Cyn!

Firstly, I really like this. I was having trouble just reading it all the way through, because I constantly wanted to stop to examine a line. Your rhyme seems almost faultless, though I got a bit confused in your second stanza until I looked over it and saw the ‘it/quit’ rhyme. I thought that was pretty cool, and changed the beat of the poem in an interesting way

I thought the rhyme mid-line in line five of the first stanza was cool, though your word choice confused me a bit. When you said ‘is there where ere . .” I was confused. I wasn’t sure if you meant to put ‘ere’ in there (according to my dictionary, ‘ere’ means before) because that didn’t really makes sense to me in context, or if the ‘ere’ was a contraction (like where’re, where e’er or something of the sort). I’m not sure if the wonderful effect that the repeated rhyme or making more sense of the sentence is more important to me.

I loved the repetition you used in the last two lines of all the stanzas. It fitted each of the stanzas well and felt natural in each of the stanzas. In fact, none of your lines seemed like they were forced into form and rhyme. You could probably put that into prose and it would seem natural, which is something I really enjoyed. It was somewhat reminiscent of the Shakespearean narrative poems I’ve read, where it feels more like reading a story than a poem, even though the subject matter is quite different.

A nitpick - In line six of the final stanza, you wrote ‘The universe shall surly love.” I’m relatively sure you meant ‘surely’ instead of ‘surly’.

I really loved this poem, and it’s one of my favorites that I’ve read on MNFF. The subject matter could relate to so many characters (though I do thing Remus is the best example, especially with the Tonks and baby thing in DH), and I love how you wrote this.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for such a great review. I did mean Surely instead of surly. I'll go change that now. :) I didn't really have any characters specifically in mind when I wrote this. In fact it is more about something that happened to me in real life, but I love that you can see Remus there, especially since he is my favorite. :) That is one of the great things about poetry... it can be interpreted so many ways. Once again, thank you for your input. Cyns