I love it! And you said this was your first fic?
Yes, this was my first fic. I'm up to 24 now, but this one was my very first plot bunny and my very first brain child. I'm glad you like it so much. Stay tuned, though...the story has only begun. :D
I knew that Lily would not be pregnant purpusely, but that was intense. I can see why it is Professors.
Author's Response: And now you also know why James would willingly go to prison for the rest of his life for something he didn't do. It's awful to contemplate, but he's a good man.
Now this will become very interesting. Any hints on why James killed Goyle III?
The whys and so forth of Goyle's death will be in Chapter 9. Beware, it's pretty intense. Enjoy the story!
I love it, I think that you have a great idea with this, and I can not wait to see where it is going.
Thank you. I was surprised when my baby plot bunny became a monster sized story, but I really like how it turned out. Enjoy the rest of the story!
I get it now! Gosh that was a good idea!
I remember something that I wanted to mention before.
You say what happened in DH and the outcomes of Harry's story a lot throughout your story so far. Is there a particular reason for that? Personally, I find myself skipping over it because I've already read it loads of times, and it's old news. I don't think that you have to talk about it quite as often. But then again, it's the character thinking more than you telling me what happend (if you can follow that). So I'm a bit torn on what to say about it. It gets a tad annoying reading sentences describing what Harry did, but that's probably just a pet peeve of mine. But sometimes it goes with what's happening, and, after all, it's the character thinks about it.
What I'm talking about is stuff like this:
...with Professor Snape, the man for whom Albus’s middle name was chosen.
I'm sure that all of the people on this site know how Albus's middle name was chosen. You could get rid of the last nine words and the sentence will still work. Having stuff like that in your story just adds un-needed words.
Being away from his flat gave him peace, and a sense of well being, the first in ages, washed over him.
The 'washed over him' part in that sentence is just weird. I know what you're tying to say, but it just doesn't really work. Maybe try something like "Being away from his flat gave him peace and a sense of well being for the first time in ages." In a way, that doesn't really fit your writing style, but it reads better than what you have. Or you could even do "Being away from his flat gave him peace and a sense of well being that, for the first time in ages, washed over him." That sentence seems like its unfinished, don't you think? You could add something along the lines of "like [insert phrase here]" (or maybe "and made him feel relieved" or some other word along those lines) to the end of it and that would work, but it would also seem like too much. If you ever thought about changing that sentence, I'd go with the first suggestion I gave you, or somehting along those lines.
“Anyway, after I got there, I realized he was absolutely right to not leave me by myself. I was a wreck”
You forgot the period at the end.
The big reason I came back is because, as always, after I submitted the other review I remembered something. It's about Albus's characterization and why he seems proper. And this is merely speculation, but I've noticed that he's a straight-forward guy, and a lawyer, so that's why he's proper. He has to be for work, and it just rubbed of on him a lot. I'm so happy that I've realized that; now it won't be that weird for me. :D
I think I understand this story more now after reading this chapter! I love how you have two plots going on. There's James in Azkaban, and Albus is trying to find Lily who is with Goyle. Everything is connected somehow and just...gosh! There are no words to describe it! How did you come up with this? I'm not sure which part I like more. I need to find out what happened with James, but Goyle really fascinates me. Great job with that!
I really like the ending to this chapter. Goyle doesn't really do anything at all, but that's what makes it so creepy. He's been there for a month and the doctors let her go with him! I know that if I were Lily, I'd rather have him do something to me than just be there, because sometimes not doing anything (that I know of yet) is worse. I love that you have it like that, because without going in to much detail, I need Lily to get away from him. You write him in a way that makes me hate him. But at the same time, I like his character in this story; people like him always fascinate me.
But anyway, on to the next chapter!
I shouldn't have written this at 1 a.m., but this couldn't wait! You did a great job with this chapter; it is excellent!
