For the Heroes of Hogwarts
I haven't read a poem in this rustic, classic style in such a long time!
I love the writing, the story, everything.
Actually, this work is almost reminiscent of Edgar Allen Poe....something about the wording...
It's great! :-)
Author's Response: Edgar Allen Poe? Now that's a huge compliment. ;) Thanks for the review. Happy you liked it. :)
For the Heroes of Hogwarts
Congratulations, you QSQ winner, you!
I could have sworn I reviewed this story already, but as I apparently haven’t, it gives me an opportunity to extol this poems many, many virtues in a more coherent fashion, as this will be about the… sixth(?) time I’ve read it.
As I participated in the same challenge, it is more amazing to me that you were able to take that seemingly vacant slew of words and craft something that could possibly eclipse Burns’s original version of the poem. The language is just so very gorgeous and descriptive without falling over the edge of melodrama, and that is so very you.
All those different paths
Must cross, for it is too costly to shun
Your brothers and sisters; hold them to your breast,
Let all house rivalry be done.
This is just…wow. It’s so beautiful and poignant, yet it is also straight to the point, showing your second-person subject that it is either fight with your friends or become the enemy. It so resembles the spirit of the DA and how it knows no social boundaries. So very well done.
But run and hide, and you would have err’d -
In times of war, a privilege you cannot have;
So, do not fear! There is time still –
Shed blood now for love; and you, tomorrow shall easily forgive.
Insert-squee-phrase-here. I love how this stanza tells the subject that the choice is either fight with the certain chance of death or be damned by the future. That takes the stanza that I first highlighted and says, “Yeah, I was suggesting, but now I’m just telling you.” It conveys the urgency and the necessity of fighting for the side of good so very well. Go you for taking such simple words and packing so much heavy meaning into them.
There really isn’t much to be said about the structure of the poem, as it was basically dictated to you by the nature of the challenge, but it works very well with the length that this poem would require. Even the words from the Burns poem seemed to fall into your lap. There is so much that is innately perfect about this piece, from the flow to the title to the word choice that negates the need for a thesaurus. It is almost as if the subject’s conscience is talking.
I can’t say enough good things about this poem, and it did truly deserve to win a QSQ. I believe in it, or I never would have nominated it. You, Miss Nataladita, have such a gift for poetry, and this stands as a monument to the legacy that you are slowly building on your author page.
It is truly a privilege to be able to read your work on a regular basis, old and new. Take care, and happy writing.
Author's Response: *kicks self*
Sorry for being the epitome of tardiness. >.< Will it be better if I say I was blown away by the awesomeness of the review that I went into shock? ; )
Bet you can see through my oiliness, though. : (
That was one hell of a challenge, wasn’t it? I basically wrote this poem in a sort of desperation for (a) five points, and (b) just the fact that I love PA challenges. I wasn’t very confident at first, but it was Carole who convinced me to post it.
What I really mean to say is, it is still a pleasant surprise when people tell me that they love it. I put my bet on I Am Shame for the QSQ as well, but it seems you were right. :D You prophetic QSQ nominator, you! (I, on the other hand, seem to have pained quite a number of people with my nominations.)
I’m so happy you caught the gist of whatever I was trying to imply in this poem. That is the highest reward any writer would ever get. Really fantastic review made, and though I’m saying this so late, it made me go nuts with the happies when I first read it. Still does.
For the Heroes of Hogwarts
This poem is amazing! I lovvvvve it! Okay, I will take this review stanza by stanza *pause for dramatic effect*
1. This is a great stanza to start out this poem with. It is sort of like the introduction to the battle, and I like how this is like that. I especially like how you added that "evil has spoken" and this is the "hour" where those of valour appear, because Harry had one hour! Nice work. 10/10.
2.Your second stanza. I assume (and I may not be correct) that this stanza is about the Houses of Hogwarts working together to defeat a common enemy? I'm sorry if that's not right, I'm not good at poetry hahaha but I like reading it. Well, I still give this a 10/10.
3. I like this stanza particularly because it makes you feel all brave inside. It has a real effect on the reader, and that's something you always want to have in a poem, or any fic really. 10/10!
4. OOOHH!!! This one is probably my favorite. It just shows you how everyone else is truly stronger than Voldemort. I don't think I've ever read anything that captures this as well as this poem. 11111/10!
5. I really like this one, too. A super way to close off the poem and it makes your heart feel squishy. Hahahaha it's supposed to be a compliment, but it doesn't sound like much of one, does it?
Anyhow, this poem was a real fun read for me. It was like no poem ever before in the whole galaxy (at least that I've read) and you are very quickly becoming my favorite poet.
Author's Response: YAY!
You don't how ecstatic I get whenever I get a review for this poem :D It's because I struggled a lot to complete it. See, the challenge required us to use the last word of each line of Robert Burns's Prayer in the 'Prospect of Death'. It was tough - very tough, to fit all those words into a poem. But hard work pays off, right? :) I am happy you like my poems. I really never fancied myself a poet until February of this year. Haha!
Thanks for the review. *hugs*
For the Heroes of Hogwarts
If I had the time, I would look up this poem and do you justice. I do not, but Burns is one of my favorite Romance poets (outside of Shelley who blows my mind), and you seem to have kept with the theme and not made this flowery, but open. I don’t know if this is just me, but that line of ‘hold your brothers and sisters and let all this be done’ reminds me of that universal gesture in WWI where they just stopped, stopped killing, and because of the devastating horror and amazing technology, just reached over and hugged the solider =next to them. In that rare moment, they were all so frightened that they were, as you say, brothers.
