I really enjoyed this story. :) I was really glad that it was, in it's own right, about the trio and didn't mention much about the other golden trio. Your characterization was rather amazing, and I have grown to really like your characters and understand them.
There are a few grammatical and punctuation issues that made me slow down, but it didn't hurt the story. ;)
Great job! I am looking forward to reading more.
This was ah-may-zing. Honestly, it was a really good read and although i knew what was going to happen next, it was intresting to read it from another point of view as opposed to HP.
Keep up the good work
Love it !
I love your story and I hope that you will keep witing sequals! I also loved the Snape and daughter relationship, in all those scenes Snape acted way within the Snape from the book's personality but of course with a softer side to Destiny. All your characters were so believeable but I kinda want Drake Bell and Destiny to fall for each other. I have to say that Destiny is my favorite even Silver and Salazlar are growing on me, mostly since Salazer's growing relationship with Drake Bell. You pinned Dumbledore's friendly all-know-iness and it was awsome how everything stuck to the books story line and if you think back everything you made up is very possible which justmakes it stick into my head even more than a random harry potter fic. I was sooooo relieved that the Moon twins did mostly the right thing, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep down they really do have good heart. And by the way I did see a few typos but was to lazy to reveiw, suggestion: if you coppy and paste each chapter one by one into a word document it will usually show you some things you missed. Anyway I REALLY want you to keep writing about their years at Hogwarts, PLEASE! Like next with the chamber of secrets I can really see how the trio would get into trouble with that one with their snake speaking, courious slytherin-ness, and their ties to Dumbledore, Snape, and Voldemort. So PLEASE! (Will flattery work?) You are such a good writer, SO good I am envious and wish I could write half as well!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Author's Response: Hey, that's for the praise. I say flattery won't usually work with me but never fear I have already planned on writing sequels. I have all seven books planned out already. I think I may even write a number eight but I'm not completely sure. I am currently writing the second year and four chapters are completed. However, as I am in college, I want to finish at least ten chapters before I start posting them, just in case I am forced to stop writing for a while. As a long time reader of fanfics I know how annoying it is to read half a story and wait months and months for the next chapter.
It's funny that Destiny is your favorite character because when it comes to writing I think that she is my favorite point of view. And, about Drake Bell, I'm sorry but Destiny and him will only be friends. They kind of remind me of a Harry and Hermione friendship. They seem like they could fall for each other but they never will.
To bring up the Twins I think you might learn to love them as they grow and change. They are they two characters that learn the most in the series. (Mostly with the help of Dumbledore and Drake.)
I love it and I love Destiny she is so true to her personality and I also like that Snape is back to normal
“Talk about honestly,” the headmaster said through chuckles, wiping his tearing eyes. (Should it be honesty)
Author's Response: Hey, I was just looking through all my reviews and yours popped up. I remembered how you wanted me to write more stories and I just wanted to let you know, if you don't already, that Book Two is nearly finished. I just have to post three more chapters.
Hey, the personalities of Snape and Dumbledore are right on!!!!!!
-“Perhaps, it is best to start with those marks that must have caused a few questions in the past,” Dumbledore continued assertively. “That particular branding is called the Dark Mark and they are giving to Death Eaters by the much feared, Lord Voldemort.” and I think there is somthing wrong with that sentence
Hey, I really like the changing point of veiws. Also I'm sorry if you take offense but if I see an error I'll tell you:“You seemed to be in a generous mood,” Destiny said as she looked up and noticed how close he was stood from her. (tense?)
Author's Response: Oh, I don't mind if you tell me the errors. This one I did fix but some I probably won't bother. It's just that some of the mistakes are so minor I would rather use the time to write other chapters.
Hey, I love the idea.
I think there is an error in your third paragraph. Can't wait to read more!
Sorry about that! You already said you had the entire series planned out! Someone must have obliterated my memory! Can't wait for more!
Author's Response: I just wanted to give you notice that I am trying to get the first chapter of Year Two posted so be on the look out.
I have totallyenjoyed this! Great job!! Very fun to read! Will you be taking the trio into the other books?! (pleeeeease?!)
