its good ive added it to my reading list
Please update soon! Get outta that writers block because I want to read more!:)
PLEASE I NEED THE NEXT CHAPTER!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOUR STORY SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love this story!!!!!! When do you think the next chapter will be up???? I'm dying to read more!!!!!
please write another chapter!
Author's Response: I am working on it, but am having serious writer's block and am looking for some inspiration. Thanks for reviewing!
Are you gonna write about the year at Hogwarts? Or is this it?
Author's Response: I am trying to write another chapter, but I am stuck, so i'm looking for some inspiration. Thanks for reviewing! :D
Alot of these fanfics are terrible writing, but a good story.
Yours is not!
It is both!
You really capture the characters well (especially Ron), and you are very good at writing.
Keep up the good work!
that was good!
Really quick, I'd just like to point out a typo that was especially jarring. About halfway through the first chapter, you wrote, "'I’d better be off so that I can set up some of the store. See you later,' FRED said with false bravado, standing and pulling out his wand." It should say George, but I can't find any other place where you made the same mistake, so it's an easy fix (and one that is quite easy to read over, as I found out).
I really liked the beginning of the chapter. You really gave it the feel of something like Rowling's work, but as the first chapter progressed, it felt less and less like another part of the same story and more like a different story about the same people. This feeling culminated in the last four paragraphs of the chapter or so, with their abrupt return to WWW. It was hasty, and kind of felt like you just wanted to reach the end of the chapter by the straightest and quickest way possible (instead of the smoothest way).
As for the second chapter, I really was unimpressed. There were some good ideas there, and I can totally understand the notion of Harry being unhappy with Ron, about his relationship with Hermione, but I don't see him ever getting angry over not having a present. In fact, his inability to accept Ron's putting his love in front of their friendship with regards to priority of his limited funds is contradicted so thoroughly in the books (especially by his one thought about gladly splitting all the gold in his Gringotts account with the Weasleys, even though he knew they'd never accept it. It just felt so out of character for Harry. Deviations from the original author's perceptions of characters are unavoidable in fanfiction, but I think you went past that intangible point where the reader stops being able to accept the difference between your Harry and Rowling's.
Again, with the third chapter, I like the general concept, and I can really see why Harry would be upset with their relationship, and why Hermione would be upset with Harry and with Ron, and why Ginny would want to make fun of them. But I think that you should try to work on getting the writing to do justice to the emotion behind it. The story became fairly blunt and the flow became less smooth, especially in the last chapter.
I don't mean to be harsh, and I'm really sorry if I've come off that way, but when I review, I like to be as honest as I can. That way, people can take it for what it's worth and choose to use it to their best advantage in improving future works.
To sum it up, I did really enjoy reading this and I think you are a good writer. I look forward to reading more of your stories.
Author's Response: Wow! Thank you so much for reviewing and giving me so much to think about. I will certainly make the edit about George instead of Fred. The other things you wrote about, I will try to improve them, but it may take a while just to wrap my head around all of that. Thank you for critiquing, I think I really needed that. Thanks. =D
plz continue this story
Author's Response: I am definitely going to continue! Thanks for reading and reviewing! =D
Aww.. is that the story finnished??
Please say it isnt.. I'm dying to read more, this story is brilliant =D
I have been hunting a story like this down for ages
Author's Response: Thank you so much! Fortunately, this story is far from finished. So glad to hear you like it!
please continue with this
Author's Response: I'm working on the next chapter, but I'm having a case of writer's block. I'll get it up as soon as possible.
Its a good start not much going on but leaves you wanting more. Hope you continue with it. :)
Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I'll continue this story. Thanks! :)