Awww. Short and very, very sweet! I really love your take on Frank and Alice, especially how you can see Neville in them! More in Frank, of course. :) The touch of sadness, knowing how this love ends, and the irony of his promise to remember is just as touching as the sweet romance. A lovely story! This is definitely the very best explanation for the gum wrapper I've ever heard or read.
What a beautiful story, made all the more poignant because we know what happens to this pair, but still a really good read. I do like how you've fleshed Frank and Alice out, so she's quirky and he's just really rather sweet but obviously worth so much to her. I like that they're friends and teasingly edging towards a romance. Lovely ~Carole~
Salad or Cellar Door,
I like when people pick up these other characters and really show that they had a life behind their minority. This one, I have to say, is one that I have often wondered about myself, so it’s interesting when people pick them up. The opening paragraph here is just interestingly woven, especially with all of the colors sprinkled here and there. A man contemplating his reflection is often reminiscent of someone looking into his soul. It’s interesting if you were indeed attacking that from this angle. Or, perhaps, I was just looking into that too much, but this is what has drawn me in.
You might want to consider this as a style thing, but not many good paragraphs are split up like this in single sentences. That’s usually not done unless the writer knows what he is doing and it makes a powerful statement. I am suggesting that you join some of this together because it looks rather weak, but that could just be me. You need more detail, even if you have this mystic atmosphere thing going on because it does not feel that there’s much to grab on. I don’t know if you are catching on, and you can disagree, it sounds airy, although the mystery element here is nice.
I think you meant ‘dessert’ and not the dry hell of ‘desert’ there. Remember, with late night sweets, you want to indulge. Always ask for more. That’s a nitpick, but it makes a difference with all those foods. I don’t think that many wizards would know who this ‘Mr. Darcy’ was. Yes, Jane Austen in all her flair had three such gentlemen, but that is a literary mark that they might have indeed missed because it went over their heads. You’ll only find a handful of Muggles who appreciate and understand P&P and Northstead Abbey and suffer through the d*** things, mind you. However, I do have to say that Alice’s large eyes are a nice touch to the characterization.
Really, since I’m germ person, the gum switching thing or the taste thing is just gross. I do like how that was illustrated even though I’m going ‘eww’ in the back of my head. The Jane Austen thing might have been played up a bit much, but as I say, that’s your choice as a writer. The reflection wrap was an interesting touch. We do remember by our sensory factors than anything else. The figments remain in pieces. I really expected this to end differently, but it was a nice little snapshot.
Lovely story! Great characterization from the very beginning. It was very bittersweet, particularly this part:
"He wanted to remember this moment, this very feeling, even in his old age. For an instant, he saw himself with graying, receding hair, telling the story of his young love, Alice, to his grandchildren. He promised himself he would remember every detail, recite the entire conversation from memory."
Knowing what happens to them later makes this really stand out. Excellent job.
Ooh, I hate to nitpick after my last review, but don't forget to capitalize Muggle as well as Hogwarts classes like Charms and Potions. :D
I've enjoyed your stories, good luck with your writing! ~Gina :)
Author's Response: Thank you so much! It really means a lot that you read another one of my stories! Yay! I really wanted to throw in subtle reminders about their future so that the gum wrappers would tie in even better at the end, and I'm so thrilled you picked up on them. Haha, feel free to nitpick. I fixed the capitalization in the other story, and I'll do the same here. In my mind, I just don't think of those things as proper nouns! It's good to remind me. (: Thank you so much for your feedback. It's so sweet and very appreciated. Much more writing to come!
Oh sweet!! I love it!
Author's Response: Thank you so much! It really means a lot.
This is such a cute story. I think that people often overshadow minor characters, and when authors like you write stories about them, it just makes the series (HP)seem more rounded, you know?
You captured setting really well! The whole time I was reading this, I was thinking about that scene in OoTP. You gave a scene that really just seemed like a touching action with a mother and son, and made it into a symbolic and emotional(er) one.
And I think the best part of this story was seeing the way you captured Alice and Frank. In most fan fics, she's shy and timid, and Frank is the perfect student. They just seem more rounded characters in this story. I really like the way you portrayed Alice-she has spunk!
I found this a very light and touching story, and what happens to Frank and Alice in the future makes it that much better.
It was so good, and i hope you keep writing! :)
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I really love minor character the best, because I think there is so much more to explore with them. They have the stories we always subconsciously wondered about. I'm so happy to hear others are interested in them, too. OotP Is my FAVORITE of the series. Love, love, love! And that part is one that always stuck out in my mind because it was so sad and beautiful at the same time. I've always wondered about the story behind it. I hadn't read any Alice/Franks before I wrote this, so I think that helped a lot. Also, when I think of the name Alice, I can't help but think of Lewis Carroll's spunky Alice, and I feel like Neville had to get the feisty side of him that comes out in DH from somewhere. So happy you liked them! I really just sort of split up some of Neville's traits and gave some to each of them without making either parent seem like a Neville clone. So happy that worked out well! I really appreciate that you took the time to read it and give me such a lovely and thorough review! Many thanks! (: