Aww Ronnie, this was really good! Very teary, and I loved the last part... 'So smile. Smile for your children; smile for the dead; smile for the ones who made you happy, and the ones who will...' Beautiful, and exactly what Fred would have wanted them all to do, and I'm glad it was George that gave them all the excuse to smile again.
There were a few Americanisms (candy instead of sweets, and I can't really picture Molly saying 'kids'; I think she'd call them children, or child), but they didn't really detract from the story.
Great work and you deserved all those points you got for it!
Author's Response: Sarah! Thank you SO much for your review. It really means a lot to me and I am really glad you liked it. Thanks for pointing out the Americanisms, I'll correct them once I get a hold of my computer :) Thanks again, really :) -Ronnie Xxx
George's joke was lame; his timing was perfect. Nice story, with a moderate hanky factor.
Author's Response: Hi, Trucker! Oh, gods, George's story was one of the lamest things I've ever written. (I think it shows my lack of creativity and sense of humour) Oh well... :p I'm happy you thought the story was nice! And thanks for leaving a review! It was very lovely of you! -Ronnie Xxx
Ronnie… wow! That story was giving me chills! The speech flows lovely throughout the whole thing, and nothing seems out of place. It’s also quite in character of Molly and really just well written!
I think it would have read a little nicer without the bracketed actions. Using “ahem” as a throat clear and a little haha for a laugh might have worked better. There’s also a little grammar error: ““And, that day, George made me see that, [b]even when Fred gone[/b], we all need…” it should either read, “Even with Fred gone…” or “Even when Fred is gone…” I think the first makes more sense as the second sounds like he could come back.
Other than that though, this is a beautiful story! I like the part when Molly talks about death as a challenge, “But I think that this is a challenge: a challenge to make us all stronger, a challenge that will make us help our other children, to set our example, to change the world and everyone we can just like they did.” I think this really captures what a parent would feel after the loss of a child, the encouragement to make the world a better place. It’s uplifting and inspirational and I really like it! I have no other words for it.
Extremely good job, Ronnie! Keep up the wonderful writing! :)
Author's Response: Sarah! Oh my God, I don't even know where to start! This review made my day, seriously thanks so much! Thanks for pointing the grammar error out, I'm going to fix it as soon as I get a computer. I can't believe I didn't think of using "ahem"! That's why I used the bracketed actions, I might change it soon, too. I'm really glad you liked this story, really!<3 Ronnie Xxx
Ahhh, this was amazing. I'd be crying except I'm in computer tech class right now. :) It seemed very real to me.
Author's Response: I'm really glad you liked it! (and that it wouldve made you cry, oddly enough) thanks for the lovely review! It really means a lot to me! -Ronnie Xxx
Author's Response: Thanks so much! This made me smile :D -Ronnie Xxx