Reviews For A Blank Canvas
Reviewer: Annalise28
Date: 04/05/10 5:28
Chapter: Chapter 2: No Antipasto

I am rather confused, but I'm sure I won't be later!

Your writing is seriously... Amazing. Every sentence flows perfectly and every word is perfect. It's complicated and uses an amazing vocabulary. It's the type of writing that would confuse my parents.

So, with that, I must say that your writing confuses me. It has been done wonderfully, but it is a very high standard of writing and one that I have not yet achieved, so it's easy to see why I have trouble understanding. But I'm sure as I read later chapters, I will become acustomed to your writing and start to understand more.

I'm loving it so far, and I love that Remus is in it. He's one of my favourite characters. :)

Can't wait to read more.

~ Annalise x :)

Author's Response: Annalise, You are quite right that this is rather confusing. In fact, I'm going in for a complete revision. There are simply too many holes in this piece that never get filled in with the dirt it desparately needs. Like the first chapter? Dreadful. Even by my standards, I hate it. I'm actully writing writiing a piece between Remus and his grandfather, which attacks this idea from another angle. It needs a defibilator, yes, and I hope for my sake the idea isn't dead. I am sorry that I write confusing drafts, but I assure you, all the same, I am constantly going in for revision, or, in this case, a complete, ripped out rewrite. I think it's called Red Wine. I hope that it fits canon. I love Remus as well. I hope that you continue to read. Thank you for the review. Jen

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 01/12/10 19:51
Chapter: Chapter 5: Silenced Night

I'm still finding things a little confusing but overall I'm enjoying the story--well, as much as one can enjoy a grisly story:) For some reason I thought Jonathan was an artist. Wasn't he reading student papers? Or was he reading Healer student papers? Oh well, I'll figure it out as we go along. It's always interesting to see what's going on behind the scenes in other people's lives. Enjoyed the chapter.

Author's Response: Okay. This was my fault. (Of course, you idiot, who's else would it be?) I started on other chapters, right, and I realized the piece was not very magical at all. Yeah, there were peces here and there, but someone mentioned that it did not have many magical qualities. It took me a while, but I noticed she had a point. So, I started ro revise the chapters, though I admit that still needs some works. I originally had both Charlotte and Jonathan as art professors. As you noticed, I changed that. In order for it to have some connection to the Harry Potter fanfiction idea, there needs to be magic. I revise my writing quite a lot. I really do need to go back and clean things up a bit, but I'm back at university, so this really has been pushed back to the back burner. I'm still writing. I'm sorry that I'm crazy about revision. You have a point. I will clean it up when I get a moment. Thanks for reading.

Author's Response: Okay. This was my fault. (Of course, you idiot, who's else would it be?) I started on other chapters, right, and I realized the piece was not very magical at all. Yeah, there were peces here and there, but someone mentioned that it did not have many magical qualities. It took me a while, but I noticed she had a point. So, I started ro revise the chapters, though I admit that still needs some works. I originally had both Charlotte and Jonathan as art professors. As you noticed, I changed that. In order for it to have some connection to the Harry Potter fanfiction idea, there needs to be magic. I revise my writing quite a lot. I really do need to go back and clean things up a bit, but I'm back at university, so this really has been pushed back to the back burner. I'm still writing. I'm sorry that I'm crazy about revision. You have a point. I will clean it up when I get a moment. Thanks for reading.

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 01/04/10 8:47
Chapter: Chapter 4: Winter Solstice & Cold Remedies

I must say that some things are becoming more clear at this point. In many stories Remus has been characterized as a poor potions maker so it's kind of funny that he's such a good cook. I love tiramasu. Of course, a potions maker would say the two skills are totally different:) So, does Charlotte have some sort of chronic illness? She seems a little sickly. And, is Professor Kendrick the rapist? Or was the rapist just some random guy? Jonathan sounds like such a sweetheart. I want a Jonathan:D Very good chapter.

Author's Response: Yes, i imagined Kendrick as the rapist becuse it kind if freaked me out. Especially when I thought about that time period and the pressures on women even getting an education, this really made me question things. Yeah, I never thought chemistry and cooking as a shared skill, but you have a point there. I suck at the sciences, especially physical science and chemistry, but I can get by on making some food. The illness thing? I don't know. I put stuff in there to show she was an older person by actions, but I wanted her to have the same voice because she conects with her students as well. I think something aboout that in the next chapter. Yeah, I really like Jonathan myself. He's probably my favorite character in the piece. Thanks for reading.

