Aweh, thats so sweet :)
I enjoyed reading this little story which is an unconvential take on Lily/Remus. I don't see why you needed the Story Notes to reaffirm your stand, though; it's rather clear in the story as to what you're driving at in the story. I found the story engaging, short and intriguing enough to want to learn more of the dynamic between the two people we only knew as friends.
I really liked the way you write Remus. I've read far too many stories which portray him as a side-kick who is completely passive, so the change is a welcome one. There's a bit of the shy and reticent man we see in the books, and also some vibrant persona which doesn't pale against Lily's character. The only thing that confused me a little was the fact that he was walking around with a book on the D-Day of his best mate. I mean, that does seem a little disconnected.
Lily, on the other hand, isn't someone I connected with easily. She seems to be worried about way too many things, and when we contrast that with her younger days(or what we know of it), the change is a stark one.
You write description well, however. The emotions, the perspectives, and the atmosphere -- you capture it all without letting it get wordy, which is something that impressed me. The doves, the dress and the roses - they paint this dreamy 'All is Well' picture which does seem to be right for a wedding day. Even in the middle of a war, people require reassurance that peace and calm does exist, and this seems like a good occasion for that.
The dialogue presented here is just so natural, and that was something I enjoyed. The banter was so believable, and I could see the two of them having such a conversation before the wedding. For some reason, it also seems to have quite a calming effect.
I loved your ending, too; it was short, melancholic, and touching. I could actually feel for Remus while I read that part, and while it doesn't do over-the-top sadness, there is a certain level of sadness that seems just right.
There are, however, some issues with spellings at places, which I think you really should look at. It would be great if the nagging spellings don't get in the way of the good story.
Good work, keep it up!
Heyyy SPEW Buddy! I'm here to leave you a review for your lovely fic.
The first thing that struck me about this fic is that I really enjoyed the opening scene. I think you really utilised the tone of the story in a way that it became this really effective instrument in creating the setting and overall mood. It succeeded in drawing me in, and I instantly looked forward to continuing. However, I'm in two minds about some of the details you mentioned. In one way, this incredibly vivid image entered my head, and I could see the scene perfectly, without any difficulty. And I did like the scene - it seemed befitting for a wedding. Yet, the image jarred with what is perhaps my own conceptions of Lily. I wonder is the prestige and wealth of the occasion and house overdone? Not to say that Lily can't come from a marginally rich family, of course, and it perhaps ties in with Petunia's snobbery and the fact that she scorned of Severus because he came from 'Spinner's End', but somehow, I'm not sure. The area they live in is described as being quite industrial, so they wouldn't be exactly wealthy, more… comfortable. It's not even the details mentioned in the opening, really, but the stuff that follows… Gah. I'm not sure.
Oh, quick typo, so I thought I'd point it out; 'dres' shirt should be dress shirt!
Perhaps I'm being particularly nit-picky here, and possibly unnecessarily so, but for me, the wedding ceremony seem overly done. Although there's no really canon evidence to support my ideas of Lily, she doesn't seem the type of person to go so… pernickety about things. It's not even that, I just feel like the way you've described the wedding, with details like white doves seem slightly… corny, for Lily. I'm not explaining myself very well. Do you sort of understand what I'm getting at? They're beautiful ideas, of course, I'm just not entirely convinced that they're ideas that Lily and James would desire to have in their wedding.
Continuing on my earlier tangent, I thought I'd mention that it would be rather unlikely for the Evans to have a walk-in wardrobe, as well, especially as that sort of feature wasn't especially common in those times, unless they were very very rich, which there is no canon evidence to support that idea.
The phrase 'damn textbook' is actually rather American. While it's normal enough to have Brits saying 'damn', they would more than likely use 'bloody textbook' in that context, if you get what I mean.
Oh, when you say Remus is 'pouring' over the book, I assume you mean that he should be 'poring', rather than literally spilling on top of it ;)
While I do enjoy your characterisation of Remus - he's a true Marauder, with his wit and speedy replies and general amusing behaviour - I have to wonder about you characterising him as this sort of 'bookworm'. It's a bit of a cliche, to be honest. Not that I actually mind cliches, as if they're handled well then they can be perfectly enjoyable and not this big fic-destroying element, but this particular one is a bit unfounded, for me, at least in this situation. I just… don't really see why he's be with Lily with his head stuck in a textbook. Perhaps if he's on his own and in one of those curious moods, and he's trying to pass the time, but when he's in someone else's company like this, I think it's a bit off.
I really like your sentence structures. For the description pieces, they're quite short and to the point, but they really work in setting up the scene and making it as clear and realistic as possible. I also loved the dialogue - it was very quick, very realistic and the banter had a very believable ring to it. They seemed quite close and very comfortable with each other, but not in such an over-the-top way that irritated me. I'm sure that over time, they would have stirred up a bit of a rapport with each other. And the fact that the love between them is one-sided and unrequited made me enjoy it even more, because it's realistic. I actually held my breath when Remus told Lily he loved her, because I was afraid of what would happen… but the reaction was so believable and bittersweet.
I have to say, that some of Lily's dialogue with Remus sort of threw me off. I suppose it was to show how easy their friendship was, and how comfortable Lily was in his presence, and she was after all distracted, but when she was going on about how cute the pair of shoes were, I thought it was a bit odd.
