Very well written! I really liked how you captured the admiration for an older sibling that people can relate to, especially at a young age. The descriptions of Bellatrix were perfect! Well done and thanks for sharing!
Author's Response: Thank you very much! It means a lot that you have taken the time to read and review - I appreciate your lovely comments! :) x
I really liked this - this so could have happened. Very realistic take on the characters.
Author's Response: Thank you so much - I'm so flattered that you think so :)
Well, hello there!
That was beautifully written. There are parts which I know will stay with me for a long time, such as:
“Whether it was her shining ebony curls, or the dark dramatic eyes, every eye was always drawn to her, as if the authority she thrived on was a necessity which was not negotiable. Now, she was standing, towering above everyone, glaring that evil, murderous glare that I had always convinced myself, as an ignorant, innocent child, I was imagining. I had become, however, over these few years, more enlightened, and gradually more disgusted at Bella's sanguinary, detrimental deeds; her dark, destructive manner.”
I thought this was a precise description of Bella.
Now, I rather found your characterization of Bellatrix interesting. It was good to show that there was something “not quite right” with her, and you used certain instances from her childhood to prove that. At eight years old, she is depicted as malicious; at thirteen, she has committed her first murder, so to speak.
I confess I have a strange fascination with her although I hate her. Writing about her has become a satisfying exercise for me. Therefore, I have an admiration for how you handled her personality.
As for Andromeda, I initially thought your portrayal of her was a little short of the mark– I imagine her to be a little more rebellious than that. That was my general impression, at least. But, now I’m thinking, your characterization of her was quite balanced. I gave it a second read and the whole thing made sense. Her denial, her hesitation, her stepping back – they made sense and lent a more original feel to the story.
I have some minor nitpicks, though. One, in the first part, where you have used caps for the words “EIGHT” and “WHOLE” – italicized would have been a better option. If you weren’t sure how to do that, you just have to put the words between the html tags. Just saying, in case you didn’t know. : )
Also, “robin” was misspelled somewhere.
Just that. Lol!
All in all, a very impressive first story.
Author's Response: Thank you very much for your amazing response to my story! I have been trying for about two months to get this up here, and it is actually double the length it was originally. At first, it was only the very first bit, and then Bella and Andromeda's argument, but I am more peased with it now. You were right, I didn't know how to get the italics, thank you very much for telling me! As for the portrayal of Andromeda, I had always wondered about her. I assumed she was a Slytherin, as were most of the Blacks, so I think she would have some Slytherin - ness about her. Saying this, the story, in my mind, works better with her being, for want of a better word, weaker than Bella. However, in my head, she is slightly more gutsy - otherwise, I don't think she would have ran of with Ted. Finally, thank you very much again for your very informative and amazing review, you're one of the only ones who have reviewed my story! Thank you.