MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
(Signed) · Date:
10/07/10 14:41 · For:
OMG! Great story... Even though I knew how it was to end I was still transfixed...
Author's Response: Ahhh, thankyou! I'm glad you enjoyed it! :)
(Signed) · Date:
09/10/10 14:55 · For:
Hi there :- )
Let me just start off by saying that this is one of the best one-shot’s I’ve read in a very long time. Remus’s actions in Deathly Hallows have always been very hard for me to understand or empathise with, and a fic like this is just what I needed to change my view.
The start was incredibly striking. In reading the books, this has always been something I’ve wondered about. I felt the moment was so well described – Tonk’s smile, then the slip into “caution and fear” as she realises the full implications of the pregnancy as Remus sees it. I do wonder, now, whether Tonk’s shared Lupin’s fears about raising a child in the war, or if she was simply worried about Remus himself. What do you think? I think it was a little of both, but as you showed here, Tonk’s personality, as well as being a Hufflepuff, meant that she probably saw things in a more positive light than Remus.
The line, “Pregnantpregnantpregnant,” was simply wonderful. It just captures that moment when a word spins around in our head, and it’s as though everything else comes to a standstill. The way you used this method throughout the fic was also a nice touch.
Seeing the changes in Tonks from the beaming woman to finally begging with tears in her eyes was very well written and powerful. I love how you describe that moment that Remus looks at her and realised just how, vulnerable she really is, “breakable”. Remus reaction very canon, as the way you’ve written him throughout, so well done!
Moving on, I really loved the word choices in the next section. The repetition of “nonedescript” was the perfect way of showing that he was just wandering blindly around, not really caring or noticing so that everything just looks the same. The line after line of motions, focussing on only describing what he’s doing, was really well written to reflect his thoughts and mental state.
I really loved the visit to Grimmauld place - seeing this from a different POV than Harry’s. It’s really clever how you used the style of writing to reflect Remus’s emotions - the long sentences with many actions all happening in quick succession, linked by only dashes and semi-colons. You can really feel how shaken he is, and that his actions are really irrational. This was one of the best parts of the fic for me personally, as I hated this scene with a passion in DH, but now I feel like I may be able to forgive him for his actions. : -)
“Remus feels that he is cracking up - that he is splintering into a thousand tiny fragments.”
I felt I needed to highlight this line. You don’t crowd the fic with imagery, so when you do use it – like the cracking and splintering glass – it is really very powerful and sad. The short sequence which follows is very compelling, and I thought the repetition of the ‘Runningrunningrunningrunning,” was great - again, it so clearly gives us insight into his animalistic mind. Driven by a single instinct, to just run until he finds blood.
Question: “Remus screams at it. His makes his throat burn”
Is this a typo or am I missing the meaning here? Do you mean “This makes”?
Next, we see him driven further into insanity, and then his return home, where, as you so beautifully put it, “Remus doesn’t know how, but with one line, Nymphadora seems able to absolve the sins of his existence.” It just shows, in my opinion, how much he really loves her and depends on her. After all the time in HBP he spent trying to keep her away from him, her really does need her.
When Remus thinks about what his friend’s responses would be, I think it’s amazing how much of their individual personalities you managed to show – I wish they never died :- ( I really did feel tears in my own eyes there.
When Tonks insists that everything’s “okay,” I couldn’t help but think just how realistic this is. People are always insisting that they are okay. It’s such an empty word, isn’t it? As Remus says, “Things are obviously not okay.” I think it was hard for Tonks to balance being honest with Remus and trying not to upset him. Something I would have liked to see in general, even though this fic is centered on Remus, is a bit more of Tonk’s feelings and how she coped with the situation.
Just something silly now, “He gets up, and switches on the kettle, but the sound of the boiling water is too loud in the hushed house, so Remus turns it off again.” It sounds like an electric kettle to me, which needs switiching on lol. Was this a mistake or did I just misunderstand?
When they choose the name Teddy after Tonk’s dad died, it was another lovely moment, and this flowed on perfectly to the birth.
“Remus sits on the sofa. Then he stands. Then he paces.”
Again you show this uncanny knack of yours to capture the mood of the whole scene with your descriptions and sentence construction. The short, to the point and action filled sentences builds up the tension makes the reader just as nervous as her is!
