That was sad. never write anything like that again. 1. I HATE one shots,two shot,anything under around 20,000 words,I hate. This was just.....damn that was sad. Cliffhanger ending too,doesn't really tell you what happens either.
Author's Response: Shorter stories can be frustrating sometimes, you're right. I'm sorry that this was too sad for you! I generally don't go for stories that don't have happy endings, so I know how you feel. But the companion piece to this explains what happens next and has, imo, a happy ending, so try that!
That was beautiful. I cried. I used to hate Severus/Lily shipping, but this...is inspiring!
Author's Response: Thank you! Oh, believe me, I'm NOT a Severus/Lily shipper -- but I did want to examine the nature of Lily's friendship with Snape and Snape's unrequited feelings for her. I'm glad you liked this :)
I plan to come back and write a proper review for this, but I just wanted to let you to know that this story is beautiful. *sighs*
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you like it :)
Fantastic story, and please do a bit about what happened in the other half, i would just love it if you writ about James and i really want to know how Sirius was dying and if he died and also what happened with James at the end!!
But still love this story, faverouited
Author's Response: Thanks so much! There is definitely a lot that isn't explained or revealed, but I've already started the companion piece, so keep an eye out ;)
God, this is goooood. It just builds and builds. I'll admit, I had a little bit of trouble buying James Potter being okay with his pregnant wife (and later child) disappearing for so long, but the rest of the story is so great I was easily willing to overlook that detail.
"But the truth is that Harry Potter is more Severus's child than James's, and he can't make his legs step aside. He just can't." This line nearly gave me chills. My favorite part of the whole piece.
Author's Response: Everything with James does seem a little suspicious, but I'm writing a piece from his POV that might help with that! I'm glad you liked the story nonetheless :) Thanks for the review.
I finally have time to review this! I've been waiting for days. Anyways.
I forgot to ask this in the last review, but who came to who for the idea of leaving? I'm not sure if this was answered in the last chapter or not.
I like your writing so much. You add so much detail without it being too overpowering or too much. It just fits everywhere.
The part at the gas station is so cute. I can just imagin Snape doing that (only somehow I imagine him as a really hot teen...) with Harry. I'm glad that you added a cute sceene about Sirius and Harry. After a long time of being together Snape would have loosened up a bit. If you didn't have him change his attitude towards Harry a little like you did then I think that it would mess with your story in a bad way. I think that the emotion you have Snape have towards HArry is great too because it's not too much. I think that it would be really bad if you have Snape start loving him, too. So, I think that you have a great balence between the two. It's very IC.
When Lily starts packing to go and Sev stands still, it's like I can feel his world crashing down before I read any more of the story.
I understand why he wants to stay. I'm mad at Lily for leaving. You have made like Sev more than Lily, which I thought would never happen. I *never* thought that I would like Snape more than Lily. You have just don't a great job with his characterization... I just can't describe it.
The Voldemore/Sev part was interesting. (Now you've got me saying Sev insted of Snape. :P). At first I couldn't see it happening. But then Voldemort gave reasons why he didn't kill him and it made sense. Then I remembered that this is an AU story. You've just made this story so believable even though it's AU.
I really love this line:
It all happens quickly, really.
It just - in my opinin - makes things flow better. Everything is building up and I'm excited to find out what happens next. But then I got to that line and it's like eveything is in slow motion after that. It's so simple and I know that the main-main ending of the story is coming next. It's also like all of the tension is taking a breather. It gives the story a break, as well as the reader. It's great.
The ending is amazing. I love the small sentences. So Sev dies for Harry? Couldn't Voldemort just kill Harry once Sev died. Or did Sev just do a spur-of-the-moment thing and didn't think about it, like he did it for Lily?
I think that the ending is great. I just love it.
I think that the song is amazing for the story. It fits well. My stillgram sings it to me and it always sounds happy. But for this I imagine it sang in a darker tone. The things is that both work so well. I can't decide. What I can say is that this song is amazing for this story. I never would have thought about choosing this for a songfic. It's amazing.
I think that you should write this from the perspective of the other characters. There is a lot of detail that we don't know and it will be cool to know.
This is my favorite story that you have wrote. It is just so believable. The only thing that seems off is that Lily hasn't been with James for a year and a half. I just can't picture her doing that. (But for the way I imagined Sev in this I can. :P ) But, this is an AU story. And, it's a great AU story because it's so believable and not believable at the same time, if you can follow that.
Great job with this! I really do love it.
Author's Response: Thank you so much! This is probably one of the best reviews I've ever gotten! I'm glad you enjoyed it so much and you liked how I portrayed Severus. He's not exactly my favorite character, so I was afraid I would end up making him wooden or unlikable -- it's so good to know that such is not the case! I was a little worried that it wouldn't make sense for Voldemort to spare Snape, but it seems to me that Voldemort despite being the spawn of Satan would still have favorites, and I can imagine Severus being one who he would want to spare. It was Severus who approached Lily and Lily who came up with the idea to run, which I briefly address at the start of the first chapter. I'm definitely doing a piece from James's POV, though, which will make that more clear, as well as deal with the James and Lily apart for so long. Thanks again :)
brilliant ending...like always....i feel pathetic saying this but i cried at the end....please add the james part....:)
Author's Response: Thanks! Don't feel pathetic! I'm glad I could evoke emotions ;)
Absolutely amazing and devastatiing. I really have never been a fan of Severus, but this fic really had me rooting for him. Even though it kills me Lily was away from James for so long. So yes, please write about what happened to James during this time!
