Reviews For Moon
Reviewer: turquoiseturkeyz
Date: 07/19/12 20:44
Chapter: Transit

Ten point for alliteration in the first sentence!

Author's Response: On rereading it, I wonder if I ovedidi it. *sigh* -N-

Reviewer: golden_trio
Date: 03/29/12 3:06
Chapter: Zenith

I've read this before and thought I'd re-read it while my homework sat idle nearby. As I was reading, in Chapter Four, there was al line: "She was Lavender Brown, the werewolf, the only living Auror to have despatched a vampire." I was curious about this. Has this been mentioned in any of your stories? Or a piece of Lavender backstory we have yet to come across, like what will happen (supposedly) in Hunters and Prey? Just wondering, and I love Mark as a character. :) He is simply ideal.
- Katie

Author's Response: Katie
Thanks for the review. There are two chapters (and a rough plot outline of the rest) of a story called Exsanguination sitting on my hard drive. It is set immediately after the events of Bare and it is a M.I.T. story featuring Lavender, Susan and Bobbie. It also features Mark meeting Lavender for (what she thinks) is the first time. It isn’t, she’s simply forgotten him. You’ll see their first meeting very soon.
Mark is, I hope, nice and caring, but a bit ineffectual.
-N-

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 06/02/11 9:49
Chapter: Zenith

That was wonderful. I didn't anticipate the ending. I didn't expect him to be sitting there watching her change. I actually thought that, when she started undressing, they were going to have sex. Their first night together sounded very peaceful and loving. Lavender has come a long way. They both have Janey to thank. I wonder if Lavender will get her fairy tale some day. Great story.

Author's Response: Youre he first person to review every chapter of this story, something for which Im profoundly grateful. :-D I had a lot of fun with the last chapter, I tried to see how far I could write before it became obvious that they werent talking about sex. Lavender (pre-Mark) is a member of M.I.T. (the Muggle Interface Team) and Ill be chronicling some of her early life in those stories. -N-

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 06/02/11 9:21
Chapter: Perihelion

I swear if Mark was a real person I'd jump on him and drag him to the bedroom. What a gentleman. I did say that I'm always charmed by a good show of manners. I think the best line was when Lavender accused Mark of looking at her breasts and he explained that he was confused. I think Lavender is realizing how much she missed out on with her rules. Great chapter.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review. Gentleman, or wimp? Whatever he is, mark will continue to appear sporadically in my stories. He may be something of a pushover, but he has a surprisingly rude sense of humour. Lavender, as youre discovering, is beginning to realise. -N-

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 06/01/11 16:39
Chapter: Transit

I don't think there's anything wrong with being "terribly old-fashioned." I am always charmed by a show of good manners. I know this took a lot for Lavender to go to Mark and apologize. I don't blame him for thinking it was a trick. I hope Lavender doesn't blow this. Can she keep her gob shut?? Hey, I just got sorted into Ravenclaw. I've been on this site for two years and hadn't been sorted yet. I wanted to participate in some of the challenges. Excellent chapter, as always. Such a pleasure to read!!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review (and welcome to Ravenclaw). Im glad that you still arent certain how this is going to end. I dont want to be predictable (though I probably am). The Mark/Lavender story is percolating my other stories. Ive written a few background throwaways where they only just miss meeting each other. I know when (and where) Mark met her for the first time, and vice-versa (it is not the same time). -N-

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 05/31/11 17:36
Chapter: Aphelion

Another wonderful chapter. Somebody had to talk to Lavender. She's lucky she has any friends at all. I find it totally believeable that she is acting like this. I can still remember the scene in HBP at the table after Ron had "broken up" with her--the looke on her face. Also, the scene in the infirmary when Lavender ran in and asked if Ron had asked for her only to find Hermione at his bedside. I don't know how you do it. Are you a psychologist or counselor in real life? Great chapter.

Author's Response: Thanks again. Lavender has, I hope, matured in some ways, but remained very much Lavender in others. What Im trying to write is a young woman who wanted epic romance and happy endings, but instead has a real life full of real people, with all their imperfections. Lavender appears in the background of many of my stories, both she, and Mark, appear in Tales of the Battle, too (chapters 11 and 12). -N-

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 05/31/11 12:42
Chapter: Eclipse

I suppose I'm reading your stories all out of order but since I read Bare I wanted to read its sequel. I must say, I think Mark is right about Lavender. She's using her condition as an excuse. I think something else has hurt her from the past, very badly, and she's trying to torture every man she sees. She said some really cruel things to Mark. I wouldn't blame him if he never wants to see her again. Great chapter.

