MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
Reviews For Take Me Far Away

Name: welshdevondragon (Signed) · Date: 11/24/11 17:15 · For: Chapter One
Hello Kara- I thought I’d leave you a review for the first two chapters of your story :)

First of all, I love the style this story is written in. It is very distinctive, because whilst its mostly Remus’ POV, there’s also a certain knowingness about the narration which is very light but also amusing. For example:

But Remus had already disappeared up the stairs anyway, and Dumbledore must have thought it unwise to press that matter further, especially in the light of what he was going to ask of Mr Lupin, so the two men disappeared into the sitting room.

This is very distant from Remus’ POV but also suggests some sort of intimacy. I can’t really explain it better than that, but you do the same thing here:

staring at the stranger with round eyes and a curiosity only children could bear without embarrassment.

where obviously Remus would not be aware of how he appears, but the narrator is. However the narrator is also capable of getting into Remus’ head as shown by this description of how he had already completely pictured in his head (and so wonderful it was)? of Hogwarts, which is a lovely touch of how idyllic he sees it as being, and far removed from his current life.

I seem to be quoting alot of your own writing back at you--serves me right for doing this in the middle of an essay-writing break (sorry about that) but I do think your style is lovely, so thought it worth talking rather a lot about. However occasionally this style can be rather detached from the story. For example, when Dumbledore says ““Oh yes, I did,” the visitor answered.” referring to him as the visitor, given he’s already been named in the narration seems a bit odd.

However your dialogue is lovely. I particularly love the interactions of Remus and his father, though in this case: please, go to your room to read while Professor Dumbledore and I talk, right? where the ‘right’ here didn’t sound very naturalistic, and a bit unnecessary as a word in that context anyway.

I do love your characterisation of Dumbledore. He’s wise, knowing, and obviously slightly perplexing to Remus’ father, particularly when he says: “But I don’t!” To Remus’ astonishment, the visitor’s voice sounded almost happy. which is just a lovely example of Dumbledore playing with people’s expectations of him. I also like the way he doesn’t tell Remus’ father that Remus was eavesdropping on them, because Dumbledore has a playful side and is almost always on the children’s side, so that was excellent characterisation.

Likewise I thought Remus was very well-written. You got a strong sense of the strength of his relationship with his father, as well as, however, the isolation of being a werewolf, and not having had much interaction with people his own age. However I think Remus is intelligent enough to have asked some questions about his possible education--after all, he reads alot so chances are he’d know what the norm was, and therefore would know something about Hogwarts, so the sentence: What was Hogwarts? sounded a bit odd, and the idealisation of Hogwarts I think would have happened prior to Dumbledore’s arrival.

I thought the way his isolation meant, instead of craving attention/ company, he searched for an empty compartment. Also you don’t mention his isolation that explicitly--you say things like:

never in his life had he seen so many people in one place,let alone children of his own age.

Which shows very clearly that he’s not had much company, but doesn’t tell us.

And I think I said earlier, but I’ll say it again, that I loved the characterisation of Remus’ dad. He was concerned, but always caring, nervous about letting Remus go, puritanical about buying too much stuff, but also obviously with a lot of love for his son. You do it very subtly, and the reader knows this by the time you say:

He rarely showed such emotion and affection to Remus

I did find his reiterating of the plan with the whomping willow on a crowded station platform slightly risky though, and out of character given the care he’d shown before. You could get round this to Remus recalling a time when they had discussed the plan earlier, if you want.

I loved their final conversation though. Everything was so nicely done- the realisation of what Remus’ father had done, having been with his son during the transformations, emphasises his love for his son, as does the final wink and wave he gives Remus at the end was very sweet, without being too sickly sweet.

As I hope you can tell, I really enjoyed this story and am very much looking forward to reading/beta-ing the rest. Alex

Author's Response: Oooh thank you so much for this! Wow, I don't think I've had a review in ages! :D And this is an amazing one :) I can't believe how long ago I wrote this story. I thought the date stamp was broken just now because I was sure it was only one year ago... I think the reason why Remus didn't know about Hogwarts was that he got mostly Muggle books to read. So he might know about school in general, but I'm not sure he would have heard about Hogwarts. Certainly, his father would have nipped any sort of curiosity on the subject in the bud. I hope I can retain this style as I keep writing... Really, it's so great that you like it! :D I was a bit worried that it wouldn't be your sort of story at all, which would ahve made the betaing a bit awkward I think... You're right about the conversation in the end - I'm not sure anyone would overhear them, but they'd probably try and be more cautious. Hopefully, I'll get the next chapter to you soon! Again, thank you so so much for this wonderful review! :)

Name: IckleRonnieX (Signed) · Date: 10/17/09 23:38 · For: Chapter Two
Hi Kara!
I just want to tell you that this is AMAZING :D
update soon please! :)

Name: saskiam (Signed) · Date: 10/14/09 21:23 · For: Chapter Two
:) :) :) This maketh me really, really happy...

