MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: LunaLvegoodgirl (Signed) · Date: 05/01/11 9:13 · For: Chapter 1: A Sister's Revenge
Now i know what this is about it's like it's going to the time when Draco marries her,or something.

Name: karamarie (Signed) · Date: 12/27/10 17:06 · For: Chapter 1: A Sister's Revenge
i really like the premise your story. it's new and fresh. i would greatly enjoy reading another chapter...hint hint. hehe.

Author's Response: I'm working on it now! The new chapter has been submitted, I'm just waiting for it to get through the queue.

Name: HedwigLives (Signed) · Date: 12/12/10 14:35 · For: Chapter 1: A Sister's Revenge
Really really good writing! keep writing more, please!!!!!!!! Definitely one of my favourites! But it would be better if you wrote more (PLEASE!)

Name: CoolCatElly (Signed) · Date: 09/12/10 9:17 · For: Chapter 1: A Sister's Revenge
Hi :-)

Ah, that was a great chapter! I really enjoyed seeing the changes in the past two years. Astoria is a very likeable, strong character, so well done in that. I also think you've done Draco very well. Not much more to say really, except that I can't wait to see where you go from here, and how the plot is going to play out.


Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing! I hope to get the characters right so that they fit in to J.K. Rowling's world. My biggest goal is to do them justice, as well as to make them real. I felt that since Ginny and Hermione are such unique characters that Astoria wouldn't be any different. Once you understand that the characters are human it makes them much more complicated. I made Astoria fiery, yet cool and sarcastic because I feel that that would suit Draco. He's not going to fall in love with someone timid and excessively reserved because he is constantly walking all over people like that. At the same time, Astoria is not Hermione or Ginny. She has enough spirit to confound Draco, but enough quiet coolness to intrigue him. Needless to say, they will keep each other on their toes.

Name: jenny b (Signed) · Date: 09/12/10 7:03 · For: Chapter 1: A Sister's Revenge
As I’ve already told you, I really enjoy this fic. It’s one of the more original Draco/Astoria stories I’ve read – the beginning is, anyway. Your characters are very unique, and I like how you haven’t made Astoria the quiet, placid girl that everyone expects Draco to end up with. I absolutely adore her character, especially in this chapter. She’s so fiery, yet she manages to keep her cool so well around Blaise and Draco. It makes her very Slytherin, which I quite like – so often you get writers putting characters in houses just as a plot device, and then they don’t justify why the character is there.

This is looking like it’ll be a very character-driven story, and I’m very pleased at how well you’ve developed your characters so far. Even with her small appearance in this chapter and the fact that she’s a relatively minor character in the books, I thought Pansy was spot on – her condescension was just so typical, and it just reminds me of so many teenage girls I know. The only character who seems a little flaky so far is Daphne. Perhaps she just fades into the background a little because she has such a well-characterised sister, but I’m hoping that her character develops a bit more in the next few chapters, especially if she’s going to continue to be such a large part of the story.

That said, I really like the relationship between Astoria and Daphne. It’s so rare to see such a strong family relationship in fanfiction (that doesn’t involve the Weasleys), and you’ve conveyed those feelings really well. I think that especially in pureblood families, the ties would be quite close – they would stick up for each other, much like Astoria does for Daphne. It’s interesting though how I can’t see Daphne doing the same thing for Astoria, which I think is very realistic.

As for the plot, I’m still sort of waiting for it to get started. You’ve done a great job of introducing the characters and developing Astoria’s personality, but I’m hoping that something of consequence happens soon. Ideally, you should jump straight into the plot and let the characters develop along the way, because otherwise it can be slightly tedious when the story takes so long to get started.

Your style of writing is quite good, and I like how you delve into Astoria’s thoughts occasionally. Although I’ve noticed that you tend to overuse adjectives a little: phrases such as ‘her face looking bizarrely canine’ and ‘… drawled Draco Malfoy snidely’ aren’t necessarily bad things, but when you use them in every second sentence it becomes redundant and really disrupts the flow of the story. Sometimes less is more.

I can’t wait for the next chapter!


Author's Response: Thank you very much for your review! It was very in-depth, which I both like and need at this point. Thanks for the tips. I intended Daphne to be a bit flaky because she and Astoria are meant to be opposites, bringing out the character of the other (I hope). I'm sorry if the exposition started out slow, but I needed to get Blaise's treatment of Daphne in there from the beginning because it will come into use later in the story. I intend Daphne to end up with Zabini, and it was important for me to show this incident early on because it gives you a sense of how Daphne's mind works. But yes, she will develop. She may be vapid but she is not as one-dimensional as she appears to be.

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