Reviews For The March
Reviewer: FawkesToTheRescue
Date: 09/17/10 19:25
Chapter: A Sonnet

This poem was nicely written. I thoroughly enjoyed it. It was very nicely done.

I like the part when it says "with mum and dad and godfather and friend." I think this shows that, as heroic and brave as Harry was, he really couldn't do it alone. He needed the support of those he loved and I'm glad you brought that out.

"A flash of green fulfilled his destiny" is a great way to end the poem. Though we all know what happens next, it makes you remember what happens next because, in a matter of speaking, it leaves you hanging. And I think that is the best wording I could possibly think of for that particular concept. Fantastic.

If there was one thing I could do to make this better, it would be to tell you to add more detail. This such a powerful and emotional moment that every last detail makes a difference. I think that for this moment in the story, you'd want to feel like you're really there as much as you possible could. But of course, I love the way you have it.

This was a very good poem and I enjoyed reading it. I could never write anything nearly this good. Congratulations on the QSQ nomination, by the way.

*Norberta*

Author's Response:

What a lovely review! I like getting reviews for things that have been up for a while...it's like Christmas come early, lol.

I'm glad you liked the poem. It was written for a challenge, so it had to be sonnet form. I feel that, with the allotted syllables and lines that this particular structure allows, I got about everything out of it that I could. Truthfully, had I written this as a drabble or a one-shot, there would have been more detail, but this was as much as I could cram into this small amount of words.

Overall, i am pretty sure that this poem is lightning in a bottle for me in terms of quality, so I'm glad you got a chance to enjoy it, because good poetry from me isn't very common, lol.

Thank for your review. I hope to bump into you again.

~Jess

Reviewer: Rose Nym
Date: 08/09/10 10:18
Chapter: A Sonnet

beautiful! conjures up the emotions of that scene nicely, and flows great.

Author's Response:

I'm glad you liked it. It was so difficult to write with the required metre of a sonnet and still have that poignant content befitting that scene in the book. I'm glad it's come across as well as it has, because I really enjoyed writing it. It was a good challenge.

Thanks for reviewing, and happy reading. :D

~Jess

Reviewer: Liandrin
Date: 07/29/10 13:17
Chapter: A Sonnet

While I'm not normally fan of iambic pentameter, your choice of 'feet' is wonderfully apt in The March. I commend you for your well-execute technical device, which manages to keep a marching rhythm, echoing Harry's footsteps. The rhythm of the first stanza is especially effective, keeping those five feet in order, and the concept behind the story within the poem is just lovely. Often, poems can sacrifice content for technical brilliance; you are able to combine both, which is an incredibly feat for a seasoned poet let alone a novice.

Well done. I am always impressed when a novice poet can accomplish what you have. ^_^

~Lia

Author's Response:

Aww, you're a star. :)

I actually had a midnight inspiration for this poem. It jarred me out of sleep, so I drifted over to the computer, typed out what was in my head, and then went back to bed. Later, when I got up, I slaved over word choice, meter, and flow for at least three hours. I don't think I've ever put so much work into something so short, but in the end, it was worth it. This is my poetic masterpiece, and while I don't know if I'll ever write anything like this again, it was a pleasure to work on. I'm glad you like it and appreciate the difficulty and the work that had to go into it. 

*hugs*

~Jess

Reviewer: inspirations
Date: 07/22/10 7:51
Chapter: A Sonnet

Ah, I do love a good sonnet. They’re definitely one of my favourite poetry forms to read and write, and your one does the sonnet justice. Many fanfic poems could be applied to so many situations, but something I love about yours is that it is about a specific canon situation, and there’s no mistaking it for something else. It’s really interesting to see canon situations turned from prose to poetry, and think about all the different ways that could be done.

He started out but did not shed a tear,

You know, maybe I’m being a hypocrite because I’ve used that phrase too much, LOL, but ‘shed a tear’ just seems so clichéd at the best of times. There’s nothing wrong with clichés -- I use them all the time, inadvertently :p -- but I just think, in this case, you could’ve had a better impact if you’d worded it in a way to avoid the cliché. Things like ’but did not let go tears’ or ‘but not without his fear’, maybe.

That said, otherwise I only have praise! The sonnet has a very smooth rhythm and rolls off the tongue easily and rhythmically -- as it should -- and I love your choice of rhyming words. Just looking over the rhymes kind of sums up the situation, in those words only, and they so capture Harry’s state, and the progression of his emotions as he nears Voldemort. And then, reading the whole poem, which just furthers those ideas.