I clicked on the first chapter about a week ago thinking it was a one-shot and really enjoying it. You've got Remus PERFECT so far -- NOT an easy task, as most people know... it's definitely a tricky balance between unbearably strong and far too weak; fun-loving and yet still serious... but I think you've got it. Keep it up!

The only bone I have to pick with any of it so far is his dad's remark, "your werewolf form is growing stronger too". Please please PLEASE do not go down the Remus-hits-puberty-and-so-does-the-werewolf road. (That's a bad road.) How would his dad know something like that, as well? If it's only limited to Remus getting beat up a bit more lately, then that's fine... but if it's a journey back from death every full moon or Godzilla taking over the forest, that kind of thing bothers me a little.

I love your writing style, too. :)

Keep writing!

Author's Response: Ooh thank you very much for your review! I'm glad that you liked it :)

About the werewolf thing well, I just thought, Remus is growing taller, so he must be taller as a werewolf too. A five-year-old wouldn't make a very dangerous werewolf, but a grown werewolf...

Unless you think that the werewolf form always looks the same because it's magical anyway. To be honest, I have no idea about werewolf lore and things like that....

Again, thanks for your review! :D

Name: tatjanablack (Signed) · Date: 10/14/09 3:56 · For: Chapter Two

What can I say? Das ist sehr gut. :D You are such good at writing.. and I am not lying, but I could not help to have a tear or two in my eyes after :

Dad?” Remus asked, suddenly insecure. “Will I really have to stay there all alone?”

and so I teared up by his father's answer.
Anyway I enjoyed so much reading this chapter and I am looking forward to the next one.


~ Tatjana

Name: Moony127 (Signed) · Date: 10/12/09 17:35 · For: Chapter Two
This is amazing!
Well done!

Author's Response: Thanks! :)

Name: The_Dream_Team (Signed) · Date: 10/12/09 12:33 · For: Chapter Two
Wow that was a really good chapter! remus is so sweet! i love how excited he gets about books. i hope that you can update soon because this is really good and i would love to read more!

Author's Response: Thank you very much for your review :) I have a lot to do with all the challenges at the moment, but it shouldn't take me too long to get the next chapter finished, as this story is kind of my quiet place :D

Name: L A Moody (Signed) · Date: 10/12/09 9:50 · For: Chapter Two
Just now discovered this little gem and am already hooked after just two chapters! But, of course, I love anything having to do with Remus, if you couldn’t have already guessed. Am so pleased that you see him so similarly to the way I do: he’s definitely the counterpart to Hermione in the Marauders, only he reads literature not textbooks. Despite their book learning, Remus has a poet’s soul, which Hermione does not.

Dumbledore was very believable and playful. He truly came across as being eternally young at heart. Remus’ inner voice was also well rendered and believable for an eleven year old. I assume you will be giving him much more complicated thoughts as he matures. I suppose that’s what makes him such an interesting character to write. You know that even though he’s the “quiet one”, there’s a lot going on in his head that he keeps to himself.

Compliments on a truly engaging summary that really drew my attention. This is an area that is overlooked far too often.

My absolute favorite phrase: a curiosity only children could bear without embarrassment.

Author's Response: Eep I only just read your name a couple hours ago and now you left me a review! Well thank you for that first of all, it's really great to know that you enjoyed the story so far! It's so weird for me that people tell me I did well with Dumbledore, but I feel so great about that :D I'm glad that you thought I did a good job on Remus so far I hope I can keep that up. Thank you so much for your review - it made me go all warm and fuzzy inside!


Name: ahattab33 (Signed) · Date: 10/11/09 21:35 · For: Chapter Two
I don't think I ever put thought into how lonely Remus must have felt that morning, standing on Platform 9 3/4. Your first paragraph captured it very well - "never in all of his life had he seen so many people in one place" - "Remus could not help but notice that everybody seemed to know someone already". But poor Remus! All excited about facing his school year, and his father keeps telling him it's not going to work. I'm so glad that you chose to have Remus be determined and a firm believer in his own future rather than let his father get him down. And then…

At the same time, the way you wrote the part where his dad takes him by the shoulders, you can't help but sympathize with his father, who must just be so afraid for his son, facing the world alone now, knowing things his son might face that his son doesn't yet understand and wanting to protect him from all of that. *tear* The way he becomes somehow more serious and strict, grasping him by his shoulders, emphasizing the full moon and the word "anything"…well, that was my impression. I suddenly saw it from his father's eyes instead of Remus' eyes. That little scene made me soften towards his father. Especially when he gave him Peter Pan.