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 01/02/10 19:46
Chapter: Chapter 3: Dark Sketch

I'm taking it that Remus is the result of a rape? Is this the first time Charlotte's talked to him about it--I'm not criticizing. If it were me I don't know if I'd ever describe it to my son in that way. But she was honest. The only thing I was wondering is--was the rapist the art professor from the beginning? Just curious. He was a rapist and if he was a professor that's even more abominable. He's in a position of trust and took advantage of a student. Very good chapter.

Author's Response: I really don't mind if you ctiticize. I think it's through constructive criticism that we alll become better at whatever skils we have. I hope you get this message because the Internet connection is not that good at this place. I hope I'm not coming off as a that whiney person-type because the responses that I give are kind of like a personal slap in the back of the head. Yes, I tend to say things, but I think I'm starting to understand the importance of revision in writing. That's probably why I never got anywhere before and just stopped. Yes, it was the art professor. That kind of freaked me out. Thanks for reading.

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 01/01/10 19:43
Chapter: Chapter 2: No Antipasto

Please don't beat yourself up. I worked on some of my own writing tonight and while I can picture everything in my head it's hard to get it on paper--or the computer screen. Listen, if I really didn't like what you're writing I'd quit reading. I'm working on a story about Bellatrix falling in love with a muggle--so I've got my own battles:D Again, it's the challenge. Keep up the good fight!! I'll see you soon in chapter 3. So, really, who's Reese? I think you said in one of your responses that Jonathan is Remus' adopted father. I need to just keep reading. I didn't mention that I'm the sort of person who reads really fast and reads ahead--I hate myself for that but I'm like a little kid with her hand in the air yelling "And then what happened? Tell me, tell me."

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 12/31/09 20:54
Chapter: Chapter 2: No Antipasto

I'm going with the flow at this point. There are still some things I don't understand but hopefully they'll become clearer later. Remus seems to be calling his mother "Reese"--is that right and then why? Charlotte seems to be having some physical problems--dropping stuff and falling--is that a sign of something more serious? Is Jonathan not Remus' biological father? I'm glad you got my e-mail. I just felt moved to encourage. Writing is a challenge. When it's done right it's wonderful but I don't think it's ever an easy process. I enjoy writing but I never find it easy. So, hang in there. Your writing is quality--sometimes it's a little confusing but I think we all experience that at one time or another. Good chapter.

Author's Response: Okay, The "Reese thing"? I cannot believe I forgot that. I realised that before you said, but I forget it every single time. In the first draft (like the very first draft), I mention it in the first chapter. I keep telling myself, 'You need to go back and say this, you idiot', but I haven't put it. It's a small detail, but it matters. No, Jonathan's not his father. That's important. (Did I forget that too? gah!) This is why I don't write. I don't know what the hell I'm doing. No, writing is not supposed to be an easy process. It's like banging your head againist the wall or pulling teeth. So, revision? I'm sorry I'm an idiot. Thanks for the honest critique.

Reviewer: DragonDi
Date: 12/31/09 9:13
Chapter: Chapter 4: Winter Solstice & Cold Remedies

I just found your story and am enjoying it very much. It is a little confusing (I find myself going back over things to see what I missed) but I'm realising there are some things that you don't explain right away--the explanations come later.
I love the relationship that Remus has with his family, and I'm looking forward to seeing how the entire horrible story about Remus' conception will play out for him and his family.
The first meeting between Jonathan and Charlotte was... interesting (and humorous, in a sick way--no pun intended). The second meeting--who couldn't fall in love with a guy like Jonathan?
I like how you've created a backstory to what's happening in OotP, and I liked the little glimpse you gave us into what's happening at Grimmauld Place (but Remus fell asleep at the table? Poor guy!) And I chuckled at the thought of an over-caffeinated Tonks.
Looking forward to the next chapter!

Author's Response: Somebody gets it! Well, other people got it, too, but this reaction surprised me. Yeah, I tend to not spell things out, but I'm realising the downside to that: I'm forgetting to mention things that should have been explained a while ago. I am so glad that you actually read it, and you didn't give the expected response of 'Okay, yeah, moving on now.' Personally, I think Jon's my favourite character, seeing that he pops up in every draft, and he only goes through these slight changes. You got the first chapter...that floors me. I'm not very good with letting go with me writing, for most of it tends to be horrible drafts full of words. Hopefully I keep this interesting, for I tend to go through draft and draft before I'm satisfied with anything. I think it still needs revision. Thanks for reading. Jen

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 12/30/09 21:04
Chapter: Chapter 1: Winter Frost & Afternoon Tea