Yay! Another chapter up! I didn't get a chance to read this until today, but it's great. Seriously, I can't wait until the final chapter of this story and for the second story, as well as the rest of the series.
One thing, though: I don't think it's in this chapter, but some of the other chapters have slightly incorrect grammer, such as incorrectly placed commas and full stops at the end of questions instead of question marks. You haven't done any of that in this chapter (incorrect grammar, as far as I can see) but I'm pretty sure that there have been some errors in your grammar in past chapters. Be sure to watch out for any grammar issues.
I seriously can't wait for the next update. Soon?
Author's Response: Last chapter just posted, enjoy.
I read very quickly and likely will have more to say later, but for now just one quesiton: In your version, can Dumbledore understand the twins when they speak Parseltongue? And if so, do they realize it? (Sorry if this was addressed and I just missed it.)
Author's Response: No, Dumbledore can't speak Parseltongue. Dumbledore never says anything about it because he realizes it is just a means for the twins to communicate to each other and the headmaster allows for the twins to keep their bond.
I like it! It rolls very well with the original!Slazar better make his move quick! :)
Ohhh, i love this fanfic! It's great! Really well thought out...I have suspected from the beginning that the twins would be Good, because even though they share many of Voldy's traits, and Salazer even looks like him, pricisely because they are twins would have some affect on their choice of good/evil right? i mean, Tom Riddle was never loved and nobody loved him, but the twins had each other and love each other (And they have Destiny as well).
anyway, please keep writing and i am so looking forwards to the other years, especially year 7!!!
Author's Response: Just wanted to let you know. I have almost posted the entire Year Two.
Oh good!! I was worried for a second about the twins, but this is great!! After this one is over, will you be putting them into the other stories?
Author's Response: Oh yes, I have already planned on writing seven stories in the series; one for each of the years at Hogwarts. I also may write one more about the years after Voldemort's downfall. I hope to start posting my second year in a month or so after I complete the first.
So! Does this mean that the twins have taken the sight of the light? Personally I think so. However, I don't really get why Salazar and Silver send off the fake letter to Dumbledore and then go to visit him in his office when they both know he would have gone to London.
I'm under the impression that this is sort of like their first double-agent task: "proving" to Voldemort that they will carry out the task their father has set them while at the same time not really going after the stone or helping in some way. But one criticism: it's like Salazar and Silver expected Dumbledore to know that it was fake, and maybe that was the intention. I shall compliment you on the fact that you didn't reveal anything during the previous chapter that would have given the true intentions on the twins-I was convinced that they would really join the dark side-but could you possibly explain the reasoning behind forging a letter to the headmaster and then 'expecting' the headmaster to know that it's a fake and return to Hogwarts that same day please?
I love your story anyway. To be honest I have a feeling that this story is coming to an end. How many more chapters are you going to write for this story? And when's the next chapter going to come up? I can't wait for it!
Author's Response: Yes, the twins have completely betrayed Voldemort so they are seeking an ally in Dumbledore. The reason they sent the letter was to give themselves two plans in one move. If one failed they had a back up plan.
FIrst, they believed their letter was good enough to fool Dumbledore. At the same time, they thought Dumbledore would be intelligent enough to know to come back to the castle after finding out that the letter was fake. Their first and main plan was to go to Dumbledore after Voldemort went after the Stone so their father wouldn't know that they betrayed him. They believed that if they didn't send Dumbledore away, Voldemort would plainly see their betrayal and they would have very short lives. Sal and Silv, meant to tell Dumbledore just in time so he would be able to stop Voldemort and the headmaster would help make it look like Dumbledore out-smarted them. (Which probably wouldn't surprise Voldemort as he would know how intelligent the headmaster is.)
Though the Moon Twins didn't think of their actions as a double-agent task, looking back they will see how good at it they were and they do plan on becoming spies at the end of the second year. Plus, Voldemort still believes that they helped him so Sal and Silver will think that it's their only option. They will make it appear as they are Death Eaters but since they don't want to belong to the Dark Lord, they aid Dumbledore in secret. (I know it sounds like they would be taking Snape's place but as the Moon Twins are Harry and Draco's age, Voldemort will order Sal and Silver to use their positions to keep an eye on them. Snape will still be order to keep eye on Dumbledore.)
