Very beautiful and thought-provoking. The words all seem to flow together nicely, and the overall effect is quite powerful. When reading the poem you don't know who Draco's love is, and I don't necessarily think it has to be Ginny in this case. (I personally can't stomach that ship). I love this poem and am adding it to my small collection of favorites.
Author's Response: Thank you very much for your lovely review. ^^ And, yes, you can interpret Draco's love to be anyone, I'm just a D/G fan, so I imagined it to be Ginny. Plus, I wrote this years ago. Lol. I'm honoured that you are adding it to your favourites. ^_^ *beams*
This is one of the most interesting poems that I have read. It's amazing that it tells such a detailed story without it straying from a poem.
I think this poem fits Draco very well. I personally don’t see Draco ending up with Ginny, but I don’t believe that nothing could have happened between them, physically or in a dream. The more I read the poem the more it seems like Draco to me.
The more I read the poem the more I want there to be more. I love how you used words that I didn’t know. I think that is one of the things that makes this poem so great. Another thing that is awesome is how you put a description of what the poem is about at the bottom. After I read that I went and read the poem again. Everything was so much clearer, and that made the poem so much better.
Some poets like to leave people guessing what their work is about, and sometimes that ruins the poem. The poem was great without the endnotes, but now that I know what everything else is about, I can enjoy it more.
One of my favorite lines is this:
This is the turmoil; this is the confusion; this is the feeling of loss.
It fits so well with the stanza it goes with, and it just sounds cool. :P It shows how bad his life is. It is a great ending to the stanza.
My favorite stanza is this:
His castigation of Self could only be found in his dreams.
His salvation was here too, offered by the last person he would ever ask.
It was in her he sought forgiveness.
And it was in her he fathomed piety.
This shows how much she means to him. I keep reading it over and over again, and I can’t figure out a way to describe what I like about it. This stanza tells us what can save him from what he’s going through.
But then at the end everything changes. I love the turn of events.
I like how you have the poem in the beginning and at the end. The poem in the beginning, because I have no idea what is being said, is a great way to start the poem. Having the English version at the end is an amazing way to end the poem. It makes everything final.
This is a fantastic poem. I love everything about it. I can’t stop reading it! Awesome job!
Author's Response: Wow, what a long and awesome review! ^_^
br<> I think you're one of the few people who actually like that I inserted such difficult words in it. I really didn't want it to come off as convoluted, more so I wanted it to be vague and confusing, like a dream world.
I think my notes at the bottom preclude me from added any other sort of information. Heh. Why I decided to leave endnotes was because I thought that it would be very beneficial to the reader. I mean, this isn't English class, and the reader is not being forced to critique it for credit. Lol. Besides, the reader can always choose to ignore the endnote and infer from it what she wants. Take from it what you want and leave the rest to me. ^_~ I'm sure others will be able to transcend the limitation of my writing and expand on it--to find significance in it that I was not consciously aware of. 'Tis the beauty of poetry.
I must say that I am very flattered by your review and am very pleased that you managed to point everything that I loved about it: beginning with the non-translated version of Yakamochi's poem and then ending it with the English version (I thought I was being so clever. Lol!).
You have just put a permanent smile on my face for the entire day. Thank you. ^_^
I pulled this up without realizing it was poetry--then I figured it was rude to not read and leave a review. I almost never read poetry. I especially liked the last four lines--it seems that he thought his dreams were real but woke up to find they were only dreams. I don't know how many times I've woken up and been caught in that dream world--did this happen or not? It all seemed so real. Not bad for my first fan fiction poetry experience. I'll see you later when I read Plan B:D
Author's Response: Heheh, poor you, being forced to read poetry. ^_~