I love all your different perspectives! I especially enjoyed the bit about Lily- maybe you could write a story about her childhood?
Anyways, this was a very moving story. I liked what you said about death, because it's so true- its sudden, and you never know when it will hit. That's why we have to live life like its our last, because nobody wants to have regrets- there's too much torment and guilt involved in that...
Keep up all your awesome work!
It was great but I do agree with some reviewers that it cut short on some of the perspectives. But one thing that I did note was how the end of each view seemed to tie in with how each actually died. Like the seemed to forshadow their deaths. Most obvious being sirius wanting to laugh in the face of death which he was doing at the time bellatrix cursed him. And lily wanting her death to have served a purpose no matter how old she would be ie to protect Harry. And Peter having to hand it over someday which could be am allusion to his strangulation by his own hand. As well as being determined to stay alive as long as he could which he obtained by handing over lily and James. And etc for the others. So if that was ur intention u did it subtly and very well! x
Author's Response: It really did cut short on some of the perspectives, didn't it? However, when I was writing it, I had nothing to add - they felt complete, except for Remus, where I faced a semi-block. :( And it was my intention to foreshadow their deaths, and I'm so happy you caught it! Thanks for the wonderful review. ~Natalie
I absolutely loved this fic... the summary was fantastic and it made me really interested straightaway in how all the characters would respond. Even just in that beginning bit, you did a great job of exploring their characters and showing the differences between them. It was also interesting, as all 6 of these characters are very clearly linked to death in the books.
Just a small nitpick – at the beginning when everyone’s at lunch in the Great Hall, you’ve written: “I thought she was going to-” croaked Peter.
“Yeah,” said Sirius. “I too.”. What Sirius says should be either “me too” or “I did too”.
Anyway. James’ part. Fantastic characterisation and you can really see elements of Harry in his ‘never-give-up’ attitude and the way he blames himself for other people’s misfortunes. I think for James this is a real moment of finding out what he’s made of, and of realising what he wants to do with his life. It links well to the fact that he joined the OoTP later on. He would try, and that was it. - this really summed his part up for me, and again I think it links to his decision later, because there was no guarantee of success or even of helping anyone at all, but all they could do was try.
Severus – once again, amazing characterisation. I think his part is possibly my favourite in this fic. I loved the idea that he and Evan and the others were struggling to get an audience with Voldemort... somehow it made them all just a little more human. Severus’ attitude towards the others was also great – condescending and believing that he knows better than them. I think this is ironic, because presumably he joined that group to want to feel accepted. His resolution at the end is frightening, especially considering he is only 16 at this point, but also very IC.
Sirius – I liked how you made him want to have all his friends together, as it shows how much he relies on them due to his lack of family. I smiled at his comments on Armis – how he didn’t dislike her because she gave him a laugh. he’d love to be… laughing merrily at death’s ugly face.
Yes, that was how he pictured it. Laughing. Full of life. Like a paradox. - that is sooooo Sirius and really perfect to finish his part off with.
Peter – I thought you painted an interesting Peter and honestly would have liked to have seen a bit more of him. I liked how you expressed that thinking about someone else dying really only threatened him because it made him face that one day he, too, would die, and this terrified him. It really sets up what becomes of him later.
Lily – how did you come up with the idea of linking what we see of her on the swing through Snape’s memory to a near death experience and her first encounter with magic? Brilliant!! I also loved her need to die for a purpose, which is of course what she does in the end. I liked the comparison of her character as a child and a teenager verging on adulthood as well – there was something reckless about her as a child which seems to come out in Harry as well.
Remus – I think this one was perhaps a little short as well or something... I loved his revelation at the end, about the value of life, and I think that nicely tied up the whole story, but somehow I think perhaps your Remus wasn’t as original as I felt the other characters were or something. I don’t know, he was still really good though.
So all in all... great fic... sorry for the long rambling review, it ended up being a lot longer than I expected.