Author's Response: Dont worry about the order you read them. Im not writing them in order, I simply have a frame on which I intend to hang them all. I hope (intend) that they all stand alone. At worst, you may not get the occasional aside or in-joke, but if a story doesnt make sense, tell me, please. Mark and Lavender each have their problems, and they deal with it in different ways. -N-

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 05/31/11 10:00
Chapter: Occlusion

That was amazing. I'm supposed to be working but I took a break to read this chapter:D Yay for Janey sticking up for herself. I loved that part. I also loved the infusion of Scottish dialect. That always makes the story more realistic. I'll bet Janey doesn't find Mark in the Scottish Office mail system. I hope Janey stays in the story. I can't believe Lav is so rude. I guess she has her reasons. Great chapter. Can't wait to read more.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I introduced Janey simply to give an outsiders view of Mark and Lavender. This was supposed to be her only appearance in my stories, and so far, it is. But a lot of people like her. I try to strike a balance with the dialect, too much makes a story unreadable, too little is pointless. Youll learn more about my Lavender as you read on. -N-

Reviewer: welshdevondragon
Date: 03/07/11 9:34
Chapter: Zenith

Like Soraya, I'd promised myself not to read chaptered fics but am so glad I read this one (a welcome distraction from Alexander the Great). I'm sorry, there's not going to be much constructive crit as I'm just going to say how much I liked this story. I really enjoyed Janey's dialect and, though she was a bit cruel, she was being brutally honest and was the catalyst Lavender and Mark both needed to realise that something needed to change. Mark is really, really likeable (if slightly pathetic) and the dialogue is very realistic. You don't use that many dialogue tags, particularly in the scene with Parvati and Lavender but you don't really need them. I think my favourite scenes were the "talking about family" for the first time (with Lavender starting in such a rush, which was both funny and sweet) and the realisation that Mark's Dad had been a werewolf. It was very well balanced and well- judged. And the bedroom scene, which was also very sweet. I think I've said before how much I like your characterisation of Lavender and the mixture of showy confidence and the vulnerability and fear of being hurt beneath it. Which also led to the funny/ sweet part where she took her top off to show Mark the scars and he just looked above them. You're good on funny/ sweet. Apologies for the rambling review, but really lovely, well-written story- alex.

Author's Response:
I like Alexander the Great! Just watch Michael Woods series In the footsteps of

I keep wondering if I could bring back Janey (I suspect not). Mark is a bit pathetic, but he tries hard, and I hate reading about perfect people.

I actually took a lot of dialogue tags from this when I was trying to make six chapters and almost 12,000 words fit the 10,000 word limit for a one-shot. In the end I simply deleted chapter 6 and reinstated the story to this form after the challenge had been judged. I never put the dialogue tags back because I didnt think they were needed.

I see Lavender as being mostly front (in every sense) and really rather vulnerable in her private life. Shes great at giving advice, but terrible at receiving it.

Thanks for the review.

Neil

Reviewer: xxbabewithbrainsxx
Date: 03/06/11 14:42
Chapter: Zenith

Hi, Neil!

I finally got a chance to read this, despite my protestations against anything chaptered because I simply don't have the time :D

I really enjoyed this. Mark Moon definitely deserved the QSQ he got for Best OC. I loved Mark as an OC and it's rare for me to like any OCs because they're normally so Mary-Sueish (or Gary-Sueish, in Mark's case) but in this story, I think it was the complete opposite. There's something very endearing about an ordinary guy who can actually stand Lavender Brown. :P

In this chapter you did the contended/contented thing again a couple of times and also, it should be ‘That’s the smell of my girlfriend burning eggs instead of frying them,' he told her. (You put the speech marks in the wrong places.) There are other errors too, but they're in other chapters and I'm too lazy to point them all out in a review :D

What I liked the most about this was the characterisation of Lavender. She comes across as such an airhead in HBP but truly, she was just an ordinary schoolgirl who was perhaps a bit too girly, but nevertheless had a good heart.

And I think she, like many other people, both HP characters and people in RL, tend to mellow out and become more humble when life-threatening things happen to them or when they make proper friends, so I'm really impressed with the way Lavender's changed. She's still got the girliness but she's also got the toughness and maturity that she needs to make up for her flaws. I loved Parvati's characterisation too.

