I loved this story. It inspired me to write mine, Doubtless, about Hermione's feelings in regard to scars. I didn't take any of your ideas, though. They're completely different!
Author's Response: I'm so glad you enjoyed this story and were inspired to write. What a great compliment for me -- thanks for the review!
This was so beautiful. You expressed such believable emotions in such a very small space.
I especially loved the reference to the way Fleur and Tonks love their men despite their scars. It fits Ron's and Hermione's situation so well and is very poignant.
Author's Response: I think the reference to Fleur and Tonks was originally there becuase it was a condition of the drabble. I hated that I had to include that at the time, but now I do like it and think it works as an ending... so thanks for mentioning that. I'm glad you liked this and found it moving. Thanks for the review!
Nicely done. I'm sure they all have quite a bit of trauma to move past.
Author's Response: Thanks, I'm glad you liked it. :)
Totally awesomee writing!!! Very moving, and I think you captured Ron and Hermione's relationship very well...
Author's Response: Thanks for reading and taking the time to review. I'm glad you liked it!
This was so brilliantly written!
I loved it!
Author's Response: Thank you very much!
cool.. at first i was refusing to read this one cause i thought it would be just another sexual piece with no particular story..you know due to those warnings.. unless... i saw the writer's name :)
then i thought this cant be pointless story and you've gotta read it.. and again im not disappointed a bit.. i loved this as always.. :)
plz plz plz write more on R/Hr. i love reading about them.. :)
Author's Response: Aw, that is really a nice thing to say. It was actually weird for me including that warning, but I felt it was at least a sensual moment so maybe I should? No worries... I don't/can't really write smut anyway. Hehe. I'm glad you liked this. I'm hoping to get back to some works-in-progress (some R/Hr) after the holidays. Thanks for the review!
This was beautiful. I've always thought that once Ron got over his insecurities he'd have no trouble showing his devotion to Hermione; in other words I think his reaction was perfect.
PS: I just have to take a moment to voice my opinion of how insane and disgusting the Dramione ship is. Why am I saying this here? Because when Hermione saw Draco's polished shoes in the manor. Everytime I see a Dramione story I want to ask the writer/reader how Hermione would ever fall in love with someone who watched her get tortured and did nothing. Thanks for allowing me to vent!
PPS: R/Hr forever! (I couldn't end this review with that OTHER ship now, could I?) :)
Author's Response: Not surprisingly, I agree with you about Dramione. It was important for me to include that bit, as I do think it would have registered for Hermione that a school mate of hers, even one who had been calling her Mudblood for years, had sat there with a wand in hand, watching it happen. Mind you, I think it must have been awful for Draco, conflicted as he obviously was, but still... what a coward. And when I think of Ron and Harry in the basement, especially Ron, who both would have (and did) risk all to get in there and stop it... well, its hard for me to imagine Ron ever getting over the thought of Draco sitting there with a wand. [br][/br] I'm so glad you liked the story. I do agree that Ron would have no trouble expressing his devotion to Hermione... he doesn't do so badly in DH even BEFORE he gets past many of those insecurities. ;) Thanks so much for reading and reviewing.
Let me start out by saying wow. personally i love hermione and i think you portrayed her really well. I think you did i really good job with the memories i felt you could reslly have been in her memories then. The only thing i thought were a bit out of charecter were when she talked about the charm it didnt sound like her, but other than that great stuff pls keep writing :)
Author's Response: The charm... I looked back over the story to make sure I knew what you were referring to... do you mean where she talks about using Muffliato at night to keep Ginny from hearing her having nightmares? Hmm, I will have to think about that one. I assume you mean that you don't think she would think highly enough of herself to say "because of my skill with Muffliato"?? Not sure if this is what you are referring to, but I do think she is aware of her own skill with charms... her self-doubt lies in other areas. I will definitely give that some more thought though. Thanks so much for reading and taking the time to review. I'm glad you liked the story!
Hi, Lori! This piece was just absolutely beautiful. Wow.
Okay, first, I'd like to focus on your characterization (Oh, pardon my American spellings, sorry) of Hermione. I thought you did a really good job with it, and that's crucial to this one-shot. The thoughts that went through Hermione's head made sense, and they were logical. Sometimes it's hard to get a train of thoughts right, but I think you did very well.
I think you did a nice job with the scar idea. However brave Hermione was, she did sometimes hide, as in the CoS cat incident. I think you did the right thing here when you made her act this way with her scars; I don't think she wanted to bring attention to the fact that she had been tortured so harshly. Very nice.
God, I must be beautiful.
I know what you're trying to get at here, but I think this line stuck out at me the most. I don't think Hermione would think quite that highly of herself, though I know you're trying to say that she must be beautiful to be being kissed so passionately. However, maybe you could say something like "He must really think I'm beautiful." I think that's not as much of a "Wow! I'm so preettty!!" statement. You know what I mean, sort of? Though the intention was perfect.