Side note: As you know, in my story, Dumbledore never left his office but he made it sound like he did by telling McGonagall that he was leaving. In my mind, Dumbledore was hoping that whoever sent the letter would give themselves away if he appeared to have left. (He couldn't possibly know that Harry would talk to McGonagall.) And, even Dumbledore wasn't expecting it to be the twins that sent the note or for the reason that they gave. Also, remember, in all the books, Dumbledore never gave Harry a good reason as to why he "returned" and saved Harry. Dumbledore just said, after arriving at the Ministry, he thought Hogwarts was the place he should be and that Hermione's owl must have just missed him. In my story, the Moon Twins was the connection and Dumbledore is keeping their secret.
Now, for their second, fall back on, plan (The one they hoped wouldn't happen.) -- If for some reason Dumbledore didn't trust that they really meant to cross their father, Salazar and Silver would just have waited until the day Voldemort did return and tell him how they sent the letter but disgracefully, their actions were not successful. They would have begged for mercy and they would have gone to the dark side. But, the first plan did work out so no need to worry.
Sadly, like the Harry Potter novels, at this point in the year, the story is almost over. I have to post two more chapters for this year. The next one is already wrote and now I have to edit it and post. The last chapter will hopefully be up in about a week or so, later. Then, I hope to start posting my second year in about a month or so. Hopefully sooner. And finally, thanks very much for the compliments.
Oh my gosh! I can't believe it! Salazar and Silver are going to work for Voldy-poo? Hmmm.
I have the suspicion that, being who they are, they have something up their sleeves, but I can never be sure with those two. I know you said in the respons to one of my reviews that they aren't going to go down into the trapdoor, but I had no idea that they would still help in some way! I was under the impression that they would just sit in the background. So, now they aren't! What's Destiny going to say about this? Is she going to hate them (if she does indeed find out about this)?
What I find very interesting is that Severus really does hate Salazar. Any particular reason why this may be? Or is it just because Salazar is Voldy's son?
Astrid Brice-wow. She just can't stop following Salazar around, can she? No offence, but I don't really like her. I'm under the impression that she's very stalker like and the sort of person who never leaves people alone. In fact, I actually think of her who's sort of...stubborn, doesn't give up and will do anything to get Salazar's affections.
Jane, too, is someone I don't really like. Personally, I think the moon twins and Destiny are treating her a little unfairly...but maybe that's because there are no scenes showing Jane's meaness in the story yet. A scene like that would be great (not that I'm saying that a scene like that is completely and utterly necessary).
I hope both Astrid and Jane get their fair shares in the story-which reminds me: do either of them interfere with the twin's plans for forging a fake letter to Dumbledore?
I'd just like to say that I enjoyed chapters 15 and 16 immensely, as well as the rest of the story (of course). Hope you update soon!
Author's Response: You're right to think that the Moon Twins are up to something but that's all I'm going to say about that. However, I'll also add that Destiny will only find out what's going on after everything unfolds. I know, very cryptic but I assure you the next chapter will explain most of what's happening.
About Severus and Salazar, they are both thinking the same thing about the other. 'If they never meet again it will be too soon.' Now I know that sounds like they hate each other but that's not so. Severus thinks Salazar is just an arrogant child but because of Destiny, Severus tries (very hard) to be a little civil to him. However, as we know, civil is not an adjective to describe Severus, or Salazar for that matter. Salazar thinks Severus only sees Voldemort in him and Salazar is overly annoyed about that. Salazar doesn't hate Severus. It's more like Salazar respects the professor but Salazar won't be admitting that out loud or even to himself for a while.
Astrid Brice is first and foremost your average run of the mill, preppy, first class girl who sinks her claws into a cute boy and won't let him go. True, not many girls are as courageous as she is at twelve years old but there are some out there. In my mind, her mother is a very young woman, probably single with not many good parent skills. Astrid probably grew up watching her mother flirt with a lot of good-looking men and she picked up some of those habits. You're right, she is very stubborn and she won't be leaving Salazar alone for some time, no matter what he says.