War, and I’m saying this from a historical view, is a wound in itself because people are so damned and determined they are in the right. We don’t learn from history, although we think we do. No, these ‘mistakes’ of human nature on the whole mean only that we ignore the past, and that is something that even those who sign onto war don’t see until after the fact. It’s interesting you don’t take a side here as the speaker, and that speaks volumes.
The notion of time here is riveting, and just going to say in an offhand way, it recalls Andrew Marvell’s ‘To His Coy Mistress’. You are right that people get desperate enough in a war where you just want it to end. I’m not too sure because I’m not familiar with the poem so I can’t say. It’s a cleaver move on your part.
The only thing that I see here is the last line. Having studied wars, I don’t think things are easily forgotten or forgiven. I get what you are trying to get at here, but with wounds and hatred that deep, I don’t see things forgiven the next day. This isn’t an argument that you hear very much, and believe you me I do not stand on this side of the fence, for it frightens me to the core, but the Aryans who followed Hitler believed they had a rationale claim – the Death Eaters had a logical idea. Mind you, it’s not a good one, but the hatchet would not have been buried so easily. Whispers of arrogant racism still exist (albeit stupidly) years, centuries, after a war and declared proclamation.
Nice insight, here, though. I love that you imitated Burns. RAB nods to you with his mouse. (RAB wrote a well known ditty titled ‘To A Mouse’).
Author's Response: Well, the last line is meant to draw attention to exactly what you said: the dubious claim of war being a rational strategy. It is a seductive argument, and I italicized the word “you” to show that the speaker was aware of it, too. Of course, there is too much pain and too many losses in each war; it is not easy to forgive and forget when it comes to taking lives by the numbers. But what logic would work during the heat of the moment? The speaker fully understands the answer: to rouse your fighter, you make things easy for their conscience first. You tell them, “Hey! Don’t worry, it will be fine. Whatever you’re going to have to do, it is for good. Even if you’re going to kill, it is for a better world.” It would certainly be more effective than “You are going to have to commit murder. Yes, it stinks for your soul, and you’ll find it hard to get forgiveness for your sins, but still.”
It wasn’t really a question of being right or wrong, or even of being aware of the fact if the speaker was right or wrong. The poem is a battle speech per se, and battle speeches often paint war in heroic and adulatory words. They speak of the necessity of taking up arms against the forces of evil, of destroying the other side for what is “good”.
As for imitating Burns, I didn’t. Hey, you should know better; you participated in the Last Line Standing Challenge at Poetry Anyone as well, if I recall correctly. No one knew where the words had come from, remember? We just used the given words as the last words of each line of our entries, so you don’t really need to read Burns’s poem in order to appreciate my poem. They have no association save for the last words of each line.
Thanks for reading and reviewing, Jen. It was a bit unnerving to get two SPEW reviews for the same poem in the same month.
For the Heroes of Hogwarts
Natalie, I absolutely love this! First, it just looks good on the page – in the way that some poems just do, LOL – but secondly the lines flow into one another so well. Just, beautiful enjambment. You’ve done a really good job of selecting where to leave off the punctuation, and when you don’t, what punctuation to use to keep up the seamless flow.
Another thing that works with that enjambment to keep the flow smooth is the rhythm of the poem. I know you took words from Burns, but I don’t think that makes too much of a difference to my opinion, because you’ve managed to fit your own words around his, without making it seem like you’ve forced his words to be at the end. They fit completely naturally, and I imagine that must’ve taken quite a while to get right, which makes me admire the poem even more. On a side note, I especially love the first stanza for rhythm, I think because you have hour/valour and that just sounds so nice to the ear. :D
The link between the penultimate and the last stanza -- run and hide -- also is very unobtrusive on the flow of the poem. Generally, I love repetitive poems, where you can’t help but notice the repetition. I like that here, though, I didn’t really note it until my second read. Instead of repetition for emphasis, your use, to me, is more just a natural link that you’ve used to link the stanzas, but at the same time to leap from point A to B. In addition, each run and hide is in a slightly different context, which shows the subtle divide between stanzas.
Finally, I just want to say I think that this captures the spirit surrounding the Battle of Hogwarts perfectly. The unity between houses, the need to believe that your side will win, the suggestion that turning your back on fear will be one above the Dark Lord.
Great poem -- I really, really enjoyed it. I tracked down Burns’ version to read too, and yours is completely different which makes it all the more original, imo. :) xx
Author's Response: Spire!
This Spreview came as a lovely surprise. I am almost blushing as I read this. :D
It did take me a lot of time and energy to write this. First of all, the prompt gave me a hard time; secondly, I lacked confidence as far as the flow was concerned. Credit goes to Carole for instilling enough courage in me to submit it for th challenge - to even post it in PA.
It astounds me how much you have picked up in your review; I seriously didn't see that much while I was writing it. I am really happy you thought it was fitting for the battle, and that you liked the poem as a whole.
Thanks for the wonderful review!
For the Heroes of Hogwarts
I like it! I read the Burn's poem and think you did a really good job with the challenge. You used the last word of every line, but your poem is completely original. It really fits the mood of the Battle of Hogwarts. In particular, I think the second stanza, referring to house rivalries being put aside, is brilliant. Congrats on winning the challenge, I think you are a wonderful poet! ~Gina :)
Author's Response: Ginaaaaa!
How sweet are you? I was just glaring at my own LJ post when this showed up. I squeed in my mind because my roomies are sleeping and I couldn't do it loudly. :( I'm happy you think I'm a good poet. Hehehehe! Thankssss!
P.S. I promise I won't tell anyone about you and sneezing. Er. Oops.