And Snape really did soften up! It's a great idea- Snape as a doll. *laughs aloud and wipes joyful tears* Good job!
i just fell off my chair laughing *and my arm hurts* :)
Just thought you might like to know that the first chapter is hilarious, and you have managed to create a 1st-2nd year chapter that is automatically blocked by my school network for "weighted phrases". I thought that that was quite funny if incredibly irratating as I know will not be able to finish it. Oh well. I love the first chapter though
Not rated correctly, bit to graphic for first year rating, but interesting anyway.
Author's Response: This is how it was approved. The more graphic sotry is on another site.
lol i love this chapter
Interesting. this was a cool story. I liked it. It was kind of funny. I will be reading more of your stories shortly and will leave my opinion. Thanks! ^_^
Loved it; it's one of my favorites. I picked my top three stories from this site and got my spouse unit to read them and he liked this, too. And let's just say our tastes in stories (especially those involving Snape) don't really overlap much. Well, at all. Yours entertained him and that's an accomplishment. I'll check out the link you left below. Thanks again for the fun!
Author's Response: Hey, thank you! That's a wonderful compliment, to know that your hubby liked it. I know not many men will go for fanfiction, so its nice to know he enjoyed it. I hope you do get a chance to go to The Petulant Poetess. It's a really wonderful site. Let me know if you like my other stories, I'd love to hear from you.
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
i like and its a bit funny
quite good, I have read it many times and it always delights
Author's Response: Thank you. I'm glad you have enjoyed it so much. I don't really post here anymore though. If you would like to read something more recent, I do all of my posting at The Petulant Poetess: http://www.thepetulantpoetess.com/viewuser.php?uid=68
i think this story should be rated PG-13. it's good story, though.
Author's Response: I had originally reated it R, when I first posted it, just in case. But since this was first posted, there have been site problems. I don't know if that might have done something to the ratings. I actually haven't posted here in almost 2 years. I'm glad you liked the story though, thanks for reading it.
Nice. Very nice. Give the thought bunnies a carrot for me.
Author's Response: Thank you. Plot bunnies thank you for the carrots.
This was throughly entertaining. I read it at work and had to stifle my laughter several times. Very amusing, and I might add, original. :)
Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed it. Ah the dangers of reading fanfic at work. LOL, I've had some moments like that too. I'm either having to keep from laughing or crying. Thanks for reading this and taking the time to review it.
so CUTE AND SWEET . god i LOVE severus .
Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
I liked this. I have been up reading your stories (mostly the one series) all night. Snape was a little too OOC for me, but it served my fangirly purposes. I did like how you ended it though with Hermoine calling Severus her little doll. Only she could get away with that. Good job.
Author's Response: Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed them. I had to write him a bit OOC, if I was going to make this work as any kind of a romance. I'm not of the thinking that Hermione would fall in love with an abusive sex starved man who treats her badly. Thanks again.
Lol! Loved the Harpy comment. Made me crack up! *Now my friend is staring at me for laughing to myself, thanks:P*
Author's Response: Ah, many a time I've also been looked at like I was crazy because of reading a fic. I'm happy you enjoyed this. I don't post here anymore. I mainly post on The Petulant Poetess and Whispers.
Fantastic story. Loved it. One small thing, that verb 'Conlabefacto' that you stated means "to soften up" cannot have that definition as it isn't in the infinitive - it's in the first person "I soften up". Sorry, I had to get that off my chest. I can't help it. Anyway, I love all of your work and this is probably my third or fourth time reading through all of your stories. I have never actually reviewed a fanfic before so you should be honoured - lol.
Author's Response: No problem. I took Latin in 8th grade for half a semester, so my knowledge is less than limited. I use an online translation site. After my first few fics I started telling people in my A/N that's where the translations are from. I appreciate you taking the time to review my story. I really don't post here anymore and really only post on The Petulant Poetess and Whispers. You should go by TPP. There are many good stories on there
Hey. I found The Long Wait a few months ago, and have jst finished reading it for the second time, when i found the Severus Doll. Again, i loved it, although I have to admit that I wish it were longer, but againi absolutely loved it! Infact, it was The Long Wait that inpiried me to write my first fanfic, which i have just finished and am waiting for the first chapter to be accepted. Please keep wrigting, as I love yor fanfics. I'd give you a hiher rating, but unfortunately it only goes up to 10, so 10/10. Well done, brilliant!
Author's Response: Wow, thank you. I have stories I've read more than once because I loved them so much. Its wonderful to know some people do the same for mine. I'm very happy my story was able to inspire you to write too. I post now mainly on The Petulant Poetess. I just got tired of all the problems with the site and was also told at one point I should change my story. No way was I going to let someone tell me how to write my story. You should stop by TPP. Maybe even post something there too. I hope to see you there.
My cousin and I read the story and the first thing we looked at was each other, the second thing we looked at was my Snape doll! Good laughs! Good times!
I re-discovered your writing a couple of says ago, having read “The long Wait” over six months ago (and absolutely loved it – it strengthened my faith in Hermione and Snape as a credible couple.) The first chapter of this story, I would describe as “fluff” The tone you set is playful, and I would even go so far as saying Hermione’s affections are innocent towards her potions professor – it is a teenage crush! From this G-PG first section you move into an R rated second chapter, with sexual content no longer disguised with subtlety. I have my concerns about this, as you’ve turned fluff into smut and it may unnerve younger readers who were misled by your first chapter. I suggest if you were doing a one-shot in two halves like this you keep the maturity level consistent.