Author's Response: Thanks very much! I've never been a huge fan of Severus, either, to be honest. I'm glad I could muster some sympathy for him in you ;) And James's perspective is certainly on its way!
And yes, please do tell the rest!
Author's Response: Thank you! I definitely will.
extra bits of the story are always worth it! I can't imagine being James and letting her go off like that! great story!
Author's Response: Thanks! I think I'm definitely going to write that companion piece :)
Okay. I think I read this one last night and I think I've read stuff by you before, so the style is different, and that's a good thing. I understand that you are trying to do this is a short piece, but there seems to be a lot covered in a short amount of space. Perhaps there should be a slight justification to back up what Severus thinks when they get in the car. You say that he hates James. I'm wondering what's going on in the back of his head.
Not an angst piece (because I think those are poorly written) but especially in the introduction. You seem to imply Severus is running from Voldemort. What happened there? It's interesting if you consider this as one of those times Lily and James 'thrice defied Voldemort'. The 'chivalrous' part should either have an adjective or an adverb somwhere, but it needs to be different because it sounds out of place.
I understand that they travel by Muggle means, but the repetition seemd rather annoying. It probably seems weird because of the length of the piece, but perhaps that would be lightened by seeing others in the piece; minor characters can help you set a scene, but they can have another purpose. What if they stayed at someone's house who took synpathy on them? Aren't they seen by the ooutsiderrs as husband and wife? Or even as a couple, seeing as Severus has no ring, but they are seen going into these places.
The spider thing: that is so big brother, good job.
Interesting. I wonder how long this will last.
Author's Response: I do think it would have been fun to make a longer story out of this and explain more, but I like the idea of leaving a lot up the imagination. I am thinking of doing a companion piece that would explain more, but that's still up in the air. As for the continual mention of traveling by Muggle means -- that was more to set up the monotony of their entire trip, of the story. If it were to be a longer story, you're right, it would have been a good idea to include more minor characters and other scenes. Thanks for such a detailed review!
wow! this is really good! i think you did a great job with snapes character and it seams pretty believable. i cant wait for part two!
Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you think so :)
Snape's characterization in this is just... out of this world. I love it. Even though this story is AU, I could see this happening. Well, kinda. You wrote this in a way so it's like it did happen.
The funniest part by far is this:
Happy Giving Birth, Evans.
It made me laugh. It is something that Sirius would say.
The way you have Severus's and Lily's relationship is great. You can tell without reading any of the books that they were friends and then had a falling out, but it was subtle. It's great.
The part with the spider is beautiful, in a way. What Severus thinks is one of my favorite parts of the story. He is exactly how I thought he would be. He remembers the good old days and he laughs but he also helps. He is also serious. It's kind of like that one part is his whole characterization in one part.
In the begining I'm torn on what to think about all of the italics. They are in lots of places, but they are used for good reasons. Also, I imagine Severus as the kind of character that would italics a lot. But there are lots of the... But in the end, I think that you used them excelentay. They all fit well and add more to the sentences that they are in. It goes with Sev's characteriazation so well. Good job.
I'm excited for the next chapter in this. The plot is great. I can see James letting Lily do that. The way you don't go into much detail helps. When I was reading it, I didn't think much about it. So, I wasn't doubting the plot. That is always good.
I can also see Lily helping Severus. He would have had to do something to show that he wants/needs help. Also, her reaction when Severus says all of those things about James. Her reaction was good and IC for her.
The ending was great. Severus's emotion towards Harry, his reaction towrds him is great. He would jump to his bad perspective first. Then he would realize that Harry is Lily's son.
This is just a great story so far. Everything is done very well. I'm so excited for the next chapter to see where everything goes.
Author's Response: Wow, this is such a great review! You've left me grinning! I'm glad you liked it and thought Severus in character. I'm not a big fan of him, so I was afraid I might not do him justice. I was also worried that some people might see it as out of character for James to let Lily go, but I don't think it would be, so I sort of let the assumption rule the story. I'm thinking I might do a companion piece told from James's POV because, while there's not so much in this half, the second half of the story leaves a lot to the imagination about what else is happening . . . if that makes any sense (if not, it will!) Thanks for the review!
This is really good! I have never been a fan of anything to do with Snape and Lily. Like you, I'm James and Lily all the way. But this is absolutely amazing! It's a really different take on it. I love it, and can't wait until your next chapter!
Author's Response: Thanks very much! I'll try and post the second half as soon as I can!
brilliant fic. i'm also not a fan of lily/sev or severus at all really...but i really like this...its well written...and so adorable at parts...and sad at others...i like the way you've written snape...its really well done...please update soon...i wonder how far their adventure is going to go now...especially that harry is along...
Author's Response: Thanks! The next chapter should be up soon :)