So once again I must say how freaking cute this story is. I can just imagine scared, determined little Remus, walking down the corridor of the train with his Peter Pan book clutched to his chest. Did you write this for the Back to Hogwart's challenge drabble contest? I think the Gryff's had one, too…which means we'll get to see his Sorting next? Yes? Please? :D

Last chapter comment about Dumbledore: See, I'm not sure either. I guess what I mean to say was that I'm not sure if Dumbledore would just say: "Oh let's not cause trouble!" I guess (oh, lots of "I guess") what I'm trying to say is that he would say it more diplomatically? *head scratch* Because I think you are right: why else would he keep it secret? (Well, that and for Remus' sake. I've always thought a lot of it had to do with protecting Remus' reputation.) But I've always been terrible at writing Dumbledore-speak and have thus not attempted it. So I don't really have an improvement on diplomatic, Dumbledore-speak…but does that make sense?


Author's Response: YEY your other review! Yeah,little Remus is far, far too excited to enter this world to be discouraged by anyone or anything after all, most of his childhood he could only read about other people and adventures and now he's going to live his very own story! But at the same time he loves his dad a lot and I'm glad you felt the same way I did when I wrote this chapter. It must be very hard for Remus' father, and there probably are a lot of things going on in his head that Remus doesn't know of and wouldn't understand yet. By him giving Remus the book, I tried to show that he's not only stern and strict and pessimistic, but also loves his son and only wants what's best for him.

We did have a Back to Hogwarts challenge, but it was only a drabble, and it had to be about a character returning to Hogwarts in the year after the second war... it was not as cool as your Puff challenge :D (but still good! *hides from mods*) But yes, the Sorting (and Remus' first impressions of Hogwarts) will be next. Eek I hope you'll like what I have planned for the next chapter!

Name: ron lover (Signed) · Date: 10/11/09 13:24 · For: Chapter Two
I think your writing has improved a lot. Not to be mean or anything, but your writing wasn't as good as it is now. (that came out meaner than I wanted it to. Sorry.) What I'm trying to ay that your writing is really good.

Your characterization of Remus is really great too. He seems so valuerible, which is how I immagined him. It's the perfect amount of vaulneribility so he seems scared, but he doesn't seem like a wimp.

I think this is a good chapter and I'm excited to read what happens next.

Author's Response: Will you stop apologising already! :D

I appreciate your comment, and I see it as a compliment really actually it surprised me because I haven't noticed any change in my writing style, but I suppose it really is a good thing.

I'm glad you liked my characterisation of Remus so far! I hope to get the next chapter up faster though how I'm going to do it with all the challenges, I don't know....

Name: ahattab33 (Signed) · Date: 10/11/09 12:46 · For: Chapter One
Oh, Remus. The little Maurader coming out already! Sneaking down the stairs, skipping the one he knew would creak! He seems to have been instilled with a sense of "Children are meant to be seen and not heard," for he was more of an observer of this tale than a participant. And he followed his father - on the face of the instructions. :) I thought having Remus simply not understand most of what they were talking about was a good way to gloss over the details of what we already know about his life at Hogwarts and how he was able to attend.

I simply adore your characterization of Dumbledore. He appeared at a time to meet Remus. He answered Mr. Lupin's questions without hesitation, and politely. But he led Mr. Lupin to where he wanted him to go in the discussion…that Remus being a werewolf meat nothing in terms of his attendance at Hogwarts. And did it such a way that he was unfailingly polite and upbeat, but Mr. Lupin undoubtedly felt ashamed of himself. Especially as Dumbledore seemed to have put a lot of thought into making it work, whereas his father had simply written off the idea.

Remus' first impression of Dumbledore also helped this along: the stars on his hat, his nod to the Muggle reading, and the way his voice influenced him and intrigued him. Me thinks Dumbledore knew Remus would be listening, so that's why he didn't protest…and then this was made clear to me when he offered to go get him. :p

I think the most "Dumbledore"-ish line was: “Oh, I do know that Remus is a werewolf,” Dumbledore replied earnestly, “but I don’t see how this should render him unable to attend Hogwarts. Straight out of the books. The part, however, where he says, “I don’t see why the other parents need to know. If all goes well, and I’m sure it will, there is nothing they need to worry about, so I don’t see why we should put them in unnecessary distress.” just didn't feel right for some reason. I can't quite put my finger on it, and it didn't negate your characterization of Dumbledore, but that line stood out to me. Maybe because it was kind of a run-on for Dumbledore. Or maybe the phrase "and I'm sure it will." Or maybe it's just a little blas as a reason in general to keep it a secret.