Author's Response: I love long and rambling reviews! Especially when they contain detailed analysis and crit. :) You're one hell of a reviewer, and I've reached that point in my fanficcing life when I'm looking forward to hearing from you about everything that I write. Lol! This story is a pet of mine. It was something that troubled me for a while because I couldn't get James and Remus right. I still think that Remus' part is the weakest, and that must be a valid suspicion because a lot of reviewers have said that, too. I'll honestly admit that I hit a dead end with him. It was like I had written him exactly as I wanted to, but there was nothing left to say that hadn't been said. You praised my characterisation a lot - I must thank my MWPP Profs and fellow students for that! It was an exciting class at the Beta Boards where I learnt a lot on how to write the Marauders. I'm also thrilled you saw the character traits in James and Lily which can be found in Harry! YAY! Love you muchly for your review!
That was good! It captured the personalities of all the characters perfectly, except maybe Remus. I thought the ending was quite abrupt, although that's just my reaction. It seemed to me Remus was in the middle of his revelation when you wrapped it up. It was really good, don't get me wrong, but if I had to pick something to nitpick, that would be it.
Author's Response: Ahhh...Remus. See, that's exactly how I feel about his part. I was aware of it while writing it, too, but there is no other way I could have written it. I didn't want to explain Remus' tragedy in detail. Thanks for reading and reviewing. :) ~Natalie
This oneshot was truly amazing. I loved the premise for it – to show these six characters who are so thoroughly connected with death and damage throughout the Harry Potter series deal with it as teenagers. It’s fantastic, enthralling and intense. What I loved most about this story was all the foreshadowing and how well you pulled it all off.
It was wonderful to watch James try and grasp that, for all his efforts, there had been nothing he could have done to help Armis Berkley. Helplessness at dealing with that situation was really great because it foreshadowed how he would feel when Harry went through all sorts of trails and he couldn’t do anything to help. There were some mistakes with SPaG in this part (eg. “stopped a feet above the ground”) but it’s nothing that a quick run through a beta won’t fix. I loved how you managed to sprinkle in some typical James arrogances (I lol’d at “who could do some wonders on a broomstick”) without overdoing it. And the ending, where he accepts that he would always try his best to help others, but not let it get him down when it wasn’t enough, was really good.
Your portrayal of Severus was stunning. You really hit the nail on the head when it came to his character. I loved the dynamic of the Slytherins and the idea of them desperately trying to meet Voldemort tickled me but at the same time felt very natural. There were some parts here where the flow was slightly off, but throughout the rest of the piece the flow was perfect. One thing I really loved about Severus’s part was that, even though he tried to rationalise his emotions by thinking about how much Armis annoyed him, he’s still really shaken up by death. In TPT we see that even as a Death Eater, death still affects him a lot and this fic really captured how he’s scared of death despite wanting to be a Death Eater. It really foreshadows the fact that he could never truly do that and showcases the side of him that allowed him to join the OotP in the end. I loved how he tried to distance himself from his emotions at the end and how it showed the ways in which he steeled himself which allowed him to become a Death Eater at all.
I loved how Sirius tried to grasp at normalcy in his part and wanted to rely on his friends to get him through. I thought that really fitted the character of Sirius, because he was probably the one who was most attached the other Marauderers and most reliant on his friends since he didn’t really have much of a family to fall back on and even after the others moved on, he was still in that Marauderer frame of mind. I loved the ending beyond belief as it summed up his death but at the same time captured his voice perfectly. It was really bittersweet.
I was a bit apprehensive when I began to read Peter’s section because it started with him writing a letter to his mother and Peter being a mother’s boy is fast becoming a Marauder cliché, but you managed to bring it around with your great characterisation throughout the rest of the piece! You managed to capture the fear of death that was so instrumental to him switching sides but made it sound so normal and innocent. And the fact that he’s scared that the others will laugh at him shows the cracks in their friendship which was evident even then. I think your characterisation here was amazing as you don’t show him as being the evil one or have him be inferior to the others in any way, but still capture the weaknesses in his character and his friendship in a very real and believable way.
I really liked Lily’s part. Her first experience with magic was incredible and I loved how it wasn’t a good one. You managed to blend this into canon seamlessly as well - it seems to fit brilliantly with the first scene in TPT. Her showing typical Gryffindor bravery and reckless was great as well. And the ending, where she says that, when she goes, she wants to die for a reason, was just perfect. As I said before, the best thing about this oneshot was the foreshadowing and this is one instance of when you got it spot on. Really, it was so great it hurt. The one bit of criticism I have is that it seems a bit self-centred for Lily. I know views of characters differ from person to person, especially for someone who gets so little screen time, but this was the girl who gave up her life for her son and stood up for the terminally uncool kid even though he’d proven that he didn’t really deserve it. But other than that it was a great read. Your writing style is just amazing and the flow was brilliant. There were so many parts where I was green with envy over your grasp of the English language and talent with words.