All in all, a very nice poem. Thank you :)

Author's Response:

Hullo there, Spire. :)

I wrote this for the beta boards, but when I went to post it on the archives, I think I was one word short to make the minimum. If I recall correctly, I think the line you mentioned might have been the one that got changed. I really should explore my options in terms of making it fit better overall with the flow and concept. I do happen to agree that it could have been better. 

The rhyme and metre were a labour of love for me, so I love it when someone who understands just how difficult that can be tells me that it's good. I really like this poem, and the events about which it was written are very powerful. I think the fact that it's so time-specific draws power from that event, giving it an extra push.

Thank you for reviewing this one. My poetry is sadly neglected sometimes. :)

~Jess

Reviewer: hestiajones
Date: 04/24/10 3:32
Chapter: A Sonnet

Aaaargh!

I have already fangirled this at the PA, but I am back! I love this poem, the emotions it portrays, and the blunt resolution at the end. You also wrote the sonnet form rather well here. Good luck with the challenge!

~Natalie.

Author's Response:

Ooh, thank you ever so much. I agonised over the punctuation for a while before I submitted it. Using the semicolon on every second line of the stanza really made it seem less run-on-ish. I hope it actually cracks 100 reads, though, lol.

Good luck to you, too, oh e-sister of mine!

Jess

Reviewer: Gmariam
Date: 04/23/10 19:53
Chapter: A Sonnet

*nabs first review*
I still love it. It looks great on the archive, it really does. Like I said before, the rhythm is fantastic. It's perfectly easy to read and bounces off the tongue exactly as it should. And (again) the rhymes are great as well— it never sounds like you grabbed a word just because it rhymed, but that you intended to use each of those anyway and they all just flow together naturally with great rhythm on top of it. I like some of the changes you made to the punctuation. It doesn't seem like each part is a run-on sentence. The couplet at the end is brilliant. Really, I'm jealous. I would love to say I wrote a sonnet this good. Kudos, dear! You no longer have anything to fear from poetry! ~Gina :)

Author's Response:

Yay! I heart your reviews. They always make me feel so accomplished. :D

I worked like a dog to make sure that this flowed well with iambic pentameter and still said what I wanted it to say. I agonized over every single word and syllable. But structured poetry like this is what I like, because me + freedom from strictures in writing = effing fiasco.

I'm really glad you like it and I'm quite pleased with how it came out. It won't win a QSQ or anything, but it's something that I'm proud to have been able to accomplish. My goal is to have at least one piece in every genre. I have conquered the largest obstacle on the road. Snarry scares me less than poetry. :-

Anyhow, thanks for reviewing, and I hope this poem is appreciated by the readers solely by the virtue of how hard it was to write and make it as close to perfect as possible. :-)

*hugs*

Jess

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Dark Enough To See The Stars by Oregonian 1st-2nd Years
Scorpius is looking for answers in the constellation that bears his name. He...
Four Secrets by hestiajones 6th-7th Years
In a world where Peter does not hero-worship James, James’s life foreshadows...
The Purity of the Turf by Nagini Riddle 3rd-5th Years
"Only know you love her when you let her go...And you let her go." -Let Her...
FEATURED
Etched in Gold by Cirelondiel 1st-2nd Years
"It’s like a safe place, somewhere to watch the world, somewhere...
The Elder Tree by the opaleye 1st-2nd Years
It would have been no surprise to see Vernon Dursley sitting on the frosty concrete...
Perfect First by Hermiones Kneazle 1st-2nd Years
Hermione is at her first dance and on her first date, but the night for firsts...
blackbird over the dark field by psijupiter 3rd-5th Years
AU. Severus and Remus forge a damaged and damaging relationship in the aftermath...
Turn to Stone by iLuna17 1st-2nd Years
One summer's night in Hogwarts, two statues are given one night to be human.
Ashes of the Past by minnabird 1st-2nd Years
Viktor carries the memory of Grindelwald's path of destruction, passed down...
What War Takes by WeasleyMom 6th-7th Years
War takes things and keeps on taking them, and the things it takes don't come...
The Observer Effect by Squibstress 6th-7th Years
Minerva is a watcher. Mostly, she watches Severus. She sees through a glass...
CATEGORIES