I thought your dialogue, also of Hermione was great. I find alot of times in fics that the dialogue doesn't quite make me think of the character, but you did a great job here.
On to Ronald's characterization. I think you did a really great job with him as well. One line did sort of bother me:
He studies me for a long time. “Where?” he whispers.
Personally, I think that Ron would be the kind of person who would want to know right away about the scars. I don't think he'd be the kind of person that would be told there were scars and then think about it for a long time. I think maybe he'd answer more immediately, as if shocked.
"Where?" he inquires. That's what I'd write. You don't even say that he answers immediately; I think that the way it doesn't say exactly when he answered but comes directly after she asks implies that he answers soon, but doesn't make it feel too rushed.
I am a huge Harmony shipper, bigger than alot of people. (You should see our Harmony arg- er, discussions in the Gryffindor Tower.) However, when a fic is written well enough, I can enjoy a R/Hr. I think the main thing that does this for me is not the plot but the characterization, and the fact that you did so well on this really made me enjoy this fic.
I liked the theme of this story very much. Iiked the fact that Hermione has these many scars, and I like the fact that she's afraid to wear a bathing suit. I mean, Hermione's incident in Malfoy Manor probably affected her very much and I enjoyed reading your interpretation of it. I think that you did a good job describing the torture in good detail and valid canon facts.
I think of Tonks and Fleur, how fiercely they loved and how little they thought of things as trivial as scars on the one they loved
I liked the comparison here to Fleur and Tonks. I think that, even though the reader knows, you could make this even stronger by further elaborating what could cause (for someone else) maybe not to like Bill/Remus. I think that'd make that part a bit more powerful, and that's good since it's really near to the end. Speaking of the end:
After a little while, we go downstairs.
To me, this almost sounds like a filler. I think that instead of having one general sentence that explains a whole span of time, you either cut it or make it less time. What I mean is, I would reccomend changing this to someting like (and I'm not a good writer, mind you) "I take his hand and we walk downstairs together." You know, something like that, where it gives some, even though close to no, detail, yet doesn't feel like "Oh wow. They go downstairs." And you don't know how long it took and it doesn't feel that powerful. You want the ending to feel as strong as possible. Also with what you have, it doesn't feel real enthusiastic, and I'm hoping you'll consider something that sort of builds up the excitement for that last line, because it can be read two different ways. You can either have it as a matter-of-fact "We are going swimming" or an excited, smile creeping up "We are going swimming" in which at the end you nearly want to give a little squeal out of excitement and jump in the air just a little bit. You know what I mean?
Overall, this story was fantastic and I thought the characterization was really good, and the plot was interesting. Never once did I think anything like, "Come on, something happen!" Though not fast-paced, you kept the reader hooked, and stories don't have to be face-paced, but you do have to make sure they don't get too boring and you handled that exceptionally well. At the end, my heart warms a little for R/Hr, which if you ask any Gryff (particularly Kara) is really shocking. But hey, you're a great author!
Very, very nice work!
Author's Response: Hey Megan! Thanks so much for taking the time to read my story and especially to work out such a thoughtful review. I'm glad you liked it and thought the characterization was mostly good. This was originally a drabble, but I just couldn't let it go at just 500 words. You mentioned the Hermione thinking, "God, I must be beautiful." I definitely do not think that she thinks this of herself. I mentioned a couple of times elsewhere in the story that she is underweight, scarred, and that she considers herself pretty average in the looks department. But when Ron kisses her with such tenderness, she feels beautiful. Does that make sense? It's just something that crosses her mind in that moment. I could see Ron responding to the news of her scars in a couple of ways. I do think I could have written him as you suggested, quick to find out more, and kept him in character. But Ron is also a brooder. He does think about things. And here, a couple of months have passed since the battle, and they have been together all that time... I think he would be surprised to only be hearing about this now, and that he would be cautious because he can see she is already sort of crying. Thus, the hesitation is asking, "Where?" I do think it could have worked your way, too, though. :) It's funny you mention the Tonks/Fleur line. It was actually part of the prompt for the drabble, and I crammed it in there without really believing it belonged, and now, I'm very attached to it. LOL. I adore both Bill and Remus, and can't imagine either of them being disliked for any reason unless it was by Voldemort or one of his henchmen. I'm assuming here that most readers are familiar enough with the potterverse to know this is a reference to their scars from werewolf attacks. I'm glad you liked this line! Thanks! I did consider expanding the ending, once I was out from under the word limit of the drabble challenge, but in the end, I like it this way. You make a good point about there being value in ending with a bang of excitement, but I suppose it isn't my style. Most of my fics, now that I think about, kind of quietly end. I want them to have a sense of closure, and then for the reader to have the sense of the scene fading to black, if that makes sense, or of the characters walking out of the frame. (Can you tell I used to work in television?) In this particular ending line, I wanted to convey that they stayed there together for a bit longer, then eventually went downstairs with the intention (for Hermione) of going swimming with her friends. This has been hard, but he has encouraged her, and now she is going to face it in proper Hermione fashion--head on. "We go downstairs. We are going swimming." Hope that makes sense. Thanks again for taking the time to think so much about my story. Most of these have been posted for some time and I rarely see a new review these days. It makes my heart go flip-flop. ;) ~Lori
I really like this. It's so touching and so completely believable. Fantastic job. :)
Author's Response: Thanks so much... I'm glad you enjoyed it. :)
Beautiful. I don`t know if you have experience with scars yourself, but my good friend has recently had a mastectomy. Her husband`s response was very much like Ron`s. You are spot on about `things as trivial as scars on the one they loved.` cj
Author's Response: Thanks so much for sharing that--I'm glad it bears the ring of truth. I do not have any experience here,but have always believed she would have scars (even the magic used on Harry by Umbridge left scars). I think it could be hard with her to deal with on occasion, especially at first. Thanks for the review!
