjoy the next chapter! xx Ariana

Reviewer: Eowynatheart
Date: 10/28/10 11:31
Chapter: The Final Return

Good! I liked that bit with the trolley lady, that was funny. You used nostalgic twice and it kind of sounded repeatative. Maybe substitute in a different word?

Author's Response: Thank you for reading and reviewing :). Repetition is something I need to work on, definitely. It occurs continuously throughout my RL writing as well as my fan fiction. Thank you for pointing that out!

Author's Response: Thank you for reading and reviewing :). Repetition is something I need to work on, definitely. It occurs continuously throughout my RL writing as well as my fan fiction. Thank you for pointing that out!

Reviewer: Vorona
Date: 10/17/10 22:11
Chapter: The Final Return

My first impressions of this chapter were that you have a very interesting set-up. I really liked how the Marauders interacted with each other. I also thought that pairing Lily up with another Muggleborn was a good idea. I look forward to seeing how that plays out (obviously, she ends up with James, but I'm intrigued as to how she's going to go from Matthew to James).

In particular, I loved your characterizations. Remus was great, the way he reluctantly stayed with Sirius, neglecting his duties, while still thinking of them. Peter was also very well done. I find that Peter is a very intriguing character and very easy to stereotype. I thought that his ability to get the Cauldron Cakes was wonderful: it showed how he really is one of them . . . if starting to veer away a little. I also liked the way you portrayed Sirius. He's always seemed to be a very intense character, and you portrayed that side of him very well with his worry about James and his opinion of Lily.

The only real issue I had with this piece was the point of view. I really liked how you started off with a little distance, showing the train as it was leaving and then slowly narrowing in to Remus. But then, you got deep into Remus, and suddenly, there was this line: "James snapped suddenly, unable to contain himself." That didn't work for me because you were so deeply into Remus before this, and now suddenly we have James' thoughts. If you meant for this to be in omniscient throughout, I think you got too close in to Remus. There are also ways, with third person, of going up close and then zooming out again for more distance, but it's pretty tricky. I think your best option would be to stick with the third limited, and either find a way to make it clear that this is a new scene from James' POV, or to stay close with Remus.

That said, I loved the plot. I loved the little hints (Sirius' comment about Peter betraying James for cake) as well as the surprises (Lily and Matthew). I actually would have liked to see more development of Lily's relationship with Matthew, but I'm not sure it's needed in the first chapter. I think you do well to skip to the scene with Dumbledore. That scene was very powerful. I've read a little of the next chapter as well, but wanted to review this chapter because that one has more reviews. All I will say is that Dumbledore's request mixed with what happens with another character in your second chapter is an excellent combination (keeping it vague to avoid spoilers--I hope you know what I'm talking about!). I can already see the threads of the group dissolving: Sirius' extreme paranoia, Remus' nonchalance, James' infatuation with Lily, and Peter's veering away and wanting notice on his own terms. And this line: "The word bitch hung in the air, prickling like needles" absolutely blew me away. Fantastic. I could really feel that.

Overall, this is a great start to what promises to be an intriguing and very complex story. I look forward to reading more!

Author's Response: Vorona, thank you for this wonderfully long and detailed review! I'm very honored that you began to read this story. I'm also very glad that you like Matthew...I didn't want to make Lily's boyfriend an unlikable character, as he usually is portrayed as abusive or controlling. And I'm so happy that the characterizations seemed all-right to you. With the POV--I do have trouble with that. It's not going to be a third person omniscient fic, but rather one that jumps in third person to different people's POVs, if that makes sense. However, as I reread that section I think I was beginning to veer into James's mind a little...thank you for pointing that out! Lily and Matthew's relationship develops more in chapter two, I think, but there are some bits and hints in chapter three as well and chapter 4 *really* focuses on the two of them. I love it when people point out specific lines--and I'm glad you liked that description! Thank you so, so much for your review! :] xx Ariana

Reviewer: A H
Date: 10/12/10 20:13
Chapter: Confusing Conversations

Hello Ariana! :)

I'm officially hooked. :D I do love the premise you've lain. I've always speculated about the Marauder's seventh year and I'm glad that this seems to be a story that somewhat fits in with my own theories. I love how they differ, too, hehe.

