This was a great "missing moment" from Deathly Hallows. The characters all seemed true to canon and George saying good-bye to Fred definitely got me a little teary-eyed. Good story!
I like the idea behind this story; the premise of George getting another chance to speak with his twin is intriguing. There are just a couple things that might need fixing, though.
First off, both Harry and George's grief seems a little off. Neither of them seem to be in the moment of the sadness, if that makes sense. They seem to have progressed further along the stages of grief than there's been time for. Plus, it's not just Fred's death that they're both mourning--Remus, Tonks, Collin Creevey, and many others have died. I rather think the survivors would be numb, unable to feel or really *believe* that this has happened.
Another thing was the time: in the first chapter, it seems as though this is takes place the same day that the Battle did. But in the second chapter (namely, when George is recalling his conversation with Percy), the timing seems off. It doesn't seem as though George and Percy could converse that...unemotionally, right after Fred's death. Emotions are mentioned, of course, but the words the characters speak are a little too analytical.
I also think this should have an AU warning, because Harry *lost* the Stone. He realized that only he alone was capable and humble enough to possess the three Hallows, and he knows what a danger the Stone can be if one is not prepared for it. I really, really don't think he would give George this chance, *especially* right after Fred died. George needs time to cope, and seeing his dead brother reappear is not going to help him get through anything. It's a bit OOC for Harry to give away the secret of the Stone, even if he somehow knew where it was.
Author's Response: Hi lucca4, thanks I'm glad you liked the story. I'm also glad you caught some things I could fix. But I really wrote this because I thought there was something missing in the story so I filled it in with what I wanted to happen. And I really can't imagine the feeling of losing a loved one and I didn't want to put something really wishy-washy in there, so I tried to make it seem like the characters were in a sort of shock. Also, Fred and George are my all-time favorite characters and I really wanted to focus on them. Since the story was about them, I didn't want to get off topic by talking about other characters. But thanks again for your thoughts, I always welcome other readers' opinions.
That was great! I love it! Good job!
I really liked your story idea. The one comment i have is that Harry seems kind of out of character.
Author's Response: Thank you so much. I'm glad you found something I could work on. I'm happy to receive advice so I can make this story as believable as I can.
Enjoyed this, I read all three chapters this morning.
It's good to see George getting some hope and even regaining his sense of humour.