well it was different from other chapters. Well i quite liked the way Harry handled the situation after George apparated to the site.
Author's Response: Thanks, I thought that some action was needed. I hope I was right. Harry is usually pretty good at thinking on his feet. -N-
First off I want to tell you how much I am enjoying this story, especially the first few chapters, where the level of detail was wonderful. I also felt earlier chapters were very plausible and that you avoided lots of the cliches commonly found in less well written fics. However I have to agree with a previous reviewer who has issues with Harry and Ginny's relationship. It seems completely OTT to me. Sometimes it is the smaller and simpler moments that really make something romantic and special. The past few chapters have more of a rushed feel to them; I'd rather you take your time and produce something amazing, than rush through just give us what we want: another chapter. And my final piece of con crit ... when you start a new paragraph with the same person continuing to speak, you don't end the previous paragraph with a speech mark. For example, in this chapter:
‘You’re doing a good job,’ Harry told Justin as he followed Ginny, ‘I’m sure that you won’t have trouble with any of the others.’
‘And Justin,’ he added, ‘Colin knew what...
Harry is speaking in both paragraphs, so there should be no speech mark after 'others'.
Hope you find this constructive. Keep going, you're doing a really good job with this, and I love it!
Thanks for the review. I think Iíve figured out how to break my reply into paragraphs, apologies if I havenít.
Iím probably over-analysing your comments, but your remark that you ďfelt earlier chapters were very plausibleĒ makes me wonder where you think that I started to go wrong. Chapter 4, Chapter 6, later?
As for the Harry/Ginny relationship, Harry is rapidly approaching his eighteenth birthday and Ginny is rapidly approaching her seventeenth. The only two canon kisses took place when Ginny was fifteen (admittedly, the DH kiss was a matter of weeks before her birthday. As Iíve said, Ginny, not Harry has instigated the only public kisses. After nine months apart Iím trying to show her being a little more possessive of him than she was.
RushedÖ During the gap between the acceptance of Chapter 1 and Chapter 2 I continued writing and rewriting. I had ten chapters betaíed when chapter 2 was finally approved and I suspect that I have panicked at the rate of acceptances. From your comments it seems that I have pushed the last couple of chapters through to my betaís earlier than I should. I will try to slow down.
I was completely unaware of the speech mark thing. But making punctuation errors is something Iím very good at. Thank the Forum for my beta readers.
pros and cons aside, I'm definetely enjoying the story. why else would I have sat on the computer for hours reading it chapter by charpter? don't take the critisim too harshly..this is YOUR story. and yeah, i got home from work today and i'm hungry for more. so thanks for the epic story :)
Author's Response: I try to take criticism as it's (hopefully) meant. Advice on how I can do better. Is 15 chapters and 70,000+ words epic? :-)
I have positive and negative feedback… on the good note, Ron is well done and as is his and Hermione’s relationship. Very well written, and I like that they are taking things somewhat slowly. It seems very realistic and very jk style. The series of events is also unbelievably wonderful and when I imagine what happens after the battle It seems that you are reading my mind. You have definitely spent some time planning before you write and I can tell you have really thought this out. I definitely agree that harry would spend a few days hiding at grimm place, afraid to see the Weasleys when really he is just being dumb and they love him more than ever. That is so very harry. Another positive is luna and the comment about George being lopsided. Honesty, It seems like you understand her character more than anyone else, and you should continue to use that “bond”.
On the downside, harry and ginnys relationship does not line up with their past one…harry and ginny never seemed like the couple who would make themselves appear so obviously in a relationship by constantly kissing, sitting on each others lap etc…I actually think one of the most romantic moments in the book is when they first start dating and they spend a lot of time just walking and talking, holding hands and enjoying each others company. That scene when harry in on the couch and ginny is sitting on the floor rested upon his legs seems very classy and I can’t imagine jk writing them to be running around like they are in your story. Harry is too classy to act like that in front of her parents (and yet they did make out in hiding once). Of course, if you are trying to create your own character traits and are not trying to build on the original novels…go ahead and disregard what I’m saying…you can do whatever you want to your own characters…including make then sex objects .
