Reviews For Sick Lullabies
Reviewer: Hermioneandtomforever
Date: 08/14/11 6:59
Chapter: Sick Lullabies

Wow..... Very good and well written, but SUPER sad and a little too angsty for my personal taste... But good overall

Author's Response: Thanks for taking the time to read and review this, Hermioneandtomforever! :)

Reviewer: Quill Angel
Date: 08/01/11 0:47
Chapter: Sick Lullabies

Beautiful

Author's Response: Thanks, Quill Angel! :)

Reviewer: Tonythawiz
Date: 10/19/10 2:35
Chapter: Sick Lullabies

I like how you used The Killers as a basis for your story :)

Author's Response: Thanks, Tonythawiz! :) I was definitely going through a Killers phase when I wrote this, and I'm glad you liked it.

Reviewer: grangergal101
Date: 08/26/10 2:14
Chapter: Sick Lullabies

Wow !!!! I love this story and I believe that it compliments your main fic well :) can't wait for the sequel to come out. XD

Reviewer: grangergal101
Date: 08/26/10 2:14
Chapter: Sick Lullabies

Wow !!!! I love this story and I believe that it compliments your main fic well :) can't wait for the sequel to come out. XD

Author's Response: Thanks, grangergal! :) I'm glad you liked this and the sequel will come soon!

Reviewer: DownWithTheCarrows113
Date: 06/02/10 21:48
Chapter: Sick Lullabies

AWW!!!

Reviewer: fg_weasley
Date: 09/27/09 1:54
Chapter: Sick Lullabies

Hello, Mercy!

I will first admit that I have not yet read your other fic that deals with these characters; however, you did a good job in making this fic pretty independent. I didn’t have trouble grasping the characters or what was going on, most of the time. It got slightly confusing in spots, though I feel this is mainly due to inconsistent verb tense, which directly affected your transitions. I felt they could have been smoother; sometimes it was hard to tell when the past ended and the present began, and vice-versa.

I love the note of bitterness on which you open your story. From the very beginning, I could tell the emotions in this fiction would run high – and I was not disappointed. Your character has a strong gauntlet of emotions, and you portray them all really well throughout your fic. But the bitterness, and the guilt, are most prevalent, and I felt you brought them out in your character well. My absolute favorite lines are the ones that close the fic. I just loved the way you incorporated the lyrics with your own prose there. It fit beautifully and was the perfect end to the fic.

On the other hand, while I felt that I could connect to Demetri really well, Nathanial and Genevieve both fell flat to me. Obviously, the reader should have a stronger connection with Demetri, the narrator, but I felt that Nathanial and Genevieve should have been better represented. While it is clear how Demetri feels about her, and while I am sure anyone who has already read AMoA already knows enough about her, I think it would make this fic itself much stronger if both Genevieve and Nathanial had more life. I get the feeling that Nathanial, especially, is a very powerful character, and it would have been nice to see some of that in this one-shot. As for Genevieve, she is obviously important to the main character, but I feel that as far as her actual appearance in this fic, she fell short. If they both were more prevalent in this fic, I think it would be a lot stronger as a whole.

The other thing that I think could be improved up in this fic is the ratio of showing and telling your author. While in some places summarizing, or telling, the reader works better, in other places this takes away from the power of a scene. For instance, the way Demetri summarizes the night shared between Genevieve and Nathanial worked perfectly. It underlined the emotions, particularly Demetri’s emotions, because he didn’t go into great detail. The words and short sentences really give the description the note of bitterness and disgust that add a lot to the scene. It works as a device that gives the scene more power because of the way he describes it, and it also lends to his characterization.

Whereas when Demetri is reminded of his own time with Genevieve, this way of telling the reader takes away from the scene rather than adds to it. I think Demetri should spend more time in that recollection; I feel like he would savor the details instead of glossing over them. The reader gets the sense that he really misses those times, and that scene would have been the perfect chance for him to get lost in them. I think it would not only add to Demetri’s characterization, but it would give Genevieve a stronger role as well. This would also really show the distinction between the two pairings, I think, if the way it was told to the reader was so clearly contrasting.

This brings me to my last point – the song lyrics. You incorporated them well, especially in those two scenes I mentioned above as well as the end. They were worked into the fic in a way that seemed to reinforce each scene perfectly.

Overall, this was a nice one-shot, Mercy. I’m glad I chose to read it.

[hugs]

xox
nikki :D

Author's Response: Nikki! Thank you so very much for reading this! I was looking through the songfic while reading the review, and I definitely agree with all the points you've made. Genevieve and Nathaniel did fall flat, and I think that was mostly coming from the fact that I really wanted to concentrate on Demetri, which in turn hurt the fic. I am now realizing ways I could have expanded a bit on their characters in the oneshot. As for the showing vs. telling, that also could have been improved upon. Actually, that scene with Demetri and Genevieve being reunited, something about it always bothered me for some reason, but I couldn't put my finger on why. As for the tenses, I'll pay more attention to that in the future. I'm so glad that you could sense all the emotions. I was worried about that, since I know that I can feel all the emotions because I know my characters so well, but I'm never sure if it comes across the same way to the readers. The ending happens to be my favorite part as well, especially intertwined with the lyrics. Again, thank you so much for taking the time for this review. It is always good to read a detailed review, and I know this is going to help me improve so much. - Mercy

Reviewer: Crystal99
Date: 09/06/09 17:49
Chapter: Sick Lullabies

That was so sad. Beautifully written, but sad. Poor Genevieve. Forced into a marriage she didn't want and pregnant with a child that will turn out to be like his father. I wish Demetri had found a way to save her from Nathaniel. Well at least he and Genevieve are still together in A Mix of Alliances and Sentiments. I enjoyed reading this. Well done mzap. :)

Author's Response: Thank you very much for the review. Yes, I was sad writing this, given how much I had hurt my characters. I actually did have some sort of idea where Demetri and Genevieve have a secret affair and I loved it because of all the emotions, but I had to restrain myself before I wrote it because then I would get carried away. Thanks again for the review and I'm glad you enjoyed it. :)

Reviewer: TarynSage
Date: 09/01/09 22:50
Chapter: Sick Lullabies

Poor Demetri blaming himself for everything =(
I'm glad this is an alternate story to the actual plot, or I would be very, very upset. Lol xD

The song goes really well with Demetri's feelings, by the way. Almost as if it were written for him. For Viev's sake I hope this never comes true haha

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! :) Yes, I couldn't do that to the couple... or could I? Lol. No, it would make for a fantastic story, but I shall leave at this so I don't torture my characters too much. About the song (which I've practically been using for this entire story between them), I also loved how well it connected to Demetri. Thanks again for the response! :)

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