What I found the most interesting was Lavender's transformation. When Lavender asked if Mark was sure they should do this, I was wondering if it was the...erm...other bedroom activity, but no, it was full moon. It intrigued me, the Potion, and I think that it's one of your many ingenious ideas which, in my opinion, rivals Fred and George Weasley's in terms of creativeness, so well done for that.

Janey Scott was another interesting idea, although she wasn't too likeable as a character -- and I know that that was your intention. Overall, I'm very glad to have read this, Neil, because it clears up a lot of queries I've had about Lavender, who, in my head, did not become a full werewolf when Greyback attacked her in the Final Battle -- "my" Lavender just has a similar condition to Bill. Besides, I kind of like the idea of a girly girl having a liking of rare steaks :P

Still, this fic displayed how relationships are always imperfect but that doesn't mean they're bad. In fact (for Lavender) they're actually pretty good, minus burnt eggs. :D Ta for writing, Neil.

~Soraya~

Author's Response:
Soraya

Thanks for the review. Moon may well have won the QSQ, but this is one of my least read (and least reviewed) stories. Mark is, I hope, fairly ordinary, a little quiet and very tenacious. I reckon that Mark is better organised, tidier, and a better cook that Lavender, too.

Youre going to make me reread the entire thing to spot my mistakes? :-D Fair enough, its always easier for me to find errors six moths later (embarrassingly so).

Lavender is often there in the background, helping. She joined the DA before Prof. Trelawney was targeted by Umbridge. In another of my stories I had Ginny describe Lavender as a steel fist in a frilly pink lace glove. Thats how I see her.

I had a lot of fun writing both the scar scene in chapter 5 and the bedroom scene in chapter 6. I tried to keep the bedroom discussions sound like they were talking bedroom activities (though I suspect that Lavender wouldnt restrict herself to bedrooms anyway) for as long as possible.

I really like Janey. Shes simply lonely and alone. Her accent was a risk, and I toned it down considerably after the first draft.

Neil

Reviewer: AngelEJC
Date: 02/11/11 20:52
Chapter: Zenith

Thank you so much for writing this story! I'm listening to 'Hallelujah' while I read this, it suits it perfectly. I read Bare too, you have typed two more perfect stories! Keep 'em coming!

AngelEJC

Author's Response: Thanks for the review. The chapters: Waning Moon; Epiphany and Fall; Seamus Awake and Parents (all Tales of the Battle) also form part of Lavenders story. She will appear in MIT: Muggle Interface Team and High Moon too, when I finish them. -N-

Reviewer: LaBarge
Date: 01/07/11 22:22
Chapter: Perihelion

“Walking on eggshells.”
The bad authors, and fan fiction site are full of them, have a quick and easy transition from awkward to a “happily ever after” conclusion. Real life is a lot more complicated.

Mark is neat, always in control. I love the slow careful way he pushes the boundaries. Lavender, she is a little more desperate. She is complimenting him, approving what she sees in the apartment. She comes out with her address, and information about her family. When she realizes she knew his sister, and she put up the barriers that kept him from learning about his sister, she feels bad, terrible.

The scene where she tries to show Mark her scars, and he looks at her boobs instead, is just a great piece! Mark finally gets bold, and enjoys a look at Lavender that he has always been too polite to really look at, at least obviously, before. He is taking a risk, but obviously Lavender took a risk too. Lots of tension in that scene, but lots of humor too.

And finally the resolve. “We’ve probably been dating for months and I just didn’t realize it, sorry.” All Mark’s patience has, in the end, paid off. He has won the heart of the famous and infamous Lavender Brown.

Love this story.

Author's Response:
Thanks for the review.

I see my Lavender as damaged by several failed relationships and insecure about her scars. Mark is neat and tidy, but he has his own insecurities and he is far from forceful. Without Janey forcing an argument they would simply have continued to drift.

Im glad that you think that I managed to keep the tension and humour, I can remember rewriting that scene dozens of times.

