AHHHH!!! I KNEW IT! SALAZAR LIKES DESTINY!!!!
I apologise for my overexcitedness. I was practically screaming in delight when I read chapter 13. It was awesome!
Now, when you replied to my last review you said that boht Silver and Salazar would choose what side they would be on in this book (the first one). Am I right in saying that Salazar chooses the light side? Isn't saying that Salazar's only following the scheme to steal the philosopher's stone because of his sister (or something like that) means that he's on the light side? And what about Silver?
I am so glad that you finally give a chapter on the POV of Salazar. This is a record: seven chapters in a row without that.
The mirror of erised part was amazing. Salazar seeing Silver and Destiny smiling with him and all three of them being happy was extremely surprising. To be honest, I expected Salazar to see himself holding the philosopher's stone and making elixir out of it or something like that. Now, I am not suggesting what you did is not good-I actually find it brilliant-but it was quite unexepcted, how it turned out in the end. And Destiny taking his hand and leaning into his arm in the mirror is just so cute! That's just evidence that she and Salazar might end up together!
What I find pretty strange is that when I read chapter eight, I knew pretty much straight away that there was something more to Salazar and Destiny...
*I wonder who your first snog will be with,” Destiny taunted.
“Oh shut it, Des!” Salazar growled.*
Now we've got proof of that. He he.
I'm loving your story, and keep updating!!
P.S. When's more on Silver and Drake or Destiny and Sal coming up?
P.P.S I can already imagine Destiny and Sal getting together and the same goes for Silver and Drake. Can you please tell me whether either of these pairs really end up together? Unless it spoils the whole story of course. =)
Author's Response: Hahaha... I'm glad your happy :)
The mirror is a funny scene to me because though, for the readers, it's obvious that Salazar likes Destiny more than he lets on, he still doesn't even believe it, himself. When he saw what the mirror showed him, Salazar, as you know, freaked out. Almost like he sees it as an impossible occurance. The only thing Salazar really took out of the experience is that deep down, he didn't want the stone.
However, Salazar did really want to have the stone. (He wasn't just going with the flow, for a lack of a better way to put it.) The difference with Silver's eagerness versus Salazar's after the Destiny confrontation, is that, because Silver is more of a temperamental person, she is more brutal about things. (I don't mean Silver gets emotional, more like she's very good at getting angry and not a girl to mess with when she is. And when she is pissed off, she is even more persistent to get what she wants.) Destiny made Silver angry and so Silver also wanted to get the stone more out of spite of Destiny than because she disagreed with Destiny's viewpoint. Silver's anger is one of the reasons that she has such a sharp tongue and gets into a lot of tight spots. Generally, Salazar is the only one to truly calm Silver down and he can make her see reason.
Now, about the light versus dark, to be honest, the stone was only a small taste of what the twins want. A big reason the stone was so important to the Moon Twins was that it meant power. At this point, Salazar and Silver both want to be the greatest wizard and witch there is. The only terms that want to go by is that they must achieve the power by their own volition. Sorry, but that's all I can give you so far, on this.
On the matching, I'm so glad you caught that foreshadowing of the comment that Destiny made to Salazar. Like I said the readers are very aware of all the characters' emotional states, sometimes more than the characters themselves. As for Silver and Drake, the two of them are quite unusual. Drake has already told Silver that he likes her, which for a young boy is strange enough. Now, they act like nothing was said. When Drake is able to really ask Silver for a date (in the third book), they will begin to talk about their feelings again, against Silver's wishes :)
As for Salazar and Destiny, they are both basically oblivious to each other as anything. Destiny hasn't even begin to picture Salazar as anything more than a 'Moon Twin', at this point. She even feels it's foolish to even consider them as friends, at this point. Since, Destiny has no idea about what Salazar saw, and there's no way Sal is going to tell her, she won't be 'really' looking at him for some time.
As for Salazar's side of it, as I stated up above, he doesn't really understand what he saw in the mirror. At best, Salazar thinks that he was just meant to keep Destiny as a close ally. The fact that the three of them were so happy just made Salazar confused and wished he hadn't seen anything.
In the first and second book, only little things happen between Des and Sal, though they don't really think about them. Similar things like the mirror or other foreshadowing conversations occur, but nothing is really said between Sal and Des.
Actually, more happens, to Salazar's annoyance, with Brice and him. Brice is a lot like the pretty social birds of school who set their eyes on one boy and try everything to get them. Salazar, like most uninterested boys, doesn't know what to do to get rid of Brice. In the second year, Salazar will basically tel her to leave him alone, but, the more he pushes away, the more Brice thinks he's cool and aloof.