(I'm sorry about any spelling typos; if you only need to know one thing about me, it's that I can't spell. *sigh*)
Hmm, and now you've started to hit upon some of the crazy stuff that goes on in my brain. To be honest, most of this story was woven together before I ever started the first line. It just doesn't seem as nice and tidy as later chapters, because I had to remember how to write first. Looking back, I'm still amazed that the first chatpers were accepted, they were so bad, but Hannah (my mod through the whole story) told me that the story was good enough to look past the awful, cliche writing. Dude, I'm glad she was my mod, because I did the whole thing unbetaed (mostly because I didn't know there was such a thing until I started Chapter 19). It does improve on that front - I promise. In my defense, I will say that most of the over-information was due to me writing the story so that it could be read and understood by anyone at least vaguely familiar with the Potterverse. It was intended to be as canon-compliant as possible. In retrospect, it was a bit overboard, but that's why it is like that.
Keep reading, and just remember next time to sit down to read when you have a ton of time on your hands. Julia took three or four days to read it. Jenny read it all in one go (?!). Whatever suits you, I suppose.
It's been lovely converging on this, and I hope that this fic not only proves to be a stepping stone to bigger, better things, but it shows that one can start off rough and rise to the top with enough practice.
Thanks for reading, adn enjoy the rest of the story,
I've only read four chapters so far, and I'm dying to read the next one, so this review won't be too long. (Sorry!)
I like how you start the story off with the trial. It kept my attention because I was curious to see what would happen thought-out the chapter.
On a random sidenote, while I was reading the first chapter, I started thinking that the Potter/Weasley family is kind of like the mafia. That sounds kind of weird, but do you know what I mean?
But back to the first chapter. I really like the characterization of James, as well as Albus and Hugo.
Now that I think of it, I can see Albus as a lawyer. I think that his feelings in that situation are exactly as you described them. I know if I was in his situation, I'd feel terrible.
I have never read a story about Hugo at all, so I have nothing to base this off of, but I think you wrote Hugo amazingly well. I can see him as an Auror, now that I think of it.
James' characterization is my favorite. I really liked how he wasn't sorry for doing what he did to Goyle. I think that would fit him perfectly. And what I love even more is that he didn't do it, and his dad knows it. I think that is great with the plot and what Albus said about James and Harry being the closest. Harry would know when his son is lying about something on this level.
I love Harrys letter; it gives so, so much to the plot so far and that's what I love it. I was so surprised that he didn't kill Goyle; I'm great at guessing things, and that didn't even cross my mind.
Another thing that I like about the letter is what Harry said he did with the diary. I think that is an amazing idea and I would never have thought of it. The main this that crossed my mind was: Would Harry do it? He did take the idea from Voldemort, and some part of me thinks that he would try and stay away from something that Tom did, to Ginny no less. I don't think he would want another connection, even if it's years later. But at the same time, he's doing it to help his son, his child, his baby. (I know it's weird to call James a "baby", but you know how parents are. :P) He would do anything to help his kids, even if it was something like what Voldemort did. So I think that doing the diary like that works well for the plot. Did you have thought along the same lines as mine?
My favorite thing in the fourth chapter is what it does to Harry. It was unexpected and it had a ':O' moment. That is an amazing twist to the story. The way it's written just adds to the suspense. It was very hard to stop reading and start this review. I love the final sentence to this chapter.
Another part I like about the chapter is how it was revealed that the secret compartments were there. There is a good reason that it's there, and Harry never really did anything wrong. ;) It's a great idea. I know that Harry would never let his son go through that, even if he did kill someone, and this is a great way for Harry to do it without getting in trouble. Well, he might get in trouble, but that’s irrelevant right now.
The beginning to this chapter was very interesting. I'm just going to take a wild guess that the person who forgets who she is is going to end up with Albus. I could be wrong, I could be right, but I know that I'm excited to see which way this turns. :P
Now on to the kinda crit. :D
At the beginning of this chapter (and on other parts in the first three chapters) right after the part about the unknown girl, it goes back to James. There was only one or two extra spaces to show that it was a different scene. It took me a moment to realize that it was a different scene and not a flashback. This might already be changed, but it would be easier to understand if you had something separating the part instead of spaces. In the example I mentioned above, personally, I think that it was easy to mistake that for a flash back because James was a Healer. Wait. It said 'doctor', not 'healer'. Sorry! But in other parts, I still think it would be easier to separate it with something other than spaces.
Also, is it just me, or does what people say (except the doctors) say sound too proper? I forget an example. But the adults I've been around are never that proper, including my teachers. But then again Albus is a lawyer. Other people a very proper, and it just seems off. But we don’t know the characters very well, do I could be very wrong about this! This is probably just me being very nit-picky, but I thought I would mention it. Is there a reason why they're so proper when they talk, or did it just come out like that?