Overall appeal of the story 8/10. Good grammer, punt, and spelling. Good job builing suspense into upcoming chapters..and please don’t make things too hard for harry…like he said…he has been though enough. Time for a nice quiet life…oh, and more time with harry and teddy so they can start to bond please…maybe at tonks/lupin funeral?? THANK YOU!!
Author's Response: Wow, what a long review, Iíll try to respond point by point. Ron and Hermione: Iíve piled the problems onto Hermione deliberately. I tried to make her less certain than she usually is. This gives Ron a chance to be concerned about her and to fuss over her, which he often does in the novels. Planning: Iím extremely grateful that my first (unbetaíed) attempt at this story was instantly rejected. It forced me to start again. The original first chapter opened with Harry on his way to The Burrow and told the tale of what became chapters 1-3 in flashback. It was a mess. The whole tale was re-thought and planned from start to finish before I began my rewrite. Sending Ron and Hermione to Australia that gave a lonely Harry plenty of opportunity to do the stupid things he does when heís alone. Luna scares me. She hovers around the edge of my story but sometimes takes over. Iím glad that you think that I have an understanding for her. I find her ephemeral. If I look at her too long she becomes impossible to write. She will continue to pop up with inappropriate comments whenever she wants to, but I really donít think that I could sustain a Luna story. Harry and Ginny. Their reunion in the orchard was certainly public. But it was the culmination of nine months separation and much pent up emotion. Ginnyís decision to sit on Harryís lap was for the benefit of her family, to get them used to the idea. Most of their subsequent snogs were discrete and out of sight from the family, certainly out of sight of the parents. Ginny (who is still only sixteen) is the one who instigates the public kisses (which take place in front of her brothers but not her parents). If you ask her, sheíll tell you that sheís getting them used to the idea, though she has been experimenting to see what sort of reactions she can get from Harry. Without giving much away, this will backfire on her in my already started sequel. Iím disappointed if you think Iím making Harry and/or Ginny sex objects. Iíll look very carefully at the last few chapters to try to correct that error. Credit for correcting my frequently eccentric punctuation goes to my marvellous, insightful and thought-provoking betaís. Andrea in particular deserved credit for asking ďwhy?Ē, or saying ďI donít understand,Ē making me to rewrite some poorly written sections. Harry/Teddy at the Tonks/Lupin funeral! Has someone sent you a copy of chapter 13? This story is called Grave Days, it ends (Chapter 15 is the last) not long after the last of the funerals. If Harry has a quiet life then there isnít much of a story, but I hope that the last chapter provides that calm. Andrea has already seen the first seven chapters of a sequel ďAurors and Schoolgirls,Ē which is an H/G&R/H romance. At least, as close to a romance as I can manage. 8/10 Ė I will try harder. Thanks for the review.
how exciting! how wierd to see Hermione in such a weakened state! It's terrific and I'm not waiting very patiently for more to come!!
Author's Response: I have been really rather cruel to Hermione. However, I hope that her behaviour isn't entirely out of character. Next chapter should be posted fairly soon. -N-
I loved it... a lit action, a lit drama, and a lot of follow up
Author's Response: Thanks. The next chapter has been submitted. More action to come.
I liked the use of the Daily Profit front page as your summary, definately attracted my attenion to the story, it was quite a clever idea.
The Weasley family response to Ginny/Harry was very true to character, as well as male family members in general (been there, done that lol).
Luna fits perfectly into the story, her unusual (ususal for her) behaviour, as well as her deep insight into George.
All in all a great story that i can't wait to read more of! :)
Author's Response: The reaction of your girlfriends parents and brothers can be frightening, in my experience. Luna's "deep insight," if it's the line I'm thinking of, is one of my own favourites (if I'm allowed favourites in my own story). You're the first to comment on it. Thanks. -N-
wonderful! it flows and I'm hooked on what's going to happen next!
Author's Response: Thanks, i hope that you enjoy the next chapter, too. -N-
Author's Response: New York City? not your cup-of-tea? not yet complete? Unknown abbreviation, sorry.
...and the plot thickens....
Very excellent by the way, your very good at keeping to character. I'm very impressed, not many can keep everybody so close. And the events are very realistic of Rowling's world! Keep it coming!!!!
Author's Response: Thanks for the review. This story is rapidly approaching a conclusion. -N-
That was great! Loved the ending most unexpected.
