Reviewer: MagicMandy
Date: 11/14/10 12:58
Chapter: Happy Brithday... To You

That was a little sad, but it was beautiful, too.

Reviewer: Russia Snow
Date: 10/30/09 8:37
Chapter: Happy Brithday... To You

BB! Carolee stole my place as your first reviewer... *pouts* But I'mma go ahead and review anyway! :-D

I really liked this story, it was so realistic. War can affect people, and you showd the emotion in this story SO convincingly! It was really good.

Any way to make me cry! That ending was SO touching. I swear I was welling up! I loved how you encorporated the language and the translations and having the conductor deaf was such a nice touch.

Before I leave, one tiny Brit Pick: "You had thrown them in the trash Trash is American darling, I think you mean "Bin" or "Rubbish" :-p

And a teensy nit pick: "you had finally found hm" I think you mean "Him" (I told you it was TEENSY :-p)

Other than that I really liked this story! The emotion was spot on, one thing I might say though was as this is HP fanfiction, there wasn't much mention of the wizarding world I appreciate that maybe you were showing that she was trying to leave the wizarding world behind her because of the war, do I have that right? You might want to make that a tad clearer. But, really BB, Well done! For your first Dark/Angst, it was awesome!

Russia xxxxx

Reviewer: Equinox Chick
Date: 10/29/09 14:11
Chapter: Happy Brithday... To You

Ahh, BB, good story. I have to confess I saw the second person and mny heart dropped a bit, because I'm not keen on it for oneshots. And initially I was struggling to overcome my prejudice because it did start to feel a bit preachy as in you're telling me what I should be thinking ... that said, once I got onto the main part of the story, I was really interested and I forgot it was second person. (Sorry, I'm being fussy today). The interraction between the conductor, Kamatchi and Parvati was wonderful. They were both warm-hearted and I think she needed a bit of companionship.

I think what I would have liked at the beginning, is a bit more story. So some scenes why she left everyone behind, and there was no mention of Padma - would she have forgotten her twin so quickly ... or Lavender, her best friend?

I did like the story, and would love to read some more in a similar vein, because it is such a different world from the Potterverse (and UK). Write More - NOW!


You must login (register) to review.
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.

We have stories and authors in this archive.


Choose Theme:
The Green Knight Rises by Kerichi 6th-7th Years
In Creevey Comics the Green Knight works alone to uncover the truth. Scorpius...
Flowers in Winter by silverfirelizard53 6th-7th Years
She was a girl of exceptional talent and a kind heart, but she had been born...
Under the Southern Cross by FloreatCastellum 1st-2nd Years
Rolf Scamander has ventured to a remote archipelago to study a rare and exotic...
Today Will Be Better, I Swear! by hestiajones 1st-2nd Years
'I'm going to miss you, Mr Ollivander,' said Luna, approaching the old man.'And...
Honestly by Gmariam 3rd-5th Years
Seven months after leaving Hogwarts, James Potter is fighting for the Order...