I loved Remus’s because it went against every cliché that’s attached to his character. He’s so often seen as the worrier, the pessimistic one, the one who angsts all the time. To turn that around and have him be the one who saw past what happened and vows to live life to the fullest was inspired. It contrasted perfectly with the endings of the other characters which brought to mind how what would have become of them by Harry’s time. The ending of this reminded us all that they still had five years to live more or less normal lives. Ending it on the poignant note was great and really wrapped up the entire thing perfectly.
Well, I think I’ve said everything I wanted to. All in all, it was a great read and I thought I’d let you know how much I enjoyed it with a review.
Author's Response: *kicks self*
I’m so sorry it took me such a long time to respond to this. : ( I thought I had already, but it must have been a dream.
Right-O! First thing, I must go and correct that error. Thanks for pointing it out! I tend to slip up at times. But it’s so great that what you said in your review about James is what I wanted to show. I think James needed to realise heroics would not always save the day.
Hmmm…The inconsistency in the pacing in Severus’ part is something I felt while writing, but I never really knew exactly what was the problem, so I left it as it was. D: I should really look into it, though. As for the guy himself, I don’t think he particularly relished torturing or killing, but at the same time, I think he was too determined to give up his dreams for this weakness. He’s an interestinc character, and as a part of the MWPP task, I wanted to focus on at least one instance where we see him preparing for Voldemort’s service, rather than the Love Triangle default.
Sirius’ part was the easiest of the lot, mainly becuase I understand him the best. : ) One of the most significant aspects of his personality is the inability to give up the ‘Marauderiness’. As you said, he has those three boys only. Plus, he’s, of course, reckless and a bit blasé about death.
Peter was troublesome. To this day, I avoid writing him. D: But, you see, I think that once can use clichés to one’s advantage. Happy to know you liked it!
Lily’s part…I do think it was less about little Lily being selfish, and more about her being adventurous and curious, but I can see why you thought otherwise. The adult Lily did realise it was a selfish thing to do, didn’t she? :DAnd thank you for your compliment about my English. If you chat with me though, you’d find that I say wonky things at times. o.O
Remus was second in the toothache department after Peter. >.< I think it is impossible not to have him as the one who worries, which is why the section starts with him worrying. But I didn’t want him to be the over-cautious person often see in canon, nor is he blaming things on himself, thank Morgana! Once again, I’m glad to hear you didn’t find him cliché.
I must say this is one of the most amazing reviews I’ve ever received. I literally squee-d when I saw it, and it made me giddy with happiness.
Hey Natalie! I was dutifully fulfilling my recommendation requirements, and I came upon this!
Wonderful job! I love the idea, to take a single event and turn it into a multi-character study. Very unique! The idea of death has different meanings to everyone, and you've applied this beautifully to the Marauders. All of them are spot on IC! The only weakness that occurs to me is the lack of overall action, it slowed down the pace of the fic a little. But otherwise, fantastic!
Author's Response: Hello there, one of my favourite people in the world!
(This has nothing to do with the review or the rec, btw.)
The idea this story was built upon - it neither allowed action nor dialogue. I had six characters to deal with in a single one-shot, and I wanted to show each of their reaction via how they deal with it individually. That said, I know how lack of action can become a bit daunting while reading something. :D Thanks for reading and reviewing!
P.S. I'm so sad right now. I swear to you I did not read these other reviews that reviewed each person seperately. And I thought *sniff*, I thought *sniff*, that I was doing something original! *bawls*
Author's Response: Hahaha! It doesn't matter. :D:D Thanks again!
Aaaaah, Natalie. Is it okay if I call you by your first name, Natalie? I do hope so . . . .
Anyway, I was scrolling through your stories, and this caught my eye. Of course, I don't see how this wouldn't catch anybody's eye, but that's beside the point.
I think I should start by pointing out the fact that a story from one perspective is hard to do. (At least to me, a bad writer, it is.) So what about six? Well . . .
And that's the truth of the matter.
I think I'll review each perspective . . .