I'm particularly loving your characterization of Sirius, though I have to say the explosion on the train was a bit... much. Well perhaps it was just the cursing. I wouldn't argue against Sirius being a sailor on the cursing front (who knows? Maybe he was) but seeing as he isn't cursing much on in to the next passages and chapter, it just comes off wrong. The same message can be portrayed with the same amount of viciousness without all the swearing. :D

And on that viciousness, I do love how you've put that out. I can see Sirius being threatened by Lily and thus being cranky about it, haha. Overall I just really love his characterization.

The only thing that's putting me off a bit is that the chapters seem to end rather abruptly. They're very well paced all throughout and then BAM, cliffhanger and end. It is dramatic (in a good way – and it's also done its job making me hungry for more :p) but I also think that the ending could have been meated-up a bit, instead of it being so quick coming.

So far I am very intrigued, and hope for a quick update! :D

Ari

Author's Response: Ari! Thank you so much for reviewing my story, and sorry it's taken me so long to reply! :) I'm very glad you liked the premise and the overall characterization--I think many people thought Sirius's outburst was too violent. I just see him as a very hotheaded person, and when he's angry or trying to get a point across he does it very vehemently. And thank you for the advice about the end of the chapters--I'm not very good at stopping a certain chapter, and I try to divide them in ways so that each chapter sort of focuses on one major thing, but I can see how especially Chapter 1's ending is a little stiff. Thank you so much!! xx Ariana

Reviewer: Evora
Date: 10/03/10 9:28
Chapter: Confusing Conversations

OMG SHE'S GOING TO DIE?! NO FREAKING WAY!!

Okay, like, I fangirl your story right now. I can't resist typing that so I guess my SPEW skillz just went out of the window. I absolutely love the characterisation of the new professor, Professor McKinnon. I think it's very original though it somehow reminded me of Umbridge (which I think that you meant that to happen). Lily's boyfriend seem okay, but I wonder what kind of person he really is. Anyway, I'm obviously going to knock you off your knickers as I will bother you so much to submit the next chapter. SO PLEASE, KEEP GOING! I hope RL isn't eating you up; I really do wish for the next chapter to be up soon.

In your mercy of awesome author skillz,
Darth Dinny or Dorksville.

Author's Response: Yes, Dinny, she's going to die!! Because this is totally an AU fic :D . Yay! You don't know how happy I am that you fangirl this story (or that you let your SPEW skillz fly out the window ^.^). Seriously though, thank you so much for saying that! Professor McKinnon...we'll see about her. There's not too much about her in the next two chapters, but I promise she'll prove to be a...complex character. There'll definitely be more of Matthew, though! I'm sorry to say that RL is kind of knocking the wind out of me, and Chapter 3 won't be up for a while :( . I will get it up as soon as I can...expect it as a Halloween present, though. You make my day by reviewing, by the way :) Just sayin'. xx Ariana

Reviewer: Maple_and_PheonixFeather
Date: 10/02/10 21:37
Chapter: Confusing Conversations

Ariana,

This is a fantastic start to what I expect will be an amazing fic!!

What I really found intriguing were the little nuggets of forshadowing goodness you put in...the thing about Peter selling James for a cake, Sirius's favourite subject being Defence, and Snape trying to save Lily. I don't know if these will play into your story, but for canon, they are terrific forshadowings.

I definately think that the way you had all the characters react to Snape was absolutely perfect.

I think that your characterization of Lily, Snape, Peter, and Lupin are dead on, especially Peter being all unrecognizable without the others, that was good. I also like how you portrayed James, giving him a chance to be serious.