I thought the ending was very sweet, and a great way to end the fic. It wasn't too corny or cheesy, but instead it combined a mixture of poignancy, sweetness and melancholiness that only the reader truly understood, on behalf of Remus. I think you handled Remus' internal conflict exceptionally well, actually. There was the right level of angst, but this very Remus-like air of acceptance.
Overall, Jenn, well done! I really did enjoy this fic, besides the few nitpicks I mentioned. Great work! I look forward to reading more of your writing. Overall, Jenn, well done! I really did enjoy this fic, besides the few nitpicks I mentioned. Great work! I look forward to reading more of your writing. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself. You do in fact have great potential, I just think you should honestly try and not push yourself so hard that you over-complicate things, you know? Perhaps try and return to basics. Because it's all there :)
When I said "You have left me wondering how the title ties in with the idea of Remus/Lily companionship" I meant it in a good way. I loved the title, em, the old title. A Little Late. Thats like another of Remus' characteristics isn't it, he's smart, and he really helps in bringing out the ease and best in people, yet himself he's just not been enough, to get that thing, to understand about how important, special he is to some people, how he could be living to that limit. He denies himself. He denies himself certain things, which sort of makes me think of him being "a little late". And there's the nice contrast as you say with being late about the proposal, late to help Lily, which again I adore because it is not in the romantic context, but the whole idea blossoms even in the title.
Epiphany of Endearment. It is a little mouthful. I like the old one better. I think that "felt" like Remus.
Something for you to think about. :)
Author's Response: I felt the same way. It sounds like a textbook, yeah? I changed it back. Thanka. Somtimes things just come to us as writers.
The thing about your writing is that you just dont need an author's note to reinforce the point in the story, your message, theology is already present there between what you say, and also, what you choose not to say. I like your way of writing. You use short selective sentences for your descriptions, your dialogues I have noted are immensely realistic and incredibly full of life and pleasure, but when it comes to important points or background info, you shift to greater details. There's something distincitve about your written word. It draws. I like the unconventional.
Remus. I found him to be appealing. For the first time since Pallas wrote him, I find him an attractive, worthy read. He's stylish. He seems like a Marauder. And I agree with Lily, the way you have written him, is probably the reason he was one of the four mischeif makers. It appears in his personality, dialogue, thoughts, and makes you nod your head. And somehow you have managed that using the cliches that surround Marauder Remus. Remus as a bookworm, and Remus with this unique relationship he shares with Lily. Interestingly, now that I think of it, they really fit well into the post-Hogwarts Remus. The idea that he was shy but despite the rejection, he's become more dignified about his personality, and society's rejection of him. I like that confidence. I think he would delve towards books not like your typical bookworm character, but because of your specification of the genre he reads. I'm thinking it's somehting to do with understanding what people do and why they do it. Being him, it's not too hard to imagine after all, why psychology would fascinate him. Nice one there.
I like the way Remus/Lily turned out. And I'm reminded like rare time, that it is all about how it is done. I dont like it when Remus/Lily goes overboard. You have given their relationship a certain seemlessness that indicates the companionship you refered to in the AN. Their banter and interaction, I treasured.
... So I reread some parts, and I have to tell you that at times I feel Remus appears to me the shadow of what he becomes in book three, and then I think of the scene in book six and seven, and I'm left thinking maybe it was Jo who got it wrong. I think Remus has remarkable potential as a character. He has a grace about him, a personality, a dignified one at that in your story.
It leaves me wishing I was Lily.
Again, the elements of his "perspective" of life you show here I think are there in his adult self too, but probably the war scenario later on (I'm not sure, there's a war going on here as well) is what makes it difficult to reconcile Jo's Remus and your Remus together.
Great story. You have left me wondering how the title ties in with the idea of Remus/Lily companionship.
Author's Response: Akay, You get it. I was so worried nobody else got it. I don't know. Perhaps everyone is looking for that gooey 'romantic love' thing. I'm glad that you like my witing style. You have no idea how often I have gotten cut off for this type of thing. No, it's not canon, but you'll forgive me if I point out that it is feasible. (No, I'm not going by any other canon than JKR, but I'm not saying their friendship was too far-fetched. Pallas? I love Pallas and that's such a compliment. You have no idea. Where's she gone? Unconventional? Yeah, thank you, my friend. I go for different, but I try not to stray too far from canon. Remus has always fascinated me as a character. At first, reading him in Book 3 simply because he has a physical diability that shuns him, but he chooses to rise above. Well, he did in that book, anyway. Diversity and disability are so important in today's literature. On one scale, I connected with Remus because I suffer from cerebral palsy. I totally agree that he 'fell off' in Books 6 & 7, but that's my thing. Remus represented in Prisoner my personal connection. (I garuantee you what I just said would anger folks. Some love that he 'fell off' the bandwagon. I'm a literary nerd, so I had to put the book there. He does have remarkable potential. The whole thing about companionship love? Teens especially don't get this, but love, real enduring love, cannot simply be romantic. There are other elements that have to be there, or the whole damn thing falls to pieces. It invites truth. The title? No idea. I might be changing that because it was a joke in my head. I imagined he was late to bring up a late proposal, late to help Lily and late for the prompt. I'll think on that. Thank you for reading and reaching my understanding, PadfootPatronus. Your review means everything. I'm glad somebody got it.