1. James. We all know James. We all love James. We all know that James does . . . well everything, right? So what happens when something is beyond his reach? Well, nobody says it better than you. James - the indestructable. What? No? What was that? Oh? He . . . cried? Yep, that's right. I mean, what guy doesn't cry? You've got this perfect here. I love the way you characterized James. And he is so very not cocky! He knows who he is, what he is, and he accepts the mundane aspects of his being. Your James? 10/10.
2. Wowee. Severus. He's gonna join the Dark Lord. Boy is he cool. I'm gonna go kill people! Yay yay yay yay yay! STOP! HOLD YOUR HORSES! Woah, man. He just almost saw someone die. And now he realizes the scary possibility of what death really is. He never thought about it before. Uh oh . . . what to do? Your Severus? 11/10.
3. Sirius. Tehehe. What a character. Of course, the kind of man who would want to live life to the fullest. Normally you'd expect this out of James, right? Wrong! I love Sirius here. Dying with a smile. Is that not what actually happened? Your Sirius? 10/10.
4. Peter. Always so hard . . .Does anybody truly know what Peter's like? I have my doubts. So, you say Peter looks forward to a new tomorrow. In my opinion, he's the kind of person who would be fearful and timid, and so unsure that he may dread a new tomorrow. Just my opinion. But of course, I still loved reading your Peter.
5. Lily. A near-death experience already? I like it. She knows sort of what death may have been like, but overlooked it. Your Lily? 9/10. Still fabulous, but maybe you could add more.
6. Oh, and Remus. Usually he is overlooked. But you have him here as like the main man! You TOTALLY have him PERFECT! I give you a high five, and a 1000000000000000000/10. (A pretty big honor.) ;)
Well, congrats. I loved it. It was something unique and exciting. Congrats, and happy day!
Author's Response: Hello Norberta!
Hahaha! Your review made my day! It made me laugh, too. I don't think anyone has graded my work before (shame on them!) so I was really excited to see it. :D:D
I am really happy you liked this story. I had a hard time finishing it, and I am afraid I may have rushed it a bit because I was writing with a deadline in mind. >.< I am usually scared by the prospect of writing the Marauders as there's so many ways you could go wrong with them. But thankfully, I managed to pull off this story, and I get thoroughly excited when I get positive reviews for it. :D
Hmmm...Your thoughts on Peter are interesting, and I actually agree that he is timid and a little fearful. But he wasn't really being optimistic in my fic - he was scared of the prospect of dying.
As far as Remus goes, I was afraid I might have cut his part short a bit, but as I got 100000000000000/10, I'm now thinking I wrote him extremely well. Hahaha!
Thanks for the lovely review, Norberta!
P.S. You can call me Natalie for sure. :D
I promised you a review once class was over and I never delivered. I am a bad person. So, I’m here now. This story was superb, Natalie. I loved how you tied it all to each person. Six perspectives ... and all so very different. Wonderful!
James His perspective – the guilt that he couldn’t catch her but also the fear that it could have been him coupled with the realisation that life isn’t forever.
Snape They had been convening for the past one year, gathering information and sharing them, and yet they hadn’t got any closer. Not sure you mean ‘them’ here. Perhaps sharing thoughts or ideas. I do love the way this is set out. James’ reaction juxtaposed with Snape’s reaction. But it’s other bits in this particular passage that stand out. The young wannabe DE’s who can’t get to see Voldemort – I laughed at that – and Snape knowing that Voldey wouldn’t be bothered about them ... not yet. When he starts to analyse her near-death and use it for his own ends – well *shudder*
Sirius I expect him to be the most selfish and the least affected – unsure why - and this sort of follows that pattern. Except Sirius isn’t selfish, he’s just more concerned about James and Peter and where they are. I found it very interesting that he doesn’t like the change that’s happening. He is the one most fearful of their group fragmenting. Brilliantly done.
Peter Peter Marauder stories are usually heavily ironic. This isn’t. This is a simple portrayal, yet rather telling. Peter’s afraid of death. The others are afraid of dying – in their own way – but he is simply afraid of death and of not being around anymore.
Lily This I think was just amazing. Lily’s reaction and her memory of that first fall from the swing. The magic breaking through. OOOOH! Superb writing. (I really am running out of adjectives to use for this fic.) I may just have to randomly squeeee for ....