It's not until the third book that Salazar begins to really react to Destiny, though Destiny doesn't see anything change and, being Salazar, he doesn't know what's going on in his own head. Destiny, is only going to find out a little of what Sal is thinking in the fourth book. Hint: She finds out in a big way, with no warning and Salazar is still completely confused :) .... Sorry, I think you would rather read about it.
Salazar likes Destiny?! Ooolala!! Can't wait for more! Christmas with the Snapes?
I don't know if it's true, but in my mind, Severus's mother and father are both dead, which is why Snape is always seen at Hogwarts during Christmas or any holiday for that matter. And, since Severus is a very closed off person, I want to make it appear that holidays are a hard time for him because he's not a festive person by nature.
That being said, I only give a little bit of Christmas Day in the story. Also, I don't really give Severus any lines on Christmas, but I think you will like what he gives Destiny for her present. (It sort of gives an insight on their future relationship :) I don't think it's hard to imagine that Severus has a hard time talking to Destiny about certain things.)
Then, the rest of Christmas Day is implied in the story, mostly because Destiny's birthday is in January. Instead of making a big getting together for a holiday, that normally Snape doesn't seem to care about, I get the father and daughter together for Destiny's 12th birthday. Well, I hope you like the next chapter.
If I haven't said it before, I love, LOVE, the exchanges between Snape and Destiny!! amazing! They make me giggle! Can't wait to see were the
Moon twins go now!
I've been reading this ever since chapter 3 came out. I'd just like to say that I absolutely love it. The story just keeps on getting better.
I'm surprised Destiny stood up to the Moon Twins. From this, I observe that she is more vulnerable than the twins. Is she going to turn to the light side?
Also, the bit with Drake and Silver is wicked. What I highly suspect is that Drake is in love with Silver (as insane as the idea sounds). I'm super excited to see what happens with that, as well as what happens with Jane.
I'm also excited to see whether all of them will turn to the light or dark side!
Keep the updates coming!
I'm very glad you like the story. As I'm writing the story as I post it, the next chapter might take about a week or so to get up.
As for Destiny, you were right to think that she has more moments of weaknesses than the Moon Twins. The Moon Twins see this side of her, only when she is sleeping. This is because, in the presence of the twins, Destiny always feels stronger and can handle and overcome a lot more than when she is alone, which is why she is able to speak her mind to their face.
The Moon Twins do know Destiny's childhood trama with her adoptive parents, but they never cared to talk about it. (Silver hates emotional stuff and Salazar never would know what to say.) But, they do understand that since Destiny is still as strong as she is after all she went through, she is a very valuable person. It was Destiny's ability to overcome her personal hardships at such a young age that made the Moon Twins really want to include her. They believe Destiny is the perfect ally; intellegent, strong, and loyal. (Destiny doesn't know this reason, yet. She believes the twins just liked how she appeared to be 'strange' like them.)
As for your question about which side the trio will be; light or dark. I'm afraid I don't want to give away all the surprises. Although, I will say this, the Moon Twins will officially decide where they stand in this book but Destiny won't tell anyone what she has decided to do until the end of year three. However, I think Destiny's loyality is partially explained throughout the first three books. (And, yes, I intend to write 7 or 8 books for The Youngest Death Eaters. I have already wrote some future chapters for each of the years coming. I have a complete outline for each of my characters' actions and their futures and I already know how each year is going to play out. Now, it's all a matter of writting the in between chapters :) )
Since, Jane was a last minute character idea, it might seem like she falls off the map sometimes, however, I will explain why that is. There is something about Jane's personality that the readers don't know yet. I designed her after I girl I knew in hight school.
As for Drake and Silver, I think you will like how that turns out, but I can't say anymore yet. Hope I can keep you entertained in the future, and if you have any questions, feel free to ask. Unless the questions spoil the whole series, I'll answer.
Nice! Can't wait for more!
Love it! Just so I'm following, then this part happens before Halloween and right after the broom incident?
Author's Response: Yea, you're following correctly. I hope the future chapters will help you more.
I love this chapter! I love the interaction between Snape and Destiny! Very good! There will be so much more of them later right?! One thing confuses me though. Destiny mentions that the Moon twins are two years older than her? That makes them 13 not 11 and they should have been at Hogwarts two years earlier. Did I miss something?
Author's Response: No, you didn't miss anything. The way it works out is that, in years, the twins are only a year older. Destiny starts at Hogwarts as an eleven year old and the Moon Twins are twelve soon after the first of September. You see, Destiny was born on January 2, 1980 and the twins birth month is November 7, 1979, so in months, they are closer to two years. Therefore, Destiny always sees them as 'nearly two years older' because it is her way of reasoning to herself about why the twins are so different. No matter what she may say to others, she hasn't fully understand why the twins are so cold and distant, so subconsciously, she believes it is because they're older and have seen and heard so much more than her. Oh, and about Destiny and Snape, yes. Severus has always been my favorite character, so I will be using him in the story a lot and most of the time it is with Destiny.