I have more Mark/Lavender stories to tell. The entire Lavender/Mark backstory exists in my head. I know that he met her parents at the tail end of the battle. I know how and when Lavender was scarred (four chapters of Tales of the Battle deal with Mark/Lavender/Seamus and Lavenders parents). I know when she was bitten and how she became an Auror. I know when they first met, and why they didnt get together, and I know that they meet for the second time no more than five minutes after the end of Bare. So many stories!
-N-

Reviewer: LaBarge
Date: 01/07/11 21:54
Chapter: Transit

Fantasy Scotland! Love it! Holland, MI, USA, where I live, has a Tulip Festival every year. One day a year I wear a Dutch Costume, wooden shoes, and scrub the main street with grandchildren. “Fantasy Dutch.” You have to really know Scotland to write this, another way you are so much better than the usual author.

“He decided to risk believing her.” Great! The dialog before this is right on.

“Transit.” Excellent chapter heading. Lavender apologizes, but this is just the start of a reconciliation. Mark does not know how far the apology will go. He does not want to go back to the way they were before. He is not sure Lavender wants more.

We think Lavender wants more, but at this point we are not sure about that either. She does not want to loose Mark, but what does she want? I like the way you have constructed the story. A very deliberate movement from the initial confrontation through the stories Lavender has to hear from Mark and Parvati to the “apology,” or the start of the apology.

Again happy I am reading the story again. Jet LaBarge

Author's Response:
Thanks again.

I love Edinburgh. The castle is magnificent, the entire centre is beautiful. But, like all tourist destinations, it sometimes seems to believe its own publicity, especially about the tartan (though I cannot talk as in Newcastle its now possible to buy a Northumbrian tartan its simply black and white, of course.

All of the chapter titles are phases (or aspects) of the moon and I played around with them a lot before deciding which ones to use (Aphelion is furthest from, Perihelion closest to).

Im glad that you felt Marks uncertainty, because I think that you need to remain uncertain. (I am always uncertain about girls! (-: )
-N-

Reviewer: LaBarge
Date: 01/07/11 21:33
Chapter: Aphelion

First we hear Mark and Lavender’s story from Mark’s point of view, and now we hear it from Parvati’s point of view. Remarkable how similar they are, and how Lavender does not like hearing either of them.
I like the symmetry of the suggestion to Lavender to apologize at the start and end of the chapter.
I like the way you build more of Mark’s character in the story, looking at him from Pavarti’s point of view, but also from Pavarti’s point of view after listening over some months about Lavender talking about Mark.
Now we get to what the author wants to make of this story. Will Lavender have an epiphany and apologize? You almost have to, or as far as I am concerned you are not particularly true to the Rowling universe. Despite all the people being killed in the books, and the opening to have some terrible things happen post DH, in general you would expect happy endings for most people. Not perhaps with someone like Draco Malfoy; I would not expect a happy ending for him. But we would hope for a happy ending for Lavender.

Author's Response:
Thanks for the review.

I have to admit that I am remarkably cruel to Lavender in my stories. I push her into some fairly dark places, probably because JKR tells us openly that she wants H/G and R/H to have their happily ever afters. I cannot bring myself to go against JKRs wishes (and anyway I agree with her) so Lavender suffers in their stead (Michael will, too, when I get around to writing his stories).

Draco manages to stay out of Azkaban (he should have been charged with three counts of attempted murder) and manages to find a girl to marry. He does okay.
-N-

Reviewer: LaBarge
Date: 01/07/11 21:02
Chapter: Eclipse

I get to review your story again, which is delightful! Every time I read your stories I realize how not English I am, but how not English almost all of the other authors. The setting for the start of this story is great in its detail. The accent of Janey Scott is fantastic, as is the character you portray her as being. She is worth another appearance, even as a brief scene between her and Mark and Lavender now that Lavender is Mark’s girlfriend.

I love how Lavender reacts to the “wee Lavender, who’s no his girlfriend.” Lavender obviously wants it both ways. I think Jane Scott reacts the appropriate way; if she does nothing there is no way Mark Moon is ever going to call her. If she causes a breakup then she has a chance. She is rather blunt, but that’s her style.

This 2nd chapter, fantastic. You tell the whole history of Mark and Lavender’s relationship, all that we need to know, through Mark’s long talk with (to) Lavender.
You really need the first chapter, but then this sets up the relationship. In addition to the playing out of the story there is more we need to know about the two people, but this is a good way to start the guts of the story.

I find it sad that more people are not reading this story. I know I read well reviewed stories more often than ones that are not well reviewed. Maybe by leaving a review for each chapter I can help get more people to read you.

Author's Response:
Thanks for the review and the compliments.