Remus So ... why has she left him to last, I thought. He’s bottling things up. He’s going to break. No one can be that controlled. Now, Remus’ analytical reaction shocked me a bit, but it was perfectly IC. He’s thinking of others, but he was also the only one who had the instinct to look to Dumbledore – the man that made his life bearable by giving him a chance at normality. And Remus at the end, smiling because, after all, he knows the girl is all right and he knows his friends will be too ... well, Natalie, my dear. THAT. BLEW. ME. AWAY.
I must stop fangirling. It’s getting embarrassing.
Author's Response: EGAD!
I thought I had responded to this. o.O
Well, thank you so much for your kind words, Professor. :) I am particularly glad you liked Remus' part as he gave me so much trouble, he did. And the others as well.
I love how it gives a motive for the characters' actions in the book- Peter avoiding death at all costs, Lily dying to save her son, etcetera.
I enjoyed this- although it had minimum dialogue and character interaction, it makes up for that with its deep analyzing of the minds of the characters.
Author's Response: I'm glad you found my idea as something that worked. :D Unfortunately, I couldn't put too much dialogue as I needed the characters reflecting on death alone.
Thanks for the short but lovely review.
Author's Response: Thanks! :D
I'm leaving you a review! Right now! While we are chatting on AIM! But oh well! I loved this fic, as you can probably tell since I rec'd it already. But I really think you caught each character so well. James' bit intrigued me. It was nice to see him by himself rather than with Lily or Sirius for once. And Remus seemed to fit so well with how I would imagine him to react. *hugs my 'Puff* Stay cool, Natalie. I really hope this fic is chosen!!!
Author's Response: Hi, Julia!
Yeah, kinda late, this reply. BUT I wanted to say thanks, so, THANK YOU! :D. About James, it was not only necessary to get him away from Sirius for the plot, it was also the one thing I'd decided on for the MWPP final task - no matter what, I just wanted him alone.
You didn’t tell me this got validated!! Grrrr….Anyway – a warning. This is the most epically long review I’ve ever left in my life, and I overuse the word “brilliant.”
I’ll take each person in turn before commenting on the work as a whole:
James: his need to be alone is reflected in his son, and I found his characterization to be completely believable. That he would act recklessly to save her, and feel completely inadequate about it and THEN not care because he recognized that was who he was – I loved it. Most of all, I loved this part: “Stupid? Perhaps. Arrogant? Possibly. Cowardly? No. Pessimistic? Never.” And I think that last part is a quintessential difference between James and Harry, because Harry was often pessimistic, though he never once gave up, and he was only pessimistic in his mind and never let it overcome him.
/James & Harry comparison
Severus: at first I wondered where you were going with him – and oh man. To have a sixteen year old boy realize that was profoundly disturbing and eerily scary and completely Snape. There were already moments of Snape in that passage – he’s dismissive of Mulciber, unimpressed with his talents, bored by their meetings, etc. – but he’s still Severus in most of it. A boy at a Quidditch game, annoyed by a girl who wants to be tutored. The way you wrote this allowed us to see his thought process, which I’ve determined that, while you do it very well, I’m not sure I want to see again, because you managed to make him very canon which = unpleasant and scary, lol. But I have a question for you, because Snape never answered this question: “How would he feel if it had been Black or Potter? Potter, because of whom he had lost Lily?”
Sirius: The longer I’m reading this, the more brilliant this is becoming. To use an incident involving death to show how they would each react differently to it – James thinking about how he can’t save everyone, Severus and how he’s going to have to become accustomed to it, and Sirius about how he feels about his own death. You know this is going to be what I quote as my favorite: “He didn’t care what he was involved in during the last few minutes leading up to it, but he’d love to be… laughing merrily at death’s ugly face. Yes, that was how he pictured it. Laughing. Full of life. Like a paradox.” Like he decides right there while he’s looking for James to go “To hell with you, death.” And because WE know what happens to Sirius…
Peter: The “sending a letter to his mother” thing – seemed a bit cliché in the beginning, hearing Sirius talk about it. I couldn’t tell whether he was making fun of Peter or whether he was annoyed Peter was talking to someone besides them – it started as the former, ended up as the latter. I liked it better from Peter’s POV, talking about wanted to alleviate his mother’s concerns and to head off her annoying letters if he didn’t writer her first. I also wondered where you were going with Peter – these lines:
“No one needed to die when they were so young, so…busy and vibrant with life. So hopeful and happy. No one needed to have their dreams snatched away like that.”
are so ironic, of course, but then…it talks of how Peter is utterly and truly afraid of his own life above all, and he is afraid also of ridicule. So you are BRILLIANTE. And I liked it, even if I wished for more from Peter.
