Reviewer: armagod679
Date: 11/04/09 21:09
Chapter: Halfway Home

I like the first chapter in general. It's well-written and emotional. It really draws the reader in and makes them feel Sirius's pain and James's anger. However, I'm not sure that the last "Okay. I'll stay" is necessary. It's somewhat redundant. Just something to think about. I look forward to future chapters!

Author's Response: thank you! you're probably right about that last bit :)

Reviewer: Karaley Dargen
Date: 11/03/09 18:15
Chapter: Halfway Home

Ooh I really like that ... well, snapshot of their lives. It's a really important point for Sirius, and I think you made a realistic picture of that.

The only thing that I have to nag about though is that you switch to present tense at some points, namely here: He didn’t follow Sirius immediately. They both, he sensed, need to tread carefully with this one. Something bigger than usual had happened there and James feels a little scared at the look on Sirius’ face. He’s never been shocked when Sirius comes to visit.

But other than that, I really enjoyed your story :)

Author's Response: oooops thank you for catching this - it's because I first wrote it in present and then changed it to past! Obviously some little bits didn't get changed :x

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 11/01/09 18:15
Chapter: Halfway Home

How sad, to be kicked out of your house and not even for a good reason. Sirius is such a tragic character. I've always thought it was too bad that he died although I realize that JKR had to kill off some of the "good" characters and save others. Loved this first chapter. Keep up the good work. I'll look for an update soon.

Author's Response: thank you! :)

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Epithalamium by Squibstress Professors
Minerva McGonagall is a bright, talented witch with dreams of becoming the first...
The Marred Boy by Padfoot11333 1st-2nd Years
The two Marauders who were outcasts in their own homes. I am Padfoot11333...
A Seer Named Rosemary Snape by PlutoLovegood 3rd-5th Years
In 2018 Neville and Harry deliver a Hogwarts acceptance letter to Rosemary Snape...
FEATURED
whimper by psijupiter 6th-7th Years
I play to my strengths. As do we all. In the midst of the first wizarding...
Over A Mug of Tea by hestiajones 1st-2nd Years
I think of her as a sister. The words rang clearly, loudly in his mind. I...
Gaps Between by lucca4 6th-7th Years
Falling in love teaches Dennis Creevey that sometimes, needing someone isn't...
To Fear the Flame by Acacia Carter 3rd-5th Years
Neville hadn't expected his boggart to ever change. Perhaps he should have done.
Good King Ragnuk by Oregonian 1st-2nd Years
Ragnuk, King of the Goblins and master silversmith, forged a sword for Godric...
CATEGORIES