Reviews For The Oblivion Hex
Reviewer: bigtimer
Date: 06/14/10 14:36
Chapter: The Library and the Crypt

oh man he's gonna screw up everything

Reviewer: ProfPosky
Date: 06/14/10 7:32
Chapter: The Library and the Crypt

Well, this is interesting!

I am never really sure I understand anything that involves time travel, undoing the known past, etc - seems to take more physics than I ever absorbed. However, there are a few things here that sort of bugged me, so I will get them out of the way first. I know they may seem a bit petty, but I am mentioning them for a reason - please do read on!

I think the library at Alexandria, if it has ancient writing, as in on the floor, would have hieroglyphics. So I would not put Ancient Runes there. I'd put them on signs, maybe, leading people around. (This may just be me being an idiot - just an idea)

Two, if Socrates does something, perhaps each of the statues should do or be seeming to start to do something. (Again, just an idea, I liked him...)

Three, Ancient Runes and Hieroglyphics work in two entirely different ways. Being good at one is not only not necessary to being good at the other - would probably be irrelevant. Runes are an alphabet, and basically replace the alphabet we know - dead simple, really, unless you want to make it more complicated. Hieroglyphics are pictograms (pictographs? Picto-somethings) They represent ideas. I think he'd been better off at having been good at them in some generic ancient languages study in Hogwarts or Auror training.

They seem older than their late 20's. They seemed old and defeated in the earlier chapters. So I am confused by the timeline you express, but as I pointed out, I am easily confused by these things, it might be me.

The mummy is intriguing. If he's warm, he shouldn't be decayed. Because he seems to be half shark, I am wondering what that's about. And if he's a mummy, he really shouldn't smell. The decay is what makes something smell so awful, and if he was actively decaying, he should be gone and no longer smelly after a few thousand years.
BUT it did occur to me that this might have something to do with the hex itself and maybe I should keep my mouth shut, but, sadly, I am not so good at that... ;-)

Now why mention all these things? They are really nit-picky. I am mentioning them because I REALLY like this story, and they distracted me from it. You plotting is interesting, your OC's are interesting, you owe it to the story to make it absolutely as good as you can, so it will get the loyal following it deserves! And like I said, they might not bother other people, but they did distract me a bit. I'd be happy to discuss it further if you want to - I am also ProfPosky over at the Beta Boards and you can im me...

Thank you for a good read - I am following this story. It is holding my attention and that is a very good thing.

Author's Response: You make some good points. I'd been mistaken on the exact nature of runes(vs. hieroglyphs), but now that its been pointed out, i'll have to make some edits. I'm glad for your opinion on matters - in of the opinion that criticism is always good - and i'll use the comments to (hopefully) make future drafts better. Cheers.

Reviewer: ProfPosky
Date: 05/19/10 9:22
Chapter: Déjà Vu

OOh, marvelous. Two OC's, both of whom are looking credible (or are they names mentioned once in canon? Anyway, close enough to OC's even if they are) a Muggle Library and a Wizarding Library built in essentially the same space - favorite trick of mine for schools and Prisons - and an few interesting new bits of magic, never mind the very well drawn picture of two men whose time has passed way too young...

Well, I'm waiting - go update!

Reviewer: bigtimer
Date: 05/19/10 8:53
Chapter: Déjà Vu

great start, i hope you keep writing this i'm excited to see where you take this.

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Makers of Fine Wands by CanisMajor 1st-2nd Years
Ollivander of Croton arrives in Athens in 382 BC with big dreams, noneof which...
Never Let Go by majestic_ginny 3rd-5th Years
DAUGHTER OF MINISTER FOR MAGIC FOUND DEAD Lucy Weasley, eldest daughter of...
Black Death by Northumbrian 3rd-5th Years
Three renegade Blacks, Alphard, Andromeda, and Sirius, must find ways to mourn...
FEATURED
Thank you for your time, Professor by Equinox Chick 1st-2nd Years
It is April 1976, and Minerva McGonagall sits in her office, arranging biscuits...
Heat of the Moment by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor Professors
A night of paperwork, coffee, and burning the midnight oil... it wasn't...
A Splendid Fate by hestiajones 6th-7th Years
One failed photograph, two halved souls, and the numerous, marvellous machinations...
CATEGORIES