As promised, I read it again. It was easier to understand the second time around. I think I wasn't focusing on Sunday:) As I said before, it's a well written piece. I don't know who Reese is? Is Lorelei Remus' sister? And is Leo his nephew? Is Jonathan a wizard? As I understand it, Lorelei is married to David who is a wizard and also in the British military. David has disappeared and magical and non-magical people are looking for him. You said Jonathan is Remus stepfather? This is certainly well written enough and interesting to keep reading:D

Author's Response: Right, so I spent an hour the other day trying to send you an e-mail. I have the Internet connection here. This is more about writing. It said: Hello, you're a grant writer? That is really cool. From what I've learned in the professional writing courses I've taken, technical writing has its challenges. I study English Literatures, and as you can probably tell, I fear writing. I'm learned from reading books from Peter Elbow and Donald Murray that any person who plans to persue a career in English has to write. Murray says to write something (anything) every day. Yeah, I'm an idiot persuing a fear, I know. Over ther holidays off school or in between term papers I write. Granted, it's s***ty fanfiction stuff when nothing else comes to mind, but it's writing. Frankly, when a semester ends, you're so frustrated from writing five term papers and writing projects for projects that you just don't give a damn. I've never attempted grant writing projects (seeing that technical writing was cancelled twice through my semesters), but from what I hear from my Dean, educational grant writing can sometimes be a pain. Really, if you think about it, any writing can be a pain. Yeah, you petition for money or whatever, but you put yourself on paper. Writing goes hand-in-hand with revision. Do you write educational grants? There is practically no money in our damned 1950s American education system. (If you're not American, more power to you. That sounds horribly negative considering I'm a daugter of two Marines, doesn't it?) So, yeah, I'm not even going to lie here. Writing (true writing - not just filling up paper) is a difficult process. Thank God I've finally found someone in this community who understands that. Thank you so much for reading and opening this discussion. I needed that. Have fun at work. You should read Anne Lammott's Bird by Bird. She is a writing professor/ non-fiction / writing tech author. She's a genius and funny as hell. Thanks for the discussion. Thanks for reading.

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 12/27/09 12:22
Chapter: Chapter 1: Winter Frost & Afternoon Tea

I'm ashamed to admit I'm confused. Are Jon and Charlotte Remus' parents? I'm going to have to go back and reread. I must have missed something but I'll reread at some point. That's what I get for reading something quickly while trying to fix lunch:D Sorry, I'll try to write something more coherent later. It appears to be well written, but I'm just confused. It's me, it's not you:D

Author's Response: Fynnsmom, Hello. Thanks for reviewing, I am sorry that you are confused, but that's certainly not your problem. I'm sorry that I tend to be a crappy writer who tends to try (try being a hope) these really hard pieces. Why do I do that? I don't know, but it's me. Oh, I tend to wriite en media res because I don't do flowery pieces, so even my introductions to term papers are confusing. Don't be ashamed. Maybe I shoould point things out so they are a bit more obvious. Maybe I mentioned it in the second chapter, yet I cannot even remember my drafts. Charlotte is Remus's mother, and Jon is his "adopted father" in a sense. (I hope I said that at some point...) I hope you do reread and stick with me. Thanks for reading. - Oki

Reviewer: Soccer_rocks_likeHP
Date: 12/18/09 16:01
Chapter: Chapter 1: Winter Frost & Afternoon Tea

Wow, Kuri! I love what you've done with this fic. The changes you've made work very well and make for an amazing story. I can't wait to see what you have in store for us next. *cough*runstoinbox*cough* :)

*hugs*
~Lexi~

Author's Response: Lexi - If it weren't for this electronic relationship, I'd shake your hand. The things I miss as an English student (student of the language, for God's sake), I'm nothing as a writer. (I know. Laugh at the irony and lack of common sense. Magical elements, come on, really? *headdesk*) Apparition, come on! I'm an idiot. Thank you for making me appear decent. This is yours as much as mine. Thank you, dear, you always floor me with insight. Thank you for sticking with me. I have apologize for more idiocy in advance. Perhaps I should put that in the warnings, yeah? Thank you, my friend. - Jen

Reviewer: LuNaLoVeGoOdLoVer
Date: 12/17/09 20:54
Chapter: Chapter 1: Winter Frost & Afternoon Tea

Kuri, I thought this was great (again) and I am pleased with the changes you have made :D
Great job!
Andrea

Author's Response: Thank you for your help The insight helps above everything else. Thank you. Andrea, for heliping an idiot slightly comfortable with sharing a draft. Sorry I'm so closeted on "publication", or is it simply called post? I should know this New Literacies stuff. Your suggestions marked everything, so this is yours as well. Thank you for sticking with me. - Beth

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