A great peice of writing, well done.
Author's Response: Thanks so much. :)
This was such a beautiful story. You highlighted so many aspects of Hermione and life after the war. It's always in the quietest of moments we realize the largest things, and in the insignificant moment we have to make the most significant of choices. The characterization of Hermione was great. Often authors make her too harsh, or they make her so weak she's only a shadow of Hermione. This struck the intellectual honesty she has when dealing with life, but also the emotional side we often didn't get to see throughout the series.
Author's Response: I can't tell you how much it means to have someone say I got her character just right. Hermione and Ron, not just as a couple, but as individuals, are my favorite characters in the series, and my favorite to write. Even so, I do think they can be hard to get right, especially post-battle, as we technically did not get to see it in the books. I'm so relieved you felt it rang true to who she is. Thanks for reading, and of course, for the lovely review.
Great job weasley mom! This story allows us to think how did hermione move forward after what happened to her? I am sad that it was given more attention in the book....I think you grabbed her sense of doubt that I am sure she will have for sometime
Author's Response: Thanks. I think she would have gone through a lot after it all was over. Everyone would, but I've given her a lot of thought as she is one of my favorite characters. Thanks again for the review!
oh, i loved that! it was heartbreaking at first, but later, it was so tender and sweet and raw (much like ron and hermiones' relationship.) i really do love your writing, weasely mom. you really seem to have a talent for writing about ron/hermione. keep going!
Author's Response: Oh, what a nice thing to say. I am truly trying to branch out a bit with other characters, but I always come back to R/Hr in the end. They are the ones my brain sort of defaults to, if that makes sense. Thanks again for the lovely review. :)
This was a really nice insight into Hermione's character, and written really nicely. You touched on some great ideas, like 'Why do we always think there is so much time?' and 'I never stop trying to see'. Also it was great that when Ron looks at the scars he says they're barely noticeable - it touches on the idea that fears are bigger in our minds than they are when you bring them out into reality. I also loved how going swimming is so intricately important to Ron and Hermione's relationship, and to Hermione overcoming her hardships. 'I fight the memory of the smell of that carpet, of Ron screaming my name from the confines of his own hell. Of brothers kneeling over the lost one in a corridor at Hogwarts,' is a nice line, especially adding in the smell. The ending was really sweet but perfect for your story. Only one teeny little criticism - your paragraph about Hermione's vanity was a bit repetitive I found, maybe you could have cut some of the sentences. But otherwise a really great fic!
Author's Response: Hi there. Thanks so much for reading and taking the time to leave a review. They are always so very helpful. I'm glad you liked the story... those are some of my favorite lines as well. I didn't mean to convey that swimming is important to their relationship, though. More like, it's just something they do at the Burrow, and now it has become kind of a hump she is going to have to get over, and so he helps her. Does that make sense? You are right that it is important to her overcoming this, though. I'm big on smell for setting the tone of a scene. Perhaps I have an overly sensitive sniffer ;) but many of my memories are triggered by smells. Another person actually commented on that "vanity" paragraph when this fic was in its drabble form, so I know that rubs a few the wrong way. I will look at it again, but am just rather attached to it. None of the sentences can be cut, but perhaps I could reword a few things there. We'll see. Thanks again for taking the time to leave such a thorough review. I really appreciate it.
That was lovely. Really true to character, heartfelt, and well-written.
Author's Response: Thanks very much. I'm so glad you liked it.
Oh my goodness, that was such a touching and beautiful ending. Fitting well with the characters. Brought a tear to my eye - a very happy tear.
Author's Response: I'm glad you liked the end and thought they were in character. Thanks for the review!
Author's Response: Thank you!
loving it - it's really really good
Author's Response: Thanks so much.