Reviews For Rebel Angel
Reviewer: Kerichi
Date: 03/31/10 12:24
Chapter: Chapter 2

I admire you for continuing to post even though no one reviewed. Even if you get hits, it’s discouraging not to get feedback.

 

I read both chapters you have posted, and although I don’t usually read Dark Lord rules the wizarding world stories, I like Nick (drooling on the pillow was a very humanizing quirk), and his goal to bring back Elle. He reminds me of Imhotep trying to bring back Anck Su Namun in The Mummy. Is Elle worth bringing back? Their relationship didn’t seem exactly close. Also reminding me of the film is Lily experiencing past-life flashbacks. Is she an Evie-type character destined to stop evil or to be possessed by the soul of Elle?

 

The story has an interesting plot, but to be honest, sometimes the way certain things were written made it hard to keep reading. At the beginning, you have Alecto Carrow screaming to “whispering first-years” when it isn’t necessary and comes across as unintentionally humorous.

 

As much as I liked Voldemort’s pamphlets tossed about erratically, the content raised a brow. I’d think he’d have Pureblood scholars rewrite history in a textbook for History of Magic, and Muggles, while capable of  producing Mudblood children, aren’t Mudbloods. I realize you were working in background information, but it seemed out of place in Muggle Studies.

 

Every writer has to watch for repetition, and I noticed a few instances in your story. In the first paragraphs, the children’s eyes were wide with wonder, and then Lily’s  “sapphire eyes” were “rapt with wonder.” Later, in Nick’s pov, the word “away” is used three times in one paragraph. In the second chapter, you mention the sun a lot and have it both radiating and beating down “mercilessly,” while in the second and third paragraphs “residents” are mentioned three times.  

 

The idea of scurvy-grass made me grin. If people know cigarettes give them cancer and smoke anyway, why not “grass” that leads to scurvy along with the high?  The character of Chauncey Adams is amusing; especially that Lily admires him because he simply likes to cause trouble.

 

I have no sympathy for Nick eternally looking eighteen, but I think him having to pull an Edward and go to high school is interesting. I wonder if your Bella will fall obsessively in love with him, heh.

 

I hope you found my comments helpful, good luck with the story.



Author's Response: I"m so sorry that it took me a long time to view this; I was busy for a very long time and was unable to log on. Thank you!

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Unexploded Bombs by Oregonian 1st-2nd Years
Dudley Dursley has just experienced the death of his elderly father Vernon from...
Ginny's Big Decision by dg04 1st-2nd Years
After Dumbledore's Funeral, Harry tells Ginny that they can't be together anymore...
Little Lions by SexY_LydZ 6th-7th Years
On a stormy October evening, a letter, a late night trip to the library and...
FEATURED
Going Against Salazar's Grain by hestiajones 1st-2nd Years
"Sometimes," said Dumbledore, "we sort too soon." Originally writtten for...
Whispers in the Night by lucca4 6th-7th Years
"Swear to me, Cissy. Swear you won't tell." It's a secret, and it haunts...
Fear and Loathing in Florida (Mostly Loathing) by minnabird 3rd-5th Years
Scabior and Greyback had to escape the Aurors somehow - they just hadn't expected...
Just Before Healing by WeasleyMom 3rd-5th Years
With Hannah, things always go to yellow.
In Bloom by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 3rd-5th Years
It figures that he ignores the other side of roses. Thorns fit to draw blood...
Magical by Nagini Riddle 1st-2nd Years
Ginny and her brothers sneak down the stairs to look at presents, but instead...
CATEGORIES