Reviews For The Dark Phoenix
Reviewer: Emberstar
Date: 12/23/11 2:00
Chapter: Epilogue: A Bend in the Road

I enjoyed this :)

It was very close to JK Rowling's style, only a few differences from the cannon- but that could be attributed to Teddy being the "writer"

Here is a few things that jumped out at me:

- Patronuses/Animagi Form [in the Canon they are the same- their "true" personality]

- Mermaid Hair wand core [Ollivander says that he only uses dragon heartstring, unicorn tail hairs, and pheonix feathers]

- Both Durmstrang and Beauxbatons are co-ed, not all boys or all girls [canon]

- (ch 22) Wizards come of age at 17, not 18 [unless he was old for his year, it should have been his 17th birthday]

-Edwin Brimley couldn't have been dorm-mates with Cedric and in his final year, Cedric died during his 6th year

- Ginny's Patronus is a horse, not a fire-lizard

- Kettleburn was Care of Magical Creatures professor before Hagrid, not Grubbly-Plank (she was a substitute)

- The incantation for water is Aguamenti

Emberstar

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 04/21/11 10:41
Chapter: Five: The War Museum

Mrs. Figg is adorable. I'm so glad you included her in the story. I loved how she was able to fit in as an eccentric elderly family member. That was a very good idea to give her an old broken wand so she could pretend at least. Now I can't wait to see what she discovered in the newspaper. Great chapter.

Author's Response: I always felt there was so much untapped potential with Mrs. Figg. We know very little about her, but yet she shows herself to be a real trooper by standing up before the stodgy Wizengamot even though she’s a Squib. Then there’s how she confesses to Harry that she made his visits as unpleasant as possible because basically she liked him – and if the Dursleys thought he might be enjoying himself, they’d never let him come to visit again. You have to love someone who can pull off such a convoluted explanation. As an operative for the Order, she has the perfect cover: who ever takes the crazy old cat lady seriously? Don’t worry her point of view will be an important facet of this story.

Since Figgy clearly knows about the wizarding world, I concluded the Statute of Secrecy wouldn’t apply to her, Consequently, there was no reason her magical friends wouldn’t try to make her life easier in their own unique fashion.

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 04/20/11 12:35
Chapter: Four: Rude Awakening

I finally had time to read another chapter. Teddy seems like such a bright child. Hogwarts is going to have its hands full with him. The part that was most interesting to me was the interviews Umbridge was giving. To think that someone would be stupid enough to believe that the Final Battle was made up. At the same time you have to wonder how she stayed in the Ministry as long as she did. We snicker at her but when the smoke clears she's still there. I'm starting to wonder who's really the stupid one. The trouble with people like Umbridge is that we go along and start ignoring them and that's when they strike. They lead you into this calmness where you're made to feel safe with their stupidity and all the time they're working on a bigger and more dangerous plot. As always, your descriptions set a beautiful background, where I can lay back and relax and watch the story go by. Great chapter.

Author's Response: There’s no doubt that Teddy will be continuing the Marauders tradition at Hogwarts. And I can just imagine McGonagall & Pomfrey getting the biggest kick out of watching Remus deal with someone who’s as irrepressible as he and his friends were in their youth.

Umbridge’s trail of self-serving lies shouldn’t come as such a shock. I see the same type of baseless political posturing in the news everyday. This story will very much play itself out in the eye of public opinion as it mirrors our own world. Not that it’s intended as an allegory of any particular event, just a testament to the tenor of our times.

So glad you finally had time to resume your reading. I understand completely about real life taking over, though. I’ve been trying for over a month to put the finishing touches on the next chapter I have to upload and every time I find a few minutes to come back to it, I end up tweaking it some more.

Reviewer: Divess
Date: 04/12/11 19:55
Chapter: Twenty-Three: An Experiment Gone Awry

Should be some good action coming up shortly but as I said before it doesn't seem like Fenrir would have the capacity to read a book let alone write one. I'm disappointed with the interview. I hoped it would have been more intense. But, I know there is much more to come. Good chapter.

Author's Response: Fenrir may be a degenerate, but I never got the impression that he was illiterate. Which in so many ways makes him even more dangerous and manipulative.

Of course you found the interview dissatisfying. It’s nothing but two career politicians circling around one another until they blur together at the edges. I promise they will take their gloves off in the near future.

