MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: shewolf2000 (Signed) · Date: 05/06/12 18:23 · For: Chapter 7
I like it. Good characterization. You've got plenty of unique features and interesting plot lines. I hope you get a chance to continue this fic :)

Name: shewolf2000 (Signed) · Date: 05/06/12 17:03 · For: Chapter 2
I'm enjoying your fic very much, but I wanted to comment on this chapter in particular because I love how you had Slughorn sort the students. It's so fantastically in character, the exact sort of thing I can see him doing. Really excellent. Well, off to the next chapter!

Name: unjellify (Signed) · Date: 09/01/10 19:43 · For: Chapter 4
I really like the story from what I've read so far. It fills in the blanks that JKR left about the Marauders' home life and family, which is awesome. Please keep writing it!

Name: Hungry4moore (Signed) · Date: 08/28/10 8:04 · For: Chapter 7
That was awesome! In parts u sounded like JKR herself!

Name: hpdude066 (Signed) · Date: 08/27/10 14:35 · For: Chapter 7
I'm very glad that i have read your storie. I'm looking forward to reading the end. Please don't keep us all waiting. This is one of my new favorite stories

Name: nevilleherosnape (Signed) · Date: 08/26/10 7:13 · For: Chapter 7
Ver good! Although I would have paid money to read how Dumbledore went about firing the idiot teacher. Possibly something that involved being suspended from the ceiliing, appeared to be set one fire, and then some memory modification.

Name: nevilleherosnape (Signed) · Date: 07/18/10 23:03 · For: Chapter 6
Curse words came out as I read this chapter! Wow. That was so horrible a situation that I'm shaking a little. Good story telling! Can't wait for the next chapter!

Name: EllieStar (Signed) · Date: 07/17/10 23:07 · For: Chapter 3
I LOVE the pace you are going at with this story and just the whole plot so far. Keep up the good work!

Name: nevilleherosnape (Signed) · Date: 06/06/10 16:15 · For: Chapter 5
I like it, but is Mr Potter that much of a snob? Although he did call Peter dead on!

Name: Rosty (Signed) · Date: 05/29/10 21:31 · For: Chapter 4
i think you are a great writer and I love the relationship between the boys. I have to ask though - are you going to keep them at this age for a long time? Because as much as you are a good writer, older versions of them would be more interesting. I understand you can't just jump to them being 16, but maybe like a couple more chapters summing up the major points that happen in their younger years. Anyway, just a suggestion it is great already! Keep writing I love the story!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! Yeah, I do plan on really quickly going through their 2nd-4th years in a few chapters, but first year was really important to establish the relationship between the boys, their families and personalities and whatnot, so I did a lot with that year. But yeah, there's only few more with first year left, and I don't anticipate any other year before their fifth taking so many chapters.

Name: decdraft (Signed) · Date: 05/24/10 22:06 · For: Chapter 2
I like it - great beginning - good characters - can't wait to read more

Name: nevilleherosnape (Signed) · Date: 05/24/10 12:51 · For: Chapter 4
I love the fantastic look into the Black family house! Love it! Remus's was a suprise too! Can't wait for more!

Name: nevilleherosnape (Signed) · Date: 05/16/10 19:43 · For: Chapter 3
I love it! all chapters! tell me the idiot DA teacher is going to get his soon! Can't wait for more!

Name: adeebee10 (Signed) · Date: 05/14/10 23:32 · For: Chapter 1
You did a really good job summarizing their childhood lives! That's how I imagined them to be, except Peter. But I think your idea of Peter's childhood was really good. It makes sense. I liked it! :)

Name: MerrryD (Signed) · Date: 05/14/10 16:10 · For: Chapter 1
So I’m a bit divided as far as your beginning goes. On one hand, I like it. I like how you clearly defined the differences between the boys and how you shaped them to be what we know of them. But at the same time, I feel like you spent too much time telling us what the boys were like. Surely, through a series of scenes, you could have showed us this same information?

I really, really liked how you developed Peter. It makes a lot of sense—the desire for grandeur and the false sense of bravery as undertones for the qualities that form his friendship with James, Sirius, and Remus, as well as being the ones that define him later in life.

A lot of your dialogue feels forced. I know it’s hard, but try to imagine yourself in that moment, as that character: what would you say? Also, your scenes feel rushed. I don’t think that Sirius would just attack Remus out of nowhere like that. Maybe he would start making fun of him if Remus had ignored him repeatedly or something. And James and Sirius’s friendship seems too well-developed to only be a day old. I think that in this point, they’d still be treading lightly around each other, not wanting to make the other one mad, because they want friends.

I do really like the internal battle of Sirius versus his blood. I like how he’s not just the opposite of them with no questions. But, again, I feel like this was forced and rushed on us, the readers. The scene, his thoughts in particular, don’t feel real. You captured his emotions really well, though.

Overall, I like this chapter. You have some wonderful ideas, a great imagination, and you write well. I just wished you had slowed down a little and let things happen naturally. I understand that you have somewhere you want to go with each chapter, but if you force it on the chapter than it’s going to come out like that.

Good luck!

Author's Response: Wow. Thanks for such an in-depth review. Obviously I'm a little farther in the story now, so I don't know if other chapters are better, but I will look into my diologue, which I know is my weak point. I've always tried to stay away from "what would I say", because I always felt like that was me projecting myself on the character and not letting them be them, but maybe that would work better than what I'm currently doing. I actually originally intended for the story to just be from James' POV, and that first section was what I had written, but I didn't expand on for the longest time. Then I decided I wanted to do it with all four of the boys, and I loved that beginning too much to change it, so I wrote up one for the other three. I like still like it, but I do understand what you're saying. I don't want to pressure you or anything, but if you get the time and want to, I would love it if you read and reviewed the rest of the story, because I love it when reviewers read the whole story and comment along the way. It usually helps more than a one time review, because sometimes a chapter is good, and sometimes another chapter isn't so good, and it's nice to have a few consistent people commenting on where the story is going, as opposed to random, new people each chapter.

Name: mortaldraco (Signed) · Date: 05/09/10 19:32 · For: Chapter 2
Wow, that's really good. I love reading fics, and this is so far one of my favorites. Good job.

Name: twaz (Signed) · Date: 03/23/10 23:00 · For: Chapter 1
Good Job! I like your style of writing; it flows easily and its fun to read. I can't wait to read more!

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