Reviews For Too Long Away
Reviewer: ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor
Date: 09/27/10 4:08
Chapter: Chapter 1

Hmm, now this one is different from its companion. Whereas the other one had been perfect for first person, the third person was equally correct for this one. I like the idea that Ron was nameless in the whole thing until basically the end, though I already knew who he was because I had just read the other. There did seem to be a plethora of sentences that started with 'he', which probably detracted a bit from the voice with its repetition.

All in all, though, it was a brilliant snapshot into the mind of someone who did the unthinkable and wished like hell that it truly was unthinkable. Maybe then it wouldn't haunt him so. 

Lovely story, dear. Until next time. :D

~Jess



Author's Response: I'd love to take credit for careful POV choices but to be honest I was kind of just playing with styles - the other was a case of 'ooh let's try first person' and this was 'ooh let's try present tense'. Although, I guess with this one, it was a bit more deliberate because I wanted an emotional detachment that mirrored Ron's, and present tense seemed to fit best because that's all there is for Ron - the past is too painful and the future's too uncertain. Ron was nameless in the other very deliberately, because I wanted the reader to assume it was Harry/Ginny because I wanted to draw out the side of Ron that is the same as Harry in feeling it's his duty to save people but people don't tend to credit him with. This one, I figured it was less necessary, as a reader may well know from the other story that it's Ron, but I wanted to have some sort of stylistic continuity. Also I've noticed, I have a tendency not to use names much with present tense D/A without even meaning to - I guess it adds a remoteness that reduces the risk of melodrama and makes the emotions a bit more universal and therefore relateable. Maybe though it's less noticeable in later fics as my sentence structure is more varied as my writing improved. A review on another site, commented on it being a good portrayal of someone with PTSD, and I realised that although I never put a label on what was wrong with Ron when I wrote it, that's basically what's going on here. I talk too much! Thank for another great review, love.

Reviewer: FawkesToTheRescue
Date: 08/22/10 16:03
Chapter: Chapter 1

Oh my goodness, I love it! Amazing, keep it up! ;)

Author's Response: Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it.

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
The Purity of the Turf by Nagini Riddle 3rd-5th Years
"Only know you love her when you let her go...And you let her go." -Let Her...
Dark Enough To See The Stars by Oregonian 1st-2nd Years
Scorpius is looking for answers in the constellation that bears his name. He...
Awry by Liet Dumbledore 3rd-5th Years
At the end of sixth year, Lily hates Severus. She can never forgive him for...
FEATURED
Etched in Gold by Cirelondiel 1st-2nd Years
"It’s like a safe place, somewhere to watch the world, somewhere...
The Elder Tree by the opaleye 1st-2nd Years
It would have been no surprise to see Vernon Dursley sitting on the frosty concrete...
Perfect First by Hermiones Kneazle 1st-2nd Years
Hermione is at her first dance and on her first date, but the night for firsts...
blackbird over the dark field by psijupiter 3rd-5th Years
AU. Severus and Remus forge a damaged and damaging relationship in the aftermath...
Turn to Stone by iLuna17 1st-2nd Years
One summer's night in Hogwarts, two statues are given one night to be human.
Ashes of the Past by minnabird 1st-2nd Years
Viktor carries the memory of Grindelwald's path of destruction, passed down...
What War Takes by WeasleyMom 6th-7th Years
War takes things and keeps on taking them, and the things it takes don't come...
The Observer Effect by Squibstress 6th-7th Years
Minerva is a watcher. Mostly, she watches Severus. She sees through a glass...
CATEGORIES