I like it! Two funny things came to mind while I was reading this. First, it would make a good song. And second, it's so hopeful when so many of your fics are a bit dark and snarky, lol. I love your versatility! And how strong your poems are all the way through. Nice job! ~Gina :)
Hehe, poetry is the one thing that I will actually edit when it gets waffly. In prose, i figure what the heck and keep writing, but poetry sucks far more if it gets rambly. I hope that is what makes it strong start to finish.
I actually meant this to read like a song or anthem of sorts, so yay that this works in that capacity. And it was supposed to be an in your face message to anyone who thought of the DA as just a teenagers' gang. They were in it for good. I'm glad that came across.
Thank you AGAIN for the review. Heart heart heart!
it's not bad at all! idk why youre so judgemental bout your stuff. i however, suck, so good job
I suppose I'm my own harshest critic because not being satisfied with my work is the only way I can do better the next time. It's sort of a self-motivational tactic, even though a lot of my older stuff isnt' all that great, hehe.
Anyway, I'm glad you liked the poem. Take care!
Jess!!!! I loved this!!
I loved how you portrayed the DA. My favorite part that you put in was how you added (and made it very clear) that the DA would accept anybody, no matter what House they were in, who was willing to work together and be brave for a good cause. That really is the main goal of the DA, isn't it? It's a group of students who are working together.
I really, really liked your third stanza where you explain how they only do well when they work together. This really is important, isn't it? Even though the Chosen One is a part of the group, it proves as in the Batlle of the Department of Mysteries, that they will succed when the DA works together. You had Neville, Luna, Ginny, Ron, Harry, Hermione and they succeeded. And that was what the DA was all about.
Also, I could just like picture the DA chanting this poem. Very cute.
Have a wonderful day, Jess!!
Thank you, Megan! I'm glad you liked it so much.
I really wanted to capture the fearlessness of the DA and how they would never stop until the Death Eaters were gone from the school and from the world. I'm happy that I could convey that correctly.
Lovely review, and thanks for visiting.
You know, I just realised this was for the last-line-standing challenge, and having reviewed Natalie’s entry to that earlier, I’m pleasantly surprised to know this was written for the same cause. As I said to Natalie, it must’ve taken quite a bit of work to get the poem to flow so well, and to just fit, and it makes me like the poem more, knowing you crafted it around a set of words. Great job!
I love the first couple of stanzas, describing the secret-ness of the DA, and how when it comes to it, anybody is welcome, they’re all working towards a common goal. In fact, I think as soon as I began reading it, it sounded like a chant, all their voices uniting. I think it’s the Come one, come all that does that for me, kind of like Roll up, roll up! Whether that’s how you meant it to be read or not, that makes for a really powerful start for me, and drags me more deeply into the words immediately.
Reading back the third stanza now, I think it totally links into what I just said about the chant-effect. Especially Unified in goals and value and in voice makes it seem like they’re standing and speaking together as you read.
I’m actually reviewing this for the archive challenge going on in PA at the moment, and the inspiration for my poem was this line: And paint our dissent on the walls like art. To me that paints such a vibrant picture. I read it as a metaphor for things like what Neville describes in DH to the trio, but equally it can work just as well literally, which I like. Which way did you imagine it, since I really think it could work either way?
To me, the message portrayed in this poem is a strong one, of unity and hope, and I think that’s what makes the poem sing for me. I really like this; it captures the spirit of Dumbledore’s Army perfectly. A really great poem :) xx
Um, like...wow! What a completely sparkling review! This was such a lovely thing to wake up to.:D
I wanted it to feel almost like a song, but more like a battle cry. When I wrote it, I wanted it to have sort of a Braveheart vibe to it, so I'm so happy that that came through properly. Neville became a hero during DH, and this is his voice of dissent and rebellion.
Thank you so much for the lovely review. Good luck with the challenge. :D
This poem blew my mind away. At the beginning I didn't know what to expect, but the first line drew me right in. The flow of this is great. Everything read smoothly. You did a great job with making everything fit with the words given at the end; you made everything work well, even with the harder words.
This poem's meaning is so clear, which makes it so much more fun to read. Beginning with Come one, come all, join us in our cause, is great. Even though I already know what the poem is about, I want to read more to see what happens next. That should be what all first lines are like, especially with poems. I like reading poems, but if the beginning isn't interesting or meaningful, it will be hard to keep my attention. Just the way the first line is worded is enough for me.
The second stanza is my favorite. It reminds me of the Sorting Hat's song, but it's different, it's original. The second line in that stanza, as I was reading it, was my favorite. No warriors who are loyal do we shun,. It sounds so strong. Just like the DA. I think it is worded very well, which is why I like it so much.
But then I got to the next line, and that became my new favorite. Honor is a huge part of the DA. That line made me think of that more. They are proud for standing up against them, and they won't react well to other people not being as proud. (I'm doing a bad job at explaining that.) It also made me think of the DA's weakness, which is trusting (to an extent) anyone who is willing to join up. But good job with making me think of other aspects of HP while reading that line.
That second paragraph is probably my favorite that I've read in awhile. I love it so much. Great job.
With the third stanza, you also had me thinking of the Sorting Hat. I think it's good that you made it seem like the Hat, even if it wasn't your idea to. It just connects to something outside the DA, making this poem, to me, mean so much more. Did you mean to make it sound a bit like the Sorting Hat?
I love how you use 'err'd' in the fifth stanza. You put who the group is against at the end, which is a great ending. If I didn't know who they were against, I think it would mean so much more. But I still love it. :) This stanza provides a strong ending to the poem that doesn't really leave me hanging, and it leaves me with hope for them. They won't back down.
I'm sorry for cutting this review short, but I'm pressed for time. As I've said, this is a great poem that deserves third place.
Aww, thanks for the lovely review, Lyss!
I wrote this because I wanted some way to show that the DA during DH was strong and would never give in to the Carrows. They were inspired by what Harry was doing, which caused them to do things they might never have done for the sake of sticking it to the Death Eaters in the school.
Did I mean for it to sound like a Sorting song? Not really, but I had just written a Sorting song in Written in the Stars right before I wrote this poem, so that might have spilt into this poem a bit. I like that, however unintentional, it had the same desired effect for you as the reader.
Well, anyhow, wonderful review. Oh, and if you need a crit requirement for PA, this happens to be the poem next in the review circle, so you could double dip (which I may or may not have done last month >.>)
Take care, SPEW buddy!
That was a really thought-provoking poem. I like the slightly old-fashionedness (using apostrophes and stuff). It really lives up to its title. Well done!
Thank you much. :)
I am not a poetess by any stretch of the imagination, but I thought that the DA deserved a few words to landmark their bravery. I'm glad I did them some justice.
Take care and happy reading,