It just keeps getting better. I can't wait for the next update. Soon?
OOOOO! I liked it! I was hoping you would address her and Snape soon! Can't wait to see where you take them!! Great Job!
Interesting! Can't wait to read more!!
First, the chapter title “The Dark Side of the Moon” immediately put me in a good disposition toward your story. Pink Floyd is win.
The only victims of hers, if any, were those who tried to mess with her first.
This kind of characterization is somewhat cliché. The sort of, “Well, I don’t do anything to anyone if they didn’t do anything to me,” is overused. I found it interesting how you used the word ‘victims’ here, though. If she only retaliates, why are they called victims? I thought that was interesting, and made me pause for a moment when reading it. At first I was confused by your word choice, but then I considered it, and I think that it potentially shows a lot about Destiny’s character. It could say that she’s unpredictable, or uncontrollable, when she gets angry/upset, or that she overretaliates in that sort of situation. It made me wonder what sort of temper she had, or if she got upset very easily.
My first problem was with this:
Standing a little over four feet tall, her body was slim with very angelic features.
I’ve done a bit of looking up on average heights for ages, and if by ‘a little over four feet’ you mean just a bit over that mark, perhaps by part of an inch or so, this would put her several years behind in average growth, making her around the size of a nine or ten year old. I don’t know if this is intentional or not by you, but this tripped me up while I was reading, and I had to check and see if it made sense. Also, she seems almost excessively beautiful. Does she have any flaws at all besides that very prominent 'mark'?
While reading the first chapter, I was unsure how old your characters Silver and Salazar were. By indicators like Silver’s height, I assumed that the pair were eight or nine, but the way they spoke, or even thought, I would think they were quite old. No kid in their age range talks that way, not that I’ve ever met. The twins are very aware of what is happening in their surroundings, and the effect that they have on others. I can see what you’re trying to do with making major similarities between Silver and Salazar’s childhood and Tom Riddle’s, but even he was a little skeptical of what Dumbledore was telling him. All three of the children use a very expanded vocabulary, and not even Hermione talked like that. An example of that is this: If that could happen, perhaps the opposite is possible, truly beguiling. Salazar is thinking this, and I know that when I was eleven years old, I probably hadn’t heard the word before, and I’m sure I hadn’t known what it meant. Add onto that the fact that the three grew up in an orphanage, where they probably didn’t get the same sort of constant education that I got at home and at school, and you have something that seems somewhat unlikely.
With arms flinging Destiny so nearly avoided her grasp, so she continued on to harass Silver first.
A little tattered, but none the less stable, well as stable as flying brooms could be.
I noticed quite a few little errors in your story similar to these, like comma placement and the like. I’d suggest visiting the MNFF Forums and getting a beta reader, if you haven’t already. They are a really wonderful and helpful bunch, and if I didn’t use them, I’m sure my writing would be a complete mess in comparison to what it is. I used these two examples because they took me a couple of readings to catch what you meant. What I have started doing is reading my writing aloud; it helps me check for mistakes, and I can note the natural pauses that I make while reading, and from there I can add in what punctuation I may need there, and I suggest you try it and see if it works for you.
One thing that bothers me about Destiny is how she didn’t put two and two together. She has her necklace, which has Severus carved onto it, and then this man, whose name is Professor Severus Snape, who somewhat resembles her (so far as their hair is involved), comes into her life with another professor, which makes his presence unnecessary. If Destiny didn’t figure it out, why wouldn’t the very observant twins see it?
I’m also interested in how you chose your names. I understand Salazar (his father picked out his name to honor a very powerful ancestor), but Silver seems odd. If Voldemort chose such a historic name for his son, why wouldn’t he do the same for his daughter, who he essentially branded as his son’s equal? I can’t see him naming his daughter Silver. And if she was named at the orphanage, would they choose such an odd name? As this orphanage is in England, I would assume that they would give her a normal, English name, like Anne or Mary, or at least something more traditional. I thought all of your names were a bit of the fanciful side – and I’m not condemning you for it, I love naming characters as well. But I thought Destiny was odd – if she was named that by her real parents, was there a reason behind it? I hope you’ll explain that in the future of this story. Also, ‘Quintessa’ seemed like an extremely odd name for what I assume is a completely normal Muggle orphan. If she is further involved in the story, I’d suggest giving us a reason behind the name. Was she an unwanted fifth child, or the fifth child the orphanage had gotten in a particularly busy week? Prehaps named by a very fanciful worker? Fantastical names are often the downfall for authors, and remember that to make a character interesting, you don’t need to make her name distinctive. The character’s unique actions will make them more distinguished in a reader’s mind than a series of uncommon names.
