Very well written, fantastic characterization, all in all a brilliant story. I really enjoyed it.
Absolutely wonderful. i loved it.
I love it!
Awwwww! I love this so cute and just so damn well written ! You did an amazing job mate!
r for rene
l for luna
s for smith.
by the way luna is my real middle name.
Firstly, I thought your characterization of Lily and the Marauders was wonderful! Too many L/J fics have an annoyingly egoistic James and a stickler-for-the-rules Lily, and I think you did a great job of avoiding that. I can definitely see James conflicted over keeping Lily as a friend or taking a risk and telling her that he's still mad about her.
A few things, though, seemed slightly off. James is frustrated in the beginning because of the obvious chemistry between them, and he feels that it's painful just to be near her. It felt strange to me that right after that, James casually put his arm around Lily and she put her arm around his waist--without him feeling any "pain." If it hurt him just to be close to her, I think it would be more likely for James to shy away from physical contact with Lily, in case she somehow realizes that he's still in love with her (and I think that was one of James's inner conflicts, him not wanting to tell Lily about his feelings in case she regresses into hating him again).
I also don't think it's likely that Lily still hated James in sixth year. I think it would take longer than four months for her to really warm up to him, seeing as how firmly she disliked him at the end of their fifth year. I imagine that after she and Snape lost their friendship, Lily would be more open to the Marauders' pranks (after all, she nearly quirks a smile in Snape's Worst Memory). I do like how you've made them friends before boyfriend/girlfriend, but I think it would have taken longer for Lily to choose to develop that kind of relationship with James, as she is a very stubborn girl!
Also, it was a bit confusing right after Lily and James woke up from falling asleep on the couch. She talks about how she doesn't *really* need to go home for Christmas, and then James says his mum would kill him if he didn't show--and it makes it seem as though their paths are not going to cross during the winter holidays. I think it would have made the plot clearer if the Potter Christmas Party was mentioned at this time, or even a bit earlier. Another confusing moment was the transition between James receiving his Head Boy letter to the end of the fall term...it was unclear at first that his reading the letter was a flashback.
A small nitpick: Alice and Frank were most likely *not* at Hogwarts during the Marauders' last year. Seeing as they were full-blown Aurors by the time of Voldemort's first fall, it's highly unlikely that they were in the same year as Lily and company.
Overall, though, I loved the easy banter between the characters, I thought it flowed very naturally. The kiss at the end was so sweet; it wasn't one of those passionate, make-out sessions that always seem to be the first kiss between Lily and James. This kiss was short and chaste, but you conveyed the emotions beautifully in that single moment. The last paragraph was my favorite part of the piece, hands-down. I'm a huge L/J fan, and I've read a great deal of this category, but that moment ranks in the top five Best L/J Love Scenes :). Good job!
I love this one!!! Its so cute! I really like your writing style.
Author's Response: Thanks so much! That's really nice. :) --Nia x
I really enjoyed this, it was a nice sweet story. I'm glad you didn't try to tackle hate to love all in a one-shot. I liked that they were friends first and it also seems logical how tentative they were. Well done!
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you thought their levels of apprehension were logical. I debated for a long time how awkward I should make their encounter after the night's events, and it's good to hear that I settled on the right amount! :) Cheers. --Nia x
wow, you're a good writer. i like the robes you described lily wearing at the party.
Author's Response: Oh, thank you! I'm really glad you liked the robes. I struggled with those a lot - in fact, I wasn't even sure if she was going to wear dress robes or a muggle dress. I had this whole discussion with my friend over it. XD I'm glad we decided on the right one and that you liked the design. :) --Nia x
I really enjoyed this story! All the Marauders' personalities, especially James', seemed realistic and the ending was so cute :)
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm really glad you liked it. :) Cheers. --Nia x