You have dealt very well with the unease that funerals produce.
Sad, funny, very well observed.
This is a first class story.
Author's Response: Iím glad that you enjoyed the ending. There are a few clues scattered about in earlier chapters. I thought they were obvious. Funerals can never be happy occassions, and trying to capture the unease was something I was striving to do, so thank you.
i just started this story yesterday and already today there was a new chapter!!! yay!!! i was really freaked out by the sneakoscope thing i thought there might be old death eaters or something!! this was written really really well :)
Author's Response: Thanks for the review. Iím glad I managed to worry you (-; that was the intention of this chapter. They are at a Muggle funeral in an out of the way part of the country. How could anyone find them? Did I leave enough clues in the earlier chapters? -N-
Best Harry & Ginny reunion story I have read yet! Love this story - this is great. The characters are in perfect canon.
Author's Response: Thank you. I'm glad that you think so. I think that i have taken a few liberties with Charlie -N-
haha i liked this chapter :) keep updating!
Author's Response: Thanks, the next chapter has already been submitted, though as we're now starting on the funerals the laughs get fewer. -N-
great fanfic so far! i hope hermione's problems are all sorted out soon :( update soon!!
Author's Response: Thanks. I hope to get one more chapter submitted before Christmas. -N-
I like it a lot, nice devaloping of character and all... even if at times the seem lit OC, they pull through. Great work! keep it up!
Author's Response: Thanks. Iím trying to keep them in character. Iíd be interested to hear who you think is OC. -N-
i just love the way you've written everyone as close as i've seen to the actual books well done
Author's Response: Thank you. One personís OC is anothers in character, interesting. -N-
Wow, alot to review! I'm glad to see that Molly, Aurthur, and Bill have agreed to Harry and Ginny's relationship. And Ron too. He's a stubborn little git too.
Glad that Harry told the Weasleys about their adventure, with the Horcruxes. They seem to understand...Hermione needs to get better. Shame that her folks are angry with her. Hopefully, Harry can get them to see things differently.
Of course the Grangers have every right to be protective of their daughter. That is why they want her to be with them over the summer, and away from her friends. Like they've been a bad influence on her.
The funerals will be hard for everyone, especially Harry. He blames himself for the deaths, survivor's guilt, but he should'nt blame himself..
Thanks for a great story!
Author's Response: Ron needed to be told, so Harry told him. The Weasleys, as Harry knows, are his family. If he canít trust the people who risked their lives to get him out of Privet Drive, who can he trust? Iím glad that youíre showing some sympathy towards Hermioneís parents. Who have been remarkably patient with her over the years. It would be easy to argue that Harry and Ron have been a bad influence on Hermione. They encourage her to disregard rules. Only one more chapter before the funerals start. -N-
This is a great story. My most favourite just now.
Really appreciate how quickly the new chapters are coming up.
The characters and the dialogue are really authentic. Well done!
Author's Response: Frankly, given the huge gap between the first chapter anf the rest, I'm astonished as to how quickly the chapters are coming up. Thank LuNaLoVeGoOdLoVer, not me. She continued to beta additional chapters regardless of the fact that Chapter 2 was rejected several times. We got there in the end and now I have a healthy (but rapidly diminishing) backlog of chapters to post. I strive to keep the characters and dialogue authentic, so thanks for the kind words.
Like I said in my previous post, Luna Lovegood is a very sweet and compassionate girl. I really enjoyed this chapter. I hope Hermione recovers enough to tell them all what happened with her parents. She seems very upset.
Mrs. Weasley is being the typical mom, wondering the same thing.
One thing I admire about Molly Weasley is her love for Harry, and his friends. She is so kind and considerate. What I would'nt give to have a mom like her!
Of course, we all have our own special moms...Mine is no longer with me, but it's nice to remember how special she was...
Mrs Weasley is the closest thing to a mom that Harry's ever had, so she has his best interest at heart...Even though he's of age now.
Thanks for a great story! I can't wait to read more!
Author's Response: Iíve discovered that I have no control of Luna. Sometimes she hangs around quietly on the edge of the story; then sheíll suddenly step forward and try to fix things. Molly has a lot on her plate now that Harry and co have arrived (no change there, then!). Youíre correct, all Mumís are special. -N-