I kind of found Sirius's angry characterization slightly overdone in the first chapter at first, however I could see where he was coming from, being all concerned that he was losing his friendship. In the second chapter, however, I thought your characterization was dead on and I could definately see Sirius writing answers like that. :)

Overall, I think that this fic is excellently written and is destined for great things.
Good luck with the rest of the story :)

~Maple

Author's Response: Yay, I'm so glad you liked it so far! :) The bits of foreshadowing are one of my favorite parts to do, especially the Peter selling out James (I'm glad somebody caught that!) because I have issues with portraying Peter nicely, as I really, really hate him. Thanks for commenting on the characterization, I'm glad they're all nicely In Character. I don't think Sirius's outburst went over very well with lots of people, but the way I see it he feels he needs to show James that Lily isn't perfectly angelic. Especially because with her dating Matthew, it doesn't look like she and James will get together any time soon (but we'll see how *that* turns out!) :) Thank you so much for reviewing!!

Reviewer: Moony1998
Date: 09/27/10 23:14
Chapter: Confusing Conversations

pleaaaasse write more chapterrrs!!!!

Author's Response: :) I definitely will try to post them as soon as I can!

Reviewer: Moony1998
Date: 09/27/10 23:03
Chapter: The Final Return

I LOVE YOUR STORY!!!!

please keep writing!!!!

Author's Response: Thank you so, so much!! :) That means a lot to me.

Reviewer: afterglow745
Date: 09/26/10 11:43
Chapter: Confusing Conversations

I love the way you write Sirius- his sense of humor is spot on. Lovely work, and I hope to see another chapter up soon! :]

Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much! Sirius is my favorite character--I'm so happy to hear you think I'm doing him justice :).

Reviewer: Equinox Chick
Date: 09/26/10 9:42
Chapter: The Final Return

Hi there. I do like some Marauder action, so clicked on this expecting something light ad then you write something totally different. The warning at the end from Dumbledore was a timely reminder that the Marauder era was a dangerous one - so well done.

Not sure what to make of Sirius. He seemed vicious towards Lily, and I can't quite believe he'd bad mouth her to that extent, so i suspect there's something else going on here. Did James really take the rejection that hard? Or is something else happening in Sirius' world? Peter having a girlfriend is good. It seems to be breaking them up a bit, and that line about the trolley lady not recognising speaks volumes about his role in that gang. Great characterisation.

Not keen on Sirius calling the girls 'maraudettes'. I do hope they don't call themselves that and it's just his strange idea of a joke.

Matthew Parker seems a decent enough bloke (and a Hufflepuff YAY!)

Nice first chapter, anyway.

~Carole~

Author's Response: Thank you so, so much for reviewing! It made my morning :]. I'm glad you liked Dumbledore's warning. Sirius can be a little hotheaded at times, and he has a few issues with Lily. I might have overdone that scene, now that I reread it. And don't worry--the "marauderettes" is *not* what Lily and her friends call themselves! I'm happy you thought Peter was satisfactory, I've had the hardest time writing him. And I'm so glad you liked Matthew--there's more insight to his character in the next chapter. Thanks again for reviewing! xx Ariana xx

Reviewer: Evora
Date: 09/19/10 10:50
Chapter: The Final Return

First of all, congratulations on your first fic! I extremely enjoyed reading the first chapter and I hope the next one is already in queu :)

In the opening paragraph, your description of the scene was written very beautifully. The short, simple sentences were so vivid, and grasping to the mind and the senses. I especially love the phrase ‘Rain and the everlasting English fog hung heavily in the sky.’ I thought it was both poetic and literal; strange combination, but wonderful result.

The scene of Remus and Sirius’s conversation was thoroughly IC, more so with the added detail of ‘the teasing of Manly McHill.’ It just seems so childish and boyish, so it was very much like our beloved Marauders. I find Peter’s sudden girlfriend intriguing for the story plot, but I thought that he was also IC by the look of his appearance when he entered the compartment.

As always, you wrote Sirius just the way he is. He was so funny here, and the sense of his borderline stupidity was evident! His whines and crave for attention fit him well, you did a really good job, Ariana :)

One of my favourites in this chapter is Remus’s metaphor about James’s situation. You were very clever to come up with that creative metaphor, and I could totally see Remus saying that with a hint of worry. I highly approve James’s reaction to it and Remus being put out by the waste of his effort. Again, all very IC!