As someone who lives in England, but 300 miles from London and 100 miles from Edinburgh I think its best to play to my strengths. Ive discovered that accents are difficult to get right. Too much and it simply puts off the readers, to little and you might as well not bother. Aye, not yes, and dropping the t from not are quick and easy indicators.

Chapter 1 is essential, Janey is not only the catalyst for a much-needed argument, she also allows me to show an outsiders view of Lavender. Mark, despite the way she treats him, cannot be so honest about her.

I keep a track of my story hits on the sites wher I post, and this story (and Bare) are the only ones to have had more reads on HPFF than they have here. Ive no idea why. More reviews cant hut. Thanks.
-N-

Reviewer: LaBarge
Date: 12/31/10 21:14
Chapter: Occlusion

I found you again! Glad to see you are continuing to write. More than any other author your the most English I have found, and it is delightful. I will re-read this story and wait for your further stories. Jet LaBarge

Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I will be here for a while, this site, unlike HPFF is moderated by people who behave like adults and (I hope) that it would take more than one vindictive admin and a targetted rule change to ban me. N

Reviewer: rambkowalczyk
Date: 11/25/10 16:15
Chapter: Zenith

Although Mark is an interesting character, I found your portrayal of Lavender more fascinating. The whole dialog she had with Parvarti made me dislike her because she was so ! (rhymes with witchy). It was her ability to change that redeemed her. Good story.

Author's Response:
Thanks for the review.

Lavender (at least my Lavender) has a complex past. The Lavender in this story is the one who appears in Bare and in the latest chapter (Epiphany and Fall) of Tales of the Battle. Shes not an entirely likeable person, true, but I hope that she has a good heart.
-N-

Reviewer: The_Real_Hermione
Date: 11/16/10 2:24
Chapter: Zenith

I can't believe this fic has so few reviews!!! I think it's great, I loved your characterisation of Lavender particularly, and I especially liked her conversation with Parvati. Mark Moon was great too. I liked the irony about his name.

I thought Janey Scott was an effective and original catalyst for the story and I liked her characterisation.

I liked the contrast between this chapter and the previous one in Mark and Lavender's interaction - shows how far they've come in just a few days.

The Scottish setting added a nice touch to this fic too. Great job!!!

Author's Response:
Thanks for the review.

Until the Quicksilver Quills award this was by far my least read story. It is still my least read story, but not by such a large margin. Yours is the first review since the Quills, too (I think). Marks surname works because it is both ironic and canon. The second I saw the name moon on the classlist I knew that I would have to use it.

I would like to bring Janey back, but I have no idea how. The next chapter of Tales of the Battle (Waning Moon) features Marks battle and explains one of his comments to Janey.

N

Reviewer: the opaleye
Date: 08/17/10 20:35
Chapter: Zenith

Oh, that was such a lovely way to end this. I'm going to miss Mark and Lavender... I've really grown to love them in this fic. The way Mark desperately wanted to stay up all night with Lavender was really touching. He's such a great character.

Well done, Neil. This has been a wonderful tale to follow and I'm going to miss these updates! I stumbled across your Tale of the Battle on fanfic.net and I was wondering why you haven't posted it here. I loved reading more about Mark (that sounds really bad on my part considering it was a tragic chapter but you know what I mean, hopefully!) and it was good background reading for Moon.

But anyway, great fic, great ending!

Julia XD

Author's Response:
Julia, Thank you.

I have a couple of other Lavender stories rattling around inside my head. I dare not start them, at least not until I finish Aurors and Schoolgirls. One is the vampire story, where she meets Mark for the first time the other is a Meet the Parents story. Im glad that someone likes this story. Its my least read (apart from Summer of 97).

Tales of the Battle are rough (some rougher than others). There will be about 20 interlinked one-shots from different points of view. Several are now with Andrea (for much needed what do you mean? questions) and Apurva (who will probably one day murder me for my misuse of punctuation). I dont know what Id do without them. Im trying to decide an order for publication. The first is likely to be a Madam Pomfrey/Madam Pince story called The Calm Before.
Neil

Reviewer: minervassister
Date: 08/17/10 14:59
Chapter: Zenith

Great story!!
Enjoyed it as a one shot but this is even better.
Loved the ambiguity at the beginning of the chapter.

Author's Response: Thank you. This chapter was deleted in it's entirety to make the story fit as a one-shot. The last chapter had a decent ending, this is better (I think). The ambiguity at the beginning was deliberate. N

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