There might've been something else I wanted to say, but I forget now. I want to read the rest of the story! Great job with the twists! This is the best story (fanfiction and real, published stories) I've read with twists in it so far! I always can figure out the plot, and with this one so far I've be surprised! Again, great job, Jess!
Ah, I knew you were reading this story, and I was excited to see what you thought of it. It started off rocky (very rocky), but after I got over the initial shock of 'yes, i'm writing a novel', I started to develop my own personal style. I didn't really have one yet. Usually, only an idiot would undertake a novel-length piece for their first ever fic, but yeah...that's me. :D
I fully acknowledge that my dialogue is stilted and kind of weird. Each time I go back to read something from the beginning of the story, I cringe a little bit because of it, but I'm going to leave it as is, since it does create a path to where I am now as a writer, and where I was in October when I started it. I will say, though that James's speech in court, his 'any last words', was supposed to sound rehearsed, because it was. He always knew that he was going up the river, and soon, you'll see why. If you thik you've got a handle on the convolution that is this story, holy shit, you're in for a shock. The insanity has only begun.
I have really enjoied this story. You did a few things I didn't like but over all a good read. 8/10
Hi there. :)
Thanks for reviewing, and I'm glad you liked the story. I know not every story can please anyone 100%. There's always something that someone would have liked to see done differently. From most of the feedback that I've received for this story, the number one problem that people have had with it is me breaking apart Harry and ginny. I will say, in my defense, that there is a tremendous amount of back story to that, but that part of the timeline hasn't been written yet. I just wanted to let you know that I didn't do that for the hell of it; there were legitimate reasons for it, and I still stand by that.
If the parts you didn't like were something else, I'd be interested to know what they are. There are many rough patches in this story, as it is the first thing that I've ever written. If you would like to leave a more detailed response, feel free to leave a second review. Yes, I pay attention to everyone's suggestions, and all reader feedback to me is extremely valuable, good or bad.
Thanks for reading again, and have a great rest of the day!
Take care and happy reading,
I like it, good follow up to an epic chapter. Now everyone knows what's going on, it sums up their emotions very nicely.
Thank you muchly. :)
I'm glad you like the story so far, but just so you know, the madness has only just begun. Muahahahahaha!
Take care and happy reading!
I just finished reading ur story & i loved it, its one of the best fanfics i've read. i seriously did not want it to end & id really love to read a sequal. thanks for posting such a good story.
Thank you very much!
This was the first piece I ever started in any sort of fan fiction. Sure, during the course of writing this one, I finished fourteen other pieces, but this one was always the one on which I worked the hardest. It started off pretty rough, but with support from wonderful read/reviewers like your, I dedicated myself to improving both my story and my writing, and I'm really happy with how it turned out.
If you're interesting in this story, I do have two accompanying pieces that go along with it. About Last Night details a memory that James had during Chapter 2 while in Azkaban, and Eye of the Beholder is an in-depth look at the events that led Nicholas Barnaby to hate Harry. Also, my newest chaptered story, Written in the Stars, which I just started, will follow Albus from his first-year all the way through to adulthood. It will outline how he became the man he was in the start of this story. And as for a sequel, I am planning one, but it's not an immediate project, so it might take a while.
I'm glad you enjoyed my work, and it's always great to get reviews for things that are over and done. It's like a bonus gift for something I did a while ago. Take care, and happy reading!
Oh wow... just wow... too bad this can't be technically canon... The writing is good. A few places where there's some typos, awkward sentence structure or a wrong name put in, but those errors are minor. On the whole, your story is bloody brilliant. The character development, the plot development & plot twists... just bloody brilliant. Thank you for your efforts in writing this.
