The Sorting Hat's Verdict
I love how she tried to tell the Hat what's what, and it stuck her in Slytherin,as well as her reaction to her brother's dismay with her new House, as if he were shocked and ashamed.
I find your portrayals of the Slytherin girls believable and unique. Who would guess that big, brawny Bulstrode was really a semi-outcast and insecure?
All in all, I like this one as much as a first, and I'm looking forward to your future installments.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for understanding my story! I think Millicent has to be insecure because the Bulstrodes are an old, pure-blood line, but she is definitely listed as a half-blood in JKR's notes. She is not so much "outcast" as "knowing her place". She gets ahead in Slytherin by taking orders. You might say the same for Crabbe and Goyle, who are in fact pure-bloods, but depend heavily on the Malfoys' patronage. And, yes, despite your sympathetic response to Tracey, I'm afraid she is a true Slytherin. I'm just trying to tell the story from her point of view. So I hope you continue reading when she ceases to be likable.
The Boy who Surpassed
She has an attitude now, doesn't she. Generally you present the parents as being reasonable if not a little obsessed with their first born. It would be interesting to see how an independant person such as Susan sees things.
Good luck with the story.
Author's Response: Yes, Tracey is a young lady with an attitude! As you say, I was trying to show the parents as reasonable but easily distracted by Roger's demands for the limelight. The next chapter will bring her to a major life-decision that will influence whether her attitude remains in proportion to the offence. Susan will reveal her thoughts in a later chapter. Meanwhile, thank you for returning to the review task so swiftly and thoughtfully.
The Boy who Surpassed
Ah, to be the forgotten child! It's always a painful ordeal to be the offspring that received less adulation and more of the short end of the stick.
Nice touch, by the way, putting her in the Harry Potter closet (even real estate agents call it that, now). There are remarkable parallels between her home life and Harry's when he lived with the Dursleys. I just hope her lot improves at school, as well, because I like her. :D
In terms of style, the first person seems very fitting for this piece, because it allows you so much room to outline her insecurities and perceived shortcomings so well, as you have done. I am looking forward to further chapters!
Author's Response: Thank you! And congratulations on being the first to review this story - I didn't think it would even be visible yet.
You know, I didn't think of the "Harry Potter closet" parallel, but you are right. I wonder what my subconscious was doing? An important difference between Tracey and Harry is that her parents DO love her. They are just worn down with adult worries, such as money, and don't realise that they are overlooking her.
The story is finished, so I hope to move the chapters through the queue quickly. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. GhV