Cute little story. I like Teddy, and he's a character that one doesn't easily find good material on. Brava!
I have to admit, reading a story where Teddy isn't going to die a horrible death is nice. :D
Teddy is so good in this story. I like how he is precocious, but not in the typical way. He doesn't often interact with children of his own age, instead spending time with his grandmother. It gives him a more mature attitude toward things, such as trying to make his Gran and his godfather see that he doesn't prefer one to the other. Most children would reap the benefits and milk as much stuff out of it as they could, but Teddy is just not like that. He just wants everyone to be happy. But how you did it and still managed to maintain his childlike demeanour was great. Love that bit.
I was a little unsure about the idea of Harry ever trying to one-up Andromeda, because I sort of always had the impression that he would yield to her in most things, especially if he had any inkling that he might upset her. But that's moot, because that's just my opinion and it's your story; just something to consider, I guess.
I love the bit about the wand. From the moment Henry said that the wand had a phoenix core, I felt soooo bad for Andromeda. It almost felt like Harry had won the strange little tug-of-war. I was relieved that Teddy got to keep the wand, though. I was slightly annoyed with him, despite his good intentions, for trying to give up the perfect wand to make his gran happy. The resolution was great, plus Teddy got that extra connection with his mum.
One thing I wouldn't mind knowing, though, is if there is some sort of connection to Remus in there somewhere. Canonically, he doesn't have a specific wand, so perhaps the length... or that might broach the realm of being contrived. Nonetheless, I wouldn't mind finding some connection to Remus, even if it's his grindylow tank. XD
Lovely story with a happy ending. I don't read many of those these days, so it was nice. Bye for now. :D
This review was brought to you by the Ravenclaw Order of the House Elves.
What a pleasant thing to read right now. The flat is quiet and peaceful, I’m all cuddled up on my bed, the weather is warm and cool at the same time, and – guess what – my tummy is full and content. Yes, this fic is perfect.
The competition between Andromeda and Harry is something to be expected, isn’t it? Teddy was luckier than Harry, but having two guardians would be a blessing and curse at the same time. Yet, he deals with that so well, even for a child. Guess it’s the Lupin in him.
The title couldn’t have been more fitting. I was wondering how you were going to resolve your story because the second part seemed to meander away a little, but then it tied up so well at the end. A balancing act indeed! That was certainly a clever little twist there. Like Teddy, I was under the impression that Andromeda resented the Phoenix feather core. When Andromeda revealed it was because Tonks had used a mahogany wand, it was, therefore, both relieving and saddening.
What do I say about the characterisation? It was nicely done for all three characters. My favourite, of course, was Teddy. You wrote the eleven-year-old rather convincingly.
Great work, Hannah!
Aww Hannah that was really sweet. XOXOXOXOXOX
really sweet story! but teddy's thoughts seem to be a little too grown up for his age...
You’ve really captured the voice of a child here; your writing is refreshingly simplistic and carries a sense of naivety perfect for a story that is from the perspective of a young boy. Lines such as So Teddy was stuck, all alone, needing something, anything, to do really encompass the fact that you are writing of a restless and energetic child. So well done on creating a tone that really suits the style of the story.
The first thing I want to mention is your characterisation of Andromeda. Early on in the piece, you have her come across quite harsh and cold in the line She had refused to let him floo over to The Burrow, saying that the Weasleys would get tired of his constant presence over there and he needed to give them a break. To me, that’s quite a way to dishearten a young boy. I’m not sure if you meant to characterise her this way, and considering she was a Black it’s actually quite justifiable for her to be a bit careless when it comes to a child’s feelings.
There are minor details of this fic that could be different in order for it to be a brilliant one shot. Sometimes I find your dialogue to be slightly forced; you’re getting your ideas across, but doing so in a way that isn’t particularly natural for the characters you’re writing. For example: Andromeda looked surprised. “That’s very kind of you, Harry, but why?” / “Well, I’m his godfather after all. I thought you might like a bit of a break and, well, I suppose I want to share the experience with him.” The first sentence of Harry’s dialogue is kind of a clichéd thing to say. They know he’s his godfather, so it’s not like he’d feel the need to say it. I think jumping into the next part straight away would have worked better for his characterisation. It’s just little details like that in dialogue that improve the reading experience, when you know you’ve got a writer who is really connecting with the character and the things they are more likely to say. More often than not, the lines of dialogue that first come into our minds are the most obvious, and least likely to be something our character would actually say. Dialogue is a very important thing for a story; it determines whether or not a reader can feel as if they’re witnessing something that is fresh and different.
Teddy suddenly realised that, with neither willing to give in, they were both looking at him. He didn’t want to let either one down, but they obviously wanted him to make a choice. My heart broke for Teddy at this moment, as having to choose between parents, or parental figures, would be the hardest thing for a child to do. And I think both Andromeda and Harry would realise that, and perhaps deal with the situation in a way that isn’t detrimental to Teddy.
I think the fact that Harry and Andromeda don’t get along is quite an interesting take on the situation. I’ve only ever read fics where they get along perfectly well. It’s really refreshing to witness a new version of events, and quite a plausible one too. They’d both want to have their share of Teddy, and Andromeda especially would want to ensure he’d never be taken away from her. I was given the sense throughout this story that Harry was becoming as protective as Sirius was over him. When Sirius was arguing with Molly in The Order of the Phoenix, he showed similar traits as Harry shows when he wants to take Teddy to get his school things. I really like that you’ve done this, whether you meant to or not. It’s an interesting touch, to channel the traits of Harry’s greatest influencer into his own personality.
The ending to this was done extremely well, with the confusion about her sad expression working very well in the situation. I’m glad you chose to have Andromeda tell Teddy that they don’t want to compete over him, as I never believed she was the type to continue that way without being concerned for Teddy’s feelings.
I love how the wand has parts that belong to Harry and belong to his mother. A very sweet touch to a very sweet story. You captured the emotion of a child torn between “parents” extremely well, emotions similar to a child experiencing a situation of divorce. Well done on that, dear.
Keep taking into account the plausibility of your dialogue, and you’ll be writing perfect stories.
I'm not sure why I read this out of the blue but I did and I'm glad I did. I'm sure there was some competition between Andromeda and Harry over Teddy. I'm sure they both wanted the very best for him. This was sweet and very well written. I liked how the "compromise" came about with the wand.