I always love getting reviews for this fic, because it's the one to which I've devoted the most time and TLC. It started off a bit stilted and awkward, since it was the first creative thing that I'd written in about ten years (oh, high school - you left so long ago), but I do believe that my style and all that improved greatly in the course of writing this story. The tale in itself I had planned out in advance before I put one word to the document. Sure, some things changed, some things were added, and some things were axed as I went along, but that's the case with most writers. Though I can't remember exactly what part it was, Jo had to cut out like 100 pages of Goblet of Fire and had to rewrite most of the book because she added a story aspect that didn't match up to her own storyline and canon. It happens, lol. I'm glad I could present a story that you found worth your time. :)
And as for the typos...I sort of forgot to edit a few chapters before I submitted them, because that's what you get when you give a tired author the temptation of just posting and going to bed. >.> To be fair, though, I've been better about that lately and my errors even before editing have siphoned down to nearly nothing. Yay for progress, and this story made all that possible.
I'm glad you enjoyed and read. If you are interested, my piece on the Most Recent list, Eye of the Beholder, is more about the character Nicholas Barnaby and why he ended up hating Harry. It might shed some light on his character and his motivations.
Take care and happy reading!
Ah, so here's where I review by chapter. (I submitted this same review earlier but it wasn't under this chaper. I'm a newbie :) I thought the only way to reach Azkaban was by ferry. If people could Floo into it, doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose of the whole impenetrable fortress thing? I just can't picture James having to go through all that to get to Azkaban when Albus could just put on a fire and be there in seconds. And a breakout seems really easy with Dung there..
I explained the ferry/floo thing in my other response, but there are other guards there. They're just not mentioned because they don't move or do anything at this point. I can say, however, that this situation is revisited at a later point.
(On Chapter 12 Albus and Draco's little excursion to Azkaban) I thought the only way to reach Azkaban was by ferry. If people could Floo into it, doesn't that kind of defeat the whole impenetrable fortress thing?
Azkaban is different under Harry's watch. Only prisoners are transported by ferry, as the Floo is not safe for that particular purpose. A prisoner can jump out at the wrong Floo if he manages to escape the grasp of the Aurors for just a second, and that is the main security risk. The reason why the fireplace is connected there is because, due to reforms in areas like humane treatment of prisoners, family members are allowed to visit Azkaban. The only reason why Dung allowed Al and Draco to visit unsupervised is because he had prior instructions (from Harry) that visits to James were to be private. He didn't want to run the risk of any discussion of the circumstances under which James as arrested to be known. Dung let Albus visit alone because he was frankly scared of him.
Hope that clears things up. :)
Thanks for reviewing. Don't hesitate to ask me any more questions you might have. Take care and happy reading!
wait... what?... Gregory Goyle's sister?.... wtf? anyway, it's good writing, a good story so far. I'm rather riveted & must keep reading.
I'm a little confused as to what you're confused about. Goyle doesn't have a sister; Lily is James's sister/Harry's daughter/Albus's sister. If you have any more questions, please don't hesitate to leave another review in response so I can answer them.
I'm glad you like the story, and I hope you enjoy the rest of it. Happy reading!
Awwww.....that was sad.
Only Harry Potter would get drunk and then decide to set his house on fire. lol
Keep up the good work, I cant wait to see what you come up with next!!
Haha, well, had he been sober, he probably would have retrieved a few things, like pictures and maybe even a change of clothes. o.O
I'm glad you liked it. I waffled heavily over how I was going to kill Katie (yes, that was what kept me away for this long). Finally, someone said something about allergies, and in conjunction with an episode of House that I had just watched...yeah. Not very inspiring, I suppose.
Take care and happy reading!
OMG ! That's all I can say ! This is without a doubt the most intense fanfic ! Like, whoa ! It's so intense !
You've reached the crux of events. This is where everything that happens in this fic originates. I'm glad you like it, and I hope you enjoy the rest of it. :)
Amazing so far !!! I can't wait to read more and more and more !!
Thank you very much!
There's plenty left to read, so hopefully you find the rest as satisfactory. Take care and happy reading!
Amazing description, and use of character relations. I can't wait to read on!
I'm glad you liked it. I hope you enjoy the rest of the story.
Take care and happy reading,
So that is how it all ends. Wow i feellike this has been a long journey. I like the name that lily picked, it is quite fitting. As for how thigns between Ginny and harry resolved hey make sence. It pained me to see katie end that way but it alsomae a lot of sence. i would like to think that Harry had at least somethings inthe house worth saving, picures, mira's clothes, his clothes and such things, btu at te same time burining the place down seems like a logical thing to do. Over all I like where you went with the story. No plot twist seemed too forced and no character seemed too unreal. In fact it seemed like the circumstances and the human flaws could be real. Not everything is pretty but then again life isn't always pretty. I really liked the story, and I'm glad I decided to read it. Congratulations. Oh and by the way Albus' proposal was very cute, as was Eliah.