Reviewer: Divess
Date: 04/12/11 19:08
Chapter: Twenty-Two: In the Belly of the Beast

The story is picking up again. Not so much fluff (sorry). I do like your take on things.

Author's Response: Glad you enjoyed the window into the Ministry’s filing system. Rather reminded me of the Sorcerer’s Apprentice segment of Fantasia. At least that was the music swirling in my head as I described it.

Reviewer: Divess
Date: 04/12/11 18:25
Chapter: Twenty-One: Spectres of the Past

Really interesting chapter. New information. Great stuff.

Author's Response: So pleased you like the back story on Harry’s grandparents, even if it didn’t have a very happy ending. I felt that they needed some sort of closure on this since Harry and Remus are now living in the house that Harrison and Trudy once occupied. Besides, I love Amos Diggory as a character; so determined to make a difference despite, or perhaps because of, Cedric’s tragedy.

Reviewer: Divess
Date: 04/11/11 16:39
Chapter: Fourteen: Making Merry

Moving on.

Author's Response: Pleased to know that you’re sticking with the story.

Reviewer: Divess
Date: 04/11/11 16:06
Chapter: Thirteen: Christmas at the Burrow

Nice chapter.Harry and Remus especially deserve this happiness.

Author's Response: No doubt about it, Remus gets a raw deal in the books – almost as a throw-away character, at times. And don’t even get me started about the post-PoA movies….I’m beginning to think the viewers are going to see Teddy as a product of an immaculate conception in DH-Part 2.

Reviewer: Divess
Date: 04/11/11 15:29
Chapter: Twelve: Trials and Tribulations

I hope that Percy and Penelope can get back together. All this laughing and joking between students and staff has led to a very slippery slope. How dare they go to McGonagall because Remus didn't want them in his personal business. I'm irritated with that part of the story.

Author's Response: Rest assured, we have not seen the last of Percy and Penelope.

Remus’ teaching style is very much an offshoot of what we know of his time as a Gryffindor Prefect (admittedly, only a few tidbits). Students have a tendency to over-step themselves and these are no exceptions. I wanted to convey that when the chips were down, it was a significant group that rose in Remus’ support in contrast to just Harry pleading for him to stay in PoA.

Reviewer: Divess
Date: 04/11/11 0:16
Chapter: Eleven: The Snows of Winter

Excellent chapter. I do wish tere was more discussion about anything and everything. You have made Severus almost as interesting as Remus.

Author's Response: I have always felt that the adult characters in Harry’s world were by far the most interesting ones. Writing Snape is sooo much fun; just imagining his lines being delivered with perfect pitch and timing. Glad you enjoyed the backstory I provided even though it’s not a very happy one.

Reviewer: Divess
Date: 04/09/11 21:20
Chapter: Ten: The Jackal and the Wolf

Fenrir Greyback was an uncouth lout of a werewolf. Are readers to assume that this piece of garbage has somehow found the witherall to write a novel? Lets see. Unless there is some new unnamed character coming down the pike, this has something to do with Umbridge and possibly Mundungus Fletcher.

Author's Response: We have only to look at the drivel that is often published in our own society to see the reflection.

Reviewer: Divess
Date: 04/09/11 0:11
Chapter: Nine: The Jaws of the Trap

More and more plotlines coming into play.I am hoping that Umbridge's lost files will be found and she gets her just desserts. Percy deserves to be happy. Hopefully something will manifest itself between he and Penelope. Onward. Thank you.

Author's Response: The stumbling block with Umbridge is that they are unable to prove (in a court of law) what they know to be the truth about her ugly dealings. Being the good guys, they have to play by the rules even if that means that underhanded, unscrupulous people may be able to thwart them.

There will definitely be more about Percy. He emerges as less of a one-dimensional character in this story. All is not as we always assumed, either.

Reviewer: Divess
Date: 04/08/11 23:30
Chapter: Eight: A Respite in the Weather

Interesting chapter.Your storyline seems so much more modern than the original. No offense intended. I'm glad I wad on the money about Neville and the Herbology post. I'm still not cleear on what kind of trap this is for Mundungus, but we shall see. Thank you.

