My heart just broke at the last scene! Poor Severus...
This was beautiful, and the prose-like feel was spot on for this piece. :) Very nice!
it has the ethereal effect of good poetry, going deeper than the words
Wow, such beautifully harsh images!
Oh my word! This is an amazing poem, and I'm extremely pleased that I picked up the recommendation from Liandrin to review. What you have managed to convey in so few words is the sad life of Severus Snape. Sad, because at the end he still doesn't realise how worthy he is. Albus does, and their sharing of Lemon drops on the bench gets this point over so brilliantly, but Severus still does not see his own worth. You get the feeling that if he had his time again, he would still choose to be a Slytherin, but maybe not one who cleaved so strongly to the Death Eater cause.
I like the ambiguity of the green eyes flashing from the window - is it Harry on his way to death, or is it Lily waiting for him? I rather suspect the latter, although I doubt she's waiting alone ... and she'll soon need to be away to help her son. Sorry, that was my rambling speculation, but see how you've made me think.
You've captured Snape and Dumbledore so perfectly in this story. Their very essence ripples through these lines in a wonderful way, from Snape's curt words to Dumbledore's twinkling eyes and scoffing of sweets (LOL)
I want to point out how well the rhythm in these verses works. The train slowing, stopping, then pulling out again. The pause as neither man speaks - all flow beautifully.
Incredibly good poem. ~Carole~
Very good. I love Snape poems. I wrote two of them myselft.
I dont get it, but good job anyway.
Psi, this is amazing. I remember reading this in your thread in Poetry Anyone and thinking how wonderful it was. So now I'm here giving it a proper review.
The first thing I love is the way you have structured the poem. It is very effective and makes me think of the three act structure in screenplay writing. Each act is separate but integral to the overall work. In this case you have only enhanced the effect of the poem by splitting it in three. I am curious as to what your authorial intent was. We have the set-up, the introduction to the character, the introduction to his life. Then we have the confrontation, the real event, his death and it's consequences. I think this part was what really stood out to me.
His death serves a purpose,
is planned. Neat and tidy,
for all the blood that drips through the floorboards,
drip, drop, drip,
an accompaniment for dying.
This is beautifully crafted. It is very melodic in structure.
And finally we have the conclusion. I think the last line was perfect. You have summed up Snape in one line, eight words. In fact, this entire piece is an excellent character study of Snape and yet you have used so few words. That is the beauty of poetry and you have a talent. A real talent and I am oh so excited to see what else you write during your time in Poetry Anyone.
The poem also has an underlying flow to it despite the three part structure. Your words are blunt yet not forceful and they flow off the tongue naturally. You have a knack for impact in the gentlest of ways.
I also love the entire premise of the poem. The idea of Dumbledore and Snape sitting in King's Cross. I never really thought about what Dumbledore would say to him after he died and you've provided a nice conclusion even though the way you wrote the poem is not, in itself, conclusive. You have left his character open. I love that.
In short, Psi, this is truly breathtaking poetry. I absolutely love it and it's going into my favourites straight away. Well done!
Hey, Psi! Well, I read this poem on the boards some time ago and thought it was good, so it’s nice to get to read it again and review it, this time around. :]
Severus Snape... hmm, I’m never sure what I think of him. He’s one of the deepest and most interesting characters to explore, but before DH you can’t help but hate him. One of the things I really like about your poem if that you go to Severus’ core, and subtly drag up his disgust in himself.
The story moves on
I think you used that line excellently. It’s short and simple, but right to the point which fits Severus’ character in this nicely, because the story has the element of how he works towards revealing himself for who he is. There’s the fact that he spends most of his life lying, but because this poem shows him confronting himself, in a way, that line is almost like... a twisted kind of resignation. In addition, as you place it at the end of a stanza, the story really does move on.
He does what needs to be done,
the practicalities, the gritty reality.
His life is built on the necessary.
These three lines have to be my favourites. First read, I liked them for the rhythm and flow. Second read, I looked at them deeper and realised they summarise Severus perfectly. His life has shaped itself in a way that all of these ideas are important factors because of his decisions.
Next, I have to comment on the way you’ve structured the poem. I love how you’ve distinguished between his life, death and afterlife. All three deserve to be distinguished because they all are aspects of change – in a way – for him. In life, his true character is only really seen by Dumbledore; in death it is revealed to Harry and later everyone; in the afterlife, I wouldn’t say he’s given up his facade completely, but he’s a different man, who’s endured much. By telling his story, it’s kind of like he’s ready to give up that facade. And what’s more, in death he’s greeted by Dumbledore, which only seems fitting to me since Dumbledore is the only one – besides possibly Lily – who’s ever really trusted him. And at this point he tells Dumbledore his all -- the tale tumbles from his lips. It’s kind of a reflection of what he gives to Harry, but deeper.
Finally – ‘irredeemable’. I love that, because through Severus’s self-contempt, he doesn’t realise it, but he has redeemed himself for what he’s done wrong in the past. At least, that’s how I interpret it. Great poem, dear. xx
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the great review! :) Snape is one of my favourite characters to explore, and I found when writing this that poetry is actually a really good way to do that. I wouldn’t say he’s given up his facade completely, but he’s a different man, who’s endured much. he doesn’t realise it, but he has redeemed himself for what he’s done wrong in the past. Personally, I see the afterlife of Platform 9 and 3/4 as purgatory, and Severus hasn't yet redeemed himself. Regardless of the facts of what he's done, both good and bad, I think until Severus has forgiven himself he won't be redeemed and he won't be able to move on - to get on the train and face all the people who have already moved on, including Lily. Telling his story to Dumbledore is a way of him hopefully finding a way to move forward, eventually. (I also would like to possibly write a companion piece about whether or not Dumbledore is ever able to leave the Platform! :D ) Thank you so much for reviewing, it's great to hear that people have enjoyed reading this! :)