I knew that you'd appreciate the ending. I'm not a complete tosser, so I wouldn't completely maim Harry and Ginny's relationship.
Had Harry not been blitzed off his ass, he probably would have saved a few more things in the house, but as most of us do when we're tipsy, we do first and regret later, lol. To be honest, it took me nearly three months to finish the epilogue because I was waffling about whether I was going to kill katie or not. The first 33 chapters took me as long to write as the very last installment, which is probably pretty pathetic, but I really wanted to get it right. I knew that Katie would never be happy again, and as much as it pains me to think about it, she probably would have been an awful parent to Mira while she was wallowing in misery, Now, I feel bad for Harry, having to explain to his goddaughter why her mum is dead and they have to live somewhere else, but in the end, I think that everyone will be happier with her gone (especially Katie). She lost Draco, whom she loved more than anyone (yes, there is a story behind that for another day), and at her age and what she had in her life, she just didn't have it in her anymore. I'm hoping that Oliver will have it in him to be a positive part of Mira's life, even though she's of no blood relation to him. He did love Katie greatly, or he never would've been so hurt by both her actions in life as well as her death. I'm saying that I'm hoping because I really don't know yet...lol.
I really believe that Albus and Anne could not have gone anywhere else but straight to the altar. If you knew Albus in this story like I do, you'd know that before she came along, he was perfectly set to live alone forever. While that may have been his own preference, I didn't fancy the idea much. He's too sweet to be single. :)
Lily and Elijah have what it takes to make it, but any road they take will be a bumpy one. But as we know of Slytherin and Gryffindor pairings...only awesomeness could ensue.
All in all, I'm glad you enjoyed the story and appreciated the parts that you didn't. I really wanted to convey just how much upheaval a family coudl go through and still come out of it together. It was a long and horrid journey for all of them (especially Lily), but they are, when it comes down to it, good and resilient people. They needed to come through it all, even if they are a bit battered and broken for it.
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. This story was my very first, and it was the child of a dream that took off in my mind. I"m glad that I could share it with you and bring you some enjoyment (at least enough to get you to read through 193K words) with my work. Take care, and I hope to see you on my review page again sometime soon, as I enjoy your reviews very much. :)
P.S. - Feel free to drop a line (leave a review) asking any questions that you may have left. I'm more than happy to answer any of them that I know to the best of my ability.
I liked the end. Ginny really suprised me but it is nto out of character. Harry's reaction tomost thigns seems tobe dead on especially to the letter. As for lily she is one brave girl. ANd while I don't like her spending time in Azkaban the punishment does seem fitting. I think the talk that ginny and harry have to have is important. I like katie a lot she is a smart girl most of the time. As for scorpius having the resurection stone it makes sence too. All i really wonder about is who will raise Lily's baby for those two years can she do that in prison with ginny's help or will albus and anne take over. And what is up with anne's walk is she pragnent? small quesitions btu in the end this story truly does show how far family bonds can go. I really did like it over all. Like i said befre it reflects life well, or at least it reflects human nature well. Nice job oer all now on to read the epilogue
I'd answer your questions, but they're all answered in the Epilogue, lol.
I'd be interested to know what about Ginny was OOC. I'd planned for Ginny to stay with her daughter in Azkaban from Word Number One of this story. Harry can't, due to his own legal problems, and the rest have their own issues with which to deal, not the least of which is James with a horrifically traumatized son.
Enjoy the end. So far, I've got pretty good reviews on it, even if I did take the unconventional route. Happy reading!
Hmm I understand what harry and Katie are going through. However, I'm not sure this is the best solution. Then again we can never be sure that the choices we make are the right ones. I can't wait to see how the trail works out.
Haha, how many times when we as people are freshly dumped and grieving do we take the best solution? I'm not saying that it's the right one, but that's where I went with it anyway. It's different, and my muse said that it had to be this way. She's evil and steals my cookies if I don't do what she says, so...there ya go.
Enjoy the last chapter and Epilogue. Hopefully all of these issues will resolve themselves in your mind. :)