way to go dudders he's all grown up and acting like a human being. great to see. love this story!
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm very glad you like Dudley. :D
pls continue it a very lovely storyt
Author's Response: Thanks!
The story was preaty cool, i had always wonderd what would happen if one of Dudlys kids was a witch/wizard. Hope you get more up soon!
Author's Response: Thanks; I'm working on it! :D
Love it! So want to here more about Dudley and Harry's relationship! Can't wait to follow Sinead around too!
Author's Response: Thanks! :D
I find it interesting that Dudley married a woman very like his mother, Petunia. I can't wait for the next chapter, it is a very good idea written very well. The only thing now is to keep readers interested and wanting more!
Author's Response: I think it's interesting how Elaine comes off as Petunia-like when I didn't model her after Petunia at all. The next chapter should hopefully be up soon - I'm about to submit it. Thank you for your review!
Oh please continue!!
Author's Response: Thanks! I hope to!
When you say ‘country house’ in Britain, I instantly think that you are aiming for the Lake District or something, but that might simply be because I’ve recently come off of a spin with the Romantics. The simple setting here is rustic, which is nice. This is your personal choice, of course, and that’s in discretion with the writer, but I’m going to point this out anyway. Sinead: it seems like a strange name, especially when you consider Dudley and the rigid atmosphere where he was raised. Yes, I’d argue that he could change here and there, but it seems a little like you are trying a little hard to make a unique name. People do this when they name their characters ‘Moon’ or some really weird terra symbol. To me, it makes the character sound way too OC, and you don’t necessarily have to have a weird name to enter Hogwarts Castle, especially when no history is applied, yes?
You know, I like the simplicity of the piece that you are setting up here because that’s what is expected in such a scene. You repeat words a little here and there. A thesaurus often helps when you play round with words and experiment with word choice. Certainly don’t pick the first word, but that might help a bit here and there for a bit of spice and variety.
The piece is reminiscent of the ‘Letters from Nowhere’ chapter in the first novel, so I think you did a good job there. It’s not too like it, and I’m trying to remember it’s an introductory chapter, so there you are. Your details of the letter might be a little excess, but you learn that later on with more writing. Adjectives aren’t meant to be fluffy or fill in space. You don’t do that all the time, and it comes with practice.
You might not know this, and I’m looking at the whole piece here, but you misplaced personification twice with the eyebrows and the piercing sun rays; you have given action to inanimate objects without having an excuse like magical properties. The reaction from Dudley is like a mirror image, well, on a level, of his father. Really, depending on how much that DH chapter mattered to you along the line, he might not have been that resistant, but I’m guessing the reaction comes later. It leaves the reader open, I was hoping that it would be a bit longer. It is the introductory chapter.
Well, I hope this helps. Keep writing.
Author's Response: First of all, thank you for such a detailed review! About the name; I was planning to reveal it in the later chapters, but I've had a couple of people ask me about it already, so: the idea is that Sinead is half-Irish through, of course, her mother, Elaine, who had more authority in naming her kids (and Sinead is a rather popular name in Ireland, I believe). And yes, I do think Dudley would have changed a lot after he distanced himself from his parents. Certain remnants of his old personality would still remain, but I like to think that he did indeed change and become someone better than his father. I'm taking that chapter in DH to heart. I'll keep your advice about variety of language in mind - thanks again!
Oooooh... I wonder who's calling? could it be Harry? I think I shall enjoy the remainder of this story. :)
Author's Response: I'm glad! Thank you!
This is interesting; I'll keep an eye out for this fic. It's a good concept and you seem to have a good grasp of the characters, so it will no doubt be a great story. Update soon!
Author's Response: Thank you so much!
First of all, I am so excited for this fic. It's such a great concept, and I can't wait to see where you go with it and with the character of Sinead. So far she doesn't seem very Dursley-ish, and I'll be interested to see if you bring out that side of her character. She's very interesting so far, though. Is she going to be in the same year as any of the Potter children, I wonder?
On the topic of Dursley-ness, their house really fits them. I can imagine it now; a country house in the suburbs, the housewife up and cooking bacon for them every morning ... it's so picture-perfect.
Just as an aside, why the Irish names? They're gorgeous, don't get me wrong (and Cillian just makes me think of the drool-worthy Cillian Murphy) but Elaine isn't a very Irish name and, as far as I know, the Dursleys weren't Irish. Just a random quirk, then?
I love how you've written Dudley. I find it incredibly hard to make him in character, especially once he's older and has a relationship with Harry that isn't based on hate. I think people can forget that Vernon and Dudley aren't necessarily bad people, they just hated Harry. Dudley would always be kind to his family, and you've got that down well. And his reaction to the letter was just priceless. I like how Elaine seems to be a second Petunia, too. ;)
The title is absolutely gorgeous, by the way - I love that poem. And I'm insanely curious to see what this 'one absolutely beautiful thing' is, or if it's just one of those vague, metaphorical titles.
I don't have much to say about this chapter, but I'm eagerly awaiting the next one. I loved it!
Author's Response: Hey, Jen! Thanks so much for the wonderful review, dear! -The Potter kids will indeed be featured. I'll have to brush up on my Epilogue, though, I think I've forgotten a bunch of them and their ages. >.> -Ah, I figured Elaine was Irish. It's not a common Irish name, but I've seen some genuinely Irish folk named Elaine (the actress Elaine Cassidy, for one), so I thought I'd go with it. So Sinead and Cillian are supposed to be half-Irish, and their mother had more authority when naming them. -I was actually really worried about writing Dudley, just as I am apprehensive about writing Harry. I very rarely feature canon characters, so this is certainly a challenge for me. I'm glad you like his characterization, though! -I had so much trouble with this title, haha. Finally I decided to get some help from one of my favorite poets. The title relates in my head, although I'm not yet sure how it will translate to everyone else. Hopefully it'll be clear in the later chapters...if all goes as planned. Once more, thank you so much for the fantastic review!
Update soon ! I'm intrigued! (Very good by the way, I hope Harry will make an appearance soon?)
Author's Response: Thanks! Harry will indeed make an appearance soon. If the story goes the way I intend, he should be popping up here and there in quite a few chapters.
I hope you aren't the 'write, never update type off person!!! It's really good. :)
Author's Response: I hope I'm not too. Thank you! :D
Very good start. I've always liked the idea that Dudley would have a wizard child and get his commupance for the way he treated Harry. Although I do have to ask... whatever made you come up with a name like Sinead??
Author's Response: Sinead is half-Irish - her mother, Elaine, was born and raised in Ireland, and she just had more authority when it came to naming her kids, haha. Thanks for your review! =)
I really enjoyed reading this! It's intriguing, and nice to see what happened to Dudley. I'm looking forward to the second chapter!
Author's Response: Thanks very much! Hopefully the second chapter will be up soon. =)