OMG!!!!!!! that is awesome! the mild profanity made it great!! the word chice was awesome! you are poet!
Love the "swore I'd protect him line" sent chills down my back. Really good
this sounds like something sirius would write! well done! :D
" Killed by my own cousin (damn)" ... Nice lol ! Overall, good poem.
Hello! I really liked this poem! I think the first three lines capture the Marauder's era very well, I think. Especially the third line. I think they would get a thrill of opposing something to that extent (I know I would). I love the wording of it.
The last line of the first stanza is my favorite. One of the only reasons he didn't go insane is because he practicly lived for Harry. I love how you worded it.
The last stanza is amazing. It's so serious, and it flows so unbelievably well. I'm a bit torn on likeing the (damn) at the end. I think that one word is great for Sirius's characterization. Sirius is a man that jokes and is funny, and it's hard for me to imagine a serious poem about Sirius. Adding (damn) makes this poem so Sirius-ish.
The thing I don't like about it is that it makes the poem not serious. It is such a beautiful poem and I don't want to say that the word ruins it, but the effect isn't there.
There are good reasons to like it and not to like it, and I can't choose which side to take. Oh well. Either way I love your poem. Great job!
Author's Response: Aw, thanks! I'm glad you liked it, and didn't like it. Confusion is such a lovely emotion to inspire. I had to wonder if my lack of punctuation would inspire the wrong type of confusion though.... Glad it doesn't seem to've! I'm serious about the liking-that-you-didn't-like-it part, because I had to debate for quite a while on the word "damn" myself. It's not a word I use in my daily vocabulary--then there was the part about making the poem less serious. Well, all I can say (in a fairly predictable pun) is that even though the poem became less "serious" it became more "Sirius". Hahaha, you know you wanted to say it, too. :) If I hadn't put it in there, I'd have just felt awful, leaving him hanging in despair. But Sirius was a resilient character, who could spring back (well, maybe not spring back, but anyway) after twelve years in Azkaban.... So I think that after death, he could have a thought like "damn". And actually, that was what made me want to submit the poem in the first place, because it gave him some input into what I wrote about him. That's him living through my typing right there, I think. Because honestly, nothing else was funny with that poem, but the last line was just a little smile, half-smile, I don't know; it was just a little tip of the hat to Sirius's lack of seriousness (oh that pun again!). And I just can't stop ranting. Makes you wonder how I kept that poem so small, doesn't it? :) Thank you so much for your review, and you said more than one sentence, and you have lovely grammar, AND you gave constructive criticism. (Plus those compliments were very kind.) You are wonderful!