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Name: Phoenix Song114 (Signed) · Date: 06/21/12 22:28 · For: Chapter 3: Shining Star
Hmmm interesting.......

Name: rowangreenhill (Signed) · Date: 06/18/11 19:25 · For: Chapter 3: Shining Star
Hi this rocks get it done soon! :D

Author's Response: Thank you! I apologize to everyone for the long wait. I've got several ideas roaming around in my head all fighting with the several school books I'm trying to get read at the same time.

Name: LunaLvegoodgirl (Signed) · Date: 05/01/11 12:20 · For: Chapter 3: Shining Star
Wow that is good!I can't wait to read the other chapters

Name: LunaLvegoodgirl (Signed) · Date: 05/01/11 9:13 · For: Chapter 1: A Sister's Revenge
Now i know what this is about it's like it's going to the time when Draco marries her,or something.

Name: LunaLvegoodgirl (Signed) · Date: 05/01/11 9:11 · For: Prologue: September 1, 1993
Wow this is good already and for some reason i knew that the girl next to Draco was Pansy because Pansy had a crush on Draco

Name: sam_1034_lily (Signed) · Date: 04/26/11 19:20 · For: Chapter 3: Shining Star
I really liked it. Draco is one of my fav characters and I love this story so far. Are you planing on writing a few chapters from Draco's point of view?

Author's Response: I'm not sure yet. I've debated on it quite a few times. I thought it might be more amusing for the readers to know all of what's going on with Draco and have to wait for Astoria to figure it out. At the same time, Draco's mind on the events here would definitely be interesting. Most likely I will continue on in Astoria's point of view, but when she grows closer to Draco we will all see a much more personal side of him as they come to trust each other.

Name: Jaspergirl2010 (Signed) · Date: 04/25/11 18:01 · For: Chapter 3: Shining Star
I really like this so far! I can really tell that its going to be good. I also like how you made Astoria very snarky. I don't think I would be able to do that. Please keep it coming!

Name: Proserpina (Signed) · Date: 01/07/11 19:42 · For: Prologue: September 1, 1993
I love this story! Your characters are very believable. I really like how you portrayed Astoria. She's a really strong person. I think Draco has definitely met his match in her :) I also liked the big contrast between the two sisters. One is very weak-willed and the other very determined. Keep up the good work!

Name: Virgil (Signed) · Date: 01/04/11 16:38 · For: Chapter 2: Complicated
Very good story - your writing style is great, with a just-right balance of description vs. dialogue. I am also very impressed by how you have managed to take a minor character from the series and flesh out her personality in such great detail - Astoria is a strong, well-developed character in this fic. I also like the way you portray the dynamics of the Slytherin girls in Daphne's year. It's cool to think about how all of this drama is simultaneously going on while Harry is having his adventures from canon. Keep up the good work! ~Virgil

Name: iwishicouldwrite (Signed) · Date: 01/02/11 11:28 · For: Chapter 2: Complicated
I'm glad you're back to updating! I'm definitely liking this story and I'm looking forward to more chapters!

Name: karamarie (Signed) · Date: 12/27/10 17:06 · For: Chapter 1: A Sister's Revenge
i really like the premise your story. it's new and fresh. i would greatly enjoy reading another chapter...hint hint. hehe.

Author's Response: I'm working on it now! The new chapter has been submitted, I'm just waiting for it to get through the queue.

Name: HedwigLives (Signed) · Date: 12/12/10 14:43 · For: Prologue: September 1, 1993
ok so i reread this again and just had to tell you how much i enjoy this story! I really like your writing style, it's a lot better than some people's on here. I love the prologue where you show the changes in Astoria,but I was disappointing that she was in Slytherin. I thought for sure she would be in a different house. Really good characterization.

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm working on the second chapter now and I'm sorry for the huge gap in updates. School has been extremely insane and busy this year! I will probably finish over Christmas break. It may take me a while but I promise that I WILL finish this story! I see your point, but really sticking in canon I think that Draco would probably only marry a Slytherin. He's has the family influence going on and he would have to learn to respect her as an equal in order to love her.

Name: HedwigLives (Signed) · Date: 12/12/10 14:35 · For: Chapter 1: A Sister's Revenge
Really really good writing! keep writing more, please!!!!!!!! Definitely one of my favourites! But it would be better if you wrote more (PLEASE!)

Name: ravenclaw1997 (Signed) · Date: 11/14/10 15:03 · For: Prologue: September 1, 1993
Awesome! I like all the great adjectives; some stories are really bland! Wonderful prologue; off to read chapter one now!

Name: CoolCatElly (Signed) · Date: 09/12/10 9:17 · For: Chapter 1: A Sister's Revenge
Hi :-)

Ah, that was a great chapter! I really enjoyed seeing the changes in the past two years. Astoria is a very likeable, strong character, so well done in that. I also think you've done Draco very well. Not much more to say really, except that I can't wait to see where you go from here, and how the plot is going to play out.


Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing! I hope to get the characters right so that they fit in to J.K. Rowling's world. My biggest goal is to do them justice, as well as to make them real. I felt that since Ginny and Hermione are such unique characters that Astoria wouldn't be any different. Once you understand that the characters are human it makes them much more complicated. I made Astoria fiery, yet cool and sarcastic because I feel that that would suit Draco. He's not going to fall in love with someone timid and excessively reserved because he is constantly walking all over people like that. At the same time, Astoria is not Hermione or Ginny. She has enough spirit to confound Draco, but enough quiet coolness to intrigue him. Needless to say, they will keep each other on their toes.

Name: CoolCatElly (Signed) · Date: 09/12/10 8:53 · For: Prologue: September 1, 1993
Hi there, thanks for the recommendation :-)

This was a good start, and I'll keep my eye on the story for updates. I like Astoria's characterisation - I can definitely see the Slytherin in her, and you show her from the start to be a very strong character, able to stand up for herself. Pansy was horrible, but from what we see of her in the books, I thought you showed her behaving in a very realistic way. Daphne was the only character who's behaviour I found slightly unbelievable - I think her responses to her sister were a bit overdone. I can understand that she doesn't like her, but all through the scene she seems to just leer and belittle and hate on her. I think you might have been a little more subtle in showing this, as I don't think a 13 year old is capable of the level of evil yet :-P

Well done, I enjoyed the prologue and thought it was written very well.


Name: jenny b (Signed) · Date: 09/12/10 7:03 · For: Chapter 1: A Sister's Revenge
As I’ve already told you, I really enjoy this fic. It’s one of the more original Draco/Astoria stories I’ve read – the beginning is, anyway. Your characters are very unique, and I like how you haven’t made Astoria the quiet, placid girl that everyone expects Draco to end up with. I absolutely adore her character, especially in this chapter. She’s so fiery, yet she manages to keep her cool so well around Blaise and Draco. It makes her very Slytherin, which I quite like – so often you get writers putting characters in houses just as a plot device, and then they don’t justify why the character is there.

This is looking like it’ll be a very character-driven story, and I’m very pleased at how well you’ve developed your characters so far. Even with her small appearance in this chapter and the fact that she’s a relatively minor character in the books, I thought Pansy was spot on – her condescension was just so typical, and it just reminds me of so many teenage girls I know. The only character who seems a little flaky so far is Daphne. Perhaps she just fades into the background a little because she has such a well-characterised sister, but I’m hoping that her character develops a bit more in the next few chapters, especially if she’s going to continue to be such a large part of the story.

That said, I really like the relationship between Astoria and Daphne. It’s so rare to see such a strong family relationship in fanfiction (that doesn’t involve the Weasleys), and you’ve conveyed those feelings really well. I think that especially in pureblood families, the ties would be quite close – they would stick up for each other, much like Astoria does for Daphne. It’s interesting though how I can’t see Daphne doing the same thing for Astoria, which I think is very realistic.

As for the plot, I’m still sort of waiting for it to get started. You’ve done a great job of introducing the characters and developing Astoria’s personality, but I’m hoping that something of consequence happens soon. Ideally, you should jump straight into the plot and let the characters develop along the way, because otherwise it can be slightly tedious when the story takes so long to get started.

Your style of writing is quite good, and I like how you delve into Astoria’s thoughts occasionally. Although I’ve noticed that you tend to overuse adjectives a little: phrases such as ‘her face looking bizarrely canine’ and ‘… drawled Draco Malfoy snidely’ aren’t necessarily bad things, but when you use them in every second sentence it becomes redundant and really disrupts the flow of the story. Sometimes less is more.

I can’t wait for the next chapter!


Author's Response: Thank you very much for your review! It was very in-depth, which I both like and need at this point. Thanks for the tips. I intended Daphne to be a bit flaky because she and Astoria are meant to be opposites, bringing out the character of the other (I hope). I'm sorry if the exposition started out slow, but I needed to get Blaise's treatment of Daphne in there from the beginning because it will come into use later in the story. I intend Daphne to end up with Zabini, and it was important for me to show this incident early on because it gives you a sense of how Daphne's mind works. But yes, she will develop. She may be vapid but she is not as one-dimensional as she appears to be.

Name: iamtrelawney (Signed) · Date: 08/23/10 6:13 · For: Prologue: September 1, 1993
i love this story! showing that though all Slytherins may appear to be friends with each other there can be a storm brewing in every house

Name: buchholzas (Signed) · Date: 07/29/10 0:54 · For: Prologue: September 1, 1993
Great chapter. I cannot wait to see what you will come up with. It's a bit sad that we never got to meet Astoria in the books or movies, so it's great to see that someone is getting the courage to write about her alleged character's traits and personality.


Name: Miss B (Signed) · Date: 07/15/10 12:35 · For: Prologue: September 1, 1993
Great story so far; I can't wait for more!

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