And, for the record, don't worry about not liking a few of my characters. I hate Jane myself too but there is a point to all of the people I have created, whether or not I have shown it yet. Actually, Jane's part won't show up until the beginning of the third year. But, I will be working her character until then. And, never forget, the Moon Twins are not nice and never pretend to be. Even if Jane was the nicest Slytherin ever, the twins would still treat her like crap. Actually they might treat her worst because they think overly nice people are fools.
All in all, Astrid and Jane will appear quite a bit more. Jane comes into play a lot in the next year when the Chamber is being open and Astrid will be cornering Salazar for years. But no, neither one of them will be interfering with the twins' plan. And, I'm glad you have like the chapters. I think you will enjoy reading the next few. Almost done writing the next one so it should be up very soon.
Seriously? Just like that, they bend to daddy's will?
Author's Response: Don't worry, I have a few tricks up my sleeve. Or should I say the Moon Twins do.
Love it! Best chapter on the two of them so far! Can't wait for more!!
Oh, I want to say a few things. Thanks for replying to my last review. I enjoyed the dose of info greatly! What I want to know is when the next chapter's come up! I'm not so patiently waiting for it!
And not only that, I also want to know whether Salazar and Silver will even go down the trapdoor and into the chambers of the Philosopher's Stone. Another thing: can you please show what Silver and Destiny-and even Drake, if possible-see in the Mirror of Erised? And if you don't, can you please tell me? As long as it doesn't spoil the whole story, of course!
Well, the next chapter is describing Christmas Day and Destiny's birthday and I already wrote a little more than half of the chapter so it should be up in a few days I hope.
As for the twins going down the trap door, sorry but that won't happen. Now that Salazar and Silver have decided not to get the Stone, they won't want to bother risking their necks for nothing. But, I will let you know that someday the trio will go down the Chamber of Secrets. So, they do get to explore some of Hogwarts secrets not many get to.
Now, to be honest, I never did consider what the others would actually see in the mirror but after you asked, I sat down and thought about it and I can tell you now.
Silver - At this moment in her life, Silver would see her brother on her right and Destiny on her left. They all would look like power is being emitted out of them. Also, behind the trio would be faceless people who appear to be looking up to them. Sort of like the trio are the leaders of their own group. However, note, there would be no sign of light or dark, just general power because at this point, Silver doesn't discriminate good versus evil. "There is no good or evil, only power!"
Destiny - Destiny would see Severus standing on her right side with his hand on her shoulder. Then on her other side would be Salazar and beside him, Silver. The twins would be side by side, Salazar smirking with his arms crossed and he looks quite happy. Then, Silver would have her right hand on her hip and she would be waving, with her left. It would be a simple wave but Destiny would be shocked to see that Silver doesn't have the Dark Mark on her forearm. Destiny would assume Salazar wouldn't be branded either, but she can't see to make completely sure. Also, like Harry, Destiny would see her dead mom that she always wanted to meet. Then, the surprising thing is, she would also see, Drake and Dumbledore standing behind her mother. (Destiny's biggest desire is feel like she has a place and people who care for her, though she acts like she doesn't.) Drake is becoming, as you will see in the next chapter, Destiny's first 'real' friend and Dumbledore was there for her when she needed help. (Very similar to how Dumbledore is always there for Severus. "Like father, like ... daughter!?")
Drake - Now, his would be interesting. I don't want to elaborate to much or it will spoil a few things but I will tell. First, Drake would stand in front of the mirror and straight away he would see a man with the same color eyes as him with short reddish-brown hair. The man is wearing an old sweater vest and dress pants. Only the man's eyes would give it away to Drake that he was seeing his father for the first time. However, as soon as he figures it out, the image of his father would dissolve away, to Drake's utter disappointment. Then, in his father's place, Drake sees himself with Silver standing on his right side and she is holding his hand. Almost as soon as the new image is shown, the real Drake begins to smile and then he sees that Salazar and Destiny showed up a little ways behind Silver and him. Salazar is sort of rolling his eyes at Silver and Drake and Destiny is just looking very happy. (Drake always wanted to see his father but now his heart is conflicted because of Silver and who he considers his new friends. However, Drake is not foolish, he knows the trio haven't considered him as a true friend, yet.)