The last line begins somewhat out of synch with what is before it. I'm having trouble coming up with something different, but I know what you are trying to accomplish here…perhaps something like, "With that…", but I’m not sure if that sounds any better. :( Don't know if you get what I'm trying to say, or if I'm making any sense…

Overall, this story is so very cute, and your 11 year old Remus is quite cute as well. (Sorry for the over-usage of the word cute, here.) I'm very interested to see what Chapter 2 brings…


Author's Response: Oooh Amanda, thank you SO much for your review! I'm so surprised that you thought I did well with Dumbledore. I remember writing this I was on the train, and I HAD to finish it because of the deadline in MWPP class... So I just wrote it very quickly I did edit it later, but not Dumbledore's lines. Maybe it's a good thing that I didn't :D I get what you mean about that one sentence though. I think it is the "I'm sure it will". I guess I'll cut that out later; you're right, it doesn't fit him and makes the sentence sound odd too.

Or maybe it's just a little blas as a reason in general to keep it a secret. Mmmh, the trouble I'm having with that is why else would he keep it secret from the other parents?

Ooh you're right by the way of course Dumbledore knew all along :D

I'm really excited about your next review now, I hope you aren't gone for too long :D Oooh and I love that you think Remus is cute, haha.


Name: Equinox Chick (Signed) · Date: 10/11/09 12:15 · For: Chapter Two
Awww, that's lovely. I really enjoy the way Remus is submersed into story books and not boring old text-books. You've nicely subverted that cliche, and you've given him a new side to his character. - very inventive.

I have to confess, for one awful moment, I thought his dad was going to give him a bar of chocolate -- but then I thought 'This is Kara, she won't write that' - hee hee.

I'm pleased he got to wave goodbye to his dad at the end. You could feel his very palpable relief when he saw his father wink. He may be excited, but he's still a bit scared too. Can't wait for him to meet those two bad boys.

Great story ~Carole~

Author's Response: Ooh thank you so much for leaving a review! You know, I didn't even think that he could give him a chocolate bar haha that would have been a good clich though. Remus' father always gave him chocolate when Remus felt bad, so that's how Remus became addicted to it... hmmmm! Haha, no, don't worry.

Ah yes, I can't wait either. Right now, poor little Remus is all alone but at a place like Hogwarts, I doubt that can last for long..

Name: tatjanablack (Signed) · Date: 09/28/09 3:15 · For: Chapter One

As I said before I really wanted to read your stories. I think this is the one I have read before, but I have never posted a review but now when I finally figured out my password
then I decided to tell you my opnion.

I really enjoyed your story. I read it so quick because it has such a nice flow. I also really liked the way you protayed Remus.

The beginning was very good.

Hello,” the old man said, and looked at him kindly. “You’re Remus, I’d guess?” And, looking at the book the boy was holding tightly to his chest, he added, “Dickens? You don’t meet many wizards who enjoy Muggle literature, especially not at such a young age.”

^ I really liked so that you put the name 'Dickens' in the paragraph. :-) By the way this paragraph also made me smile, because I so clear could picture Remus and that is a good thing I guess, because when you can see the things, you read, then the writing is good.

I also think that you protayed Dumbledore very well and Remus' father. I enjoyed reading the dialouge between them especially this part.

And the ending is very good as well ^^

~ Tatjana

Name: The_Dream_Team (Signed) · Date: 09/13/09 14:44 · For: Chapter One
that was really good and i liked it a lot! i like remus' dad. he seems very pretective of him and it seems very in charactor. this story waz fun 2 read and i also loved ur story about the marauder's map! keep writing!! =D

Name: ron lover (Signed) · Date: 09/13/09 14:17 · For: Chapter One
I wish I saw this earler. This was really good. It's extereemly believable. I could really see this happening. Dumbledor is great. I really love his characterization. I can't wait for the next chapter. This is going to be a really great story.

Name: DracoGurlFurever (Signed) · Date: 09/13/09 11:12 · For: Chapter One
What an adorable story! I loved reading it - it was great pleasure. Your characterization of Remus was excellently done - I felt like I could really understand him. The way you described his feelings of disappointment at the thought that there are worlds of things he might have to miss because of his...furry little problem (!) was palpable throughout the story. Dumbledore was great, too - I adored the ending and the way you brought through Dumbledore's kindness by action alone. All in all, it was great fun to read!

Author's Response: Oh wow, thanks a lot for your review! :) I'm glad you liked Dumbledore, I have great respect for people who frequently write him, as I think he's easy to overdo in lots of ways (too kind, too "excentric", too wise, ...)

You must login (register) to review.