MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
Name: Sapphire at Dawn
(Signed) · Date:
04/10/10 6:00 · For:
Interesting story. I liked certain aspects of Pansy’s characterisation very much, especially what she thought of Draco. This line in particular I thought was excellent: It was like, I had power around him, but not over him. , however, the first comma doesn’t need to be there I don’t think. I liked how she was confused about her feelings and how she waited for so long for him before she left.
I also liked how you wrote the house elf. It was very convincing and in keeping with Dobby and co. and also had the slightly adoring nature, even when Pansy snapped at her.
However, I think that Mrs Parkinson’s reaction when she’s told what’s happening at Hogwarts is a bit too normal and accepting. It’ll be the battle of their time and she should care about it because it’ll affect her future and I think that should have been shown.
The ending is interesting, and I could probably see that happening with her, but I think you could have built it up more throughout.
But it was a very interesting take on a character I’ve never really though about much. Good job!