Author's Response: Ok, lol I'm going to try to answer or respond to all your points. But first, thank you, they are great. Well, for starters you got the hint about 'victims' as I wanted you to. Though at first Destiny seems much like Snape and can control herself, it is possible for her to completely lose control. In my mind she is like fire, which I relate her to later. She is powerful, unpredictable, and people need to be cautious around her. Also, like fire doesn't start itself, Destiny rarely instigates fighting, but when set off, she can not be controlled. With the twins' height, I must say, I sort of planned that they would appear a little short. As Salazar and Silver's actual births, at this point, are a mystery, only I know why. I will probably never go into detail in the story but the twins were premature, however because of the conditions of which they were found in, no one knows.(I explain a little more later in the response.) Anyway, their height is the result of that. As to their education level, I have given them very inquisitive minds on purpose. I want to make sure to set them apart from their peers. Like you said, not many children speak like them or think like them. This is why, the twins especially, do not 'try' to associate with the other orphans. They feel they are above them and intellectually, they are. The twin are autodidactic, they would take the basics that any kid would be taught and further explore themselves. Destiny, after being with them for so long learned secondhand. I understand my writing could use some correcting and in the future I will try to look closer. I'll try to use your techniques and hopefully as I keep going I get better. I made it very obvious about Severus and Destiny when they all met because I wanted to show the idea that as humans, we sometimes can't see what is right in front of us, while others on the outside can see it clearly. The twins picked up on Snape's first name, however, as all humans perceive things differently, Destiny did not think anything of it. If you're wondering now why the twins would not tell Destiny, the answer is simple. Though the twins have an understanding with Destiny to be allies, they still like to manipulate others and play their little 'games'. They want to see how long it would take Destiny to piece it together or for Snape to spill it. And now the names. Well first off, all three of them were named by Ms. Scott. Ms. Scott always liked to name the orphans for certain reasons. You see the twins only have memories of Voldemort when he gave them the marks and such. (Like Harry can remember Lily's death in green smoke and Hagrid on the bike). But even if they were named by Voldemort, they would be too young to remember. (Besides, I don't see Voldemort caring too much about what to call them as babies.) Later in the story, I might explain to everyone that the twins were found in an abandoned house. This is because, Voldemort kept them a secret and when he disappeared no one knew about them. That's why they were put in a Muggle orphanage in the first place. I will explain why then did Dumbledore know about them, so forgive me but I can't tell you now. I don't want to ruin all the mystery. So why did Ms. Scott, a Muggle, call a boy, Salazar, because, though it is uncommon it's not unheard of. (For example, António de Oliveira Salazar was Prime Minister of Portugal). In my mind she knew someone with the name and liked it. Just call it a lucky chance he got the name of a famous wizard (and distant ancestor.) As for his middle name Scorpio, that is his astrology sign. Silver got her name because Ms. Scott thought it was very unique for her to have that color in her hair. Selena is her middle name because it means moon, which leads me to their last name, Moon. In my mind, when the twins were brought to the orphanage, they were very nearly dead themselves due to the fact that they were left in the house for a while before found. (Since they didn't cry.) As the doctors were tending to them they let Ms. Scott know the probable birth date, I did some researched and found that on November 7, 1979 there was a full moon. So the Head of the Orphanage named them Moon. Destiny's name came from the idea that Ms. Scott liked to think that no matter what happened to the kids at her orphanage, or what their pasts held, they always could chose their own destinies. It just so happened that the girl she actual named that, is the one child that would really understand. Her middle name Sev, is quite obvious to be short for Severus. Her past will also be explained later so I can't tell you all of it but Ms. Scott was the one that told her that she was found with the necklace and it was most likely her mothers. (Destiny figures the rest about it, as I have already explained.) As for her last name, Snake, well that's what the necklace is, a snake. Sure not too imaginative, but whatever. As for the other girl Quintessa, I got that name from a 'English name meaning' chart, since I'm not British I don't have any knowledge of their common names. If I have characters that I won't really be needing I go to the site and find names that I think they fit the meaning, or that I just like. I didn't mean for it to be anything more than that. And for an end note about their names. I didn't know that in HPSS the surname 'Moon' is actually sorted in Harry's year, but when I found out I thought it was quite interesting. Talk about luck, lol.
I love it! Not so patiently waiting for the next chapter!! Can't wait to hear about Destiny and Snape or what houses they all end up in!
Author's Response: Yeah I'm sorry about the delays lol. They just keep finding things wrong with my choice of writing. Hopefully as I write more I won't have so many problems and they'll validate them quicker. By the way House sorting will come in chapter 7, which I'm still writing.
I'm really curious to see where you take this. Keep the updates coming.