Oh, that was quite lovely. I actually really, really liked it. I don't usually understand poetry. This was so nice because you had a story. The way you focused on Lily and James' emotions made this poem much more relatable and significant to me. The repetition in Lily and James' verses was a really nice way of connecting the two; it highlighted their differences and exactly why they were drawn to each other. :] I really, really loved the ending. I had never though of it before, but James always waited for Lily. He waited for her to love him back, and waited for her in death. It was a nice connection for me. Anyway, good job! I really, really liked this. :D
I'm glad you liked it. This was my first Potter poem. Actually, it was the first poem that I'd ever written since I was fourteen, which was longer ago than I care to relate, lol. I just had this idea and really wanted to write it, so that's what came out. I don't actually write (or read, actually) Marauder Era pieces, so this was nice for me to try something new on several fronts.
I'm glad you picked up on the subtle changes in their relationship marked by the change in the actual stanzas. That's what I was going for, and it's cool that it actually worked. :D
Thanks for reading and reviewing. Have a lovely day!
I can't believe I haven't reviewed this yet! I remember flipping through these archives, before I joined the beta boards, and coming across this poem. I thought it was one of the most beautiful things I had ever read. Coming back to it a few months later, I get even more out of it than I did during my first read.
I noticed other reviewers commented on the unique structure, so perhaps you don't need to hear it again, but I still want to mention it. This may sound like a strange comment, but I find the poem visually appealing. The way that the first and last lines of each stanza encase the two in the middle is.. I don't really know how to describe it, but it adds something to your poem. Of course, the parallels are lovely and do a really good job of getting across the emotions you were trying to convey (good? I mean amazing! You had me choking up in some places, especially the "lover, father, lover, mother" stanzas. (For some reason, happy images are more likely to bring tears to my eyes than sad ones).
Can I say that your choice of both last line and title were spot on! The diction is very soft and sounds lilting when spoken (strange habit of mine that I tend to read titles of poems out loud before reading the actual poem). I'll use a word we learned in English class: euphony. The words are very pleasant to listen to. And the message behind them only serves to make them more touching.
I remember, the first time through the stanza that really stood out to me, the one that made me realize today that I had read this before, was:
"I cannot ignore him,
I hate him,
I love him,
There has to be more."
So simple, and yet it says exactly what it needs to say. I think that is what often bothers me about certain poets (including my own failed attempts at the genre) is that they overcomplicate their diction and style, trying to make themselves sound more learned or intelligent, or whatever. I absolutely adore the simplicity of your poem. It is beautiful because it says no more than it needs to.
Though it is a different style of writing in almost every aspect, your poem rather reminded me of e.e. cummings "i thank You God for most this amazing" (and yes, that is the proper title). Both had much the same effect on me. Every word is chosen so carefully to serve a precise purpose, and all the words come together to form a particular feeling and... I'm rambling. I tend to do that in reviews. Particularly for stories I really like :) Anyways, I'm comparing yours to one of my favourite poems of all time, so you can definitely just take that as a compliment and not try to interpret my babble :P
So I think I'll wrap it up there, before I start going all hardcore literary analysis and ruining all the fun of the poem. Great job, keep writing poetry and I'll keep loving it!
Wow. You are quite amazing to say such lovely things about my first ever Potterverse poem. Here is the honest truth about this: this is the first poem I had written since I was about 14, and that was... let's just say it's been a while. Since then, I think I've acclimated more to this particular genre, but to hear such touching things about my fledgling attempt to poetificate (I rather like that word, lol) makes me want to e-hug you.
I'm glad you appreciated the simplicity and the structure. What I wanted to portray with those is that they started so far apart, but gradually, their thoughts became less staggered and more in sync, with the last stanzas being in unison. Plus, with the simplicity, I wanted to show that in this struggle, they aren't really so unique. It's an age old (hence simple) and common thing. Git loves girl, girl hates git. Girl gets over hating git and finds that he's not so much of a git after all. Marriage, babies, and all that ensue for many happy years to come.
I've never read e.e. cummings, but I will certainly take that as a compliment, or even being likened to a real poet at all. The idea that you could love my work as much as any of that is simply extraordinary, especially since it's a genre I never read and I write even less.
*hugs* You are a star, and I adore this review. Let me know if you're thinking of applying for SPEW or SBBC, because I will certainly put in a good word for you. You have a talent for analysis, and in the case of SPEW, tact. :D
Good night/day/whatever time unit it is for you,
This was beautiful! And I can't believe that this was your first poem! It is so, so, so beautiful! Oh my!
I really enjoyed how the Lily/James stanzas were almost the same, but slightly different. That was a very, very neat effect. It was really powerful, and it made you think about how they were alike, and also how their perspectives were different. Great work.
I also like how it goes from in the beginning how they meet and then how they end. That was beautiful. This whole poem was like a mini, condensed version of their life in an easy-to-read, fun-to-read form! It was a joy!
And I like their afterlife. However, how did they know that he was going to fulfill a destiny of greatness? I mean, I know there was a prophecy, but I would picture them to be scared and afraid for Harry, rather than accept the fact that he would destroy the man who killed them at such a young age, and be okay with that. But that's just my thinking, and it's only a minor thing.
I really, really, enjoyed this. Fantastic!
Hi again, Meg.
Yeah, this was my first poem. I worked my butt off on it, and it was also my first James/Lily, which is a genre I typically steer clear of.
About the afterlife, my theory is that once one ides, one gains knowledge that the living could never understand. That's how they know that Harry is going to die and why they're so resigned to it in DH. That is just my little theory.
Thanks for reading/reviewing, and I glad you enjoyed it. :D
Very nice. Really conveyed their emotions.
Thank you for letting me know what you think, and I'm glad you liked it. I just wanted to show how James and Lily started off so different, but eventually became of one mind due to the danger to Harry. I'm glad the effect worked. :D
Take care and happy reading!
Wow. That is a great poem!!! It captures their feelings and emotions so well! IT IS AWESOME!!!
Thank you. :D
Before this, I hadn't written a poem in almost a decade, so it's nice to know that it has been so well-received. I appreciate the review and the compliments. Thank you so much for reading, and have a wonderful day!
This whole poem was fantastic, and I really felt the emotions you were conveying. These lines really brought it home for me:
This is the end, for me—I know,
I stand up tall,
I stand up proud,
A flash of green brings the darkness.
He tells me to stand aside—I won’t,
I plead for my son,
I love my son,
A flash of green brings the darkness.
Really fantastic, thank you!
I reallly appreciate your review. My other poem went sadly neglected by readers and reviewers, so it did my heart good to see this one get three reviews in one day. It was my first poem that I'd written in about a decade, and I think I did okay. What I wanted from it was for it to show how different James and Lily were at first, but slowly and surely, throughout the poem, they come together in both mind and body, which ultimately leads to the ending stanzas with no 'I' and 'me', but 'we' and 'our'.
I'm glad you liked it, and thanks for stopping by. Take care and happy reading!
I like it!! Bravo!
This was my first shot at poetry after a very, very long time. I had to bully it a bit to get it into posting shape, but otherwise, I'm happpy with it. I'm glad you enjoyed it, and have a lovely day.