Author's Response: I agree that this story appears more contemporary, but that’s mainly because the characters are moving out into the current world as opposed to remaining among wizardkind where more quaint customs are preserved, i.e. at Hogwarts or Diagon Alley. Tonks is of the right age to have a different approach to life than her parents’ generation so I wove that into the story. (We are really given so very little about her in canon.) I also found it interesting that despite the 19th century living conditions, there doesn’t seem to be a glass ceiling for witches as they are seen competing in sports (school as well as professional), working alongside men in the Auror Department (not a recent development either as Neville’s mum was an Auror) and holding the highest post of Minister for Magic. That’s not to say that fanatics don’t wish to emphasize pure-blood women as little more than breeding stock for the next generation, yet Umbridge is not criticized for being a career woman by that very group.

In case it doesn’t become clear in subsequent chapters, they wish to see if the false information planted will make its way to Umbridge via Mundungus. Everyone other than him knows it’s false so we can rule out them passing it on to Dolores. Although if someone else was unscrupulous enough to wish to frame ‘Dung….geez, I’m beginning to sound like Mad-Eye!

Reviewer: Divess
Date: 04/08/11 22:31
Chapter: Seven: Insomnia

My delusions. My rules. like that a lot. I will probably use the phrase in the future as a snappy retort. On to my problem with this chapter. First. Are they wizards or not. By this I am referring to the house being so cold that they shiver when they walk through. Cast a warming spell, a heating spell, cast a sealing spell but do something so that they, the children and visitors can be comfortably warm. Another thought. Even though this is a story within a story, it reads like Harry and Remus are suddenly a little uncomfortable talking to each other. In Hero's Lament they were like two equally matched best friends. This chapter felt a little strange to me. Thank you.

Author's Response: The cold was intended mainly as a device to show the changing of seasons from the start of the school term in the second chapter. It’s too abrupt a change if suddenly, pow!, it’s Christmas. In many ways, wizards are very much like their Muggle counterparts so I assumed that the fires in the each of the bedroom hearths would burn down in the night as those asleep snuggled under warm blankets. Anyone who wakes up in the middle of the night, even in a house with central heating, will feel cold and want to wrap his dressing gown around him.

As for Remus, his werewolf metabolism is such that he doesn’t feel the cold in the same way as others. This was such a major element in a previous tale that perhaps I didn’t stress it enough in this chapter. Especially since he finds it particularly endearing that his family members seem to forget this when they show their concern for him. In turn, he does cast a warming charm on a metal patio chair before Harry sits down.

Your insightful comments got me to thinking about the limitations of magic (as in the ultimate argument of why Harry needs to wear glasses if he’s a wizard.) Some things in JKR’s world are beyond the capacity of magic. Changing the temperature outdoors seems like it would fall into that category, at least to me. Just like a rambling manor house that has been passed down through geneerations would not be completely air tight in winter, even if it had been renovated to some extent.

Yes, Harry and Remus are comfortable around one another, but it’s unrealistic to assume that they never talked about more personal, touchy subjects -- at least, when they couldn’t find a way skirt them. I couldn’t just ignore the age difference between them and have the conversation go much as it would’ve between Remus and Sirius. Harry feels unsophisticated enough that he waits until matters become a non-issue before even broaching the subject. And he wouldn’t be so embarrassed if Remus didn’t tease him unmercifully about it, either. There’s an ebb and flow to Harry’s interactions with Remus that is distinctive and very different from his interactions with other friends such as Ron and Hermione.

Reviewer: Divess
Date: 04/08/11 21:50
Chapter: Six: A Call to Arms

Great chapter. So now we wait for the fox to try and get in the hen house. i like that SS is included and treated as one of the group. Nice. Thank you.

Author's Response: Glad you like how Snape has been integrated into the group, warts and all. He did not have an easy time of it, but there is a flashback to that later. Suffice it to say that the assistance he previously gave to Harry won the lad over, which in turn made Remus listen to Snape’s words with a more open mind than most.

Reviewer: Divess
Date: 04/07/11 16:36
Chapter: Five: The War Museum

Stopping at the beginningof the chapter; I believe Harry was born in 1980 not 1981 as you have it written in the first paragraph under "The Heir and the Spare." More after the chappie. I'm glad that you wrote rabella Figg a place in your story. It is nice to know that some of the people who were like mere shadows in the JKR books are being fleshed out in yours. Thank you.

Author's Response: Eternally grateful for pointing out the error in Harry’s date of birth. Made correction immediately. All the minutia can be so overwhelming at times; no wonder JKR avoids numerical references (such as specific dates) as much as possible. Please let me know if your sharp reading spots anything else. I try to double-check, but sometimes things slip by.