To say Severus Snape was not a lucky man would have been the understatement of the millennium. Not only had he spent the last twenty years putting his life on the line spying for the Order, but he also spent the last six-and-a-half years having to keep watch over Harry-bloody-Potter.
You set the tone of the story well with this introduction. When I read this I knew it wasn’t going to be a heavy story, it something for humour and light entertainment. You don’t try and introduce many deep issues in the story, you just inform the reader of the context and assume we will accept the rest. I like this, many people feel the need to say exactly what happened in the war before they can commence their one-shot – instead you only told us what was necessary. I love your phrasing of “Harry-bloody-Potter” – mocking Harry for the sake of us Snape fans.
The ingredient was nothing special, really — just some baby’s breath
I know this isn’t an important part of your story but I wonder why baby breath would be in the greenhouses. It may be better to say something a little more typical – like Mandrake Root. Although, just thinking about it further, it does fit in with the “rag doll” theme and innocent sexuality. The idea of “breath” has some connotations. I suggest you re-locate the scene to the hospital ward – a more credible place to find this ingredient.
It was the most adorable thing she had ever seen, and it looked just like Professor Snape. She bent down and picked it up. She cradled it in her arms like a baby.
This is a very child-like image of Hermione, and considering her age a tad OOC. But I do excuse this because of the theme of your story – it does show a side of her that wants affection and warmth. The image is very striking, she is a gentle person and this contrasts very starkly with the thoughts Snape is thinking.
‘If I’m going to die,’ he thought, ‘I may as well die in the arms of a soft, wonderful smelling, sweet…Ahh, no, bloody hell!’
I am unsure whether Snape would express his thoughts in this way. He is more likely to be less jumpy and worried about death. My perception of him is that he isn’t someone who is interested in “soft” and “wonderful smelling” things. He also wouldn’t shout something out like “bloody hell.” This does add humour to the piece but be careful to keep the humour within the character’s personality. Snape has a very sly and sarcastic way of expressing his discontent, often very subtle.
“Fucking furball,' thought Severus.” and “What if that twat Longbottom fucked up the spell, and it never wore off?”
I really should not be one to preach about using explicit language, but in this story I do not see it necessary. If you had toned down this and the sexual content you would have been able to uphold the theme you created in your first chapter. I also don’t think Snape would refer to Neville as “that twat” or Crookshanks as a “fucking furball.” Remember that whilst your readers may be in majority teenagers, you still need to uphold the adult vocabulary in order to make Snape’s character credible.
She was awed at the workmanship of his clothes. Whoever made this small doll certainly did a fabulous job.
I thought this part was very cute. It brings back to the theme of innocence, and enhances the magic of the spell that’s been cast upon Snape. I can imagine the little doll in my mind and the way in which Hermione cherishes it. As an over-emotional teenager, I am someone who loves to keep hold of a picture of my loved one, and used to keep it under my pillow. This doll represents her sugar-coated image of Snape – the one she idolises and fantasises about. By hugging the doll I see her dependency of him and how she may be deceived into thinking he has a softer side.
It was normal for him to disappear after his last class on Fridays. He would regularly spend most of his weekend inside his private quarters.
Hermione’s ability to track Snape’s routine is very interesting. It is typical behaviour of someone who has an obsession to track down their routine. I often find it comforting to know what my certain somebody is doing at each point in time. You also uphold Snape as a very private man and allusive man – very true to the books.
Upon her graduation, Hermione was given the first and only apprenticeship in Potions granted by Professor Severus Snape. After serving as his apprentice for one year, she took her exam and became not only the youngest Potions Mistress ever, but Mrs. Hermione Snape.
I’d say this “happily ever after” conclusion was a tad cliché and isn’t really necessary. The story has been very cheeky and mischievous so far and so concluding it with the idea of them sneaking around after each other would have been better. You seem to stamp normality onto the one-shot with this final paragraph, rather than leaving it in its obscurity of before. Don’t be afraid of leaving the story open at the end, you don’t always have to tie everything up nicely.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading and reviewing this story. It makes a change to all the “doom and gloom” that I have been both reading and writing lately. Good luck with your writing, you show a lot of talent and I am sure you can go far if you chose it as a career!
Author's Response: You certainly put some thought into this review. But I have to say, I really didn't set out to make any statement here. I wrote this after seeing a drawing of Hermione holding a Snape doll. While I respect your opinion on whether Snape would or would not use any of the words he expressed here, I don't like to adhere a lot to what most would consider canon. It is my opinion that fanfiction is here for us to be able to portray characters in different ways. I also feel that there is too much about Snape we do not know, so while he is in this very improbable situation, there is no real way of knowing just how he would react. Thank you for the compliment on my writing, I do appreciate it. In my reading and writing of stories I like to tie things up, its just the way I am. I don't like to be out there wondering what might have happened, its just me. Fear has nothing to do with it. I have written a couple of stories in which I stear away from my normal style, just to be different. I don't post here anymore and if you would like to read something a bit different I post now on The Petulant Poetess. There are many stories and writers there you might enjoy.