Sirius being mad at James because of Lily – underneath that manly surface, it shows that he does care for his best mate deeply that he would go to the extent of going forward to him about giving up on Lily. It’s not the typical ‘boy best-mates reaction’, but seeing as Sirius and James were quite a different pair to begin with, it explains a lot when they truly care for each other’s emotional welfare.

I laughed when I reached the ‘Trolley Lady’ incident. I love how you don’t forget other minor characters and involve as much as canon characters, no matter how small their role is in the series.

I really, really love the detail of James’s enthusiasm for new Gryffindors and House spirit. Considering that he is an over-enthusiastic boy with a great big ego that is being fed by many a Quidditch wins, his behaviour during the sorting fitted so well! I know that the Marauders may be annoying, but they’re just adorable that way – and I think that making Lily see that little by little is a great Marauder Era fic to get it going with (as most Marauder Era fics should).

Lily being overly defensive about her current boyfriend – I don’t know why but sometimes, I hate Lily. She gets very self-centered at times, in my opinion—but that’s a good thing for an author! For a reader to acquire emotions while reading your story, it’s an excellent accomplished! :D

I was a bit confused as to why James used his ‘I’m serious and very business-like now’ attitude in front of Lily to remind her of their duties. It was an abrupt change in character, and I wondered why you don’t have explanation for it. Besides that, I absolutely love your characterization of Dumbledore! Most authors, I think, find it hard to portray him as he was in the books. He’s a very complex character and you wrote him convincingly! He was, at the same time, formal and. . . peculiar.

Over all, I’m very excited to see the next update, as I know you have a good, enjoyable plot to entertain me with. Good luck writing, Ariana! I’m very, very proud of you, and I hope you continue to excel in writing, school, and in life. :)

To use your phrase, ‘great, amazing, stupendous job, my friend!’ GO ARIANA! :D

p.s. Me, a genius? You must be off your rocker :p though I’m glad you love your title! I, too, love it!

Author's Response: Dinny Dinny Dinny! Firstly, thank you for the uber-long detailed review, I really wish my response would turn out to be just as long and just as amazing, but I don't think that's going to happen! :) I'm glad you liked the Marauder's camaraderie and Sirius--it's my favorite part of ALL to write! I'm so happy I could do it justice, at least in your eyes. I usually end up hating Lily in Marauder-era fics, too, at least in the beginning. I think it's because it's so easy to portray James's blatant love for her, but it's not always as easy to show her feelings behind the whole thing. I hope in the next chapter (which is in the queue as we speak!) she's a little easier to feel sympathetic to. James's "businessy" attitude wasn't so much "businessy," but more of his emerging sense of responsibility. He doesn't slack-off anymore (well, all right, he does, but not as much! ^.^) but he comes across as "Business/Serious" to Lily because she's not used to seeing this side of him. She has a set perception of him, and when it changes even slightly the whole thing is thrown out of whack in her mind :). Thank you, so, so much for reading and reviewing!! And thank you immensely for the title :D.

Reviewer: CoolCatElly
Date: 09/16/10 6:42
Chapter: The Final Return

Hello my dear!

I have the honour of leaving you your first review :-D

I really love this story. You did a great job with the characters, and have managed to set up the plot even in this first chapter. I love the fact that you gave Lily a boyfriend - I think often people forget that she had a social life apart from James. I'm interested to see how this is all going to work out.

I also love the bits of Marauder humour, like Sirius tacking the Trolly Lady to stop her from seeing James hex Rosier. That made me laugh :-)

I look forward to reading more - well done !
xoxoxoxox
Elene

Author's Response: Aw, thank you for reviewing (and especially for being the first one!!). I'm so glad you liked this chapter, and where the story's going in general. I love writing Marauder humour--I'm glad you liked it! It makes me so happy to think there's actually someone in the world interested in my story! Of course, I owe you so much...it's really all your doing that the story is even up here! So thank you, immensely! You are the best(est) :) xoxo, Ariana

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