Mrs. Figg has always had a lot of potential in my mind. There’s just so much you can do with her obsession with cats. In this story, it will be her memories from childhood that will prove significant. It’s the richness of JKR’s universe that there are just so many secondary and background characters on which to build.

Reviewer: Divess
Date: 04/06/11 17:10
Chapter: Four: Rude Awakening

Stopping in the middle of chapter to get this dow. Dolores Umbridge has not been dealt with? C'mon. Enough of this cow. She should have been taken care of long ago. I'm pissed...

I love Teddy. He's a handfull but wise fir his age. Can't wait for Ginny and Hermione to take down Umbridge. Missing Ron a bit and how is George holding up? Perhaps Fred is still alive in this version. We'll see. Thank you for this chapter.

Author's Response: Since DH never happened in this alternate version, there was no Muggle-born Registration Commission to distill Umbridge’s hatred for all to see. Instead, the Toad Woman has been able to hide behind the mask of an overzealous bureaucrat. How she managed to survive despite the darkness in her heart is a major plot point in this story. Don’t worry, all will be explained to your satisfaction as the back story is filled in. Suffice it to say that there was a hasty transfer of power in the wake of Fudge’s resignation and some of the things that were shuffled aside will come back to bite the Minister.

Teddy is a child who interacts more with adults than with other children. I imagine him to be very much as Remus was before the bite made the world reject him and he reverted into his shell.

Don’t worry, Ron will make an appearance soon. He has a rather significant chapter coming up. Despite their diverse careers, the trio will reconvene to attack the upcoming crisis, never fear.

Yes, Fred is still alive as one twin runs the Diagon Alley story and the other the branch in Hogsmeade village that they opened in the previous tale. (I suspect they can’t resist trading places randomly, though. LOL) The WWW products will figure in this story as well.

Bear in mind that only the first and last chapters of this tale take place in the post-DH world but the middle chunk of the story is in the alternate reality that was established in Hero’s Lament. Everyone who was still alive in the next to the last chapter of that story will play a role in the sequel as well; that includes Moody, Snape, Scrimgeour and even the Creevey brothers.

Reviewer: Divess
Date: 04/06/11 16:31
Chapter: Three: Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

I'm liking the Zen character. I must have missed something because I don't have a fix on her age yet. But, I'll be watching. Am I or are we to assume that the herbologist post will be offered to Neville. I know this is a stretch but Neville would have my vote. Thank you for the chapter.

Author's Response: Zen is in her second year at Hogwarts so that makes her twelve years old. This corresponds to her mother, Sera, telling Remus she has a five year old daughter in the prequel, Cruel Moon for the Misbegotten. It’s been seven years since the prequel, six since the events of Hero’s Lament.

As the story starts, Neville is employed in a rather unexpected way. Whether he’ll be able to appease his current boss while reaching for the proverbial brass ring will be the issue here.

Reviewer: Divess
Date: 04/06/11 15:49
Chapter: Two: A Face From the Past

Wonderful chapter. However, one of the things that has me irritated is that 7 years after the fall of Voldemort which would make Ginny about 23 years old she still has to let her mother make decisions for her. At what point will Ginny be able to make decisions for herself? I like Phoebe a lot. Great character. It feels warm at Godrics Hollow.

Author's Response: So glad you like Phoebe. She’s the perfect foil for her precocious brother and will play a major part in the story’s climax.

As for Ginny, she just wants to involve her mother in a wedding that is not taking place at the Burrow. Molly dotes on her only daughter, so I envisioned there being a good amount of negotiating when it comes to who will plan the wedding. Ultimately Ginny and Tonks do, but they try to include Molly as much as possible to keep the peace. (No one wants a repeat of an estrangement like the one with Percy.) Behind the scenes, I imagine that Molly has been nagging Ginny with comments that her engagement is going to be longer than the marriage itself – that sounds so much like Molly, I can just hear her voice in my head!

Reviewer: Divess
Date: 04/05/11 21:17
Chapter: One: Prologue

Wonderful first chapter.I absolutely adore the world that you created. I can't wat to read more. However, I just finished up Hero's Lament and cannot keep my eyes open. (that didn't come out right..LOL) I just mean I couldn't stop reading. Anyway, tomorrow I will start chapter 2. Goodnight.

Author's Response: Please don’t worry about how you thought that sounded, I understood instantly. Knowing that you got so caught up in the story and lost track of time is ultimately the greatest compliment of all. Glad you approve of my take on the Potterverse as it definitely diverges from JKR’s.

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