Lily: Aaah, Ms. Evans. GAAAH How do you so brilliantly manage to hit the nail on the head and get to the crux of who they are so…so…brilliantly?! (I warned you.) I mean…we know Lily and her thing with the swings from Snape’s memories, but to take it, tie it in with an original event that you are tying everyone else in with, and then to lead in into “She didn’t care when she’d have to go, as a wrinkly old woman or the sixteen-year-old she was now, she’d hate to go without having served a purpose.” And…it’s so simple, and it makes sense, now that I’m reading it. Like, I should have known these things about all of them before you wrote it.
Remus: If I was a bit hesitant about Peter, I was eager to read about Remus from his own POV, as he sat quietly on his bed and seemed to know what everyone was doing and what everyone needed just fine. Which, I’m actually okay with in a teenage boy who is that close to his friends after observing my husband with his friends, but considering this is for the MWPP final, I thought I’d mention that before I got to the Remus section, I thought that was the closest thing to a cliché (besides the Peter-letter writing thing) I’d seen in this entire piece.
So AFTER I read Remus’ section: That stuff wasn’t 100% confronted, but in a way it was: because Remus is the only one who sees James try to catch her, and so he understands that James is feeling upset he didn’t, etc., etc. But, moving on from that, I sort of liked the discreet, deceptive, closed-off Remus aspect. He lets everyone do their own thing, and when the time came naturally, he lets his emotions out. He lets everyone do what they needed to do, including himself, which was think about his own confusing feelings.
I was confused about a few parts in the Remus section that had nothing to do with anything, purely random stuff. I didn’t know why “split-seconds” was in quotes. The last few parts, starting with that line with "split-seconds", and excluding the ending lines (“So, that was what was troubling him. Smiling, he took up his wand and went downstairs in search of his friends. He intended to cherish that gift for the time being.”) were somewhat awkward, or else I’m just confused, as I didn’t get the headache thing, but I got the overall idea of what you were getting at, and I really liked that Remus was the one to pull them all together (in this situation, theoretically, as he runs downstairs). He seemed to be the glue as the adult as well. Okay, so really it was just two parts that I was confused on. xP
So, the piece as a whole: the Mauraders, Lily, and Snape are such tragic figures in the books – we see only a broken Sirius, a traitor Peter, and a rough and worn Remus, as well as a dark and foreboding Snape whose past we only find out about after his death. Their prime is all past them by the start of the books (except perhaps Snape – did he ever have one?), and I think it’s the idea of their lives being full of life and laughter and joy as a group of five who cherish one another is an idea that captivates us all. Unfortunately, they are all associated with death somehow, so I find it utterly BRILLIANT that you showed their reactions to death, and how unique they all are. The way you presented the scene, with literally one line from each, was just GAAAH and set up the scene that was necessary for the story but not necessary to be seen. Another thing I really really liked, was how you had the four boys reacting together - well, specifically, that you had Sirius upset that Peter wasn't with them to talk about it (I've decided this is what you were going for and that's how I'm interpreting it). Like - he's an essential part of their group and he should turn to them when he needs to talk about something. I really liked that brotherly bond that Sirius is displaying he feels, because he's showing serious annoyance that Peter is confiding in them, lol.
Umm, hopefully you realize how I feel about this story, and I think you did an amazing job on the final, although my opinion doesn’t really matter for your grade, lololol. :D
Author's Response: I know I have responded to you via yahoomail, lol, but I just wanted to say, THANK YOU FOR THE HUMONGOUS REVIEW again.
wow it was gr8 all six ppl ended up dead by da end of series dat was sad but i still liked it a lot esp sirius part
Author's Response: Yeah, it was sad they all did die before the books ended. :( Thanks for the review!
that was really good!! i really liked the part where sirius said that he would want to laugh at death, which he did. that made me sad. but it was really good and i absolutely loved it!
Author's Response: Glad you liked it. Thanks for the review! :D