“And Remus, just for a moment, feels complete.” I’ve personally seen Remus as a bit of a bad guy who didn’t care much about his son. This line, especially, made me look at him differently. The whole thing is a tragedy really, but I’m glad he had at least that moment of perfection.
The scene with them as a family is something which just made my heart break. I really see how this mirrors James, Lily and harry now.
I don’t even need to tell you the ending was brilliant and horrible and heart-breaking!
“TonksTonksTonksTonk” :- (
“Remus waits for the next heartbeat to come. It doesn’t.”
This last time was chilling. I literally got chills all down my spine.
Well done – I thoroughly enjoyed reading and reviewing this!
Author's Response: WOOOOW. *Give cookie for the best review ever recieved* Thankyou so much for this review... I'm fairly sure it's more impressive than the actual writing itself. Seriously, I don't think I normally even write this much for homeworks, let alone fanfic reviews! xD But honestly, thankyou so much... I haven't had any reviews for a long time, so this has really boosted my confidence. :) I'm so glad that I have converted you (even if only a little) to Remus-ness... he's one of my favourite characters (a close second after Sirius), and to be fair, after reading DH, I was kinda mad at him... I really know what you mean about hating the kitchen scene at Grimmauld Place. However, when I went back over and tried to think of how Remus would have felt throughout all of this, I coulnd't help by sympathise with him. I think he's a guy who is in need of a serious hug. In regards to the Tonks part of the story, I do, to a certain point, regret not giving her a bigger role - but I also wanted to leave open the option to tell this story from her point of view, at a later date (which I think I'm almost definitely going to do now... watch this space ;P) As for the line "His makes"... You're right, it should have been "This makes", I'd never noticed before! Apologies >.< As for the comment about the kettle... it was an electric one? I'm not sure what your point was about it... D: I'd be happy to clarify anything though... And OH! that brings us next onto the parallels between Remus, Tonks & Teddy, and James, Lily & Harry... I must be blind, or naive, because I had never seen that before, but it's true. Wow... tragic. I wonder if JKR did that purposefully, to forshadow their deaths... And as for the last line, I'm really glad it works. I only added it on on a whim, and was never too sure about it, so I'm really happy that you like it. Thankyou again so much for reading, and for your amazing, amazing comment. Its reviews like these, that question what you're writing, and give you something to think about that makes me want to write more. Thankyou x1000000. (':
(Signed) · Date:
08/20/10 9:30 · For:
Oh my goodness, what a beautiful story! I absolutely love it! I think you did an amazing job capturing the characters. Amazing!
Author's Response: Thankyou very much! (:
(Signed) · Date:
08/20/10 7:22 · For:
It was a really great story, I liked how you got into Remus' and Tonks' characters. I think at the start there were a few tense mix-ups... it seemed like you had the odd sentence in the past tense, but it was still good. I liked the present tense too.
Just two small things. I thought Remus called her Dora in the books, though I'm not really sure on that. Also, Ted Tonks wasn't mentioned until his death... I thought this was a bit strange, but nothing major.
I especially love the last line :).
Author's Response: Thankyou, I'm glad you enjoyed it... I had always thought that Remus had called her Tonks - I'm pretty sure he calls her that to Harry & Co, but I could be wrong. And I didn't put Ted Tonks into there... because he was in hiding whislt Remus was staying at their house! Yes, that's my story, and I'm going to stick to it! (I just competely forgot about it... I'm not really overly-interested in him as a character. Oooops.) And I'm especially glad you liked the last line, I wasn't sure whether to cut it or not, so I'm glad you think it works!
(Signed) · Date:
08/19/10 17:54 · For:
Excelently written. you have a great style and even better its a pretty unique one to. the only critizism i will give is that in a short story like this one try not to use the same metaphor twice, its really obvious "as natural as breathing" was used twice and i wouldn't have noticed except i've heard that phrase before.
anyways keep up the great writting
Author's Response: Acckk, you caught me out! I hadn't even noticed that I'd repeated it until I re-read it again to check - I'm sorry! But thankyou for gracious reviews! It's reviews like this that give me the confidence to carry on writing >.< I'm super glad you enjoyed it.
(Signed) · Date:
08/19/10 16:43 · For:
what a great story!! love the all time low quote at the beginning :)
Author's Response: Thankyou! Remembering Sunday feels like a very Remus-y songto me, so I'm glad you think it fits!